this is update five.

in the previous post, i included the following:

--

i can put together a plan.

- i need to detox the poisonous testosterone from my system, first. this substance is shit. people that take this voluntarily are retards. i don't want it in my system. i'd remove my kidneys and inject myself with red blood cells instead if i could. it's a complete garbage hormone with complete garbage effects.

- once that's done, i can take a blood test that will demonstrate what my blood chemistry looks like normally, in the absence of this bullshit i'm being drugged with.

- then i can buy a bottle of hot sauce at the store and make meals with it, locking myself inside until it's done.

- i can take another blood test after that

--

it is 19:00 on aug 11th. i had my blood tested at 8:00 am on aug 2nd after experiencing severe symptoms of being drugged with some kind of male hormone enhancement on july 31st that raised my testosterone levels to four times their normal levels on aug 2nd and also spiked my red blood cells and hemoglobin to higher than normal results without the lingering creatine or ketone markers i saw during the previous test on july 7th. i removed three items from my diet as a result of this - hot sauce (bought in bulk), frozen chicken (donated from the food bank) and raw bison (also a food bank donation). i have since been scrubbing and scraping myself down and am nearing a point of presentability that will allow me to do some errands in the morning, including getting this package of documents to the police and getting a third blood test that i expect to have clean and normal results, of trace testosterone levels.

on some level, 10-14 days, less than two weeks, is not that bad. it should even continue to get better for the rest of the month, at least. if i have isolated and eliminated the source of the drugs, i can hopefully move on and get on with my life, subject to what i expect to be imminent arrests of my stalkers. while it is clearly necessary for me to move on with my life, i hope the process of bringing these horrible criminals and frankly disgusting people to justice is not too lengthy.

on another level, needing to spend a third or more of any given month locked in the bathroom scrubbing myself down because some backwards idiots want me to adhere to the iron age rules of their dark age religion is extremely depressing. there is no remote justification for this overwhelmingly oppressive infringement on my right to bodily autonomy and security of the person, which i've had to deal with on a roughly monthly basis for most of the last two years.

they have told me that they want me to grow hair on my face because that is the iron age rule that they enforce in their dark age religion. they enforce their rules by violence, coercion and extreme force. dissent is not permitted. my opinion is of no importance to them, and their religion states that i have no rights and no right to disagree. you follow their iron age rules, or they kill you; that's how their religion works. there is no concept of democracy in their religion or their culture. they have also repeatedly told me that i'm "supposed to" look like my father, who i had a very poor relationship with during the last several years of his life and did not get along with well. they have stated that outcome as a motive for their harassment. there was an event near the end of his life in which he unexpectedly viciously attacked me, which put me into a state of severe ptsd that has disturbed me to the point that it has left me permanently disabled. it is this unexpected attack physical and emotional attack that is the reason i was placed on odsp and live on odsp to this day. i have largely avoided dealing with the issue out of disinterest (he's dead, so it doesn't matter. the dead are irrelevant.), but i consider my father to have been an oppressive, negative influence on my life. when i have dealt with it, it's been to reflect on ways that he was a negative influence that i hadn't thought about before, and to further recognize just how negative an influence he was. i do not want to look in the mirror and have him looking back at me and the idea of that happening severely disturbs me quite greatly. thankfully, it's not a serious consideration, as i'm a pretty girl and he was quite certainly not.

i have a picture archive that i haven't been updating recently but do have pictures to update with and will begin updating again when this is over:

https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipMyiW_D1-wROy3WO8uOmH2DuojQMoI_SceIhrADAuwzIWeiX0-681LaOnlz1Qgauw?key=TldKOXhRd0RNMzcwMElsVkZqVTJwcnpMUFJsZXZ3

i do not look like my father. i never have. i never will.

i have a perception that my appearance may become a legal consideration, and that might be part of the purpose of what they're doing. as stated previously, i am concerned that this is about identity theft. i realize that my harassers are attacking me because i'm transgendered, and the police are letting them do it, or even colluding with them, because they are transphobic. i am concerned that i'm being set up. i am serving you with this for that reason.

the shifts in the picture archive also demonstrate that i have been drugged since 2023. you can see this truth. i cut it off bout a year ago. the last year of pictures, when they come up, will further demonstrate that i've been drugged, but i'm avoiding posting them until they present a resolution, in the form of undoing the harassment i've suffered.

however, it is not really the case that i am scraping hair off of my face on a monthly basis over the last two years. as can be seen from those pictures, i do not have issues with facial hair. i do not need to cover my face over with makeup, as i do not grow hair on my face in the first place. instead, i feel the need to describe what is actually happening, what i'm actually scraping off and why that is the case. this is intended for legal purposes, when it comes up. i'm getting ahead of myself.

to be clear: i know that my harassers are drugging me with the purpose and intent of forcing me to grow hair because they've told me they are. however, it doesn't work in the way they want it to; it has frustrating effects, which i will describe, but it's not facial hair. they keep doing it anyways.

there are several reasons why i'm not able to grow facial hair, which i will list:

- i had low testosterone levels as an adolescent and young adult, which was discovered when i started taking hormones in 2002, after testing in 2001. i was born in jan, 1981, so i was 20/21 at the time.

- i did not go through a complete puberty, but a kind of partial puberty

- i had some facial electrolysis done in the summer of 2002

- i have been taking testosterone suppressors of some sort non-stop (including a period where i was taking saw palmetto) since 2002, when i was 21. i have been suppressing my already low testosterone levels my entire adult life.

- i had an orchiectomy to remove my testicles in 2021, meaning i'm now unable to generate my own testosterone. i have continued to take suppressors anyways.

- i have consistently tested with testosterone at or below 0.4 going back to before the orchiectomy. it is so low that the tests generally can't even pick it up.

- i have never grown any hair whatsoever on other parts of my body, like my chest.

- i only grow hair in my armpits or my stomach when i've been drugged, and can use that as markers to know when i've been drugged. when i haven't been drugged, i grow no hair at all in those parts of my body.

the picture evidence going back to 1989 (when i was a little kid) is pretty strong evidence. i do not grow facial hair, i have never have grown facial hair and i'm never going to grow facial hair, no matter how much they insist on it or how often they drug me. it will never happen. my father, conversely, was an extremely hairy man, by any standards.

rather, what i'm scraping off of my face is scabbed over clogged pores that, if left on it's own, may develop into something that looks like a shadow but that will never grow into any kind of actual beard or noticeable hair, it will just clog up until it turns into acne. i rarely allow that acne to develop, as i put a myriad of products on my face when i realize i've been drugged, but if i let it sit it would turn into a collection of blemishes that include ingrowns that look like white heads (red bumps full of pus that you have to pop out) and blackheads (dark stubble that you pop out with your finger or pull out with twezers), clogged pores that expel something that looks like coffee grinds but is actually my body trying to make hair as a result of being drugged and failing to for the previous reasons, white vellus hairs in dead follicles that pop out of clogged pores and that hurt to pluck out, and large amounts of scabbed over dry skin with eyelash sized ingrowns that look like wrinkles from a distance and just wash off like eyelash hairs with enough soap. it's a gross mess, but it's not any sort of beard, and it's not what they're trying to get. they've been doing this for years and this is the best they can get. the result is that the hormones are actually giving me brutal acne and wrinkly dead skin, and it's this brutal acne and wrinkly skin that i have to scrub and scrape off, although it's really not acne or wrinkly skin at all but ingrown hair. this is similar to the kind of acne you might see in a teenage boy on the brink of puberty, but it never develops into more than that and it's never going to. rather, the acne washes off when the testosterone is removed from my system by my kidneys and it stays off until they drug me again. that is the extent of what their therapy has managed to accomplish and will ever manage to accomplish.

it takes some time to clean the acne off, but it washes off and then it's gone. this is frustrating and gross and shouldn't be happening.

i am also feeling better regarding the issue of waking up agitated after adjusting my diet and need to update that as well. over the last week, i have repeatedly woken up hearing the stalkers speaking to me, but it has not had any substantive effect of any sort since i altered my diet and shocked my system, indicating they have not yet succeeded in re-drugging me.

- aug 7th: guac with yellow pepper, homemade hot sauce and canned corn (for 6th).

- aug 8th: monterrey jack tuna salad melt with bowl of cilantro lime monterrey jack rice (for 7th).

- aug 9th: pasta with minor subs (17), homemade hot sauce and bacon for salami (for 8th)

- aug 10th: guac with yellow pepper, homemade hot sauce and canned corn wth cilantro lime monterrey jack rice (for 9th).

