Jessica Amber Murray
computer?

ESA
yeah. when u want me to bring it.

you can have the rest of the weed that I found

Re: hi again

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: d’s email address

i do think he'd want you to have those discs.

i'm going to wait until i get to windsor and have thought about it more carefully before i make any kind of list. i'm not very focused right this minute. and, in all honesty, some of those discs may even have gotten mixed up into my own things. i should check that as well.

really, though, it's just those two zappa discs that are screaming out at me to find them...

j

(no subject heading)

From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

If you are doing anything today I need to know soon.

Re: hi again

From: d’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

Well after reading your 2 e-mails yesterday, I'm left with the following feelings.

1. You are making a great deal of assumptions.
2. You seem to have given yourself a great deal of self entitlement.

Now as for the CD's. I have a feeling you will be greatly disappointed since I likely do not have what you are looking for. You are correct, I do have some of your dads CD's. I do have a few prog things like the Flower Kings, Tomas Bolin, Spock's Beard, Pain of Salvation, Dream Theater. A few others would have been non-prog related such at Gary Moore, Robben Ford, Joni Mitchell. While I did take some discs, I also left a great deal of things since I already own a lot of what your dad had or have a burn of it already. What you should keep in mind is your dad has sold some of his discs and has also lent a lot of them them out over the past couple of years. I know this for a fact since he dropped a small box of CD's off at the Turning Point last year, I drove him. When I went through the disc's I notice a lot that were not there that I know he owned. Flower Kings, Allman Bros, Zappa, Yes, etc.. just to name a few. I don't believe he would sell these bands, so on loan seems more logical. At this point in time, I would recommend you send me a list of the specific discs you are looking for. If I happen to have taken any of these, I will consider mailing them to you in Windsor once you have moved there.

I want to thank you for the good chuckle that you gave me with the father/son analysis you seem to think your dad and I had. I've been in need of a good laugh lately. I have no intent on going into great details with you regarding the bond your father & I shared except to say that it was more brotherly than anything else. I can see how you got confused in your analysis since it could be viewed as a younger brother/older brother relationship since you seem to think age has some sort of relevancy here.

time to go out

ESA
Jess????

R u comi.g?

Jessica Amber Murray
sure

should i go now?

ESA
Lol i sent u like 8 msgs. Yeh im ready

Jessica Amber Murray
they didn't come through....i'll be there in a few minutes...

we decided i should gorge myself with multi-course hintonburger in private and meet up again later

ESA
hey u wanna meet like at 8:30 ?

or smtng

8 ?

I forgot to get u to buy smokes. plus I dunno if u wanna play risk.

that's usually when I stop being tired and headachy during the day

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i'm good for 8.

or 8:30

ESA
don't mattah

Jessica Amber Murray
i'll just be sitting here, so msg me whenever.

ESA
kk

yeah you live close.

the hintonburger is a fine meal.

ESA
hey jessica

i'm going to the bank and then the lcbo if u wanna come

it'll be fun!

in about 30 minute s

Jessica Amber Murray
actually, i wanna get one last hintonburger in me, so, yeah, i'll go.

ESA
what does that have anything to do with that?

i'm confused

are you having a going away party ?

Jessica Amber Murray
well, it's in the same general direction... no going away party...

ESA
hmrph

Jessica Amber Murray
??

ok, well, i'm having a smoke and then i'm shaving so msg me when you're ready.

ESA
i'm ready

been up for 6.5 hours already

lolll

practiced piano, went to church, cleaned out my cupboards. I gotta make up for lost time.

Jessica Amber Murray
you said a half hour, that gives me time to smoke and shave. so, i'll msg you in 20-30 minutes then :P

ESA
ok.

or just come in 20 or 30 minutes

are you gonna get a hintonburger after?

Jessica Amber Murray
i dunno, i'll get there eventually.

ESA
K i'm down with getting a corn dog later

Jessica Amber Murray
(to hintonburger eventually. i'll stop by after i shave)

ESA
except now i'm officially gluten free. Officially I threw out all the pasta and bread from myhouse.

no more pizza and burger and beer for me

Jessica Amber Murray
you're probably better off cutting out the doritos and cigarettes, but i'm always in support of people making more healthy lifestyle decisions.

ESA
no. its because i'm celiac. I don't have the 150 dollars to get tested for it,

but before I had the same symptoms Ive been having, and I cut out the gluten, and the symptoms stopped. but then being "gluten-free" became some sort of yuppie bullshit trend, so I started drinking beer and eating pizza.

Its either i'm celiac or I have colitis.

but like 90% sure its the first one.

And I wont be able to eat doritos either.

Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'll be there in a few minutes.

Jessica Amber Murray
ok, so what are the logistics regarding monday? it doesn't seem like i'm going to get a ride. i need to get myself and some stuff (it's not a lot of stuff) from here to the truck, somehow. so, my options are as follows: 1) i could take a taxi-van. that's fine, if it's easiest. 2) i could hope nana gets home in time and give me a lift. if not, taxi. 3) the truck could come here first. is it driving by here anyways? 4) the truck could come here second. given that we'd have to take the 417 to at least bayshore, it's pretty much on the way. i'll have everything packed - it'll take 10-15 minutes to get it downstairs and into the truck. any option is fine. obviously, i'd rather avoid paying the cab fare. just let me know what makes sense and what doesn't.

ok...

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address

i'm having trouble finding a ride.

i'm going to try to phone my grandmother again today. she's at her cottage, and it doesn't seem like leo is answering his cell. i know she'll be back on monday, but i'm not sure when. if i get a ride before then, i'll let you know, but it's not likely.

there are a few things that could work, but they all seem to get me there for monday around 5-6. the truck could maybe come here first; i need to get from here to there anyways. i don't know the logistics behind picking my mother up. my grandmother could be back in time. if she's not home by 4:45, i'll call a taxi-van and plan to be there for between 5:30 and 6:00.

