From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address
if you try and block me from the funeral, i'm going to smash down every door and break every window in the place. if you try and remove me, i'm going to attack with intent to harm. if you send the cops after me, you'd better tell them that while i'm not armed i'm certainly violent.
as for the will, i would like to see it, please.
he wasn't himself after the surgery. you said so yourself. mental retardation may or may not be the correct term to use, but he was certainly suffering from brain damage as the result of repeated lobotomies. that term was used in confidence with my mother in a state of frustration and wasn't meant to be circled around to other people. the way you're throwing it at me is also taking it very badly out of context. a mentally retarded person, or a person suffering from brain damage due to lobotomy, is not incapable of forming intents and desires. in dad's case, it put him in a degraded position where he was unable to do basic things for himself, but it didn't prevent him from having ideas or thoughts. it just prevented him from acting them out.
we had this discussion when he was in the hospital with the blood clots. yes, he was highly medicated and not thinking clearly as a result of that. however, he was legitimately concerned that he was being placed under the care of people that he didn't trust to fully act in his own desires. he was strongly concerned about losing the ability to sign things for himself and that it may result in decisions being made for him that he didn't agree with. i carefully assured him that the role of the caretaker in such a circumstance is to ensure that they are carrying out the patient's desires, and that he could trust me to make sure that his desires were carried out.
to place my comment in proper context, i was talking about how his death was a release from suffering. he was in constant pain, he wasn't able to think properly, etc. the mental damage he incurred caused him great suffering. i'm a strong advocate of assisted suicide. i feel it's better to let people release themselves from a cage of existential suffering, should they choose, than to force them through to the very end. i know he wanted to fight, and he fought hard, but in the end he gave up, and i do feel that, after several years of suffering, escaping from that suffering, letting go of that pain, is something that should be celebrated rather than mourned.
i have a different perception of death, probably largely because i have a different perception of existence and a different perception of religion. it would be more enlightened for you to try and understand and respect that different perspective rather than to forcefully reject it as an other.
but, as i was saying before, you have never been interested in doing that. you see the world through your own limited perspective, and reject anything that doesn't conform to it. then, you try to coerce other people to see things the same way as you do through shows of excessive force.
i'd just like to see the will, please. i'd like to see if he actually signed it himself.
j