- aug 11th: bacon and eggs (no salsa) (for 10th)

i use the same basic ingredients for most meals, but need to include my tuna sandwich and instant rice recipes:

tuna melt

- in a microwavable bowl, open a can of tuna

- this tuna is bpa free. i didn't make that choice. it's also dated to august, 2024.

- i will occasionally buy tuna or fish, but i'm extremely skittish about the mercury. i'd rather eat freshwater fish from an indoor farm. fish are unusually stupid creatures. that doesn't mean it's ok to torture them, but i wouldn't be concerned about their quality of life. cows are comparably brilliant and will appreciate an open plain. i don't think fish give a fuck, although it's very hard to force them to breed in captivity. i wouldn't be overly concerned about depressed trout, unless it's kilgore or a masked replica.

- put some hot sauce in there

- add some cumin, some black pepper, some oregano, some paprika, some hemp seeds and some nutritional yeast.

- add some fresh garlic and some fresh dill

- add an avocado and a mini bell or hot pepper (i used orange)

- add some ceasar dressing

- mix it up good

- you'll need three pieces of bread. 

- don't be stupid. use whole wheat or whole grain bread.

- put the tuna salad mix on the bread

- put four or five slices of monterey jack on the tuna on each piece of bread.  i actually used jalapeno monterrey jack.

- put in microwave for 90 seconds

cilantro lime monterrey jack rice 

- i forgot i had instant rice. i was going to eat it with the guac. again, i'd never buy this.

- it's earthly grains 90 second cilantro lime rice.

- you microwave it for 90 second and let it sit. i did.

- put the rice in a bowl

- add five slices of monterrey jack

- microwave for 30 seconds, if necessary

- add hemp seeds, nutritional yeast, ceasar

- stir

now that this is up to date, i will intend to print it all of at the library in the morning and bring it to the police station when i am done. i will also be getting the third test done shortly, and that will be update 6, which i will bring to police separately.

i expect the police to make these arrests shortly, or for a judge to order them to indict. the law - our law, secular law - needs to be enforced. i have been stalked, drugged, harassed and raped in an attempt to forcibly convert me against my will and i need my stalkers and harassers sent to jail.

would bringing back slavery even work to help america out compete china?

probably not.

first, the chinese don't want to compete with the united states, they want to conquer them. that's clear. the chinese are simply laughing at america and calling them idiots, as it tries to "compete" and "trade" with them.

second, while a sufficient supply of prison labour may help in reshoring specific items related to american national security, the republicans are missing the point that the reason the chinese can get away with this economic system in the first place is due to the population density. the chinese can enslave their own people because they're severely overpopulated. the lower population density is the reason that slavery collapsed in the united states in the first place. 

rather, the americans may find that they don't have the same level of racial solidarity that the chinese do and that, if you take away national pride based on propaganda about freedom, america may have difficulty finding soldiers to defend itself from an imminent chinese invasion.

whether the right-wing fringes in america like it or not, the war against china will have to be about liberty v slavery and if america does not have liberty then it doesn't stand a chance. it will get enslaved by the chinese.

in order to compete with china, the united states is bringing back slavery.

you just might be the slave.

you might want to realize that and adjust accordingly.

i'm a very poor person. i'm disabled. i live on a very small fixed income that i get from the province (paid for by the city via property taxes). when influxes of migrants or refugees show up here, i have to compete with them for housing, and that pisses me off, but i don't want to blame them, i want to blame the government that created the problem. we need less refugees in canada right now while we sort out our housing problems. that's the fault of policies by successive federal governments, and we have the right to make those choices, as a sovereign state. 

however, i don't want to support a policy that attacks migrant rights. i want to support the free movement of migrants, subject to the realities of scarcity and availability. i want to tell migrants that canada is not the best place for them right now, and they should look for somewhere with more available resources to redistribute, where competition for survival is less fierce, and overpopulation is less of a problem. 

these are both real issues that need to be balanced. capitalism is built on the premise of artificial scarcity. it's the idea that makes the system function.

in the united states, there is a tendency to try to protect migrants by setting up things like "sanctuary cities". this is walking right into a trap.

if you are a homeless person or an illegal immigrant or perhaps even a political dissident, donald trump wants to capture you, to charge you with a bullshit crime and to enslave you in a factory to provide labour for his reshoring project, like it was in the late 19th century, the era that he wants to bring back to make america "great again", and that is a policy with a long history in the united states that will be difficult to reverse once it gets set in place. it is the idea that the united states was actually founded on.

activists in the united states should be trying to get the migrants out of the country.

prison labour is already big business in the us.

https://www.aclu.org/news/human-rights/captive-labor-exploitation-of-incarcerated-workers

china doesn't have some great competitive advantage over america, it's simply able to produce things cheaper by not paying it's workers. other countries in the pacific rim are worse, and africa is up next.

the united states has a unionized workforce and high living standards. it cannot compete with low wage chinese workers. it consequently imports things instead of making them, and the economy has reoriented to adjust for that.

if you actually listen to what the republicans are saying, their concern is not about profit maximization, as it has been since this system was set up under reagan and expanded under clinton. this isn't about money. rather, trump is concerned about the national security implications of offshoring everything and wants to force production back to the united states to eliminate the reliance on foreign manufacturers.

in order to do that, america needs to find some way to manufacture goods using labour that is at least competitive with asian labour in cost inputs, which to this point has been an intractable problem to address without abandoning some foundational principle of american society, like unionization. mechanization is an incomplete solution. china's labour conditions are slowly improving, but they're just offshoring to other countries, like vietnam. america doesn't have an infinite amount of time to wait; the issue is national security.

getting labour costs in america down far enough that they can compete with asian labour costs can only be done via the 13th amendment. that's what he's doing.

this isn't new. companies like intel have already been reshoring for about 10 years, and they are already using prison labour. however, if trump wants to ramp this up, he needs a lot of slave labour, and he needs it fast. vagracy laws are how he's going to get it, by mimicking the vagrancy laws of the jim crow era.

you may expect something like a vagrancy law passed soon, that rounds up homeless people and puts them to work in factories for american tech or clothing companies.

in canada, we don't have private prisons and we don't allow slavery by imprisonment under the 13th amendment loophole, so we don't have a legacy of jim crow laws, and we don't have a prison-industrial complex or a school to jail pipeline. in canada, prisons are publicly run and prison labour is strictly forbidden, so we have no incentive to keep people in jail; in canada, putting people in jail is an incredible strain on public resources, so we want to avoid it. in the united states, every body in jail is a source of tax revenue via the 13th amendment, so there is a strong incentive to maximize rather than minimize the number of people in jail.

the only way that the united states can really carry out reshoring it's industrial base is if it brings back slavery through the 13th amendment loophole by enslaving black people and immigrants via new jim crow laws.

i would suspect that what donald tump is doing in increasing policing in dc has more to do with finding ways to increase available slave labour in the prison system for companies he is trying to entice to return to manufacturing items in america, for national security reasons, than it does in trying to "reduce crime", which all science clearly states that increased policing does not do.

i support the french concept of secularism, which seeks to use the state as an institution to aggressively eliminate religion as a force of oppression and evil that has no redeeming qualities and should not be curated or maintained, and not the american concept of secularism, which is something stupid about not writing laws about religion. 

i am not a politician and do not intend to run for office, but if i did run for office, i would target all religions equally. 

i'm an artist that seeks to alter societal attitudes by persuasion.

while the initial bloodbath brought on by such a reign of terror, which is a historical event that i'm in strong support of, would be substantive, the full scale abandonment and abolition of all religion would result in an immediate, stark and permanent decrease in violent crime.

there's not any other way to get rid of these types of crimes other than to take religion head on as the sole cause of the problem.

the easiest, fastest and most effective way to deal with the issue of religious communities popping up in canada is to send the military police in to slaughter them all and to annihilate their communities by burning them down to the ground.

i strongly believe that.

if i were ever the leader of the country, i would do that as one of my first acts in power.

in the long run, i would make it a priority to remove the concept of "religious freedom", which is an orwellian contradiction in terms, from the country's constitution.

i have been relatively clear over a long period of time that i would support carpet bombing fundamentalist religious communities in canada, and would specifically support military action to burn down bountiful, bc.

there's an opportunity to address the conversation. the science is pretty clear that policing has no effect on crime rates, but rather that property crime is caused mostly by economic inequality and that violent crime is caused mostly by religion.