...the point being that it doesn't seem likely at this point that i'll be able to get the stuff there before the general moving time.

j

minivan

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: <shuttlejetservices@gmail.com>

i'm just wondering if the minivan is more than the car (with you guys, and in general), and if you do flat rates or everything by the minute?

i need to get a handful of boxes and a table from hintonburg to leitrim, and i'm trying to do it as cheaply as possible.

j

an empty request, thrown out into the void

can you do me a major favour?

can you drive me to my dad's place tomorrow or monday? whatever time is good for you. well, before 12:00 (noon) on monday.

i need a lift, and nothing's panning out. i just need to get some boxes from here to there.

mmmmmaybe we could get a coffee after.

i'm leaving for windsor monday night.

forever.

j

translation: tensions with the russians are rising over multiple flashpoints in the area, so they're looking for an excuse to send in ground troops. the mercenaries they're funding are flat out losing in syria...

http://www.irishtimes.com/news/world/us/white-house-holds-high-level-meeting-over-security-threat-1.1484273

http://www.insidescience.org/content/liquid-droplets-reveal-clues-quantum-behavior/1349
http://medx.cc/294638665
http://bit.ly/15kqOzN

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/07/the-hole-in-our-collective-memory-how-copyright-made-mid-century-books-vanish/278209/

ok, so why did this get released?

scare tactic?

this is what happens when you fuck with us?

and why are they doing it?

humiliation?

it's right out of orwell, but it's nothing new. it's the same kind of shit the americans were doing in iraq. this is how the state maintains order in an uprising: intimidation. like the gang of armed thugs that they are.

i can never understand why they need to flaunt godwin's law like this. there's plenty of comparisons closer to home.

http://thelibertarianrepublic.com/brazilian-police-line-naked-protesters-against-wall-gas-and-shoot-them-with-rubber-bullets/

these arguments are sooooo tiring. governments v. markets. blah blah blah.

what few people seem to realize is that this argument is indicative of the fact that liberals/conservatives/libertarians are controlling the debate. we're collectively still arguing over how much intervention should be had. that's their narrative, but it has little reflection upon reality.

the problem in europe is monetary. it has nothing to do with how much or how little influence the governments have over the economy. what is has to do with is how much power local governments have over their power to print money. greece and spain and the other have two options - they can either accept yearly transfers from the more wealthy countries (like west virginia accepts transfer from new york), or they can take their sovereignty back and inflate their currency. the idea that they can just accept a currency that's thirty or fifty or a hundred times more valuable than markets would allow their currency to be is ridiculous - unless they want to accept widespread poverty, third world level poverty, as a permanent condition.

further, walkom's lost the plot regarding this country - a plot that was once plastered everywhere. we have a mortgage monopoly here, and they were able to quietly buy up bad assets. we've separated commercial and investment banking. that has nothing to do with anything any recent government has done, and it's not indicative of a better economic position. we were *not* shielded. we simply didn't dismantle the system that was put in place in the 30s and 40s like the americans did, or go back to the gold standard like the europeans did. we were consequently able to *react*. and they would have been able to react, too, had they not foolishly dismantled all their checks and balances.

it's correct to understand it as a failure of the policies of reagan and thatcher.

that's not to say i think these systems are ideal, so much as i recognize that if we must have markets (i'd rather not...) then they need to be regulated to prevent them from collapsing.

our regulatory systems worked, for the simple reason that they still existed.

and, then you get the "borrowing beyond their limits" folks. as though the 1000% rise in the cost of housing, combined with the 50% decrease in real wages, has nothing to do with anything. it's not that housing is too expensive, it's that workers don't deserve to have modest living conditions. you, over there! go live in a closet! get a third job!

we *do* need more socialism, real socialism from the ground up, and it's coming whether anybody likes it or not. the service industry is the economy, now. fast food restaurants are unionizing. other service sectors will follow. this is a natural process and can only be stopped with excessive violence; they may try it, in all truth, but it won't work in the long run. it's a matter of time before wages go up dramatically. and wages have to go up dramatically. people are borrowing heavily because they're not making enough money to live comfortably. once the wage imbalances are fixed, people will no longer have to borrow so much.

so, can we drop this tired governments v. markets shit? in that sense, walkom is right on point.

http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2013/07/30/stephen_harper_doesnt_get_new_world_economy_walkom.html

she's 14, and she's mostly spouting nonsense. he's...i don't know how old he is...but he's not any more informed than she is. he's consequently an idiot, and she's just 14.

the information on golden rice that she's stating is over ten years old. the most recent strains of golden rice have been shown through controlled trials to have enough vitamin a for the rda in two bowls. it works just fine. she throws the naturalistic fallacy out there; she's 14, she's allowed to not have a strong grasp of anthropology. either mother nature is a constantly changing entity that evolves over time with the input of itself (in other words, creating gmo is working with mother nature by definition because humans are a part of nature), or it doesn't exist at all. further, there are plenty of independent studies out there. this idea that there aren't unbiased studies is a really goofy tactic. as the hosts tried to point out, it can't be tested properly.

he didn't challenge her on any of it, kid gloves, but he's right about her being used as a shill - she's just repeating all the same nonsense that gets shared on social media sites, and (judging from what she said) her research probably consisted of a combination of reading facebook and sorting through badly put together activist literature. the female host challenged a bit stronger, but what the fuck kind of question is "are you anti-science?".

i'm very much in favour of labeling gmos, but they both lose here as far as i'm concerned.

i'm sure somebody will post a fact check on the interview. i'll post it if i find it...

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/08/01/rachel-parent-kevin-oleary-gmos-video_n_3689126.html

http://ciitn.missouri.edu/cgi-bin/pub_view_project_ind.cgi?g_num=20&c_id=2007009

the whole "blind because they're only eating rice" thing is a highly privileged argument. first, it's stated very poorly. it should be stated something more like this:

"poor people in 'developing countries' are only able to afford rice, and consequently suffer from malnutrition."

so, maybe they should eat more carrots or other sources of vitamin a or beta-carotene. ok, well that's what we do here, because we can afford it. it's a socio-economic argument.

either approach would solve the problem. but, is it more likely that the problem is going to be solved through wealth redistribution or through creating a cheap source of vitamin a? what the fuck kind of privilege factors into telling poor brown people to go buy food they can't afford?

it's not like i want to force people to only eat rice, it's just that i'm being a lot more realistic. as a starting point, i suppose i don't see anything inherently wrong with "modifying mother nature". i don't really see why gmos are fundamentally different than building houses. both are adapting to the environment.

but, if we have a serious problem, i think we need to look at all avenues to solve it.

ironically, one of the things about rice is that it's a high yield crop with a lower environmental impact. if we're concerned about maximizing yield out of growing spaces - and we should be - then rice is a smarter thing to grow than carrots.

again, i need to point out the obvious - the kid is 14. if you're just following what she's saying without critically analyzing it, you should really hand in your adult card. sorry.

Jessica Amber Murray
did you get your dad's netbook yet? can you get it by monday?

also, what are you up to tonight? i think i'm finally feeling social. yesterday was fucking ridiculous, i spent all day tracking my dad's cds down at used stores...

ESA
uhmmm dunno what i'm up to... sleeping. not feeling superrr social. maybe we can hang out tomorrow? and i'll give u your laptop

Jessica Amber Murray
that works.

ESA
Saweetttt

bicycle?

