so, i actually haven't eaten all week; my diet list is stalled on tuesday. that's why i haven't watched the debates yet.

i drank five litres of syrupy malt liquor (mike's, smirnoff's) in the park last weekend, and i started to notice it on tuesday morning. i can work out the best diet in the world, with the best exercise routine on top of it, but if i then go and drink five litres of beer on top of it every weekend, i'm undoing it all. it's just a process of knowing when to stop, and this is converging with everything else: it's time to lay off the beer for a while, lest a beer belly begin to set in.

those calories just aren't budgeted....

i know that not eating for a week is not the best approach, but i've actually done this before, and it does what i need it to do, so long as i keep the exercise down. i mean, we're talking about five-ten pounds here, max. but it's that extra five-ten pounds that separates me from a body i recognize into one i don't. it needs to be brought under control.

i'm checking the event listings for the weekend, and don't expect to go out, at this point; i want to finish what i'm doing. if i find something, i'll change my mind - which will mean i'll need to eat. but, if i don't, i could find myself in bed and without food for the rest of the weekend.

in the long run, what's the right adjustment? i don't want to get into a habit where i'm putting on pounds via drinking, then losing it via starvation or exercise (see, i don't want to turn it into muscle, so i'm avoiding that just right now). i could just stop drinking altogether, which i would consider excessive - my politics are kind of extreme left in a lot of ways, but i'm a pretty moderate person, over all. i cut down on the smoking, but i didn't quit altogether; likewise, i don't have any particular drive to entirely quite drinking.

i think that easier access to marijuana is the better answer, in the long run. that won't stop me from drinking entirely, but it will cut it down substantively. right now, i buy alcohol and just sneak into joints as they get passed, because i really can't buy it - and it is legal to share your pot in michigan. when i can buy it, i think it will become the primary intoxicant, leaving alcohol to the inferior position. so, i could easily imagine myself heading to a concert or other sort of party and picking up two-three grams of pot instead of two-three litres of alcohol, then buying one beer all night instead of taking a few quick tokes here and there. that should bring me back closer to the energy budgeting process, as i've calculated it...

i don't want to start doing uppers. i avoid them for a reason. and, i don't actually even enjoy taking shots, it's too intense.

....but, i also keep saying that i'm getting older, and the generational gap is starting to assert itself. there is a small rock scene in detroit still, i'm just stuck between older people and younger people, both pushing styles i'm not really into. and, there's going to come a point where i'm uncomfortable showing up at a house party and trying to relate to people half my age; i'm maybe already there, even. you might not realize it from a distance, but the kind of techno parties i'm going to are actually a way out for me in that respect; i'm not going to edm shows full of kids, but am rather frequenting techno and house parties where the average age is close to mine, maybe even a tad older. these are 30-something or 40-something parties, not 20-something parties.

edibles will be legal in canada soon, but i still can't buy them anywhere around here. i should be able to buy in michigan at the beginning of next year.

in the mean time, i'll just need to be a little more conscious of the reality that (processed) alcohol is sugar, and sugar is calories. the fact is that it hasn't really been an issue for me for most of my life. but, i'm a little older now, my metabolism is a little slower, and i need to adjust.

if i go out, i'll need to eat first; if i stay in, i'll eat when i feel i need to.