the issues that need to be addressed at the root cause of crime are the negative social effects of capitalism and religion. throwing police at the issue is a waste of money.

at best, what increased policing can do is put more people in jail, but that's not the same thing as reducing crime.

the news is trying to analyze donald trump's perception of washington dc as a scary place by comparing recent statistics, but it should know better than that.

trump is likely referencing statistics from the 1980s.

i don't support an independent palestinian state at this time. however, this group is not charged with any concrete material support for terrorism, but rather with vandalizing some raf planes. that is not a sufficient reason to restrict freedom of assembly.

groups should not be declared terrorist entities without clear, concrete evidence, and that is lacking here. not liking israel or criticizing israeli policy is not enough.

https://www.npr.org/2025/08/11/nx-s1-5498378/uk-police-say-more-than-500-people-arrested-in-pro-palestinian-events-over-weekend

the site has a large amount of human remains and is apparently quite obviously a burial site. if you look at nomadic societies that survived late, like those in mongolia, they will typically travel great distances to bury their dead in specific places. that seems to be it.

https://www.npr.org/2025/08/09/nx-s1-5492477/gobleki-tepe-archaeology

ok.

american media is starting to understand, finally. next, the canadian government needs to get it.

everybody in government at every level in canada should read this:

https://www.npr.org/2025/08/11/g-s1-81934/trump-tariffs-record-revenue

i want to point out that the israelis are claiming that they want to take over gaza to install a civilian government that is neither hanas nor fatah, and that they are not intending to permanently govern. i was misled by misleading canadian news reports into thinking the latter.

however, i don't think this is possible.

what israel might be able to potentially do is install an israeli puppet state for long enough to set up elections. if this israeli puppet state, with nominal arab leadership under israeli control, can set up a police force and system of taxation, it might be able to salvage something.

however, this will require active suppression. gazan citizens will realize what is going on and fight it, whether they call themselves hamas or fatah or islamic jihad or something else. this will functionally just be a recreation of the ongoing civil war, which is what tel aviv is trying to prevent from happening.

there's not a way to eliminate hamas without removing the entire population and screening it back in and the egyptians need to be taking initiative on it.

ai is not new at all.

this is an example of how conan invented ai in the 90s:

this technology was actually pioneered by conan o'brien in the 90s.

https://www.bbc.com/news/videos/cly628xx6e9o

donald trump does know he's going to hell, right?

it'll be just a few more years, too.

somebody should tell him, to make sure he knows.

while he's at it, mr. trump should launch a new manhatten project to develop technology to force a camel through the eye of a needle.

maybe some of the christian republican leaders can explain why they endorsed a guy that spends his sunday mornings playing golf and harassing the homeless.

he has no authority to order the homeless to move.

he should be charged with criminal harassment.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/aug/10/trump-homeless-golf-course-washington-dc

how am i feeling?

i spent all day scraping dead skin and clogged pores off of my face and it is getting substantively better. at some point, i just have to put soap on it and let it sit, which is what i did around 9:00 am. i have an absurdly deep ingrown on my cheek that is going to be 4 inches long when i finally get it out and is 90% of the problem because it's sewing my face shut. i have a lot of baby fat and it makes me look half my age. this stupid ingrown is making my skin look skeletor tight. i don't understand why rich people get their skin flattened, it makes them look older, not younger. young people have baby fat, they don't have tight skin. old people have tight skin.

i did not eat last night, again, and slept on an empty stomach. i slept entirely limp, as i should.

i don't think ketosis is in any way healthy, but i want to flip my habits over. for right now, it is probably a better idea for me to eat when i wake up. the reason my schedule got weird like this is that i'm trying to cook overnight because i have an overnight electricity plan; it's cheapest from 11:00 pm to 7:00 am. my schedule got all circled around and messed up as a result of that, and i started eating before bed instead of when i got up. i should try to fix that.

so, i'm going to be going to bed without eating on a regular basis and eating when i wake up. that should help mitigate anything they might get into my food by giving me the opportunity to burn it off when i;m awake.

depending on what happens with my hair tonight, i think i should be able to get out to do things tomorrow. if not, it should be the next day. i have a number of things that need to get done this week.

so let me update this again up to today and for the next few, as i wake up and get going:

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.

- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine

- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon

- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise

- june 20th: caesar salad without subs

- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad

- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets

- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs

- june 24th: caesar salad without subs

- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa

- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai

- june 28th: broccoli soup

- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise

- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).

- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.

- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.

- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.

- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.

- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)

- july 10th: pasta with minor subs (1), third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips

- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips

- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs (2)

- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs (3)

- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs (4)

- july 15th: i ate most of the 14th pasta on the 15th and followed it with the remaining baby cookies (which are actually french butter cookies, not baby cookies. they look like baby cookies). i did not make pasta for the 15th.

- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)

- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)

- july 18th (on the 19th):  pasta with minor subs (7)

- july 19th (on the 20th): cereal (one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and an apple)

- july 20th (on the 21st): pasta with minor subs (8)

- july 21st (on the 22nd): pasta with minor subs (9)

- july 22nd: cereal day 2 in cycle 2 (final cycle 2 cereal day): one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and two apples, one in the oatmeal and one standalone.

- july 23rd: cereal day 1 in cycle 3

- july 24: pasta with minor subs (10)

- july 25: cereal day 2 in cycle 3, same as 22 and 23, with the addition of 6 mini apple sauce containers.

- july 26: pasta with minor subs (11)

- july 27th - guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white bread with plum better.

- july 28th: pasta with minor subs (12)

- july 29th: guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white toast with olive oil margarine, and then two pieces of white bread with plum butter after. four more pieces of white bread, with plum butter and strawberry jam. 

- july 30th: pasta with minor subs (13), including fried chicken for salami.

- july 31st: a larger piece of fried chicken alone. pasta with minor subs (14), including a mix of buffalo and chicken for salami. six pieces of white bread for peanut butter and strawberry jam.

- aug 1st: four pieces of white bread and the rest of the peanut butter. quinoa without subs (on aug 3rd).

- aug 2nd: four marshmallows, two bananas and a chocolate bar. quinoa without subs (on aug 3rd).

- aug 3rd: pasta with minor subs (15), including the buffalo/chicken mix for salami (on aug 4th). two pieces of toasted italian bread.

- aug 4th: bacon and eggs (no salsa) (on aug 5th)

- aug 5th: pasta with minor subs (16), including the buffalo/chicken mix for salami. two pieces of toasted italian bread. (on aug 6th)

- aug 6th: guac with yellow pepper, homemade hot sauce and canned corn (on aug 7th).

- aug 7th: monterrey jack tuna salad melt with bowl of cilantro lime monterrey jack rice (on aug 8th).

- aug 8th: pasta with minor subs (17), homemade hot sauce and bacon for salami (on aug 9th)

- aug 9th: guac with yellow pepper, homemade hot sauce and canned corn wth cilantro lime monterrey jack rice (on aug 10th).

- aug 10th: bacon and eggs (no salsa) (on aug 11th)

- aug 11th: pasta with minor subs (18), homemade hot sauce and bacon for salami (late on aug 11th or early on aug 12th)

ugh.

so, this is what you do.

you get little marco on the phone with mubarak sisi and you tell him that egypt is getting cut off unless they take responsibility and deal with the issue.

they will do it. they are reliant on us aid.

https://www.nbcnews.com/world/middle-east/gaza-aid-drops-starvation-israel-hamas-war-invasion-rcna224029

mr. carney,

i know that you are new to politics, but when you speak about issues like gaza in strictly normative terms, you should not be attempting to speak on behalf of the country. the prime minister's office does not determine normative values, not by proclamation, and not by order in council. democratic societies do not legislate normative concepts of morality, that is only done in authoritarian systems of governance.

you are a private citizen and, like any other, you are entitled to your opinion on the issue of gaza, and on any other. you speak for yourself. you do not speak for me, and you do not speak on behalf of the country. that is not your role or function, in our constitutional democracy.

thank you,

jessica

trump is certainly making some bad social, cultural and economic decisions, but american hegemony is deep and entrenched. he's only got three more years to fuck that up, and he doesn't last that long.

conversely, whoever is making geostrategic decisions in the white house right now (it is likely not actually donald trump) is reversing decades of systemic strategic error that set in during the bush administration. why didn't the pentagon seek to work with israel to contain iran like it's doing now in the first place? it tried to conquer iraq and afghanistan,which was stupid. the nuclear deal that obama signed was a face-saving strategy to hide the fact that the russians walked in after that, and once the russians set up those missile defense systems, america had no choice but to adjust.