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address

how much would you want for that bicycle? or do you want me to just take it off your hands?

i kind of screwed mine up a little worse than i thought. i was trying to straighten the handle bars, and i ended up losing a lot of the ball bearings that allow the front handle bars to turn (i twisted the wrong allan key open). it's still rideable, but it's not very safe unless i'm moving fairly slowly because turning is very jagged.

i took a walk down to the closest store and the guy in the store said it'll cost about $50 to fix it. i mean, i just need to get the ball bearings in, but i've never done that before, so i'd rather get somebody to do it. the thing is that that bike in your garage is the same model. so, if i can get that bike cheaper, it would make more sense to keep the one i have for spare parts...or fix it and keep it as a backup in case i've got a flat or something. i had two bikes for a long time and found it very convenient for that reason.

j

Re: my father's cds

From: the surviving uncle’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

Well, it sounds to me like you have a pretty good handle on the situation, all of them actually. People rarely deal with the real issues and if they do, it's usually a long time coming. Nobody expected your dad to go as quickly as he did and as you well know it's not something that could have been predicted with any kind of accuracy. You had a chance to say goodbye and that's what counts. Often, we don't get that opportunity.

there were frequent occasions when my dad talked about leaving her. he always said he couldn't leave her because she'd self-destruct into a rage and possibly even harm herself. i'm a little worried she's in the process of doing this, but i don't know a way i can help and i'm even worried that if i try it'll make things worse.

We talked about this often. He did his part and though he may have hoped you would have some sort of relationship with her, he didn't really expect it would happen as he was not delusional. I wouldn't send anything to ferris as it really no longer concerns you in any way. Let her family worry about her. Your dad wanted you to take care of yourself and for you to be happy. So do that. Do it for you and do it for him.

We (your dad's family) do very much consider you family, so keep in touch and let us know where you are and how we can reach you. If there is anything we can help with, let us know.

Re: my father's cds

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle’s email address

i'll be picking my stuff up and leaving on monday.

it turns out d has a bunch of them. i'm hoping he'll let me sort through them. there's only a handful more of them that i was hoping for, but, if not, in all honesty, the fact that i have at least a few is sort of enough. most of the stuff i wanted is really easy to find anywhere: dark side, sgt peppers, aladin sane...stuff that you can get for $1 at any garage sale...but stuff that i was really attached to. off of the top of my head, the only other things i was hoping to find were joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation split.

she's actually giving me a lot of stuff, and i appreciate that, and i do trust her to at least not destroy the things i have. i can only hope that trust is properly placed. if there's significant damage, i'm going to have to sue her. she *is* legally obligated not to harm property that doesn't belong to her, and she understands that. if she chooses to act otherwise, she'll have to take responsibility for that. i don't want to do that, obviously...

the thing i understand is that this isn't actually about me, even if it seems like it is at first. when she's upset or does things that don't seem to make much sense, it's rarely about what's on the surface. what she does is pick scapegoats and then heap all kinds of abuse on to them. i mean, she's obviously upset right now, and has a good reason to be. what she's doing is taking out all of her grief and anger and frustration and hurt on me because i'm the scapegoat she's picked for that. she doesn't require a good reason to do that. often, she doesn't require any reason at all, or will make up a reason to justify it. if i want to get clinical, it's sort of a classic example of somebody passing on abusive behaviour across generations.

so, maybe she's a little upset that i wasn't there at the very end. i don't really know what to say other than that my relationship with my father is something that existed between my father and i. i spent a lot of time with him the week before i left, because i wasn't sure if he'd make it until i got back. and i even asked her - is he expected to make it through the week? should i reschedule? and she told me it would be fine and i should go. on top of that, i had a really emotional conversation with him the night before i left. it was a goodbye call. it felt final. despite what she said about him making it through the week, when i left i felt the goodbyes had been said. i expected to not see him again. and i was at peace with that. again, that's between me and my dad, not between me and the stepmother.

to an extent, she might be internalizing that. she told me he'd still be here when i got back, and he wasn't, so she might be feeling guilty about that. of course that's not her fault, and i wouldn't blame her for it. but if she *feels* like it's her fault, then her response would be to reject that guilt and project it on to somebody else. and, of course, i'm the convenient scape goat. it's even easier, in this circumstance, given the context.

so, she would be able to construct an elaborate fantasy about me not loving my father as a shield to protect her from that guilt that she shouldn't be feeling in the first place. if i didn't love my father, i shouldn't get anything from him.

this seems complex and arbitrary, but she has a lot of complex issues, and i've dealt a lot with them over the years. i feel i have a certain power of psycho-analysis through experience. it's certainly *something* like this - she is *somehow* projecting all her hurt and sadness on to me as a release, and it's neither my fault nor does it really have much to do with me at all.

but, you're right - i can't talk it through with her. i always needed dad to do that.

it's just a few more days...

when i'm gone, she'll key on somebody else. it's not going to end until she can come to terms with things and understand what she's doing. but, realistically, just about every approach has been tried over 35 or 40 years, so i don't know what's going to happen.

there were frequent occasions when my dad talked about leaving her. he always said he couldn't leave her because she'd self-destruct into a rage and possibly even harm herself. i'm a little worried she's in the process of doing this, but i don't know a way i can help and i'm even worried that if i try it'll make things worse.

i'll probably wait until i leave and then send something to her brother, ferris.

j

Re: my father's cds

From: the surviving uncle’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

J, people do hurtful things. Sometimes all you can do is try be be a better person than the ones hurting you. You are aware of what is going on and I believe that the only stuff you will get is the stuff you have retrieved on your own. As much as it hurts, at least you have what you have gotten back. The only cd's I got were given to me by your dad and they were 10 or 11 cd's that were the dead uncle’s. You are not in a good bargaining position and need to play what cards you do have, well.

I'm not 100% certain, but I believe strongly that a box of your dad's personal effects have been put aside for you with your things. I would not even ask about them. All you would be doing is saying, "here is another way to hurt me". I would drop the cd issue, there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it. There is not much to figure out, I think what is going on is pretty clear.

Speaking from personal experience, what I would do (and what your dad would tell you) is do nothing. Don't inquire about anything else. Just get your things as soon as possible and with as little fanfare as possible. Sometimes taking the high road brings surprising results. You are in a very tough spot, try to not let your feelings make it worse.

If you are not in a position to get your things to Windsor right now, maybe the best thing would be to hire a small local mover for an hour or two and put your stuff in a storage locker for now. At least you would be able to see what was given to you and you would know that it is safe.

Considering what is going on, I think that's your best bet. If you don't feel you can trust someone or a situation, then don’t.

thankfully, i was at least able to recover some of the cds. it cost me a day in phone calls and bus rides, and $107 i don't have, but i got around 45 of them back, including a large percentage of the ones that were very important to me. there's just a few more i hope i can track down.

RE: moving day

From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

Just make sure if the truck is cheap it is not leaking oil or it will have to stay parked on the street. Monday evening sounds fine but I will confirm.

