ESA
ok i'm sorry
it took longr
couldn't find my bike key
and then i sold 2 CDs
i'm sorry!!!
Jessica Amber Murray
like i was waiting here with a stopwatch, right. do you want to chill still or is too late?
ESA
deepends.
ok.
YES
uhm
well for a bit.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, so i shouldn't bring 6 rockstars then. that might tempt you. is it just the church tomorrow?
ESA
I wont drink that much
plus the church is a BREEZE
I can poop out church music
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i won't drink that much either. ok. i'll be there in a few minutes.
ESA
sweet candy of the gods
this is what i'm playing tomorrow
this is how i know i can be up tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWQEUzOACm4
Saturday, July 20, 2013
interesting lecture explaining that the rise of the religious right (through goldwater and eventually reagan) is really just a front for white supremacism in reaction to the civil rights movement.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_Gf4jN1xoSo
http://www.astrobio.net/pressrelease/5545/in-subglacial-lake-surprising-life-goes-on
http://phys.org/news/2013-07-d-liquid-metal.html
http://physicsworld.com/cws/article/news/2013/jul/17/5d-superman-memory-crystal-heralds-unlimited-lifetime-data-storage
http://www.nature.com/news/claims-of-lake-vostok-fish-get-frosty-response-1.13364
http://popular-archaeology.com/issue/june-2013/article/scholars-assemble-to-discuss-archaeology-of-sound
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00334/full
i think trying to build a trail based on the presence of tools is a flawed method. i see no reason to think that neanderthals couldn't have spread the same tool technology after early contact, or that it couldn't have been spread further by erectus or other subspecies.
http://popular-archaeology.com/issue/june-2013/article/excavations-uncover-earliest-middle-paleolithic-stone-tools-in-india
(yes, i just said neanderthals, sapiens and erectus are subspecies.)
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=acoustic-result-could-change-temperature-definition&WT.mc_id=SA_Facebook
http://www.symmetrymagazine.org/article/july-2013/t2k-experiment-catches-neutrinos-in-the-act
oh, ffs. king david is a fictional character in an absurd mythology. there is absolutely zero evidence supporting his existence. the script is canaanite because they're the people that actually lived there at the time.
http://popular-archaeology.com/issue/june-2013/article/earliest-alphabetical-script-found-in-jerusalem
http://phys.org/news/2013-07-dna-cells.html
http://phys.org/news/2013-07-drone-carrier-deck-historic-flight.html
http://phys.org/news/2013-07-neanderthals-speech-language-modern-humans.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=_Gf4jN1xoSo
http://www.astrobio.net/pressrelease/5545/in-subglacial-lake-surprising-life-goes-on
http://phys.org/news/2013-07-d-liquid-metal.html
http://physicsworld.com/cws/article/news/2013/jul/17/5d-superman-memory-crystal-heralds-unlimited-lifetime-data-storage
http://www.nature.com/news/claims-of-lake-vostok-fish-get-frosty-response-1.13364
http://popular-archaeology.com/issue/june-2013/article/scholars-assemble-to-discuss-archaeology-of-sound
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2013.00334/full
i think trying to build a trail based on the presence of tools is a flawed method. i see no reason to think that neanderthals couldn't have spread the same tool technology after early contact, or that it couldn't have been spread further by erectus or other subspecies.
http://popular-archaeology.com/issue/june-2013/article/excavations-uncover-earliest-middle-paleolithic-stone-tools-in-india
(yes, i just said neanderthals, sapiens and erectus are subspecies.)
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=acoustic-result-could-change-temperature-definition&WT.mc_id=SA_Facebook
http://www.symmetrymagazine.org/article/july-2013/t2k-experiment-catches-neutrinos-in-the-act
oh, ffs. king david is a fictional character in an absurd mythology. there is absolutely zero evidence supporting his existence. the script is canaanite because they're the people that actually lived there at the time.
http://popular-archaeology.com/issue/june-2013/article/earliest-alphabetical-script-found-in-jerusalem
http://phys.org/news/2013-07-dna-cells.html
http://phys.org/news/2013-07-drone-carrier-deck-historic-flight.html
http://phys.org/news/2013-07-neanderthals-speech-language-modern-humans.html
a reconsideration
Jessica Amber Murray
sorry. long. ok, i went for a smoke and ordered things and this extra bit of information makes me less upset. although more confused. a few days ago you were all like "fuck illuminous, we're hitching.". so i planned around that. now apparently your mom planned your trip for you, and it means busing with illuminous. these are details that are not even my business, really. i'll state the obvious: it's your choice. if you want to bus with illuminous, bus with illuminous. if you want to hitch with me, hitch with me. i guess i'll clarify that by acknowledging that illuminous is interested in you in a way that i'm not. and i guess a lot of your decision is going to rest on how you feel about that. ...but now that i know you're going with illuminous, i feel less tossed aside. hitching in threes isn't possible. i kind of assumed you told him you were going without him, because that's the impression i got from previous conversations. maybe i should apologize for jumping to that conclusion. regardless, i don't think i want to live with illuminous at all. "as long as you're quiet so i can get up to go to work" is like NO. he's always talking about how he can't find good roommates. i don't want to deal with that. so, it's sort of like if you're going with illuminous then i'm getting my own place. and i'm going for my own reasons. yes, you sparked something in my mind, but it's all on my own goals and interests here: a cheap place to record, an opportunity to organize the unemployed, a way to exist around the labour-capital relationship. things are better with a friend or two than alone, but it's sort of secondary.
ESA
Yes. I agree with all these things. I wasn't really sure what to do before. I hadn't told illuminous that I was bussing until last night. and he asked me if he could come. I was kind of sick of waiting around to figure things out. And I guess I didn't want illuminous to feel excluded. I thought you didn't mind/ wanted to go on your own. I sort of felt like an un-experienced hitch - hiker tag along. And I also don't want to live with illuminous for that reason, along with others. And he didn't have priority over you, because he is apparently interested in me.
And he had to ASK me if he could come with me to Windsor, and I was like "WTF illuminous DO WHAT U WANT. AHH"
because I'm independent too. I dunno, I'm generally horrible at knowing what to do. I always seem to do the wrong thing, or don't think things through entirely. :(
Jessica Amber Murray
*shrug*. at this point, i don't feel thrown under the bus anymore, so don't let my feelings sway how you decide to get there. i'm sorry for overreacting.
ESA
DITTO.
So many things to figure out!
Jessica Amber Murray
well, it seems like you had a reasonable plan before i shat all over it.
ESA
uhm wut? you didn't shit all over it. the plan was to go on Monday to scout out apartments. The how, or when or whateva was not quite determined. I need to get my mom to stop meddling. She keeps over-compensating for her lack of involvement in earlier years, but now its a bit controlling. Like I'm too much of an idiot to make my own plans.
I was like "mom didn't I ever tell you about how I can't die? No matter what you do or don't do, I'll be fine. Don't worryaboutit"
Also I appreciate how you take initiative with shit.
Jessica Amber Murray
are you trying to tell me you're a vampire?
ESA
That sounds kind of
No, I'm not a vampire.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, cause vampires are already dead.
ESA
I'm just immortal.
Plain old immortal
Jessica Amber Murray
i used to think that, too.
i feel i'm meddling, too. just let me know what you're doing. i'll wait until monday.
ESA
and then what happened?!?!?!?!?!
You're the vampire!
YOU DIED?
??!?!?!!?
Jessica Amber Murray
i had a few experiences that allowed me to recognize my mortality.
ESA
What? Like death?
Jessica Amber Murray
near death. which could be interpreted either way. like, didn't die, right. this gets trippy, and is better discussed in person, over drinks.
ESA
oh jeez.
oh btw
Jessica Amber Murray
i've been through intense schizophrenic episodes where i've been convinced i was the next coming of jesus, where it seems real beyond more than a thought. i've had a jesus complex since i was a kid. my first handful of demoes were released under the name 'inri'. so, yeah. just thought you should know that. might come back, especially if i'm organizing the poor in windsor.
btw what?
ESA
You need to tell me more.
Because I think I had the same thing. Was convinced I was possessed by the devil
Jessica Amber Murray
more about?
ESA
but later.
anyways Mr. Playah is totes all over my fine pussay
He waited the appropriate 3 days. and then sent me a FB message almost on cue.
I STILL GOTZ IT.
Ok this conversation is disgusting. I apologize. This is the third apology.
Jessica Amber Murray
i think i'm just schizophrenic.
ESA
You could be bi-polar. that is extremely common with bi-polar patients
the jesus complex stuff and the possessed by the devil stuff.
Jessica Amber Murray
naw, don't feel bad, i feel perfectly comfortable talking about this if you do.
whichever it is, it's not dangerous, but it can definitely be offsetting for people. i guess if you have something similar, it won't be so strange for you.
ESA
As long as you can handle night terrors. if you ever see me sleep
which you probably will next week.
Jessica Amber Murray
we'll find out.
ESA
Thursday I woke up
barfed a bit. Hung out on my bed. and my living room was littered with 9 condoms.
bahhhhh ok sorry again. LOL it was too funny.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i think i'm glad i got out before that happened. i don't remember the night clearly, but i do remember that when i came to (i was half passed out on your couch) playa was a little sorry to see me leave. and i would not have responded well to an orgy erupting... btw, if we do end up living together, orgies are not something that are going to bug me so long as i can quietly disappear and not be harangued about it.