the recent movements in armenia, in lebanon and in syria are smart containment decisions.

the tariffs are stupid. the anti-woke bullshit is stupid. the immigration policy is mostly stupid. the abortion policy is stupid.

the recent geopolitical strategy is not stupid. whatever neo-kissinger is in there making choices is making good choices and knows what they're doing.

what america is doing is leaving europe behind and moving on.

this is a big, positive shift and long overdue.

the lebanese have historically tried to avoid fighting with these muslim groups, and while it may have been their best choice in the dark ages, it's gotten them nowhere in recent decades.

it is great to see the lebanese take some initiative in governing themselves. as weber said, the state needs a monopoly on force.

https://www.france24.com/en/middle-east/20250805-lebanon-tasks-army-with-securing-a-monopoly-on-arms-in-challenge-to-hezbollah

see, i would believe that brigitte macron was transgendered if i didn't know she isn't (she has children) because she basically presents herself like a drag queen. her problem is that she's a 72 year old that has aged very poorly. her hair is awful. she has awful skin. and she wears shoulder pads, which went out of fashion before i was born.

the president of france is an odd duck. he apparently initially was dating her daughter, who is closer to his age, but started fucking her mom, instead. i could imagine how that went, initially. she's apparently ok with it now.

the ramification is that macron apparently has no plans to have his own children because he's sticking with this woman who has now aged past him and into retirement age. who am i to judge?

america is supposed to be the empire around here.

but, it's the chinese that are dividing and conquering.

up until now, the winner of a pointless war between russia and the west has been china. if the americans are extracting themselves from it and instead positioning themselves to sell arms, perhaps to both sides, they are repositioning themselves from a losing to a winning position.

my concern has been that it's impossible for america to win a war against china without russian support, and that the actual fact is that the russians want to align with the west, not with china, which is in their benefit and something they should take advantage of. we've been forcing them to align against us, and it's been shooting ourselves in the foot and not in our self-interest.

for the americans to just get up and walk away like this in a way that allows them to potentially salvage a relationship with the russians in any future chinese containment operations is making a clear choice that the russians are more strategic and more valuable allies in a war against china than europe is, even if it means europe aligns with china as a result, and potentially because the calculation is that it's inevitable that the germans are going to align with the chinese, anyways.

this isn't ideal. the ideal is that you want a western bloc that includes russia and india that can be used to contain china. this war in the middle of europe is the result of joe biden being an idiot and vladimir putin being an equal idiot and the two of them falling for the chinese bait, which worked splendidly. there was a lingering ideological position on the american right that has shifted to the democratic party since hillary clinton that the new american century had to include the destruction of russia, and they walked right into the trap the chinese set for them. the result has been disastrous for everybody, except china.

trump is probably right that the russians are the more valuable ally against the chinese. however, this doesn't need to be done so fast. there is time to salvage the whole west and prevent it from splintering or partially realigning with china.

nato was on the brink of irrelevance because it had no enemy. the enemy was in the pacific, not the atlantic. washington was trying to pivot. ukraine undid that by stoking tensions that are legitimate.

at some point, nato countries are going to need to understand that there is no value in having missiles pointed at moscow, and this kind of war is the only possible outcome of that policy. if putin is demanding that nato dismantle the missiles pointed at his heartland to stop this war so that the west can unite and focus on it's enemy, which is the east, it should do it.

i think the point the americans are making is that if the europeans want to fight the russians on this then they're on their own and will have to start buying their own weapons, and i agree with the american position and would like to see canada shift to it.

a protracted war between the eu and russia is not in the eu's self-interest and will result in radical electoral shifts across many of it's key nations.

https://www.euronews.com/2025/08/09/ukraine-and-europe-counter-russian-ceasefire-proposal-that-suggests-giving-up-territory

again, i don't think we should punish ourselves by snowing ourselves in. have you ever been to ottawa in february? i don't recommend it. i remember walking to school past 20 foot snowbanks, and it's really hard to cross the street when you can't tell if there's anything coming at you or not on the other side of the snow. it's a barely inhabitable city.

go south for the winter if you can. don't punish yourself. it's not worth it.

canada's economic and social and political response needs to be to advance our self-interest, whatever it is, and not to try to hurt the americans in retaliation. this, too, shall pass. it's a few more months, and trump is gone.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/ottawa/article/statistics-show-increase-in-canadians-travelling-to-us-from-ottawa-airport/

the news reports keep talking about a texas flood, and i just want to tell them that if you couldn't stand the weather you shouldn't be living where the sky is crying.

everybody i want to cite in this joke is dead.

canada is in many ways the last remaining colonial state, and this reflects a brutally colonial mentality.

this is why the legal process and the court system isn't a democracy, but is rather governed by principles of law. the idea of indigenous rights is not understood well by most canadians, and their legal rights and their property rights (in some cases) cannot be extinguished by plebiscite. that's what the americans did, and our rejection of that approach is a defining difference between us, and makes us superior.

it's helpful to understand where the population is, but it really has no legal relevance.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/article/canadians-prioritize-national-infrastructure-projects-over-potential-pushback-nanos/

the government should launch a bible buy-back program to get the dangerous literature off of the street. it shouldn't be burned, exactly. i want future historians to have bibles they can cite for research. the idea is that we should have an enlightenment, an awakening, where we realize that this is a shitty book with shitty morals and shitty ideas and shitty teachings and we should voluntarily just fucking get rid of it, and especially that we should keep our kids away from it. 

rather, it should be warehoused somewhere, with limited access, perhaps the same place we store guns that have been bought back. you should need to have academic credentials to get in to read it.

it could be called the "god and guns" warehouse, and funded with an lcbo down the street.

the importance of greenland is paramount. even kramer knows it.

"hey, well, we're playing a game here, pal."

how am i feeling?

this morning was weird. i did not intend to sleep. i wanted to rest my legs and get up to eat. i did pass out around 7:00. they woke me up a few times, the last time around 11:00, feeling very minimally agitated. 

i wouldn't even describe this as ten seconds. i'd describe this as increased blood flow, maybe even due to high progesterone. however, it hung on after i got up to urinate and, without causing any actual effects, was painful enough to prevent me from going back to sleep.

i had to roll over and think this through.

i hadn't eaten in 30+ hours. forget about food, then. i was metabolizing fat. i know that we store lots of toxins in our fat tissue, and it's a different way that carrying around extra fat, or extra muscle, or extra weight in general, is a health risk. mercury, for example, builds up in your fat deposits. so i rolled over and checked it and steroids do actually build up in your fat tissue.

it follows that if i was in ketosis due to not eating this morning, i was releasing the steroid toxins that were stored in my body fat, as i was metabolizing it. the results would be similar to eating something that had been drugged. i was being drugged by my own fat cells.

this indicates the potential problems and complications associated with drugging somebody. it's true enough that i would now have toxic testosterone molecules sitting in my my body cells, and it's going to take months or years to truly get rid of it. in the short run, i want to make sure i'm eating enough to prevent myself from burning stored tissues, until i can get to burning more of it off with cardio, which i'd hope should just excrete the toxic steroids through urine.

sure enough, i made some pasta and fell back to sleep to get the rest i missed this morning and i woke up perfectly limp, as i should. i was no longer in ketosis, i was now metabolizing the food i just ate.

i think i've got this problem figured out.

i bought a 1.5 L jug of grapefruit juice and a 3 L jug of orange juice at the same store at the same time. they're the same brand, even.

the amount of sugar, per serving, is the same - 21 or 22 g per 250 ml.

there is a warning on the orange juice, but not the grapefruit juice. why?

because the grapefruit is a 1.5 L jug and the orange juice is a 3 L jug, so the jug of orange juice has twice as much total sugar.

when labeling is this stupid, it creates ignorance and confusion. it does the opposite of what it's supposed to. frankly, i can read the ingredients, and i don't need a misleading label to confuse me. this system should be abolished outright.