A few hours notice to stick the rest of your stuff in the garage is fine.

moving day

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address, d’s email address

he says he can get the truck between 4-6 on monday. he's a truck mechanic, so he's puling strings to get something cheap, and that's sort of the best time frame he can give me. that means he'll be there between 4:30-7:00. we'll be loading up and leaving monday night.

i know monday's a holiday. i dunno if it's actually a holiday or not, though. as it's a holiday, i understand it's not the same as dropping by after work, but that's when he can do it. that being said, i don't know if that means it's a bad day for you, d, or if the 5:30 thing no longer applies or what...

if the truck is there too early, i guess i can go down and grab a sub or something.

now, my grandmother is at the cottage until monday night, so she's not going to be able to drive the few things i have over. i suppose multiple bus trips would be out of the question because i'd have to show up by myself (and that's scary, or something; whatever, not worth it). so, i'm left asking around for a ride. i need to ask: if i give you a few hours notice, would you be ok with a friend and i dropping off what's left? i could maybe give you more than a few hours, but i can't say. you'd literally just have to open the garage door for five minutes.

if you're not ok with a friend and i, i guess the other option is me asking around with people you trust. does anybody have a van or a large car? that would make the most sense. it's just bags of cloths, a couple of small boxes and a table that i could take or leave (i found it downstairs, and i like it, but if i can't move it out of here then so be it). i could do this saturday, sunday or monday morning depending on who is available when.

j

Re: cds

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address

well, i told you i wanted them, and you kept telling me you had nothing to do with it.

you could have offered to sell them to me. and you know what's ironic, sister? i would've given you up to $5/disc. some of them, i would have paid more than that for.

j

hi again

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: d’s email address

ok, i've got the story cleared up now. my sister fessed up when i told her they had her name at cd warehouse.

so, you went through it first. ok. i was actually able to get most of what i was looking for back at vertigo or cd warehouse. i suppose you already had most of it.

having my dad's copy of dark side, sgt peppers, the lamb, texas flood....i found them. it cost me $107, but i'm just ecstatic they're not lost.

the thing is this: i feel the conditions that led to you going through the collection first have to do with the stepmother's dislike of me, and not of my father's wishes. i mean....i think you would have got second pass. sure. but i'm his kid, y'know? i really think he would have given me the first one. and i think i trust you to agree with that and reverse the error that's happened.

that being said, as for what you probably grabbed, i'm probably only interested in a minimal amount of it. i guess you grabbed the porcupine tree and some of that recent swedish prog and marillion and other stuff of the type. i was never really able to get into that, and it doesn't have a place in my childhood. the only thing off the top of my head is the zappa, if you even took the zappa, damn i need to find that zappa, and even then it's really just a few that i have an emotional attachment to - the ones i'd really like to have are joe's garage and the apostrophe/overnite sensation double. well, that and i guess i was looking for that holdsworth disc. we saw holdsworth a few years ago in the same theatre we saw the lamb in last year...

i don't know what *your* attachment is to these discs. i know you're quite a bit younger than my dad was. i think i interpreted a mild father-like relationship, perhaps unstated but mutually understood, and i never felt jealous or anything. maybe there were certain father-son levels that i wasn't interested in or able to relate with him on. maybe there was a mutual void filled there, and i don't want to take that away from you.

for me, getting copies misses the point. i can download it for free on torrent sites. it's the actual discs. i don't know if you're feeling the same way or not, or if making copies would be sufficient for you.

in the end, i don't want to take away anything that you feel is important to you. that's not my goal, or aim. i just want to collect a few things that are important to me. and maybe if there's a few where there are mutually strong feelings, we can split the difference.

i'm just as reasonable as he was, if not more so.

...but if you could bring those discs to the moving day so i could take a look through them, i'd be eternally grateful. i promise i'll only want to take 10, maybe 20, maybe even less than ten.

j

Re: cds

From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

what was i supposed to tell you? she asked me to do something to help her deal with it, i did. it was nothing against you.

Re: cds

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address

ok. i've sent an email to d. i'm going to have to ask to go through what he took.

between vertigo and cd warehouse, i picked up bowie, genesis, gabriel, yes, elp, crimson, bruford...a lot of prog stuff.

that's not the point. you lied to me repeatedly.

j

RE: cds

From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

your sister took the Cd's downtown at my request so she had nothing to do with all this other than carrying out my wishes. I have also kept some CD's that I wanted. If you chose to spend the money on CD's so be it.

Remember, I need notice for your belongings and it has to be between 5:30-8:30.

Re: cds

From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

d went through the collection first shot. i assume he has most of the zappa/crimson/genesis/prog stuff, so what i DID sell was mostly lame leftovers that NOBODY wanted; generic sarah mclachlan, soundgarden, radiohead, stuff there are a million copies of.

turning point, vertigo, CD warehouse. that was it. she asked me to try to get some cash for what was left, so i did. i didn’t keep any of the cash, of which there wasn’t much. i didn’t do it to hurt your feelings or anyone else’s; what was left was stuff you certainly wouldn’t have had any “emotional attachment” to, believe me.

the stuff you want is most likely at d’s. if you want to contact or debate with him about it, that’s your prerogative.

Re: cds

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address

ok.

i'm very upset right now. i've learned that the bulk of the cds were sold by my sister. her name was left behind in the transaction.

i've so far spent $107 on cds that my father would have liked for me to have. i understand that everything was left in your name, but i really think you have a moral responsibility to carry out his wishes. certainly, at the very least, i am completely positive that he would rather i had the cds than see them sold for $1/piece. i do not remotely think that my father would share whatever vendetta it is that the two of you seem to have against me. your behaviour is revoltingly selfish.

especially you, sister. didn't i just give you that jacket out of the kindness of my heart because you had an emotional attachment to it? then, you turn around and get rid of the thing i've expressed an emotional attachment to for a paltry sum. i don't understand this behaviour. it's very hateful and inconsiderate.

so, i'm just going to reiterate. this is probably the last time i'll contact either of you, except to pick up my things early next week.

1) i think i'm morally entitled to be repaid for the $107 dollars that i shouldn't have spent in the first place. i don't know who ended up with the money.

2) even if you don't want to do the moral thing and pay me back, can you at least tell me where else to go to find the rest of the cds? i've so far checked vertigo (where i got some back), cd warehouse (where i got some back), record centre (where they said nobody came in) and turning point (where they said the sister came in and only sold dvds). i'm a little skeptical about what the guy at turning point said. were there cds sold there? if there were, i'll buy them back. was there anywhere else i should go and look?

