ok, so i've been going to the same handful of places for a month, and i'm starting to notice people eyeing me. i've had a few interesting responses from men. here's one...

"hey sweetheart can i borrow your.....oh, sorry dude, i thought you were a chick. haha. can i borrow your lighter, man?"
"actually, you were sort of..."
"sorry about that. can't believe i thought you were a chick, hahaha."

ugh.

that, i can sort of shrug off. ultimately, i don't really care. more annoying is getting the eye from women. on the one hand, i'm sort of used to that. on the other, i feel the need to say something.

trans people come in all different types. the stereotype of the gay male transvestite, though, is largely...well, i suppose it applies ok to gay men that like to dress up "like women" at bars, as though they're going to a costume party. it doesn't, however, apply well to people that identify as transgendered 24/7. we come in different types, but the statistical norm for trans-women is actually a very socially submissive personality type that is almost the opposite of aggressive flamboyancy.

it's ok if you think a trans person is cute, but giving them the eye that you give guys at bars is actually borderline oppressive, as it asserts a gender role from a distance. it sends a message of "i see through your disguise, and think you're a cute boy and want you to come to talk to me".

again, it's ok if you think a trans person is cute, but please try to be a little more thoughtful. i'm a very friendly and approachable person, but this heteronormative eye contact shit is not a game i want to play.