"ukraine doesn't have any cards."

you think ukraine is game?

if ukraine wants to keep fighting a losing war, i guess that's up to them. however, it's increasingly looking like they'll have to buy weapons from europe to do it.

if i were putin, i wouldn't think it makes sense to stop now. ukraine is weak. russia should have prioritized getting to the dnieper from the start.

the americans should be able to hold the strip of land.

but they're going to need to do some shooting against who knows what appears.

this is going to cause a ripple effect, as it blocks iran off from russia and limits china's ability to move goods through iran. the iranians have succeeded in preventing this up to now.

we'll see if it lasts.

i would hope that the implication is that the russians are cluing in to who they're really fighting against.

https://www.politico.com/news/2025/08/08/trump-peacemaker-azerbaijan-armenia-00501073

"if we were secular humansts, we wouldn't be able to sing carols at christmas"

sure you would! you're mostly singing pagan hymns, anyways. those reindeer are norse gods.

i will stand up for your right to singing childish songs at whatever age, whether you believe in it or not.

the longer that people that don't really believe it continue to drag this awful iron age book around, the stronger the threat that people will take it seriously again one day. if you actually agree with me that the bible is a threat to human freedom, then put the book on the shelf in the library, leave it for curators and walk away from it.

why not just drop the bullshit and be secular humanists?

don't get me wrong. i'd rather have less violent religionists than more violent religionists, even if it's a desperate and wrong-headed attempt to regain relevance.

but whatever these people are preaching, it doesn't seem to be the bible.

why bother calling yourselves christians at all?

this is a cynical pr move to reverse declining membership. i actually think it's backwards. the fire and brimstone sells more dues and fills more pews.

but does anybody even know where these people get their theology from nowadays?

it doesn't appear to be christian dogma, which is clear that the fags are going to hell.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/calgary/article/united-church-of-canada-issues-apology-to-lgbtq-community/

what is actually important in a health context is that 100% of the sugar in a mars bar is refined, and 0% of the sugar in a glass of orange juice is refined.

a mars bar has about 30 g of refined sugar. a glass of orange juice has no added sugar at all.

it is actually true that a big grapefruit would have more total sugar than a mars bar, but a mars bar has more added sugar and that's what the system should be concerned about. i'm actually trying to rationalize my argument, as you eat a chocolate bar all at once. you don't drink a 3 L container of juice at once. 

the glycemic index is more important:

mars bar - glycemic index of 62, glycemic load of 20

grapefruit  - glycemic index of 25, glycemic load of 4

3 L jug of orange juice - glycemic load of 125, but you don't drink it at once

500 ml glass of orange jucie - glycemic index of 40, glycemic load around 15

glycemic index of 55 or lower is low.

you should eat the grapefruit, unless you just had a blood test and fasted the last 15 hours.

these food label warnings introduced by the trudeau government are baffling dumb and should be outright abolished.

as an example, there is a sugar warning on orange juice and no sugar warning on a chocolate bar i bought the other day after a blood test. the reason is that the test doesn't appear to differentiate between natural and added sugar. the 3 L container of orange juice would perhaps have more total sugar than the 100 g chocolate bar, but that is of no relevance to anybody's health. no health body has ever suggested orange juice is going to give you diabetes or make you fat. it's one of the most healthy substance available, and it's glycemic index is quite low.

this system would tell you to eat a mars bar instead of a grapefruit.

in addition to garlic face, my scalp smells like vinegar. it's enough that conditioner interacts with it and alters the smell of the product. i wasn't cooking with coconut and hot sauce tonight, i was just washing my hair with moisturizing conditioner.

that was a long shower and i needed it. i'm not done yet. my face is clearing back up, but my hair is going to need a few more days of five hour shampoo & conditioner baths to recover from getting bleached with steroid sweat. when i'm detoxed, my normal sweat has a lot of estrogen and acts as a cleanser; this dirty poison steroid sweat makes me filthy, all around. yuck.

i'll just have to do that again tomorrow. and the next night. and again until it's done.

i haven't eaten yet, but i'm kind of exhausted from the shower.

my hair is certainly better than it was a few hours ago.

mensa international generates about 15 million dollars in annual revenue.

https://rocketreach.co/american-mensa-profile_b5c6e821f42e0cdf

i was holding on to a little constipation for much of today. i pooped it out this evening and i'm feeling fully cleared out and pretty stable.

i bought a lot of bacon last time i was out for the poutine, but the poutine is hot and sour soup based, and i still need to eat through these red peppers before they rot. there's two big ones and a fair amount of mini ones left, then two yellows and a bowl full of orange peppers. the potatoes are still ok. i don't have enough avocadoes left and need to buy more soon, so i should focus on using those items up and plan around getting to the blood lab for a clean test as soon as i can, maybe even as soon as monday. 

i did dye my hair. it's very bleached. i tried to let the conditioner sit in it and it just dried right out and frizzed up. as mentioned previously, i know that the sweat i'm producing when drugged with steroids is having a devastating effect on my hair, so i've been waiting this out a little. i have to detox first, and then wash my hair. i can take the status of my hair as a good indicator of whether i've cleared my system out.

i still have a lot of pasta to eat and that's the best way to eat the ingredients i still have, for at least a few more days. what i'm going to do is make some pasta with bacon instead of bison or chicken, which can stay in the freezer, and homemade hot sauce. i know the homemade hot sauce is fine. i know the bacon is fine. if the pasta still triggers me after thst, i'll have to look at other causes to isolate and neutralize.

i'm still waiting for a call from a seconder for my srs letter. i'll be talking to my doctor again in a few days and intend to bring that up.

the thing about the heat in this region this summer is that it hasn't been extreme. it's been constant. in recent years, we've sometimes had these heat domes sink in, but they lift, and then you get a week of below seasonal weather. it balances out to a 27 or 28 degree average, but what that means here is that sometimes it's 35 and sometimes it's 24.

this year, it's been above seasonal pretty much every single day, but it hasn't swung into any extreme heat events. the hottest days have been under 35. we haven't come close to 40.

my perception is that this should consequently actually be interpreted as a cold summer, relative to the new normal, which is the old normal cranked up several degrees. if this was 30 years ago, it would be a summer where every day is 25, and without heat swings.

i wish i was able to go out and enjoy the weather but i've instead been dealing with these losers drugging me with garbage hormones in a conscious attempt to make me unattractive and depressed. i like this weather. i want to go out to all night dance parties in detroit and have fun. i can't. i'm stuck yelling at disgusting losers to smoke their drugs away from the house.

one of the biggest problems that needs to be dealt with in trying to save gaza, and why i've decided it's not worth it, is the overwhelming level of brainwashing. the level of de-nazification required to do something useful with the inhabitants of the gaza strip in the future is so overwhelming as to be futile.

it's better that egypt figures out what to do with them.

and they kind of need to deal with the fact that this is imminent, whether they like it or not. it's overdue. it's always been egypt's problem, and egypt has been negligent for decades in not dealing with it.

the imminent permanent destruction of gaza is meted out justice.

history will exonerate israel.

there are periodic examples through history of cities and societies that make terrible decisions and get utterly destroyed as punishment. gaza is in a list. it's not unique.

it deserved it.

gaza delenda est.

gaza is over. deal with it.

egypt needs to accept them.

population of egypt: 117 million.

population of gaza: 2.5 million

i would support forcibly relocating gazans to somewhere you can feed them in principle, to get them out of the way so the idf can annihilate hamas. it's harsh, but it's life. it's necessary. they'll thank you when they're fed.

but, cattle prodding them into a summer camp on the egyptian border doesn't sound like that at all.

it sounds like they're shoving them out of the way so trump can build his resort.

i slept well enough and woke up feeling stable. it's also largely clearing up. the female hormone bath is also having a bit of a positive effect on my figure that is reminding me what i used to and ought to look like :).

a last piece of kind of weird evidence is that i'm washing off this absurd garlic face. does garlic face make sense, if you put the steroids in a garlicky vinegar solution? i dunno. it's worth noting.

of what relevance is a pilot's gender?

the american tax payers trained these people and they perform an important service to the nation. it's the kind of foot-shooting that we most recently saw in stalinist russia and that leads to cultural collapse.

the united states could have more well trained pilots, or it could have less and it chose the latter to uphold specious bigotry. cultures that make decisions this stupid don't survive.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/transgender-air-force-1.7603653

elmo has had some outbursts before, you know.

don't let him trick you into thinking otherwise. 

elmo's a bad motherfucker.

here's my tuna melt. let's hope i'm ok after.

- i forgot i had instant rice. i was going to eat it with the guac. again, i'd never buy this.

- it's earthly grains 90 second cilantro lime rice.

- you microwave it for 90 second and let it sit. i did.

- in a microwavable bowl, open a can of tuna

- this tuna is bpa free. i didn't make that choice. it's also dated to august, 2024.