3) specifically, i'm very curious as to the whereabouts of the frank zappa cds. there are a few random things i was looking for and couldn't find, but i couldn't find *any* of those.

sister, i no longer trust you. there's no chance of reconciliation.

j

Re: my father's cds

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle’s email address

i took a run around town and got about 45 of them back for $107. the stores were all really sympathetic and sold them back at cost. i got the genesis back (including the lamb....except selling england for the pound), the gabriel, bowie, crimson, srv, yes, elp, and a bunch of random stuff by like tom petty and bruce cockburn. the one big thing i couldn't find was any zappa.

the whole scenario around it is really depressing me. i asked my sister about it several times and she just kept saying she didn't want to get involved, she didn't know anything about it, i had to talk to the stepmother, etc. like, right when i left today, it was one of the last things she said. but, when i called cd warehouse, it was all in her name. she was the one running them out...

like, i just don't know how to mentally compute this. cd warehouse sold them back to me at cost, which was $1/cd. at vertigo, it was $3/cd. was that really worth it to her? was lying to me worth it to her?

on top of that, i had *just* made a huge sacrifice for her. remember that jacket he gave me a few weeks ago? your mother was all excited about it fitting me, and i ended up going home with it. well, it turns out that the jacket was the one he walked her down the aisle with. truth is i liked the jacket and would have wanted to keep it. it's a nice jacket, and it's just going to sit in her closet. but i decided that it was more important that she had something of his that meant something to her, so i gave it back to her.

...and then a few hours later she goes and sells the one thing i had expressed an emotional attachment to?

like i say, i don't really want to get everybody involved in this, i'm just really hurt and confused and don't know what the fuck to think other than that i can't trust a word coming from them and have no path to follow in discussing it with them directly.

j

mom
We need the address and postal code for your new address in Windsor. Please contact!...K....Don's cell number is *******....Trailor *******.....

Don's home...*******

Jessica Amber Murray
i thought it was the stepmother at first. she may have sold the first batch on tuesday. but the second batch on wednesday was my sister. she signed her name over at cd warehouse, and the dude at turning point knows all three of us... the reason why this is particularly maddening is: 1) i told her i wanted to look through them. it's not about the monetary value of the cds. she only got like $3 each at vertigo and $1 each at cd warehouse. it's about the time i spent listening to them, the emotional attachment...it's the ONLY physical objects i wanted....and the fucking $1/disc was worth more to her than that... 2) i asked her several times about it and she bold-faced lied to me. flat. bold. lie. nobody can trust a word she says... it's 805 marion. Windsor, ON N9A 2J1 . i have the keys and a lease signed in my name.

i spent all day tracking them down. in the end, i got about 45 back for $107. i kind of expect she'll refund me for that and tell me where the rest of them are. the big thing i couldn't find was the zappa discs... i'll check messages to see if don called.

i wasn't expecting them to give me the cash, but i was expecting them to let me buy some bottles and leave. apparently, they're not licensed for that. ok. fine. i believed that...

as i was leaving, somebody asked me where my sign was. yeah, well that's why i didn't think it was such a great idea to eat there. glass accidentally ends up in food all the time, you know.

so, i stood outside the door for a few minutes trying to scalp it. eventually, the manager came out and accused me of trying to sell them back a gift certificate that was given to me by the victim in the wage theft case. of course, that's honestly not true - it was really given to me by my grandmother. manager wasn't willing to accept that. we had a discussion about whether i was legally entitled to stand on the sidewalk or not and i eventually agreed that, because i was soliciting, i should walk down the street a little.

"anybody going to vittoria trattoria? gift certificate here! get your gift certificate here!"

they came out to shoo me off three or four times; it's a good thing i'm fast on my feet, because a few times it seemed ready to turn into a chase....

i did *almost* sell it, but in the end the guy didn't want to wait an hour and a half. in total, it didn't look like i was getting anywhere. so when somebody came up to ask me for change for the chipwagon, i sent her in to get a nice meal instead.

RE: cds

From: the stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

Your father left everything to me and what I do with his belongings is up to me....If I want to sell things, give them away or flush them down the toilet that is none of your business!

If you want to buy CD's for $75 that is your business.

Jessica Amber Murray
it was my sister that sold the cds. after i told her i wanted them. and then she denied it. i will probably not speak to her again.

mom
Did you hear anything yet from Don?...I haven't yet...

Is that you blowing around like a fiend out there?....I can't believe how windy it is outside on my balcony.

Hello..

How many cd's are we talking about here?...Although knowing your father...There must have been many. And many tapes and vinyl too?

Are you you sure it was her and not the stepmother

Re: my father's cds

From: the surviving uncle’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

I'm going to keep this very brief for the moment. I don't know if I can help, but I'm going to try. Please don't act on this for today, leave it until tomorrow as I need to talk to a few people. I know that may be hard but don't think it's going to help for anyone to get their backs against the wall any further. Trust on me on this.

my father's cds

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: the surviving uncle’s email address, d’s email address

i'm sorry i have to do this. you can be certain that i don't want to do this. but my hands are being forced...

my father wanted me to have his cds. he told me as much repeatedly over the course of several years. there's no doubt in my mind about this.

i want my father's cds. i have a lot of memories attached to them. i don't care what they're worth in dollar amounts. like, his old beat up copy of the lamb lies down on broadway is probably worth about $2. it's priceless to me....

out of all the things that he had, it's really all i wanted. i'm being cut out of the money, and i don't really care as long as i get the cds that are important to me.

i'm having a really hard time determining what happened to them. as far as i can figure out, both my sister and my stepmother are lying to me about it. i have no understanding of why they would do that, other than to spite and hurt me. they have a history of behaving in ways that are designed to spite and hurt me (and a long history of telling blatant lies).

i asked them on monday not to sell them. apparently, some of them were sold on tuesday and some of them were sold on wednesday.

the stepmother has told me she sold some of them, but she won't tell me who she sold them to. i've called around a bit. i was able to buy about 20 back from vertigo. record centre says nothing came in. turning point says the sister came in on wednesday with a handful of things and mentioned the plan was to give the good stuff away to “his friends”.

...after i've told them i wanted them...