ESA
playa was sorry to see you leave ?
Because he didn't want to be alone with lenin and I
He was so incredibly weird to lenin
He thought lenin had some sort of weird ownership over me.
and then we mused about a threesome, but that as usual failed.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i distinctly remember an "aww...don't leave". i don't know how long we were talking for out there when you were in the other room with lenin.
ESA
LOL
That was pretty awful. But I always need lenin times.
we talked about a threesome for a long while.
Had them almost convinced.
playa was more down than lenin. But only because lenin was tired
lenin is always tired at 4 in the morning. Asshole.
Jessica Amber Murray
do you think you could have got 'em on to each other?
ESA
YES
actually no.
I think lenin is like 99.9999 % straight
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, lenin strikes me as remarkably straight, too. you're not going to sleep are, you. i'm going to hop in the shower...
ESA
Nope I am like super giggly and wide awake.
Jessica Amber Murray
you know, i was thinking of maybe going to the lookout tonight and was going to ask to borrow some shoes. all my nice shoes are in storage. i wasn't planning on being here for two years.
ESA
what size are your feet
Jessica Amber Murray
absurdly small. i'm not sure exactly.
ESA
oh shit. my feet are definitely absurdly large
Jessica Amber Murray
damn. it's weird, though. i'm so like anti-sex and everything. but i've been wearing these little shorts all week and have been noticing guy after guy get worked up over it. i guess i've never really experience that before. this is sort of my first summer more or less post-transition (it'll be three years in september), and the first time i've really been comfortable showing a little skin. and noticing that all these guys are getting worked up is sort of working me up
ESA
LOL AMAZING
Jessica Amber Murray
i can't go in sneakers, though.
ok shower.
ESA
are we hanging out?
or are you going to the lookout ?
Jessica Amber Murray
that was a very long shower, just got out. didn't even shave. not going to the lookout, interested in hanging out.
ESA
theres some sort of gathering happening at the Art & Soul Gallery
and they always give me free beer
plus i need to pick up CDs
Jessica Amber Murray
where's the gallery?
ESA
Parkale and Wellington
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. well, i have some rockstars. i have some readying to do still, could be done in about 20 minutes...
ESA
shit ok
hmmm
they said they're leaving at 11.
I'd better go now.
I only want to hang out until midnight at the latest.
because i have another big performance day.
Jessica Amber Murray
k, you just go then, i'll see you later.
ESA
k i'll be like 10 minutes.
i don't want to hang out with racist hipies.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. txt me when you get back.
geez, i wonder if it's sarah's birthday party :o
sorry. long. ok, i went for a smoke and ordered things and this extra bit of information makes me less upset. although more confused. a few days ago you were all like "fuck illuminous, we're hitching.". so i planned around that. now apparently your mom planned your trip for you, and it means busing with illuminous. these are details that are not even my business, really. i'll state the obvious: it's your choice. if you want to bus with illuminous, bus with illuminous. if you want to hitch with me, hitch with me. i guess i'll clarify that by acknowledging that illuminous is interested in you in a way that i'm not. and i guess a lot of your decision is going to rest on how you feel about that. ...but now that i know you're going with illuminous, i feel less tossed aside. hitching in threes isn't possible. i kind of assumed you told him you were going without him, because that's the impression i got from previous conversations. maybe i should apologize for jumping to that conclusion. regardless, i don't think i want to live with illuminous at all. "as long as you're quiet so i can get up to go to work" is like NO. he's always talking about how he can't find good roommates. i don't want to deal with that. so, it's sort of like if you're going with illuminous then i'm getting my own place. and i'm going for my own reasons. yes, you sparked something in my mind, but it's all on my own goals and interests here: a cheap place to record, an opportunity to organize the unemployed, a way to exist around the labour-capital relationship. things are better with a friend or two than alone, but it's sort of secondary.
ESA
Yes. I agree with all these things. I wasn't really sure what to do before. I hadn't told illuminous that I was bussing until last night. and he asked me if he could come. I was kind of sick of waiting around to figure things out. And I guess I didn't want illuminous to feel excluded. I thought you didn't mind/ wanted to go on your own. I sort of felt like an un-experienced hitch - hiker tag along. And I also don't want to live with illuminous for that reason, along with others. And he didn't have priority over you, because he is apparently interested in me.
And he had to ASK me if he could come with me to Windsor, and I was like "WTF illuminous DO WHAT U WANT. AHH"
because I'm independent too. I dunno, I'm generally horrible at knowing what to do. I always seem to do the wrong thing, or don't think things through entirely. :(
Jessica Amber Murray
*shrug*. at this point, i don't feel thrown under the bus anymore, so don't let my feelings sway how you decide to get there. i'm sorry for overreacting.
ESA
DITTO.
So many things to figure out!
Jessica Amber Murray
well, it seems like you had a reasonable plan before i shat all over it.
ESA
uhm wut? you didn't shit all over it. the plan was to go on Monday to scout out apartments. The how, or when or whateva was not quite determined. I need to get my mom to stop meddling. She keeps over-compensating for her lack of involvement in earlier years, but now its a bit controlling. Like I'm too much of an idiot to make my own plans.
I was like "mom didn't I ever tell you about how I can't die? No matter what you do or don't do, I'll be fine. Don't worryaboutit"
Also I appreciate how you take initiative with shit.
Jessica Amber Murray
are you trying to tell me you're a vampire?
ESA
That sounds kind of
No, I'm not a vampire.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, cause vampires are already dead.
ESA
I'm just immortal.
Plain old immortal
Jessica Amber Murray
i used to think that, too.
i feel i'm meddling, too. just let me know what you're doing. i'll wait until monday.
ESA
and then what happened?!?!?!?!?!
You're the vampire!
YOU DIED?
??!?!?!!?
Jessica Amber Murray
i had a few experiences that allowed me to recognize my mortality.
ESA
What? Like death?
Jessica Amber Murray
near death. which could be interpreted either way. like, didn't die, right. this gets trippy, and is better discussed in person, over drinks.
ESA
oh jeez.
oh btw
Jessica Amber Murray
i've been through intense schizophrenic episodes where i've been convinced i was the next coming of jesus, where it seems real beyond more than a thought. i've had a jesus complex since i was a kid. my first handful of demoes were released under the name 'inri'. so, yeah. just thought you should know that. might come back, especially if i'm organizing the poor in windsor.
btw what?
ESA
You need to tell me more.
Because I think I had the same thing. Was convinced I was possessed by the devil
Jessica Amber Murray
more about?
ESA
but later.
anyways Mr. Playah is totes all over my fine pussay
He waited the appropriate 3 days. and then sent me a FB message almost on cue.
I STILL GOTZ IT.
Ok this conversation is disgusting. I apologize. This is the third apology.
Jessica Amber Murray
i think i'm just schizophrenic.
ESA
You could be bi-polar. that is extremely common with bi-polar patients
the jesus complex stuff and the possessed by the devil stuff.
Jessica Amber Murray
naw, don't feel bad, i feel perfectly comfortable talking about this if you do.
whichever it is, it's not dangerous, but it can definitely be offsetting for people. i guess if you have something similar, it won't be so strange for you.
ESA
As long as you can handle night terrors. if you ever see me sleep
which you probably will next week.
Jessica Amber Murray
we'll find out.
ESA
Thursday I woke up
barfed a bit. Hung out on my bed. and my living room was littered with 9 condoms.
bahhhhh ok sorry again. LOL it was too funny.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i think i'm glad i got out before that happened. i don't remember the night clearly, but i do remember that when i came to (i was half passed out on your couch) playa was a little sorry to see me leave. and i would not have responded well to an orgy erupting... btw, if we do end up living together, orgies are not something that are going to bug me so long as i can quietly disappear and not be harangued about it.
ESA
playa was sorry to see you leave ?
Because he didn't want to be alone with lenin and I
He was so incredibly weird to lenin
He thought lenin had some sort of weird ownership over me.
and then we mused about a threesome, but that as usual failed.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i distinctly remember an "aww...don't leave". i don't know how long we were talking for out there when you were in the other room with lenin.
ESA
LOL
That was pretty awful. But I always need lenin times.
we talked about a threesome for a long while.
Had them almost convinced.
playa was more down than lenin. But only because lenin was tired
lenin is always tired at 4 in the morning. Asshole.
Jessica Amber Murray
do you think you could have got 'em on to each other?
ESA
YES
actually no.
I think lenin is like 99.9999 % straight
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, lenin strikes me as remarkably straight, too. you're not going to sleep are, you. i'm going to hop in the shower...
ESA
Nope I am like super giggly and wide awake.
Jessica Amber Murray
you know, i was thinking of maybe going to the lookout tonight and was going to ask to borrow some shoes. all my nice shoes are in storage. i wasn't planning on being here for two years.
ESA
what size are your feet
Jessica Amber Murray
absurdly small. i'm not sure exactly.
ESA
oh shit. my feet are definitely absurdly large
Jessica Amber Murray
damn. it's weird, though. i'm so like anti-sex and everything. but i've been wearing these little shorts all week and have been noticing guy after guy get worked up over it. i guess i've never really experience that before. this is sort of my first summer more or less post-transition (it'll be three years in september), and the first time i've really been comfortable showing a little skin. and noticing that all these guys are getting worked up is sort of working me up
ESA
LOL AMAZING
Jessica Amber Murray
i can't go in sneakers, though.
ok shower.
ESA
are we hanging out?
or are you going to the lookout ?