- i will occasionally buy tuna or fish, but i'm extremely skittish about the mercury. i'd rather eat freshwater fish from an indoor farm. fish are unusually stupid creatures. that doesn't mean it's ok to torture them, but i wouldn't be concerned about their quality of life. cows are comparably brilliant and will appreciate an open plain. i don't think fish give a fuck, although it's very hard to force them to breed in captivity. i wouldn't be overly concerned about depressed trout, unless it's kilgore or a masked replica.

- put some hot sauce in there

- add some cumin, some black pepper, some oregano, some paprika, some hemp seeds and some nutritional yeast.

- add some fresh garlic and some fresh dill

- add an avocado and a mini bell or hot pepper (i used orange)

- add some ceasar dressing

- mix it up good

- you'll need three pieces of bread. 

- don't be stupid. use whole wheat or whole grain bread.

- put the tuna salad mix on the bread

- put four or five slices of monterey jack on the tuna on each piece of bread.  i actually used jalapeno monterrey jack.

- put in microwave for 90 seconds

- put the rice in the bowl you used for the tuna

- add five slices of monterrey jack

- microwave for 30 seconds, if necessary

- add hemp seeds, nutritional yeast, ceasar

- stir

- this should be gooey and yummy

i'm eating it with a glass of orange-grapefruit juice.

i'm using my blog as a word processor yet again.

this document is being prepared both for police and for use in a t2 application against my current landlords. it is also relevant for lingering legal processes related to my previous tenancy. it still remains unclear if one of the stalkers is one of the previous owners or not, as i do not know their identity.

the police are not responding the way i'd like them to. i'm bringing up serious issues of stalking, forced drugging, conversion therapy and third-degree rape, and they're concerning themselves with the triviality of whether religious people found my report to be offensive, as though that is of paramount importance rather than my accusations of assault, and like i'm supposed to give a fuck, anyways. i may have to fight with them in order to overpower an inherently conservative systemic viewpoint, but the conclusion is abundantly clear and becoming more clear. a part of the reason i'm sending these emails out is that i understand i need a little help and i'm hoping i can convince somebody with some information to come forward and talk to police about it. i consistently tested in the 99th percentile on iq tests in school, and would probably qualify for mensa if i was dumb enough to pay for the dues, but this is an impossible problem for anybody to solve on their own, and i understand that. 

this is a good way to describe being dumb enough to pay your mensa dues, in my opinion:

i'm not wile e. coyote.

i think some levity is helpful. it keeps your arteries clear.

i don't have a choice, i have to fight back and flounder and fail until the issue gets resolved. my interaction with a substantive percentage of police has been that they don't think conversion therapy should be a crime, they think being transgendered should be a crime. they think conversion therapy should be the law. they've told me this to my face, and their reports, when they've been written, have expressed this - i've been accused of having mental health issues or being on drugs, without the slightest bit of evidence for either suggestion. well, that's what the religious authorities would mandate, so it comes down to their depth of faith, and whether they prioritize the value and purpose of secular or religious law, and what i'm trying to draw attention to is that the police force in windsor, and probably in many other places in ontario and canada, has a serious and growing issue to grapple with in dismantling how police officers interpret the conflict of interest they may have between the laws enforced by their religion and the laws as written by secular society when those things come into conflict. quebec is a half century ahead of us on this. as a staunch secularist, i have no patience for the idea of police officers enforcing their religious views on me and could not uphold the legitimacy of a state that is careening in that direction, as ours appears to be. that would be a system that needs to be fought against and dismantled and torn down and ripped out at the root, as our ancestors have done time and again in the course of various revolutionary events. the reality of religion inserting itself as a force of oppression is just a third layer to put on top of the uphill battle in front of me in getting an inherently, systemically macho, toxicly masculine, misogynist, transphobic, male supremacist institution (the police) to take me seriously when i complain about being drugged with steroids and taunted and harassed afterwards. then, i need to deal with a different set of conservative biases in the court. this is a very, very hard issue for a self-represented person on disability to stand up for their rights regarding. but, this law against conversion therapy was passed for a reason, even if this is the most absurdly oppressive way it is required imaginable. this couldn't be more brutal, it couldn't be worse. the state, at some level, recognized my rights are fragile and need extra protection. now, it needs to get enforcement to act. the brazen way in which i'm being drugged is just contributing to how unbelievably vicious the situation is.

i had previously indicated there were two results i needed to update you with:

- testosterone (urine)

- ketones (blood)

my blood ketones came back undetectable, but it wasn't the test i was hoping for. this test only tested for a specific ketone, acetoacetate. the reason is that the test is intended to catch diabetes at a dangerous stage, and i have zero symptoms of diabetes. the symptoms i have are of being drugged with anabolic steroids. this test was not as useful as i guessed and i won't do it again.

the testosterone in urine test is no longer performed in ontario, or covered by ohip. again, the reason for this is that the testosterone testing is not intended to catch involuntary doping. to be clear: if i was looking to catch doping, i would want to do a urine test, which is why i asked for one and why my doctor gave me a req for one, but catching doping is not (usually) a health care related test, so the system no longer offers it. i might be able to get it done at a hospital.

google explains:

what i want is sports testing to catch doping, which is urine and not blood, but that's not health care, so it's not covered or even available at any public labs in ontario.

i had a time window to catch this on saturday, aug 2nd that had closed by tuesday, aug 5th, the day after the holiday on aug 4th. so it doesn't matter, this time. i'll have to see what i can do about this if it happens again.

to recap:

- i had blood work done on july 7th that barely caught the tail end of something, but had strange creatinine and ketone results, which are suggestive of anabolic steroid use.

-  i went out a few times on the 7th, 8th and 9th but had to stay in on the 10th, as the secondary symptoms began to worsen.

- these had largely cleared up within about a week.

- on july 23rd, i left the house to get a blood req for a few hours in the evening.

- after july 23rd, until july 31st, i started repeatedly having auras associated with hemiplegic migraines, but without the migraines. i know from recent experience that this is a symptom of being drugged and a precursor to experiencing effects. 

- i eat once a day, usually, and sip coffee and water through the day. i have been keeping track of my diet recently. the bolded items contained hot sauce.

- july 16th:.  pasta with minor subs (5)  

- july 17th:  pasta with minor subs (6)

- july 18th (on the 19th):  pasta with minor subs (7)

- july 19th (on the 20th): cereal (one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and an apple)

- july 20th (on the 21st): pasta with minor subs (8)

- july 21st (on the 22nd): pasta with minor subs (9)

- july 22nd: cereal day 2 in cycle 2 (final cycle 2 cereal day): one bowl of vector and all bran with paprika, flax, nutritional yeast, hemp seeds and soy, as per my normal diet and one bowl of instant oatmeal with a little real milk and two apples, one in the oatmeal and one standalone.

- july 23rd: cereal day 1 in cycle 3

- july 24: pasta with minor subs (10)

- july 25: cereal day 2 in cycle 3, same as 22 and 23, with the addition of 6 mini apple sauce containers.

- july 26: pasta with minor subs (11)

- july 27th - guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white bread with plum better.

- july 28th: pasta with minor subs (12)

- july 29th: guac with white rice and canned corn. two pieces of white toast with olive oil margarine, and then two pieces of white bread with plum butter after. four more pieces of white bread, with plum butter and strawberry jam. 

- july 30th: pasta with minor subs (13), including fried chicken for salami.

- july 31st: a larger piece of fried chicken alone. pasta with minor subs (14), including a mix of buffalo and chicken for salami. six pieces of white bread with peanut butter and strawberry jam.

- i have a detailed, carefully researched diet plan that this list references and that i adhere to very closely in normal scenarios. i am not in a normal scenario and have had to eat around my diet plan based on availability.

- i don't normally eat this much pasta, but i have been getting food from the food bank recently and they gave me large amounts of ingredients that i would use to make pasta with, like red peppers, processed tomatoes, italian breads, broccoli and even processed pesto, in addition to lots of pasta, itself. it made sense to put all of the food bank food together into good pasta meals for a month. i bought extra ingredients like hot sauce, avocados, beets, carrots and cheese to eat around all of these pasta ingredients.

- i feel the need to post the pasta and guac recipes so it's clear what i'm eating.

pasta

pre-prep

- on a large flat plate add -  one tomato (preferred) or four-five mini tomatoes or 100 g of canned tomatoes or 85 g of arrabiata pasta sauce or 85 g of dried boxed tomatoes, one half a red pepper (diced), one avocado (diced), two cloves of garlic, one carrot, one beet, one tbsp of oregano, one tbsp of thyme, one tbsp of basil, some fresh dill (chopped). add one tbsp of processed pesto (includes italian cheeses).