...and, again, there's no doubt he wanted me to have them.

i don't want to drag you guys into this, but i don't think i'm going to get anywhere talking to them directly. it seems to be that there's a goal to ensure i don't get anything of his. as one example, i've asked about the sports awards and things he won when he was younger. i know for a fact he kept them in a box in his closet. that box contained his precious personal possessions. there was a defensive player of the year award, some hockey cards, some pins, some of his father's things, etc....according to the stepmother, such a thing never existed. yet, i know it did. she may have just thrown it out without thinking, but to lie about it indicates the presence of a deeper prerogative to ensure i don't get anything.

i think the easiest way to do this while causing the minimum amount of conflict is for you guys to just accept any discs that are offered and then let me take a look through them. i would be hopelessly grateful for the opportunity to do that.

part of me wants to just take everything and listen to it all very slowly, but the reality is that there's a lot of stuff i'm more or less indifferent to. but the stuff i am interested in - the genesis, the zappa, the srv - is just completely priceless to me.

it's not the music itself, i can download that for free, it's the fact that they were his discs, and the memories attached to listening to them, to exploring them, etc.

i know they both understand how important the opportunity to sort through this is to me and i just don't understand why they're being deceitful and obfuscating about it.

j

Re: cds

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address, sister’s email address

ok, so i got a bunch of them back from vertigo. some bowie, some crimson, some gabriel....these were some of the ones that were important to me.

they were very human about it and sold them back to me at cost. it was still $75 for around 25 cds. i'm going to ask you to contemplate whether that's a cost that you think i should pay out for something i'm absolutely 100% certain, with no space for doubt, that my father wanted me to have.

the ones that are most important to me are the genesis and the zappa. what happened to those ones? there was also a few other crimson discs i couldn't locate.

i also went to turning point and the record centre. the record centre had no recollection of anybody coming in, but turning point told me my sister came in yesterday with a handful of “common titles” - he mentioned that she indicated that a lot of the cds would go to “his friends”

sister, were those his cds or yours? did you sell anything there yesterday? what?

i'm going to email d and the surviving uncle. i expect that they'll give me the discs, as that's what my father would have wanted. we can skip a step, here.

i'm not angry, so much as i'm shocked. i don't care what the discs are worth on a monetary basis. the memories attached to them are priceless. a few of his discs would be the only thing of his that i wanted...

j

cds

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address

i'm sorry if this comes off as trite, but it really isn't from my perspective, this is actually incredibly important to me.

can you tell me who you sold them to? i'm going to try and call around.

j

Re: moving

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address

he had a box he kept all that stuff in.

j

mom
K...Went online to find phone numbers for Don to call tomorrow....U-Haul....I am going to phone him back and give them to him...He will phone them to secure one....He thinks the one on Boundary Road...He knows people there....

I found a bunch more though...I will give him all the numbers....He seems to always know some-one who works at one of these places.

I told her nothing by the way.

Guess you already talked to him...

Me calling him back now...

Jessica Amber Murray
ok, u-haul is crazy expensive. i should throw that out there. it's something like $0.75/km. i don't think he can get around that. i think what you want to look for - and i can maybe help after i've had a few hours of rest but i'm really drained right now, it was a long day - is an independent company with a flat rate.

he said he'd line everything up.

mom
Don did?

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah.

mom
Yes...He wanted me to look up numbers for u-hauls online.

K..Just relayed the phone numbers to him...He will do his magic tomorrow. He is exhausted and so am I...Love You!....Let's all get some sleep now...

Jessica Amber Murray
ok, they do do flat rates for big mileage. i don't know what kind of deal he can get, but it looks like it's going to be about $400-500 regular price for the van, but that's flat, it's not by the kilometre. plus gas, it's getting close to $1000... if you really want to come, and it's worth it to you, great, but i do think i can get a cheaper price with a trucker. don't feel obligated. if this gets too expensive, feel free to back out.

mom
He doesn't want that runs gas...diesel he says is best...And he can jimmy they thing....He is a mechanic.

Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'll trust you, i'm just saying...

mom
I want to come!...He is a truck mechanic...

Let's see what he can scare up first....I know he will come though...He always does.

Jessica Amber Murray
great, i hope he does.

mom
Did you see that lightening!?

Jessica Amber Murray
i did. i can hear the thunder, too.

Re: mom's money

From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

the money is at mom’s. i’m sure you’ve talked to don by now.

Re: moving

From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

i have not seen a single trophy or award in the house since they moved here. over the years i think he had got rid of any of that kind of stuff instead of moving it repeatedly.

she kept some stuff in a box for you like his sports cards and stuff like that. i don’t know what else you think was there, but i can tell you there wasn’t anything much. the only thing i’m taking is his tie clip and a bunch of pictures.

RE: moving

From: stepmother’s email address
To: “’Jessica Murray’” <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

You must arrange to pack the truck in the early evening (5:30 - 9) as that is when D is available....Give me some notice.

Re: moving

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address

my sister will have more information about this, and i'm going to have to keep you updated because the plan isn't firmed yet...

...but i do NOT need to go over and measure stuff tomorrow. my mother's boyfriend is going to get a truck and the three of us will drive down there. she's really curious about the place.

now, what he's going to do is drop the truck off on monday or tuesday afternoon. i'll load it up. then we'll go either monday or tuesday night. he's just not sure what he can book yet.

i'm going to have to drop by a little before then with the remaining things. i'm going to call my grandmother in the morning before i leave. it might make the most sense to do *that* tomorrow night. it would just require opening the garage door for me, and she'll be with me. the thing is she goes away to the cottage for the weekend, so if i don't get it tomorrow night then i'll have to wait until at least monday.

either way, she'd be driving me, so i'd be there with somebody else.

j

venting

Jessica Amber Murray
she's already gotten rid of all of his stuff. i didn't even get the chance to look through it. i was mostly interested in the cds, but there were a lot of other little things i may have wanted to keep. i'm hoping i can buy back some of the discs...

it's just mind-bogglingly inconsiderate.

mom
Who did?...You mean your stepmother?

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah. when a parent dies, it's sort of expected that the child will have the opportunity to look through things that may mean something to them. i just don't understand how she could have just tossed everything...

mom
That Really is very inconsiderate and really STINKS.

Jessica Amber Murray
like, he had all kinds of trophies and awards and stuff from sports leagues when he was a kid. i would have liked to keep a few of those. she's denying they even existed.

mom
That is HORRIBLE.

Jessica Amber Murray
it's just beyond any kind of vendetta. it's just fucking assholery. the level of asshole required is just...wow...

mom
Who has the things?

Jessica Amber Murray
how could *anybody* be such an asshole?

they're in the trash.

i'm sick of people blaming her mental problems. she's an asshole.

mom
Maybe your sister has some of his belongings too.

Jessica Amber Murray
well, she's been there. i guess she got a run through before it got tossed. still.....

i mean, if she does, she took the stuff that was meaningful to *her*. i don't want that stuff. i want the stuff that meant something to me. so, that kind of doesn't get us anywhere.

mom
I am so sorry for your horrible pain that you are experiencing right now.....

I can't really imagine....I have been fortunate so far to not be having to deal with the death of either my mother or father yet.

Think I will be dealing with the death of my own father soon...As he apparently is not doing so good these days. My mother on the other hand will outlive us all.....