Jessica Amber Murray
that was a very long shower, just got out. didn't even shave. not going to the lookout, interested in hanging out.
ESA
theres some sort of gathering happening at the Art & Soul Gallery
and they always give me free beer
plus i need to pick up CDs
Jessica Amber Murray
where's the gallery?
ESA
Parkale and Wellington
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. well, i have some rockstars. i have some readying to do still, could be done in about 20 minutes...
ESA
shit ok
hmmm
they said they're leaving at 11.
I'd better go now.
I only want to hang out until midnight at the latest.
because i have another big performance day.
Jessica Amber Murray
k, you just go then, i'll see you later.
ESA
k i'll be like 10 minutes.
i don't want to hang out with racist hipies.
Jessica Amber Murray
ok. txt me when you get back.
geez, i wonder if it's sarah's birthday party :o
thrown under the bus
ESA
hey
going to Windsor on the bus at 7pm
mondayu
arriving in Windsor at 5:30 am on Tuesday
Jessica Amber Murray
alright. remind not to plan anything with you again. i'll probably hitch tomorrow, not sure i want to meet up.
ESA
TOMORROW?
we said Monday anyways
You didn't seem like you wanted me to tie you down anyways.
are you fucking kidding?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i don't want to take the bus. you could have told me this last week. i would have left already. whatever.
ESA
wtf.
thanks for letting me know that. Didn't know you were waiting around for me. Jesus.
You didn't tell me your plan. Guess I'm not the one who is bad at planning.
I didn't know that you wanted to/ were comfortable going there yourself. Or maybe I thought it was a friend thing. I dunno. I'm hearing like a bajillion different things from different people and I can't keep track.
Whatever. I don't need to justify myself. If you don't want to meet up, and you're mad at me, then you can just add yourself to the list. I don't fucking care.
Jessica Amber Murray
it was absolutely a friend thing, but i told you i can't afford / don't want to pay for the bus. you buying a ticket means i'm hitching, because i can't/won't pay for it. i'm mildly irked for being planned around, but i'm more irked about you making plans with me and then at the last minute ditching me. and as mentioned i could be there right now and have already rented something by now.
ESA
ugh sorry. I'm all confused. Im super stressed about my landlord.
and also fucking shows all over the place
come over for wine later if you want. and don't be mad at me. i'm sorry
Also my mother basically made the plan for me. And she is confusing.
whatevah doesn't matter. that just sounds super sad and pathetic.
I played last night at the mercury lounge. and this morning from 9 to 12. I got like one hour of sleep and got home and read your message. So also sorry for being defensive.
Jessica Amber Murray
you're going to do what you want, and you have no responsibility to listen to me at all. i hope you enjoy your bus ride. but i do feel mildly betrayed, and i don't forget things. i'll have my laptop there. we can maybe meet up. but i think i'm exclusively interested in finding my own space right now. past actions imply future ones and whatnot.
ESA
Wow. You're the least forgiving person ever. and you don't care about my stress level/ or all the other stuff I've been trying to figure out. I am way busier than you, and very scatter brained. Good. Past actions imply future ones. I apologized. The decent thing is to try to work past it, and not write people off.
HA. That means our friendship is over.
Good on ya! I'm going to sleep.
I'm not saying our friendship is over, but if you think you can never forgive me, then it is.
I'm going to sleep. If you want to talk about it later, I'm available. If not, I don't know what to do.
Jessica Amber Murray
get some rest, erin. i'm just not excited about living arrangements with somebody that is willing to, and apologies for an untimely metaphor, but throw me under the bus on a whim. that doesn't mean we can't have a few drinks together if we're both in the same area.
i have rockstars for later, but i'm sleepy too and need a short nap. and very unshowered. text me when you get up?
ESA
you don't know me at all apparently.
You could work on being more clear.
You're assuming that I meant to ditch you. Like I had malicious intent.
I don't really want to live with insensitive people.
Trying to leave that shit in Ottawa.
Or at least people who use extremely intense metaphors describing a mistake I made.
When you clearly stated that you would even prefer to hitchhike alone, because you'd get there faster.
I told my mom I was hitch hiking, and she offered to lend me 84 dollars for a bus ticket.
goodnight
I can't express myself. This is all too upsetting.
Especially that you're even coming to Windsor in the first place. That's the most perturbing of all.
Jessica Amber Murray
i've only known you for a few months, it would be remarkable if i *did* know you at all. but, i don't really want to argue about this. you've decided to take the bus. that's your choice. that's fine.
ESA
ha.
I guess we have reached some sort of an impasse.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you could still hitch with me instead of take the bus by yourself, but i don't want to coerce you into doing something you don't want to do, either.
ESA
illuminous is coming with me.
But you didn't even think about him. That was all on me to figure out.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, he's following you down there because he's in love with you, so it's your responsibility to figure that out.
that's fine, things will likely work out better that way.
ESA
Whatever I hope that's not true.
Jessica Amber Murray
you're right, he's going for the job opportunities. i don't even know if i'm going to like windsor. i may end up in waterloo or st. catharines.
ESA
did you get my last message?
You would have liked it a lot. I realized it didn't send.
I was like "Ok, you're maybe a bit right."
and also "lollll about the job opportunities"
And I will have a chit chat with Sir A.
Jessica Amber Murray
*runs around in circles bashing head on multiple walls*
ESA
LOL.
Oh god I'm laughing too hard now. ugh lack of sleep. I'm fucking high
Jessica Amber Murray
go to sleep!
ESA
I have to wait until my eyes are closing or else i'll get all spinny and paranoid
hey
going to Windsor on the bus at 7pm
mondayu
arriving in Windsor at 5:30 am on Tuesday
Jessica Amber Murray
alright. remind not to plan anything with you again. i'll probably hitch tomorrow, not sure i want to meet up.
ESA
TOMORROW?
we said Monday anyways
You didn't seem like you wanted me to tie you down anyways.
are you fucking kidding?
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i don't want to take the bus. you could have told me this last week. i would have left already. whatever.
ESA
wtf.
thanks for letting me know that. Didn't know you were waiting around for me. Jesus.
You didn't tell me your plan. Guess I'm not the one who is bad at planning.
I didn't know that you wanted to/ were comfortable going there yourself. Or maybe I thought it was a friend thing. I dunno. I'm hearing like a bajillion different things from different people and I can't keep track.
Whatever. I don't need to justify myself. If you don't want to meet up, and you're mad at me, then you can just add yourself to the list. I don't fucking care.
Jessica Amber Murray
it was absolutely a friend thing, but i told you i can't afford / don't want to pay for the bus. you buying a ticket means i'm hitching, because i can't/won't pay for it. i'm mildly irked for being planned around, but i'm more irked about you making plans with me and then at the last minute ditching me. and as mentioned i could be there right now and have already rented something by now.
ESA
ugh sorry. I'm all confused. Im super stressed about my landlord.
and also fucking shows all over the place
come over for wine later if you want. and don't be mad at me. i'm sorry
Also my mother basically made the plan for me. And she is confusing.
whatevah doesn't matter. that just sounds super sad and pathetic.
I played last night at the mercury lounge. and this morning from 9 to 12. I got like one hour of sleep and got home and read your message. So also sorry for being defensive.
Jessica Amber Murray
you're going to do what you want, and you have no responsibility to listen to me at all. i hope you enjoy your bus ride. but i do feel mildly betrayed, and i don't forget things. i'll have my laptop there. we can maybe meet up. but i think i'm exclusively interested in finding my own space right now. past actions imply future ones and whatnot.
ESA
Wow. You're the least forgiving person ever. and you don't care about my stress level/ or all the other stuff I've been trying to figure out. I am way busier than you, and very scatter brained. Good. Past actions imply future ones. I apologized. The decent thing is to try to work past it, and not write people off.
HA. That means our friendship is over.
Good on ya! I'm going to sleep.
I'm not saying our friendship is over, but if you think you can never forgive me, then it is.
I'm going to sleep. If you want to talk about it later, I'm available. If not, I don't know what to do.
Jessica Amber Murray
get some rest, erin. i'm just not excited about living arrangements with somebody that is willing to, and apologies for an untimely metaphor, but throw me under the bus on a whim. that doesn't mean we can't have a few drinks together if we're both in the same area.
i have rockstars for later, but i'm sleepy too and need a short nap. and very unshowered. text me when you get up?
ESA
you don't know me at all apparently.
You could work on being more clear.
You're assuming that I meant to ditch you. Like I had malicious intent.
I don't really want to live with insensitive people.
Trying to leave that shit in Ottawa.
Or at least people who use extremely intense metaphors describing a mistake I made.
When you clearly stated that you would even prefer to hitchhike alone, because you'd get there faster.
I told my mom I was hitch hiking, and she offered to lend me 84 dollars for a bus ticket.
goodnight
I can't express myself. This is all too upsetting.
Especially that you're even coming to Windsor in the first place. That's the most perturbing of all.
Jessica Amber Murray
i've only known you for a few months, it would be remarkable if i *did* know you at all. but, i don't really want to argue about this. you've decided to take the bus. that's your choice. that's fine.
ESA
ha.
I guess we have reached some sort of an impasse.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, you could still hitch with me instead of take the bus by yourself, but i don't want to coerce you into doing something you don't want to do, either.
ESA
illuminous is coming with me.
But you didn't even think about him. That was all on me to figure out.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, he's following you down there because he's in love with you, so it's your responsibility to figure that out.
that's fine, things will likely work out better that way.