- chop 150 g of fresh pineapple into small squares on a small plate. i purchased four actual pineapples at reduced price at the grocery store across the street because they were ripe, which is a good thing (who wants crunchy pineapples? it's better if they're a little soft.). i should get around 900 g 750 g of usable fruit per pineapple. i've eaten 3 of 4 of these ripe pineapples and am about to go to pineapple 4 and they are in fact nice and soft. somebody at the store really didn't get it.

- peel and segment one lime. chop each segment in half. put on same plate.

- slice and chop up 50 g of salami into small squares (i'm using spicy genoa sold in a 600 g amount). i finished the salami at pasta plate #12.  the food bank also gave me an unusual amount of frozen meat, which includes fried chicken and ground bison. 

- i fry the salami in olive oil margarine until a little crispy. i am cooking the bison the same way. the fried chicken is pre-cooked and i'm microwaving it.

- chop off the top of 25 g of broccoli florets and place on a small plate. place any stems in a bowl in the freezer, which is cumulative.

- grate 100 g of marble cheese

- weigh 110 g of dry pasta, preferably fettucine, but i will not be using fettucine for the foreseeable future. i went through three days of egg noodles and four days of fusilli. day eight will be half fusilli and half penne. it's been penne since and will be for a while still.

- cook to al dente in a covered pot.

preparation:

- add pasta on top of vegetables, right out of the pot. flatten pasta.

- add 1 tbsp of olive oil margarine on pasta.

- add pineapple and lime on top of that. flatten fruit.

- add salami or other meat on top of that. flatten meat.

- add 1 tbsp cumin, 1 tbsp nutritional yeast, 1 tbsp paprika, 1 tbsp hemp seeds, 1 tbsp sunflower seeds (or just chomp the last one). distribute these items evenly.

- add a lot of ceasar dressing (this is the pasta sauce), and bunch it up in the middle.

- add 1 tbsp of processed pesto

- add the grated marble cheese

- microwave for 2:00

- sprinkle crushed broccoli florets

- add frank's hot sauce, black pepper, a tbsp of cayenne pepper (sprinkled).

 

served with

- serve with some bread and olive oil margarine. the food bank gave me a lot of bread, including garlic cheese buns (first up), a baguette (second) and a loaf of unsliced italian bread (third), which i'm currently eating through.

- serve with tall glass of 25% grapefruit, 75% orange juice

guac

my normal guac is as follows:

- 2 avocados

- 4 cloves of garlic

- one carrot

- one beet

- one orange

- one lime

- spices & vitamins (cumin, hemp seeds, sunflower seeds, paprika, nutritional yeast, dill)

- ten slices of medium cheddar cheese

- caesar dressing

- frank's hot sauce

this would normally be half of a meal. i have been supplementing this as noted, with corn and white rice.

i also ate some bread with two types of jam over this week.

- during the week of july 23rd-30th, i repeatedly woke up listening to the stalkers talking to me, but it had no direct effect on me that i could notice. it was clear that they were expecting some effect, but all that i noticed was the auras associated with the headaches. i documented this with police. i would ask police to check the call records from my phone number.

- around 5:00 am on july 30th, i ate a large plate of pasta (as per the above recipe) that had cut pieces of frozen fried chicken in place of salami. 

- at about 00:00 on july 31st, i microwaved and ate a piece of frozen fried chicken.

- i took a long shower over night.

- at about 6:00 am, i ate another large plate of pasta (as per the above recipe) that had both cut pieces of frozen fried chicken and fried ground buffalo in place of fried salami. the buffalo was fried in the same grease that i used to fry the salami, which had been left out when i went out on the 23rd.

- i slept around 7:00.

- i woke up at 8:00 to urinate and began to experience intense effects of being drugged, include a two hour 30%-priapism that was quite obviously chemically generated, given that i'm castrated and take t-blockers. it was not a full or even a half priapism, probably due to the t-blockers and estrogen in my system. this could not be explained any way other than drugs, even if i wasn't castrated. i documented this with police.

-  i had to sit in the shower for several hours before it resolved. the process was emotionally draining and left me exhausted. i went back to sleep.

- i woke up around noon in the same condition of 30% priapism and had to do the same thing.

- i planned to go to the blood lab right away on friday morning (august 1st), so i ate earlier than normal. instead of making pasta, i had peanut butter and jam sandwiches.

- the 30%-priapism didn't truly pass until the evening, and only after i defecated. it passed instantly on defecation, but it came back.

- my two guesses are that this was either the result of being drugged in my food or the result of breathing in second hand crack cocaine from a neighbour.

- i decided over night to wait a day to see if the priapism would fade as a result of not eating and what i experienced is that it kept coming back after defecation, but also the defecation kept resolving it. i decided to sleep it off over the day, instead.

- i woke up in the evening and ate four pieces of white bread and a half a jar of peanut butter before eight o'clock pm. 

- i was awake all night, fasting for the blood test.

- i had my blood tested at around 8:00 on aug 2nd.

- the results were as previously stated including 4x the normal testosterone result, but it was a day late because i was testing.

- except for some blood sugar to stay awake, i did not eat again until aug 3rd.

- my meals for the next few days were as follows. the bolded items contained hot sauce:

- aug 1st: four pieces of white bread and the rest of the peanut butter.

- aug 2nd: four marshmallows, two bananas and a chocolate bar. 

- aug 3rd: two bowls of quinoa without subs (one for aug 1st early in morning, one for aug 2nd around 7:00 am).

- aug 4th:  pasta with minor subs (14), including the buffalo/chicken mix for salami (for aug 3rd). two pieces of toasted italian bread. 

- i was out much of the day on aug 2nd. i did not eat, except the items mentioned.

- i noticed the secondary effects of the drugging become overwhelming on the afternoon of aug 2nd. however, i was exhausted and slept and actually slept well due to doubling up on the blockers, and woke up late at night without a priapism. 

- i made some quinoa around midnight when i woke up and ate it and made some more about 7:00 but went back to sleep before finishing it. i received my blood results when i woke up and wrote the previous document while i ate the first bowl of quinoa, early in the morning.

i need to share my quinoa recipe so what i'm eating is clear:

quinoa

- turn a burner on the stove on to full blast. highest setting. crank it to 11.

- measure a third a cup of quinoa and place it into a fine strainer. i use the basket from a broken coffee machine for this purpose. let it run under water for at least five minutes, moving it around every little while. the reason you rinse the quinoa is to remove the saponins, which may block the digestion of key nutrients.

- while the stove is preheating and the quinoa is rinsing, chop the following items and put it all into a big, serving bowl:

- one red pepper (or around 150 grams)

- one carrot (or around 110 grams)

- one beet

- 50 grams of broccoli florets

- one avocado

- two cloves of garlic

- one orange

- one lime

- when that is done, take the quinoa out of the strainer and put it into a sturdy pot

- add a tad more than 2/3 cups of water

- add a fair amount of frank's hot sauce. if you want to add other items to season, do it, but i just stick with the hot sauce.

- stir.

- put pot on stove and wait until it comes to a boil.

- when it's boiling, cover the pot.

- walk to your microwave and set it to 15 minutes.

- walk back to the stove and reduce the heat. i had a newer stove in my previous apartment, and i would set it to min. on my very old stove (70s) in this apartment, i set it to 3.

- while it is cooking, add the following to the bowl:

- a few strands of fresh dill

- 1 tbsp of paprika

- 1 tbsp of oregano

- 1 tbsp of sunflower seeds

- 1 tbsp of cayenne

- 1 tbsp of cumin

- a bunch of pepper

- 1 tbsp of hemp seeds

- 1 tbsp of nutritional yeast

- 10 slices of medium cheddar cheese

- a lot of ceasar dressing

- a lot of frank's hot sauce

- while you're getting used to your stove, check on the quinoa periodically to make sure it hasn't boiled all the water off. it's done when the water boils off. don't overcook.

- if there is still water after fifteen minutes, you didn't cook it at high enough temperature. that's ok. stir and let sit until water burns off.

- when it's done, remove from burner and let sit, covered, for five minutes.

- dump, hot, into bowl.

i eat the quinoa with a tall glass of fortified, sugar-free soy milk.

- after doubling up on the suppressors and sleeping well on the evening of the 2nd, and after eating one and a half quinoa meals with a lot of franks on the morning of the 3rd, they woke me up at about 9:30 am on aug 3rd with another priapism.

