or, at least, i think i don't have any kids.
there's one individual that's now a young woman, and...there's a 5% chance. i'm almost certain she's not mine, i'm just not completely sure. mom gave me very weird mixed signals, and was a hard woman to read correctly, but my interpretation was "she's not yours, but i will let you take over if you want", which i had no interest in doing. she never denied it or confirmed it and did weird things like send her to school with her own surname. mom wanted to maintain a level of strategic ambiguity to maximize her options. that was a general tactic, for mom.
i was so disinterested in the daughter that i largely cut off contact with mom and she never chased after me because she was disappointed but understood. i probably would have stayed friends with mom if it wasn't for the kid.
but i don't think i have kids.
if i did have kids, we would listen to heresy together on human sacrifice day. i may gave them some chocolate, depending on their temperament. i'd try to get across the importance of independent thought and individuality.