ESA
Whatever I hope that's not true.
Jessica Amber Murray
you're right, he's going for the job opportunities. i don't even know if i'm going to like windsor. i may end up in waterloo or st. catharines.
ESA
did you get my last message?
You would have liked it a lot. I realized it didn't send.
I was like "Ok, you're maybe a bit right."
and also "lollll about the job opportunities"
And I will have a chit chat with Sir A.
Jessica Amber Murray
*runs around in circles bashing head on multiple walls*
ESA
LOL.
Oh god I'm laughing too hard now. ugh lack of sleep. I'm fucking high
Jessica Amber Murray
go to sleep!
ESA
I have to wait until my eyes are closing or else i'll get all spinny and paranoid
this is an awful article, but i was thinking about something similar watching a chomsky lecture a few hours ago.
there's a strain of mathematics that is essentially platonic (with roots in pythagoras) that argues that numbers have an independent existence from the human mind. a modern proponent of this would be godel, which is an apparent paradox that i simply cannot grasp.
for the most part, though, modern mathematics completely rejects the idea - drawing largely on the mathematics of godel, which *proved* that arithmetic is incomplete, if not on the philosophy of hilbert. there have been a number of developments in axiomatic systems that make it clear that, by doing mathematics, we project our own perception of the reality around us. we can't even build a coherent theory of parallelism.
it's really a question of a classical v. a modern perspective, and it connects with other fields like physics and biology. quantum physics has rejected the idea that mathematics can be used to describe reality, whereas modern evolutionary concepts (notwithstanding the regression that game theory has thrust upon us) uphold the fundamentally stochastic nature of processes that happen around us.
it's not really an issue for debate anymore: math is a human construction, and kant was completely fucking wrong.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/07/130715070138.htm
there's a growing consensus, even, that, in order to really break through a number of the dead ends we're approaching in empirical science, we're going to have to develop a new language to describe reality.
there's a strain of mathematics that is essentially platonic (with roots in pythagoras) that argues that numbers have an independent existence from the human mind. a modern proponent of this would be godel, which is an apparent paradox that i simply cannot grasp.
for the most part, though, modern mathematics completely rejects the idea - drawing largely on the mathematics of godel, which *proved* that arithmetic is incomplete, if not on the philosophy of hilbert. there have been a number of developments in axiomatic systems that make it clear that, by doing mathematics, we project our own perception of the reality around us. we can't even build a coherent theory of parallelism.
it's really a question of a classical v. a modern perspective, and it connects with other fields like physics and biology. quantum physics has rejected the idea that mathematics can be used to describe reality, whereas modern evolutionary concepts (notwithstanding the regression that game theory has thrust upon us) uphold the fundamentally stochastic nature of processes that happen around us.
it's not really an issue for debate anymore: math is a human construction, and kant was completely fucking wrong.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/07/130715070138.htm
there's a growing consensus, even, that, in order to really break through a number of the dead ends we're approaching in empirical science, we're going to have to develop a new language to describe reality.
sweet 'n' sour hawaiian pizza spaghetti sauce
this was made with a fresh pineapple i picked up at the food bank and a green pepper to bulk it up a little.
the sauce is a mix of pineapple juice and frank's red hot.
the sauce is a mix of pineapple juice and frank's red hot.
Friday, July 19, 2013
am i coming back to food not bombs?
Frost
Hey I haven't seen you at FNB recently, are you still taking part?
Jessica Amber Murray
i've just had other things i've been doing. i'll be at at least one more before i go.
Frost
Aw, that great. I missed seeing you there! August 1st is so soon, whoa
Hey I haven't seen you at FNB recently, are you still taking part?
Jessica Amber Murray
i've just had other things i've been doing. i'll be at at least one more before i go.
Frost
Aw, that great. I missed seeing you there! August 1st is so soon, whoa
account info
from: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: stepmother's email address
account #: *********************
branch no: *****
institution no: *** (scotiabank)
swift code: *******
they said there would be a charge if you tried to use a different bank, but not if you did it by walking into scotiabank.
j
To: stepmother's email address
account #: *********************
branch no: *****
institution no: *** (scotiabank)
swift code: *******
they said there would be a charge if you tried to use a different bank, but not if you did it by walking into scotiabank.
j
how i learned to live with the tornado
ESA
should I be concerned about this tornade watch thing ?
Jessica Amber Murray
yes.
ESA
what do I do ? ? ?
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not sure exactly, but it should involve working yourself into a paranoid rage somehow about something you have absolutely no control over.
ESA
...
thanks.
PARANOID RAGE CANNONS.
should I be concerned about this tornade watch thing ?
Jessica Amber Murray
yes.
ESA
what do I do ? ? ?
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not sure exactly, but it should involve working yourself into a paranoid rage somehow about something you have absolutely no control over.
ESA
...
thanks.
PARANOID RAGE CANNONS.
absolutely leaving on monday, definitely. maybe.
ESA
so we're still leaving Monday/
i literally don't have any moneyz
now I don't have a choice but to hitch
whats the best time to go ?
Jessica Amber Murray
whenever, really. makes no difference to me. well, it's probably more tactical to leave early if we want to get there in one day.
ESA
k lets leave at 7am
Jessica Amber Murray
woah. k.
ESA
yesterday i went to bed at 6pm and slept until now
so i feel q
so guilty.
Jessica Amber Murray
i assume you meant am. feel q? i actually need to get some shit in order today. if we walk up to tunney's we can get on the back of the 97 and hitch from outside stittsville. take the 7 as far as we can, then get down to the 401.
ESA
lol no. i meant 6pm.
Jessica Amber Murray
i was talking to you at like 8:00 and you said you were going to asylum. whatever, not important. have you resubleted? is illuminous hitching as well?
ESA
I'm not gonna keep waiting around for him to decide what he wants to do on Monday. Ok I can feel myself getting pissy. Time to eat.
He doesn't seem to be very proactive. and that pisses me off a little bit.
I don't know what illuminouss is doing.
according to FB
i also got up at like 9:50
and then i got up.
oh i was taking a nap
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, well..we'll talk before monday morning.
ESA
k
so we're still leaving Monday/
i literally don't have any moneyz
now I don't have a choice but to hitch
whats the best time to go ?
Jessica Amber Murray
whenever, really. makes no difference to me. well, it's probably more tactical to leave early if we want to get there in one day.
ESA
k lets leave at 7am
Jessica Amber Murray
woah. k.
ESA
yesterday i went to bed at 6pm and slept until now
so i feel q
so guilty.
Jessica Amber Murray
i assume you meant am. feel q? i actually need to get some shit in order today. if we walk up to tunney's we can get on the back of the 97 and hitch from outside stittsville. take the 7 as far as we can, then get down to the 401.
ESA
lol no. i meant 6pm.
Jessica Amber Murray
i was talking to you at like 8:00 and you said you were going to asylum. whatever, not important. have you resubleted? is illuminous hitching as well?
ESA
I'm not gonna keep waiting around for him to decide what he wants to do on Monday. Ok I can feel myself getting pissy. Time to eat.
He doesn't seem to be very proactive. and that pisses me off a little bit.
I don't know what illuminouss is doing.
according to FB
i also got up at like 9:50
and then i got up.
oh i was taking a nap
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, well..we'll talk before monday morning.
ESA
k
a message from a frequently arrested activist named kurtis that i actually think was an undercover cop
Kurtis
hey
Jessica Amber Murray
'sup?
Kurtis
about that fnb post
i think that we should concentrate on the bigger fish for now
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm going to respond there.
Kurtis
I really really wanna beat the shit outta those fuckheads
Jessica Amber Murray
ummm.
Kurtis
I hope someone outs them then beats the shit outta them
they really deserve it
even if they are bluffing
Jessica Amber Murray
well, it points out there have been shots fired...
Kurtis
yeah
hey
Jessica Amber Murray
'sup?
Kurtis
about that fnb post
i think that we should concentrate on the bigger fish for now
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm going to respond there.
Kurtis
I really really wanna beat the shit outta those fuckheads
Jessica Amber Murray
ummm.
Kurtis
I hope someone outs them then beats the shit outta them
they really deserve it
even if they are bluffing
Jessica Amber Murray
well, it points out there have been shots fired...