Jessica Amber Murray
i mean, what should i have done here? she was giving me shit for talking money as he was dying, but she had given me a deadline to get my stuff out of her house. she can't have it both ways. further, i had asked her what his life expectancy was after going off the chemo and if i should be worried about him making it through the week or not and she told me he should still be alive when i get home. then i get an email when i'm working out the details on a place that i should come home right away. if i had come home right away with nothing, the stuff wouldn't have been out until past september. and i found a place i wanted. that was the smart thing to do, and the smart thing for her to do would be to realize it was the smart thing to do. it would have been impossible for me to go home AND get the stuff out in time, and i would have lost the place i like. i didn't say a word about any of his stuff when he was dying. i didn't think it was important then, i didn't want to sink to the level of groveling over his belongings as he's dying. i didn't bring up any kind of money or inheritance, she did. and then she broke the agreement within hours of him dying, presumably because she was upset that i didn't make it home in time, after she told me he was expected to last a least a few more weeks, and which i couldn't have reasonably done, anyways. should i have made a list of demands as he was struggling in his bed? should i have gone through his stuff in front of him? it's just fucking madness. but it's more than madness. i'm mad. legitimately. but i'm not an asshole. i would never, ever, ever do something like that, no matter how fucked i might be feeling. something like this is not mental instability. something like this is a rotten person, a person that is just bad to the core of their being...

mom
She must be dealing with her own hellish pain......When one is in such emotional pain like this(which, she must has been in for awhile now)....They are blind.

To others needs.

And perhaps even heartless...This type of being is one to be pitied really.....

Jessica Amber Murray
i said goodbye to my dad on the phone before i left. it was very dramatic. and it felt very final. my stepmother will probably live out the rest of her years sad and alone. i'm her current punching bag of choice. when i'm not around, she'll turn on my sister. and then the others in her life. she has a pattern - she lashes out at people. i don't like to pity people, i like to empathize with them. she just makes it very hard.

don hasn't called yet.

and your mother does look ridiculously good for her age. she seems to have lost a few years over the summer, strangely, she's lost some weight, too.

mom
He's supposed to call me first...He always gets into long drawn out conversations with his sister and her husband(Which, I have a problem with)....Don't love either one of them too much....But he will call. Yes, My mother is Gorgeous!.... Wish, I could look as good as her!....She just NEVER seems to age much at all.

Jessica Amber Murray
my other grandmother is still going pretty strong, too. she looks a little closer to her age, but she's going to be around for a while still...

mom
hope she is well.

Where the heck are those two birds anyways?

Jessica Amber Murray
dunno...

mom
lol...I am getting a bit impatient.

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i think you've been waiting for over two hours now.

i wonder if there's something going on.

mom
Just checked my corded phone...I have to make sure it is still connected from time to time. Sometimes it get's itself stuck on the last call...But it is working fine.

I could have had a shower by now.

Oh well...

lol

Traffic doesn't appear to be too heavy..Although not sure from the slots what it's like?...Think...There must be alot of family stuff going on, I guess. She should be here soon though...I know she is very tired.

How come you didn't go to the eating there?

Jessica Amber Murray
the stepmother has requested that i do not enter her house. there is no rational explanation, other than that she's a bad person.

mom
They were all eating at the Raceway Carleton Slots.

I am going to go and kill her very soon!

your stepmother

Jessica Amber Murray
i went for lunch with his three sisters, his surviving brother, his mother and a bunch of other people....i don't know if you remember the dead uncle's friend k....my cousin (i've forgotten his name)...the oldest aunt’s wife...some other people i didn't know so well and then took the bus home. i guess i just wasn't invited.

mom
Smurfalina is here now!

I just buzzed her in.

Jessica Amber Murray
k

mom
Do you want to talk to her?

On here?

Jessica Amber Murray
i can wait until later, over email. i'd really rather she doesn't read this.

mom
She's not actually inside the unit yet.

K....Love you!...

Jessica Amber Murray
ok. but, yeah. she has flappy lips. you don't need to tell her what i said about the stepmother.

i'll talk to you later.

Re: moving

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address

did you sell the cds in a store? which store? how long ago? do you have the exact date (or close to it)? if i go in and explain, they might sell the ones i wanted to keep back to me at cost.

j

Jessica Amber Murray
ok, i'm leaving tuesday night. my mom wants to see the place, so she's going to drive me with her boyfriend. i think the van is likely to be mostly packed, but there may be spot for a few extra things if you want to send things down early. i don't know how you're doing this, but if you think you'd benefit from getting your piano or something else down early i can likely swing that...

ESA
I don't have a piano. I would get one in Windsor.

possibly. but they also have practice rooms at the school.

Jessica Amber Murray
well, i meant the electric one. there's not space for a grand in there.

ESA
oh no. I need it here so I can practice.

Jessica Amber Murray
fair enough. just offerin' what i gots.

ESA
thanks anyways :D

concrete plans to actually move to windsor

mom
Talked to Don...He is willing. He doesn't want to drive his own truck though....No insurance, nor license plates on it anymore. But is willing to secure a truck and drive it. He wants to know how much stuff you have so to know what size of truck to rent. He is going to call you later tonight and talk to you himself.

Jessica Amber Murray
alright. did he want to take the bus back? that would be cheaper.

(gas)

mom
We all three will be in the truck(dog too)...Him and I(and dog)...Will have to rest a bit and then just drive back.

Jessica Amber Murray
ok. my sister is being weird about giving me the money tomorrow. she wants to give it to you instead. i dunno.

mom
He is thinking of dropping the truck off at your location(I guess your father's?)...And you will have to be responsible for load up....On I think either Monday or Tuesday....We will all leave probably on probably Tuesday night....

Jessica Amber Murray
ok. that should work fine. but they charge you by the day. would make sense to drop it on the same day we're leaving.

mom
Yes..He has friends in the business, so can secure a cheaper rate.

Jessica Amber Murray
swell. ok, well i think i should be ok with either the biggest budget van or the smallest truck.

i think the van should probably be ok, but if he's getting a special rate, maybe the smallest truck might be a better idea just to be safe.

mom
Yes...your sister is supposed to drop by later with the money....Don will take care of securing the truck...He just wanted to know how much stuff you have. He is going to call you later...Will you be at Nanny's?

A valid driver's license along with a credit card is needed.

It will be his.

I have to pay him back though....And he wants $200.00 for himself. I was a bit taken aback by his demand really..But, I think it will still be cheaper in the long run.

Have to pay for all meals and coffees as well...He say's he doesn't want it to cost him a nickel. Fine!.......He will lose 2 day's pay...Whatever.

That's what the 200 lousy bucks is about....K...Whatever. I agree..Do You?

Agreed.

Whatever is left is for you.

