but, i don't associate drugs with depression.

being sad doesn't make me want to get high. getting high is something i do when i'm in a good mood, not something i do when i'm upset. i don't even know what being high and depressed is even like - i've never experienced this. i'd imagine it would just make me more upset. and, the stronger the smell of drugs is, the sadder i'm going to get.

it's not a comfort, or a crux, or something i do alone - it's a social activity that i always used to do with friends, and now do, at least, in public.

when i'm upset, i just want to go to sleep and wake up fresh - ie not hungover.

not tonight. tonight, i just need to deal with it. coffee...