Kurtis
yeah
Thursday, July 18, 2013
i think my perspective is slightly different than the people that i'm going with. i've been thinking about this for a few days and am going to try and articulate what *i'm* thinking and why *i'm* going.
i was reading up a little this morning on the idea of a temporary autonomous zone, which is a concept that developed out of the post-left critique of traditional anarchist thinking. it seems to be the idea that the occupy movement was conceptualized around. whilst living within everything that's around us, and the apparent hopelessness of fighting against a system that protects itself with drone strikes and riot police, is there a way to carve out a small space that allows for the experience of real freedom?
southern ontario is a bubble that's developing in the collapse of industrial civilization. from the perspective of a factory worker with a family to feed, this is a catastrophe. from the perspective of an artist that rejects the concept of wage labour, it's an opportunity to grasp upon. i want to walk in to this vacuum, this growing autonomous region, and help build an entirely different way to exist.
i was reading up a little this morning on the idea of a temporary autonomous zone, which is a concept that developed out of the post-left critique of traditional anarchist thinking. it seems to be the idea that the occupy movement was conceptualized around. whilst living within everything that's around us, and the apparent hopelessness of fighting against a system that protects itself with drone strikes and riot police, is there a way to carve out a small space that allows for the experience of real freedom?
southern ontario is a bubble that's developing in the collapse of industrial civilization. from the perspective of a factory worker with a family to feed, this is a catastrophe. from the perspective of an artist that rejects the concept of wage labour, it's an opportunity to grasp upon. i want to walk in to this vacuum, this growing autonomous region, and help build an entirely different way to exist.
so, i'm in the process of blowing my life up and starting over somewhere else.
i'm moving to somewhere in southern ontario super soon. august 1st, maybe. i'm hitching out of town on monday with some friends to check out places in windsor, but i haven't entirely committed to moving precisely there yet. to start off with, i've never even been there before. seems a little impulsive to make that choice without visiting first, and i'm not a really impulsive person.
other possible destinations are niagara and waterloo.
why? the simple reason is that the cost of living in these places is drastically lower. i don't particularly want to leave ottawa for a small town, my preference would be for a larger city, but it's clear at this point that i cannot live the lifestyle i want to live in a city that is this expensive.
two of these places have other advantages. windsor is very close to the music scene in detroit; waterloo has a university i've always wanted to hang out at (and train access into toronto). niagara appears to be the cheapest of the three.
i'm moving to somewhere in southern ontario super soon. august 1st, maybe. i'm hitching out of town on monday with some friends to check out places in windsor, but i haven't entirely committed to moving precisely there yet. to start off with, i've never even been there before. seems a little impulsive to make that choice without visiting first, and i'm not a really impulsive person.
other possible destinations are niagara and waterloo.
why? the simple reason is that the cost of living in these places is drastically lower. i don't particularly want to leave ottawa for a small town, my preference would be for a larger city, but it's clear at this point that i cannot live the lifestyle i want to live in a city that is this expensive.
two of these places have other advantages. windsor is very close to the music scene in detroit; waterloo has a university i've always wanted to hang out at (and train access into toronto). niagara appears to be the cheapest of the three.
staying in for the night, but why am i getting tracers?
ESA
are you going to asylum tonihgtÉ
É
Jessica Amber Murray
that accent acute is a little unnecessary.
i think i need a jessica night.
ESA
my keyboard switched to French. its supposed to be a question mark. yeah, I don't want to either, but I promised dylan.
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm actually a little weirded out about not remembering how we got home last night. did we walk? cab?
ESA
half walked, and then cabbed
wow, I didnèt know you werrethat drunk
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm a little concerned i wasn't drunk. did i pay at all?
ESA
no I think playa payed
Jessica Amber Murray
my knees are really weirdly wobbly today. i've been randomly dizzy. i'm getting mushroom trip like reality swirls.
i left my drink out a few times.
i should be more careful with that.
ESA
hangover!
i feel a little weird too
Jessica Amber Murray
it's not normal hangover stuff, though. my knees don't normally get like this, that's for sure.
ESA
sshitttt
fuck i don't want to go to the asylum...
but i need to say bye to dylan.
Jessica Amber Murray
then don't go. he can't be leaving tonight. invite him over for coffee tomorrow.
ESA
yeah but still hell be mad if i don't go.
are you going to asylum tonihgtÉ
É
Jessica Amber Murray
that accent acute is a little unnecessary.
i think i need a jessica night.
ESA
my keyboard switched to French. its supposed to be a question mark. yeah, I don't want to either, but I promised dylan.
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm actually a little weirded out about not remembering how we got home last night. did we walk? cab?
ESA
half walked, and then cabbed
wow, I didnèt know you werrethat drunk
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm a little concerned i wasn't drunk. did i pay at all?
ESA
no I think playa payed
Jessica Amber Murray
my knees are really weirdly wobbly today. i've been randomly dizzy. i'm getting mushroom trip like reality swirls.
i left my drink out a few times.
i should be more careful with that.
ESA
hangover!
i feel a little weird too
Jessica Amber Murray
it's not normal hangover stuff, though. my knees don't normally get like this, that's for sure.
ESA
sshitttt
fuck i don't want to go to the asylum...
but i need to say bye to dylan.
Jessica Amber Murray
then don't go. he can't be leaving tonight. invite him over for coffee tomorrow.
ESA
yeah but still hell be mad if i don't go.
what happened
ESA
JESSS
MY HEAD IS MELTING
OW.
Jessica Amber Murray
hungover? i find caffeinated pop works the best, despite it being exactly the opposite of what science claims in the matter.
just tell me if you're coming or not so i can plan.
ESA
coming where?
Jessica Amber Murray
greely.
ESA
I think i'm too gross
Jessica Amber Murray
s'all good, no pressure.
ESA
can we do it on a not-so-hungover day?
Jessica Amber Murray
sure. they're always home, they need very little notice.
ESA
ugh the subletter guy bailed.
Jessica Amber Murray
fuck. well, you've got like 800 other people.
ESA
yeah but he was kewl
I forgot about my uke lesson
slept in until like 230
Jessica Amber Murray
you forgot your doctor's appointment too, i guess. maybe you can use that as an argument.
ESA
OH SHIT. yeah I forgot that. fuck
fuck. going to mac's milk is the hardest thing in the world right now.
Jessica Amber Murray
just yell out the window. ooh! you should set up one of those tin can telephones with the store and put a pulley system on it.
ESA
yeah
fuckit. I look like shit.
and whenever I leave I see so fucking many people I know
its so annoying
Jessica Amber Murray
are you coercing me to buy you pop and bring it up?
ESA
no.
hahahha no
I can do that myself.
BTW
ALMOST THREESOME
LAST NIGHT
They keep failing through though. I'm very mad about that.
Jessica Amber Murray
so, it was, like, sequential sex, then? i can't even handle sex with one person, a threesome would probably make me vomit out of self-conscious fear.
ESA
hahaha
buaahahahahaha
well. no. I tried very harrd to make it happen
and lenin was down, but then he was not down.
Jessica Amber Murray
so, no sex at all? geez, i was excited for a second.
ESA
what do you mean no sex?
OF COURSE THERE WAS SEX
haha
hahahabuahaha
a true lady does not kiss and tell
Except I think I already did.
Jessica Amber Murray
that other guy you brought home seemed like the type, but i'm not sure i could really imagine lenin having sex.
ESA
haha. seemed like the type ?
the sex type?
Its so funny, he was like in love with me when I was 19
he was so excited and disbelievgin the whole time.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, seemed kinda playery.
ESA
I like worship sex. its kinda my favorite.
yeah I dunno if he's player now. He didn't used to be. he was such a dweeb.
Jessica Amber Murray
i just can't do it. it's almost impossible to explain. like, when i have sex dreams, i have a vagina and it involves insertion. it's real in the dream state. i just don't know how the fuck to use a penis. so when i was having sex when i was younger i'd basically just sit there and watch, i'd totally disassociate. anyways, i'm glad you got laid. high five.
ESA
wooohhh
you should get a strap on vagina
I guess its not the same.
lololol
Jessica Amber Murray
not at all. it makes dating and one night stands and everything else such a dead end, though, that i don't bother. about the only way i know how to pleasure somebody is with my fingers and mouth.
ESA
well then.
most people don't know what they're doing with their dinkie anyways
so its basically useless.
and yeah I also made up a new word
Jessica Amber Murray
what's the new word?
ESA
dinkie
likes like winky. except not.
Jessica Amber Murray
dinkie is definitely not a new word, it's what i called it when i was a kid.
ESA
that's winkie!
are you sure? oh well whateva
Jessica Amber Murray
absolutely sure. because my mom thought dinkie was cute and dink was crude, so that was the permitted official terminology.
ESA
LOL
JESSS
MY HEAD IS MELTING
OW.
Jessica Amber Murray
hungover? i find caffeinated pop works the best, despite it being exactly the opposite of what science claims in the matter.
just tell me if you're coming or not so i can plan.
ESA
coming where?
Jessica Amber Murray
greely.
ESA
I think i'm too gross
Jessica Amber Murray
s'all good, no pressure.
ESA
can we do it on a not-so-hungover day?
Jessica Amber Murray
sure. they're always home, they need very little notice.
ESA
ugh the subletter guy bailed.
Jessica Amber Murray
fuck. well, you've got like 800 other people.
ESA
yeah but he was kewl
I forgot about my uke lesson
slept in until like 230
Jessica Amber Murray
you forgot your doctor's appointment too, i guess. maybe you can use that as an argument.
ESA
OH SHIT. yeah I forgot that. fuck
fuck. going to mac's milk is the hardest thing in the world right now.
Jessica Amber Murray
just yell out the window. ooh! you should set up one of those tin can telephones with the store and put a pulley system on it.
ESA
yeah
fuckit. I look like shit.
and whenever I leave I see so fucking many people I know
its so annoying
Jessica Amber Murray
are you coercing me to buy you pop and bring it up?
ESA
no.
hahahha no
I can do that myself.
BTW
ALMOST THREESOME
LAST NIGHT
They keep failing through though. I'm very mad about that.
Jessica Amber Murray
so, it was, like, sequential sex, then? i can't even handle sex with one person, a threesome would probably make me vomit out of self-conscious fear.
ESA
hahaha
buaahahahahaha
well. no. I tried very harrd to make it happen
and lenin was down, but then he was not down.
Jessica Amber Murray
so, no sex at all? geez, i was excited for a second.
ESA
what do you mean no sex?