- i spent all day in the shower 

- i doubled up the suppressors again and then slept well in the evening. i woke up late on the 3rd.

- i made more pasta early on the 4th and had eaten most of it by 7:00 am. i did not sleep well, but it was because i was having several active bowel movements. as was the case previously, and has been the case for some time, the symptoms would recur and pass with defecating. i tried to sleep it off a little.

- i woke up in the evening and tried to figure this out. i found the article explaining that steroids are reabsorbed in the colon.

- i posted the following to my blog at 1:34 on aug 5th and it does contain some details but these are necessary and relevant:

--

- i finished eating around 20:00. it was the last bit of pasta and a couple of pieces of toasted italian bread. after eating the garlic cheese buns, i ate through the baguette and mostly ate the white bread with pb and jam and plum butter. i still have the loaf of italian bread, a loaf of whole wheat bread and a loaf of flax/quinoa bread i bought myself.

- i took a giant shit a few hours ago that cleared out the most recent pasta (it was after the giant quinoa shit). i just pushed out whatever was left as i was typing this.

- a few hours later, i doubled up on all of my hormones all at once - t-blockers, estrogen and progesterone. this is a lot of everything. my doctor would scream at me, but my liver and kidneys are testing ok, and i had to do this to test. this is intended to just overwhelm my system, and it might make me a little sick, but that's ok.

- i then masturbated, which i almost never do. it'd been about four months. ish. i don't like to masturbate because it's male performative. i won't get into the details, but i masturbate in a way that minimizes the male performative aspect as much as possible. it's actually fairly female performative. i cannot generally get erect at all, let alone maintain an erection, and masturbating is sort of weird for that reason. i have to kind of rub up against a mostly limp appendage. i don't usually ejaculate anything out when it's done and the fact that i did tonight is further proof that i've recently been drugged. anything i might do to negate this aside, the reality is that my anatomy is what it is and it's impossible to get around the male performative component, so i'd rather just avoid it altogether. when my testosterone is properly suppressed, i can and have gone months and months, perhaps years (i didn't keep track) without masturbation, but i have been drugged recently and i had to face the cold reality that, because i've been repeatedly drugged and haven't ejaculated in months, anything clogging up my system would be contributing to the problem, in terms of experiential effects. i did this to clear my system out. it should both make me feel better and help isolate sources, for testing. now that i'm completely cleared out, my body should have a difficult time generating anything further, unless i'm drugged again. 

- now, i need to be clear about this. when they removed my testicles, they removed both my sperm cells and my vas deferens, so i'm physically incapable of generating or ejecting any kind of sperm at all. however, i do still have a prostate and i do still have various tubes and ducts like the seminal vesicle that create the non-sperm parts of semen, like the lubricating fluid. what came out would actually be mostly sugar, and a bit of protein. once again, when my testosterone is properly suppressed, my body does not produce this fluid, either. however, i've been repeatedly drugged, and there was some fluid in my ducts for that reason. it's more proof that i've been drugged. i expelled that from my body, and it should make a positive difference.

- if i don't get drugged again, it should take months for this fluid to build back up to any substantive level, if it even does at all. if it builds back up quickly, it's evidence that the source of testosterone i'm being drugged with is in the air or in my food.

- i'm going to avoid eating for a while and see what happens.

i'm essentially clearing myself out as much as i can, radically shocking my system with a massive female hormone bath and then seeing what happens. do symptoms cease, indicating i have successfully detoxed and they'll have to get in here to drug me again? or do they continue, indicating it's in my food, or that i'm breathing it in?

for tonight, i'm going to try to clean up and finally get my hair dyed. the massive flush of estrogen will have other, beneficial side effects, as well.

if i notice continued symptoms of forced drugging, i will get to the lab on tuesday or wednesday. otherwise, i'm going to need to wait until what i just shocked my system with comes down a little.

--

i had the following meals over the next couple of days, the bolded with hot sauce:

- aug 5th: bacon and eggs (no salsa)  (for aug 4th)

- aug 6th: pasta with minor subs (15), including the buffalo/chicken mix for salami. two pieces of toasted italian bread. (for aug 5th)

- aug 7th: guac with yellow pepper, homemade hot sauce and canned corn. (for aug 6th)

- after shocking my system late on the 4th, i had bacon and eggs around 7:00 on the 5th and went to sleep in the morning.

- i slept most of the day.

- the stalkers woke me up several times, but did not succeed in generating any kind of unwanted aroused response.

- i did experience some strange effects and took some tums in the afternoon to block it. the calcium has frequently been effective in blocking unwanted effects.

- a bowel movement i had at 16:00 on the 5th seemed to clear out the remaining pasta and push out some of the bacon

- i was feeling stable and normal by the morning of the 6th. on some reflection and thought, i decided to have the pasta (with hot sauce and meat) right away, to test for a response.

- they woke me up at 10:00 am, but it was with a 10 second erection and not a priapism. this suggests dose was a factor. i doubled up on the hormones and went back to sleep and made an attempt to sleep it off by staying in bed until the afternoon. they woke me up again with a ten second erection and i doubled up on the hormones a second time around 14:00.

- i woke up around 16:00, still feeling somewhat agitated. i concluded it was because i hadn't passed the pasta yet, perhaps due to the tums taken the day previously.

- i deduced that this test proved that the drugs are in my food and that there are three possible sources: the hot sauce, the buffalo and the chicken. however, only the hot sauce makes any serious sense, as oral steroids are soluble in vinegar.

- i decided to take all three items out of my diet until i could get a clean blood test and posted the following to my blog at 21:16 on aug 6th:

--

i can put together a plan.

- i need to detox the poisonous testosterone from my system, first. this substance is shit. people that take this voluntarily are retards. i don't want it in my system. i'd remove my kidneys and inject myself with red blood cells instead if i could. it's a complete garbage hormone with complete garbage effects.

- once that's done, i can take a blood test that will demonstrate what my blood chemistry looks like normally, in the absence of this bullshit i'm being drugged with.

- then i can buy a bottle of hot sauce at the store and make meals with it, locking myself inside until it's done.

- i can take another blood test after that

i have to find a way to test the hot sauce. it looks like they went overboard to overpower my blockers, and that means it should be easier to test and catch. 

--

- a little before midnight, i made some homemade hot sauce out of some white vinegar, some cayenne pepper and some garlic salt. i'll be eating that for the next few days, until i'm sure i've detoxed out the testosterone.

- after midnight on aug 7th, i had a bowl of guac with added creamed corn and yellow pepper and with the homemade hot sauce as a sub.

- while i was woken up several times on the morning of the 7th in various states of agitation, they did not succeed in arousing me. i concluded this was due to the pasta not passing as a result of the tums, but the dose from a single meal not being high enough to generate substantive effects.

- the pasta did pass in the afternoon, and the agitation passed instantly with it.

i will be eating the following meals over the next few days and expect it not to generate any level of arousal when i'm sleeping. if i am wrong, i will need to recalculate. as stated, i am not a doctor, i am somebody with a high level of education that the system identified as a gifted child and that is trying my best to solve a very hard problem and can only do the best i can. 

i am strictly empirically driven. i will not allow theory to skew or distort experimental results. i will follow where ever the evidence leads me, as best and as clearly as i can follow it, to where ever it leads me to.

- aug 7th: monterrey jack tuna melt with homemade hot sauce. (on aug 8th)

- aug 8th: pasta with minor subs (16), homemade hot sauce and no salami sub.  (on aug 9th)

once i have thoroughly detoxed my system of testosterone, i will get tested again. i want there to be a recent, clean blood test on the record. that will be the next outcome, unless they drug me again via some other method first, which i will need to react to as it occurs.

on the afternoon of the 7th, i took some pictures of my hot sauce containers:

at the start of june, i bought the big container of hot sauce. i put large amounts of hot sauce on everything and keep used bottles of hot sauce in my cupboard to partition the product, as purchased in bulk. the large container produces about 7 bottles worth of the product for the cost of less than three in the store. it's better than half price.

i have been eating this product in huge quantities for 35 years and i've never noticed it separate like this:

i find that very suspicious.

it is possible that it might be vinegar, but i've never seen that before.

i do not know how to test the hot sauce for steroids. i have previously asked police, and they have indicated they would only sent something to the lab if they were looking for illegal drugs. i don't have the resources to afford an expensive lab test, and it's not clear to me who would have the proper kits or litmus papers to do it correctly.

rigorous scientific testing would be better, but what i have at my disposal is logic.