OF COURSE THERE WAS SEX
haha
hahahabuahaha
a true lady does not kiss and tell
Except I think I already did.
Jessica Amber Murray
that other guy you brought home seemed like the type, but i'm not sure i could really imagine lenin having sex.
ESA
haha. seemed like the type ?
the sex type?
Its so funny, he was like in love with me when I was 19
he was so excited and disbelievgin the whole time.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, seemed kinda playery.
ESA
I like worship sex. its kinda my favorite.
yeah I dunno if he's player now. He didn't used to be. he was such a dweeb.
Jessica Amber Murray
i just can't do it. it's almost impossible to explain. like, when i have sex dreams, i have a vagina and it involves insertion. it's real in the dream state. i just don't know how the fuck to use a penis. so when i was having sex when i was younger i'd basically just sit there and watch, i'd totally disassociate. anyways, i'm glad you got laid. high five.
ESA
wooohhh
you should get a strap on vagina
I guess its not the same.
lololol
Jessica Amber Murray
not at all. it makes dating and one night stands and everything else such a dead end, though, that i don't bother. about the only way i know how to pleasure somebody is with my fingers and mouth.
ESA
well then.
most people don't know what they're doing with their dinkie anyways
so its basically useless.
and yeah I also made up a new word
Jessica Amber Murray
what's the new word?
ESA
dinkie
likes like winky. except not.
Jessica Amber Murray
dinkie is definitely not a new word, it's what i called it when i was a kid.
ESA
that's winkie!
are you sure? oh well whateva
Jessica Amber Murray
absolutely sure. because my mom thought dinkie was cute and dink was crude, so that was the permitted official terminology.
ESA
LOL
consequences
Jessica Amber Murray
i was legit drunk last night. i vaguely remember hanging out in the park, and i remember realizing i was drunk and going home, but i don't remember how we got from the hostel back to hintonburg. as expected, breakfast this morning got cancelled. i rescheduled for supper, which means going to their place. we can likely get a ride from south keys to findley creek, but it's bussing to there. no pressure. but let me know if you do or do not want to go. (time is not really set, whenever, i'll call them back)
(drunk because no caffeine.)
i remember some drunk young lady falling all over me outside the women's washroom, and her eventually saying "have a good night, lovely" and me thinking lovely was a weird thing to call somebody. and you and etan stealing my drink. and other scattered things. but that's why i need rockstar.
ESA
lol. wtf. I was sooo wasted to.
i was legit drunk last night. i vaguely remember hanging out in the park, and i remember realizing i was drunk and going home, but i don't remember how we got from the hostel back to hintonburg. as expected, breakfast this morning got cancelled. i rescheduled for supper, which means going to their place. we can likely get a ride from south keys to findley creek, but it's bussing to there. no pressure. but let me know if you do or do not want to go. (time is not really set, whenever, i'll call them back)
(drunk because no caffeine.)
i remember some drunk young lady falling all over me outside the women's washroom, and her eventually saying "have a good night, lovely" and me thinking lovely was a weird thing to call somebody. and you and etan stealing my drink. and other scattered things. but that's why i need rockstar.
ESA
lol. wtf. I was sooo wasted to.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
more planning
Jessica Amber Murray
1) odsp should cover at least some of the costs of moving. it's 'discretionary'. i need to get more info on maximum amounts and how to ensure it gets covered, but i think we can rely on this for at least half.
2) my parents have some kind of voucher at sears that they're giving me. i'd like to take a run through street corners first, but whatever we can't find we should be able to grab there for free.
3) my step-mother and i had the money talk today about my dad dying. he's really concerned that i'm losing a fall-back system, and she's promised him she'll take on that responsibility. we talked about it and decided the best option is a monthly deposit into my account, which should be around $400 for starters. so, yeah, i guess i'm sort of bourgy too :P
also, they want to meet you. which is sort of reasonable given that we're kind of running away. you're invited for breakfast tomorrow morning at south keys at 10:00 (i'm going to call at 9:00). however, i TOTALLY understand why that's creepy and weird, and there's absolutely ZERO pressure to come if you don't want to.
ESA
I have a dr's apt at Carleton at 11. so I can't make it
also, I love how you call me bourgy even though I get no monetary support from my parents
my dad also said that if I move to Windsor, he will never bail me out, or help me move or support me with anything ever again
LOL. I will totally come meet your parents, but they will NOT like me at 10 in the morning.
Also, a moving van looks to be about 700 hundred
i dunno how i can get that kinda cash without selling BJs on the street
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. that's the uhaul price. the van itself is not so much, but they charge by the kilometre. i'll call odsp tomorrow and see if they'll front it. also, what i'm hoping is if we look around a bit we can find somebody that will just rent us the van, flat fee, no questions about where it's going. if we can find that, it could be less than $100.
ESA
ooh
dunno how to find that though
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't either, i'm just hoping it exists.
if not...even if odsp only gives me like $400 or something, that's $150 each to pay. i could front that for you.
(and fwiw i totally know what it's like to have parents with money that won't give you any. mine have really turned on a dime - they've been brutal the last five years or so. i think my dad dying has really changed my stepmother's attitude towards life. i'll stop teasing you about that.)
ESA
yeah. well my dad is kinda weird about it. and my mom doesn't have any now that she's a minister
she makes like 1200 bucks a month
or something ridiculous like that
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. my step-mom's a pretty big boss at the canadian blood services. she oversees the bone marrow transfusion division or something. works from home, even. my dad was a middle manager at the corporate tax division for the provincial government. he oversaw a team that went after businesses that didn't pay their taxes. together, they made over 200,000/year. but, when i got evicted two years ago they told me to hit the curb. i occupied their back yard and got dragged out by the cops. this recent turn of events is highly unexpected.
ESA
woahhhhhh crazy
similar situation with me
do you want fire tonight ? ?
it might be too hot.
Jessica Amber Murray
i think i don't want to venture too far or drink too much tonight. i just listed a bunch of grievances against my parents, but it was really just my step-mom that completely vetoed my dad, who wanted to let me stay, etc. this little bit of dad time is sort of important to me.
is anybody else up for fire? i could maybe stop by for a few beers later, if there's still some left.
buuuuut....do we want to throw a going away party? been thinking about that a bit.
ESA
I dunno
i'm not throwing my own. that's tacky.
illuminous is up for a fire.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i sort of think i'd rather stay in the area, but i think i'm up for hanging out one way or the other. how much beer is left?
(is a run necessary?)
ESA
oh theres none left. lol
illuminous wants fire
I want that or jail hoste l
Jessica Amber Murray
what's at jail hostel?
open mic?
fuck, i should do an open mic before i leave, just to confuse people.
ESA
well we can do it later
ugh stupid beer stores.
close so early.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. well, let me know what's happening, i guess. my vote is bike down to the grocery store and split a bottle of wine in the near vicinity, but i'll accept the democratic process.
ESA
fire!
well. the grocery store is near fire.
but I dunno.
we can also drink wine in secret at the hostel
I don't have a preference
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm going to vote hostel over fire. less bugs. and i think fires are better with more people.
ESA
ok
Jessica Amber Murray
are there usually amps at the hostel? the lack of dots on this classical makes playing what i want to play frustrating.
ESA
yeah
fsho.
you can use tape.
k i'll go to the hostel.
but I don't have money for beerz
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'm going to need to clean myself up first. i don't want to buy beer there either. can we do this: you bike to the store, get wine, i'll pay you half when we meet. that will give me time to clean. then bike to hostel. ?.
ESA
i'm not going anywhere
but like maybe
we can make it to the lcbo in itme?
but fuckit. i'll probably find beer there .
its pretty cheap
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, let me get ready super quick - 20 minutes - and meet me outside my building at 9:30 and we'll talk?
ESA
ughmm
well i'm gonna get ready
make myself not look like crap
Jessica Amber Murray
k. ready. meet where?
ESA
etan is meeting me here at 930
Jessica Amber Murray
k. i'll be there close to that.
1) odsp should cover at least some of the costs of moving. it's 'discretionary'. i need to get more info on maximum amounts and how to ensure it gets covered, but i think we can rely on this for at least half.
2) my parents have some kind of voucher at sears that they're giving me. i'd like to take a run through street corners first, but whatever we can't find we should be able to grab there for free.
3) my step-mother and i had the money talk today about my dad dying. he's really concerned that i'm losing a fall-back system, and she's promised him she'll take on that responsibility. we talked about it and decided the best option is a monthly deposit into my account, which should be around $400 for starters. so, yeah, i guess i'm sort of bourgy too :P
also, they want to meet you. which is sort of reasonable given that we're kind of running away. you're invited for breakfast tomorrow morning at south keys at 10:00 (i'm going to call at 9:00). however, i TOTALLY understand why that's creepy and weird, and there's absolutely ZERO pressure to come if you don't want to.
ESA
I have a dr's apt at Carleton at 11. so I can't make it
also, I love how you call me bourgy even though I get no monetary support from my parents
my dad also said that if I move to Windsor, he will never bail me out, or help me move or support me with anything ever again
LOL. I will totally come meet your parents, but they will NOT like me at 10 in the morning.
Also, a moving van looks to be about 700 hundred
i dunno how i can get that kinda cash without selling BJs on the street
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. that's the uhaul price. the van itself is not so much, but they charge by the kilometre. i'll call odsp tomorrow and see if they'll front it. also, what i'm hoping is if we look around a bit we can find somebody that will just rent us the van, flat fee, no questions about where it's going. if we can find that, it could be less than $100.
ESA
ooh
dunno how to find that though
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't either, i'm just hoping it exists.
if not...even if odsp only gives me like $400 or something, that's $150 each to pay. i could front that for you.
(and fwiw i totally know what it's like to have parents with money that won't give you any. mine have really turned on a dime - they've been brutal the last five years or so. i think my dad dying has really changed my stepmother's attitude towards life. i'll stop teasing you about that.)
ESA
yeah. well my dad is kinda weird about it. and my mom doesn't have any now that she's a minister
she makes like 1200 bucks a month
or something ridiculous like that
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. my step-mom's a pretty big boss at the canadian blood services. she oversees the bone marrow transfusion division or something. works from home, even. my dad was a middle manager at the corporate tax division for the provincial government. he oversaw a team that went after businesses that didn't pay their taxes. together, they made over 200,000/year. but, when i got evicted two years ago they told me to hit the curb. i occupied their back yard and got dragged out by the cops. this recent turn of events is highly unexpected.
ESA
woahhhhhh crazy
similar situation with me
do you want fire tonight ? ?
it might be too hot.
Jessica Amber Murray
i think i don't want to venture too far or drink too much tonight. i just listed a bunch of grievances against my parents, but it was really just my step-mom that completely vetoed my dad, who wanted to let me stay, etc. this little bit of dad time is sort of important to me.
is anybody else up for fire? i could maybe stop by for a few beers later, if there's still some left.
buuuuut....do we want to throw a going away party? been thinking about that a bit.
ESA
I dunno
i'm not throwing my own. that's tacky.
illuminous is up for a fire.
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i sort of think i'd rather stay in the area, but i think i'm up for hanging out one way or the other. how much beer is left?
(is a run necessary?)
ESA
oh theres none left. lol
illuminous wants fire
I want that or jail hoste l
Jessica Amber Murray
what's at jail hostel?
open mic?
fuck, i should do an open mic before i leave, just to confuse people.
ESA
well we can do it later
ugh stupid beer stores.
close so early.
Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. well, let me know what's happening, i guess. my vote is bike down to the grocery store and split a bottle of wine in the near vicinity, but i'll accept the democratic process.
ESA
fire!
well. the grocery store is near fire.
but I dunno.
we can also drink wine in secret at the hostel
I don't have a preference
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm going to vote hostel over fire. less bugs. and i think fires are better with more people.
ESA
ok
Jessica Amber Murray
are there usually amps at the hostel? the lack of dots on this classical makes playing what i want to play frustrating.
ESA
yeah
fsho.
you can use tape.
k i'll go to the hostel.
but I don't have money for beerz
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'm going to need to clean myself up first. i don't want to buy beer there either. can we do this: you bike to the store, get wine, i'll pay you half when we meet. that will give me time to clean. then bike to hostel. ?.
ESA
i'm not going anywhere
but like maybe
we can make it to the lcbo in itme?
but fuckit. i'll probably find beer there .
its pretty cheap
Jessica Amber Murray
ok, let me get ready super quick - 20 minutes - and meet me outside my building at 9:30 and we'll talk?
ESA
ughmm
well i'm gonna get ready
make myself not look like crap
Jessica Amber Murray
k. ready. meet where?
ESA
etan is meeting me here at 930
Jessica Amber Murray
k. i'll be there close to that.
planning
ESA
can you set up a few viewings?
like 3?
and i'll set up 3 ?
Jessica Amber Murray
i can try early in the morning, but i'm going to be gone all day tomorrow. send me numbers/schedule?
did you talk to the rentiers about just walking out of the lease?
can you set up a few viewings?
like 3?
and i'll set up 3 ?
Jessica Amber Murray
i can try early in the morning, but i'm going to be gone all day tomorrow. send me numbers/schedule?
did you talk to the rentiers about just walking out of the lease?
request
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address
so i should explain what's going on.
i'm moving to windsor with the redhead lead singer in this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6Jw-KqY6HE
we're just friends, by mutual declaration. for now.
why windsor? because rent is half the price. we can probably get a 2-bdr apartment for around $500. yeah. c-h-e-p. cheap.
windsor is also on the edge of one of the prime examples of the collapse of industrial civilization: detroit. windsor itself is pretty hopeless. in this vacuum of collapse comes an opportunity to try to build a better society that is free of the constraints of the existing one. that's the mandate of an artist.
she's going on odsp herself as well. and, as mentioned, she's a musician too. so the plan is to find somewhere to set up a studio, drink our faces off, record music all day, help advance the revolution and eat lots of spaghetti at 5:00 am in our spare time.
:)
getting there, though, requires somebody to drive us. you like road trips. we're not sure yet if it's august or september, but would you be willing to drive us from ottawa to windsor and then drive back?
moving expenses through odsp are discretionary, but i think i should be able to claim most of it. i just hope i can find somewhere that will rent us a big van for a flat rate rather than by the kilometre. otherwise, driving home is going to be expensive.
j
To: sister’s email address
so i should explain what's going on.
i'm moving to windsor with the redhead lead singer in this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6Jw-KqY6HE
we're just friends, by mutual declaration. for now.
why windsor? because rent is half the price. we can probably get a 2-bdr apartment for around $500. yeah. c-h-e-p. cheap.
windsor is also on the edge of one of the prime examples of the collapse of industrial civilization: detroit. windsor itself is pretty hopeless. in this vacuum of collapse comes an opportunity to try to build a better society that is free of the constraints of the existing one. that's the mandate of an artist.
she's going on odsp herself as well. and, as mentioned, she's a musician too. so the plan is to find somewhere to set up a studio, drink our faces off, record music all day, help advance the revolution and eat lots of spaghetti at 5:00 am in our spare time.
:)
getting there, though, requires somebody to drive us. you like road trips. we're not sure yet if it's august or september, but would you be willing to drive us from ottawa to windsor and then drive back?
moving expenses through odsp are discretionary, but i think i should be able to claim most of it. i just hope i can find somewhere that will rent us a big van for a flat rate rather than by the kilometre. otherwise, driving home is going to be expensive.
j
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
different trains
ESA
ok so trains are on sale
Jessica Amber Murray
how much would it cost?
ESA
82 bucks there and back
but we need to book it in advance a bit
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't want to pay 82 bucks. but i don't want to enforce my lack of desire to pay for transportation on you either. you guys train if you want. i'll hitch and meet you there.
ESA
haha
well i want to hitch
but 82 bucks is ridonculously cheap for two ways
Jessica Amber Murray
it might be, but it's still 82 dollars i didn't budget for and i can't really part with.
if only there were still box cars we could hitch on...
wait. my gst is late. i won't know anything about it until friday. when would you have to book by?
ESA
yeah the only thing is illuminous.
I want to hitch with you
and not illuminous. because illuminous doesn't know anything and like. its hard to hitch with 3 people
Jessica Amber Murray
it is definitely hard to hitch with 3 people. it would almost certainly have to be done by splitting and meeting. and if you/illuminous doesn't seem like a good idea, and neither of you want to hitch alone, it's an impossible task.
ESA
yea. so I might just ditch him
because I don't have the money really either
i'm not spending 84 dollars out of my 180 that I have on bus fare
Jessica Amber Murray
i was going to ask if he was sure he's coming. i'm not sure ditching him is necessary. moving to windsor for employment opportunities really isn't a good idea.
ESA
yeah
can you ask him ?
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not really sure how to approach this either. let me think about it.
i was thinking earlier today that another way out of this may be to try and convince illuminous to invite milo. not his roomate milo. a different milo that was involved in occupy. she's also odsp. moving to windsor would make sense for her, too.
ESA
hmmm ok
Jessica Amber Murray
milo is also transgendered. she and illuminous had some kind of fling, the details of which i'm not aware of. she's living in horrible conditions in vanier, always broke - same boat we're in. i don't know if she'd be interested. it solves a few problems. four people for the house, too. (i'm sort of assuming etan can't come)
ESA
well etan will come. it just depends on when. we haven't talked since he got back
is milo cool ? can you get her to add me ?
I don't see her when I search her name. I still haven't met her.
Jessica Amber Murray
milo's a bit of a private person, i doubt she'd add you without knowing her. you can try chatting with her though and seeing what happens. i decided a while back to block her temporarily and we haven't spoken since. i don't *think* that would be a problem.
full disclosure: illuminous was mildly hitting on me for a bit as well. for quite a while. i didn't spend nearly as much time with him 1-1 as you have, in fact i tried to avoid that, and he got the disinterested message clearly. we're ok. milo and i were mutually mildly interested in each other for a while. well, we're both transgendered and ended up in the same group of friends, so that's a natural thing. but i think it's blatantly obvious to both of us that we don't have much in common besides that.
bottom line: love squares are better than love triangles. in triangles, somebody always gets hurt. squares at least allow for somebody to talk to. that's a big part of what i'm thinking, too.
ESA
lol I dunno if love squares are better
just means theres more of a chance for someone to get hurt by someone else
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i think with triangles somebody will always get hurt. i honestly don't think you, illuminous and i are stable. the presence of that fourth person is perhaps a complicating factor, but it's also a mitigating one. i'm not really convinced milo would want to go, anyways. just a thought.
actually, maybe don't text milo yet? let me think about ways to bring up the job thing.
'cause even if milo wants to come, bringing illuminous to a life of unwanted unemployment in windsor is probably not in his best interests. and if he's not able to get on odsp, it's not in ours either (you couldn't even live comfortably on welfare in a place as cheap as windsor).
ESA
lets find a place me and you
a super cheap one
Jessica Amber Murray
i kind of think that would be my preferred outcome, too.
ESA
yah.
ok so trains are on sale
Jessica Amber Murray
how much would it cost?
ESA
82 bucks there and back
but we need to book it in advance a bit
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't want to pay 82 bucks. but i don't want to enforce my lack of desire to pay for transportation on you either. you guys train if you want. i'll hitch and meet you there.
ESA
haha
well i want to hitch
but 82 bucks is ridonculously cheap for two ways
Jessica Amber Murray
it might be, but it's still 82 dollars i didn't budget for and i can't really part with.
if only there were still box cars we could hitch on...
wait. my gst is late. i won't know anything about it until friday. when would you have to book by?
ESA
yeah the only thing is illuminous.
I want to hitch with you
and not illuminous. because illuminous doesn't know anything and like. its hard to hitch with 3 people
Jessica Amber Murray
it is definitely hard to hitch with 3 people. it would almost certainly have to be done by splitting and meeting. and if you/illuminous doesn't seem like a good idea, and neither of you want to hitch alone, it's an impossible task.
ESA
yea. so I might just ditch him
because I don't have the money really either
i'm not spending 84 dollars out of my 180 that I have on bus fare
Jessica Amber Murray
i was going to ask if he was sure he's coming. i'm not sure ditching him is necessary. moving to windsor for employment opportunities really isn't a good idea.
ESA
yeah
can you ask him ?
Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not really sure how to approach this either. let me think about it.
i was thinking earlier today that another way out of this may be to try and convince illuminous to invite milo. not his roomate milo. a different milo that was involved in occupy. she's also odsp. moving to windsor would make sense for her, too.
ESA
hmmm ok
Jessica Amber Murray
milo is also transgendered. she and illuminous had some kind of fling, the details of which i'm not aware of. she's living in horrible conditions in vanier, always broke - same boat we're in. i don't know if she'd be interested. it solves a few problems. four people for the house, too. (i'm sort of assuming etan can't come)
ESA
well etan will come. it just depends on when. we haven't talked since he got back
is milo cool ? can you get her to add me ?
I don't see her when I search her name. I still haven't met her.
Jessica Amber Murray
milo's a bit of a private person, i doubt she'd add you without knowing her. you can try chatting with her though and seeing what happens. i decided a while back to block her temporarily and we haven't spoken since. i don't *think* that would be a problem.
full disclosure: illuminous was mildly hitting on me for a bit as well. for quite a while. i didn't spend nearly as much time with him 1-1 as you have, in fact i tried to avoid that, and he got the disinterested message clearly. we're ok. milo and i were mutually mildly interested in each other for a while. well, we're both transgendered and ended up in the same group of friends, so that's a natural thing. but i think it's blatantly obvious to both of us that we don't have much in common besides that.
bottom line: love squares are better than love triangles. in triangles, somebody always gets hurt. squares at least allow for somebody to talk to. that's a big part of what i'm thinking, too.
ESA
lol I dunno if love squares are better
just means theres more of a chance for someone to get hurt by someone else
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i think with triangles somebody will always get hurt. i honestly don't think you, illuminous and i are stable. the presence of that fourth person is perhaps a complicating factor, but it's also a mitigating one. i'm not really convinced milo would want to go, anyways. just a thought.
actually, maybe don't text milo yet? let me think about ways to bring up the job thing.
'cause even if milo wants to come, bringing illuminous to a life of unwanted unemployment in windsor is probably not in his best interests. and if he's not able to get on odsp, it's not in ours either (you couldn't even live comfortably on welfare in a place as cheap as windsor).
ESA
lets find a place me and you
a super cheap one
Jessica Amber Murray
i kind of think that would be my preferred outcome, too.
ESA
yah.
shared observations on the queerness of existence
ESA
bahah my dad is so funny.
i was explaining to him what being transgendered is and he didn't get it, but now he does.
hes basically the funniest ever :)
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't think i get it half the time, either.
ESA
hes like so working class dad
but then when you explain shit to him he's all "whateva floats yer boat" and totally cool with everything except for churchy lesbians in their 50s.
He draws a line at their kind.
Jessica Amber Murray
my mom left my dad for a woman as well. her name was ******. i was young - 3. they broke up when i was around 6, and she got married a second time (i have a half sister). but she was a philosophy student at the time. taught me more than anybody i've ever met.
my dad's thrown out some weird comments regarding it over the years.
never *really* got over it...
bahah my dad is so funny.
i was explaining to him what being transgendered is and he didn't get it, but now he does.
hes basically the funniest ever :)
Jessica Amber Murray
i don't think i get it half the time, either.
ESA
hes like so working class dad
but then when you explain shit to him he's all "whateva floats yer boat" and totally cool with everything except for churchy lesbians in their 50s.
He draws a line at their kind.
Jessica Amber Murray
my mom left my dad for a woman as well. her name was ******. i was young - 3. they broke up when i was around 6, and she got married a second time (i have a half sister). but she was a philosophy student at the time. taught me more than anybody i've ever met.
my dad's thrown out some weird comments regarding it over the years.
never *really* got over it...
this address
From: Jessica Murray <death.to.koalas@gmail.com>
To: stepmother's first address
Cc: stepmother's second address
this is the right one.
j
To: stepmother's first address
Cc: stepmother's second address
this is the right one.
j
a negotiation for the delivery of regifted fancy mustard
Jessica Amber Murray
you awake?
i snagged a condiment for you, but i left it in the other pocket: smokin' stampede fume mayo sandwich spread! mild. pc. want it?
ESA
lol i had that in my fridge? didn't even know
Jessica Amber Murray
no, i picked it up at the food bank but forgot to take it out of my bag. do you want it?
ESA
not if you do
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i suspect you may appreciate it more than i, so if you'd like it it's yours.
ok, i'm late, if you want it i'll bring it later.
ESA
lol don't matta to me
see u later
you awake?
i snagged a condiment for you, but i left it in the other pocket: smokin' stampede fume mayo sandwich spread! mild. pc. want it?
ESA
lol i had that in my fridge? didn't even know
Jessica Amber Murray
no, i picked it up at the food bank but forgot to take it out of my bag. do you want it?
ESA
not if you do
Jessica Amber Murray
well, i suspect you may appreciate it more than i, so if you'd like it it's yours.
ok, i'm late, if you want it i'll bring it later.
ESA
lol don't matta to me
see u later
beer accounting....
Jessica Amber Murray
beer accounting.....
price of beer:
price/quantity = 30/24 = 1.25
me - 6.5*1.25= 8.125
you - 5*1.25 = 6.25
illuminous - 2.5*1.25 = 3.125
i'll presume illuminous did not pay. s'ok. $3. let's split it.
3.125/2 = 1.5625
me - 8.25 + 1.5625 = 9.8125
you - 7.8125
there should be 24 - (6.5+5+2.5) = 10 beers left. 10*1.25 = 12.5.
under the assumption that you purchased those ten beers, you should have given me: 12.5 + 7.8125 = 20.3125. so, it actually worked out almost perfectly. i owe you 31.25 cents :P
ESA
hahaha awesome :D
beer accounting.....
price of beer:
price/quantity = 30/24 = 1.25
me - 6.5*1.25= 8.125
you - 5*1.25 = 6.25
illuminous - 2.5*1.25 = 3.125
i'll presume illuminous did not pay. s'ok. $3. let's split it.
3.125/2 = 1.5625
me - 8.25 + 1.5625 = 9.8125
you - 7.8125
there should be 24 - (6.5+5+2.5) = 10 beers left. 10*1.25 = 12.5.
under the assumption that you purchased those ten beers, you should have given me: 12.5 + 7.8125 = 20.3125. so, it actually worked out almost perfectly. i owe you 31.25 cents :P
ESA
hahaha awesome :D
it's times like this when i really need a palette. i love my guitar, but
it's just not sufficient. an idea, but not a concept. a feeling, but
not an expression. a scream, but not an explanation. a release, but not a
resolution.
a statement out of context.
i write things out the old fashioned way sometimes, but it's a cerebral process. it's not a cathartic one.
poetry even seems more worthwhile, and while i'm a wordsmith i'm definitely not a poet. if i was better with words, i could use them to describe the emotions i want to describe with clashes of sound. poetry, though, is inherently linear. i want to write the lines on top of each other and have them read and understood simultaneously.
a painting couldn't do that, either. not that it matters. complicated objects are also understood linearly, sequentially. you can't process all of the interpretations of a painting at once. you have to collapse that waveform.
only complex sounds can sufficiently express all of the subtleties of a complex emotion by getting across all of it's different aspects, and all the interference patterns.
a statement out of context.
i write things out the old fashioned way sometimes, but it's a cerebral process. it's not a cathartic one.
poetry even seems more worthwhile, and while i'm a wordsmith i'm definitely not a poet. if i was better with words, i could use them to describe the emotions i want to describe with clashes of sound. poetry, though, is inherently linear. i want to write the lines on top of each other and have them read and understood simultaneously.
a painting couldn't do that, either. not that it matters. complicated objects are also understood linearly, sequentially. you can't process all of the interpretations of a painting at once. you have to collapse that waveform.
only complex sounds can sufficiently express all of the subtleties of a complex emotion by getting across all of it's different aspects, and all the interference patterns.
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