Jessica Amber Murray
well, i'm looking at this cash as yours. it's certainly the *easiest* way. can you budget it, though? 200 - don 450 - gas 100? - food ? rental it's adding up. if i can find a straight driver and send them home on the bus, it's $450. i may be able to do even cheaper using a trucker. i'm kind of feeling a little bit guilty getting you to pay for this and sort of want it to be as cheap as possible. i was planning on giving you what was left back, in all honesty. so, i mean...i think it's up to you... this is guaranteed, and it's safe, but it's going to cost you more in the end.

the thing is if you're both coming then the bus back doesn't save much money; 225 for gas vs. roughly that for two bus tickets.

...but if just one of you comes it's a lot cheaper... i guess it depends if the experience is worth it to you or not.

mom
I would love to see your new place and get to experience a little of where you will be existing. It is worth it to me.

Jessica Amber Murray
ok, so i guess we're planning for that. we're going to be there wednesday morning, then? i have to call the guy.

mom
What Guy?...Don will secure the truck....He is going to call you later at Nanny's?

Will you be at Nanny's tonight around 9 or so?

Jessica Amber Murray
the guy in windsor. he wants to know when we'll be there.

i should be here tonight, yeah.

mom
He is going to call you and will talk to you himself.

Jessica Amber Murray
ok

mom
K

Prolly Wednesday....Tell him then.

Jessica Amber Murray
i'll call him tomorrow, i should talk to don first.

mom
Yes....True.

I am looking forward to our road-trip adventure together!..... <3 ;) (y) :)

Jessica Amber Murray
lol

mom
No drugs and alcohol allowed though!...I was told very firmly...K...I can abide for sure. Coffees from Timmy's is welcome!....Smoking tobacco is unfortunate(I know)...Will be involved.

Jessica Amber Murray
i still smoke tobacco. my sister was saying you were worried i was going to spend the money on drugs. i don't actually do drugs. i smoke a mild amount of pot socially (i rarely pay for it), and i might do mushrooms roughly once a year but that's really it. i'm not a drug person....

mom
Glad to hear!...I am just an old worry wart. An Old Mother Hen, A Protective Mother Bear Of Her Precious Cubs.

Jessica Amber Murray
i have been drinking more than usual lately, but it's mostly because i'm bored. that should cut down when i get my studio set back up.

mom
I think that is my main reason for drinking as well.

Jessica Amber Murray
well, i don't drink like you do, that's for sure...just a few a night...but it's been fairly frequent...

mom
' :o .. :)

I have a feeling that your sister will be here shortly. Charlie Brown is pacing and telling me.....

He just pooed on his doggy diaper...And that is a sign...That someone is on their way...Funny how animals are so damn psychic!

Don't think she will stay long....Cause I look scarier than the classic witch cartoon!...LOL....I will look better though when you see me...I promise...Although you may secretly disagree!..... ;)

Hope Don doesn't show up here too!..He's supposed to go home and call you from his place...His number is **********. I am just too ugly and stinky(for sure) right now. Think Nanny still has that service on her phone..When you see that number.....Answer it.....You will hear his voice anyway.

Jessica Amber Murray
yeah, i'll pick it up when he calls.

mom
Hope your sister show ups soon...I just want to lay my weary old head down for about 6 hours at least. Again, I will be a bit of a disappointment to her..Stink, Scarey look and all...But there is nothing i can do about it at the moment. If, I disappear into the shower, I will miss her.

Jessica Amber Murray
i suppose she called?

mom
No...She isn't supposed to call again...Just show up.

I suppose I should be making a better effort to have a better personal appearance....But, I simply have no energy at all anymore. I am exhausted...I am sure she is as well, and will understand.

Re: moving

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To:  sister’s email address

i had an emotional attachment to those cds, but the music is replaceable. it's very disappointing, but i can deal with that.

he had a number of trophies that he won when he was younger. like, hockey and baseball and football awards. if everything else is gone, did she at least keep these? like, i'm flabbergasted...

is it not the most obvious fucking thing in the world that the kid is going to want to look through personal belongings? i mean, what the fuck...

j

Jeff
You talking about your dads stuff and pictures?

Jessica Amber Murray
his cds, his trophies, his medals, his clothes, everything...

Jeff
Who the Fuck?

Jessica Amber Murray
my stepmother.

i don't get along with her so well, but it's really something else not to let a kid sort through their father's stuff before it's tossed to the curb. wow.

Jeff
I have to say the coldest shit I've heard in my life! If be so pissed I'm not sure how long id be in jail for!no way to still get any of it or is it already gone?

Jessica Amber Murray
no, it's gone. all i gots is pics.

Jeff
Not a total loss..some is better then none but shame on your stepmom cause that's not right man. Pictures are good because your end up looking at them years later and don't have to put a face to the name. And if ya have kids they see what he looks like young and old eh. Kids might not be on the list right now but just saying.

Jessica Amber Murray
no, i'm glad i have the pictures, don't get me wrong on that.

i didn't act fast enough, i guess.

it's all in the garbage...

Re: moving

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address

i'm really disappointed that you didn't give me the opportunity to sort through my father's belongings.

i mean, honestly...???

j

Re: mom's money

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email

the money *was* for my first/last, but that became redundant. i'm not going to have this arranged before you leave tomorrow.

if you want to give it back to her directly, that's fine, but it would have to be done tonight or tomorrow. as mentioned, i don't really want it transferred to me, either; i can claim money as a gift if they make me, but i've already had a large deposits come through and i don't want to flag myself. are you sure it's not easier just to give it to me tomorrow? she knows this is happening...

j

RE: moving

From: stepmother’s email address
To: "'Jessica Murray'" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

If you want to come by and measure tomorrow while your sister is here that is fine however I expect you to leave once completed. At this time you are not welcome in my house. I have kept the CD's I wanted and sold the rest. Your father only had 2 records which I have given away. There are no medal or trophies. All Bob's clothes other than the Habs and SF stuff have been donated to the Mission. Your sister gave you the pictures.

What is in the garage are your boxes and all the equipment that was in the basement.. I have added a microwave, a brand new bed and frame ($700), a new pillow and towel, 2 sets of new sheets, the leather chair, bookcase and the desk and desk chair. As well you were recently given a newer laptop.

I have attached a letter for ODSB.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                                                                                                 Aug 1, 2013

To Whom It May Concern,

As executor for the estate of my late husband, I did forward a one-time inheritance amount
of $1600.00 on July 28th, 2013 to his son Jason Parent.

If you have any questions or concerns please contact me directly at **********.

Regards
The Stepmother

Re: mom's money

From: sister’s email address
To: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>

the money is for your moving expenses. it has already been deposited for transfer, but if the cash is simply to be given to you, i’ll bring it back to mom to do it herself. if don is the one doing the moving, you can get whatever she wants to give you from her.

so, i have still have that $50 gift certificate for vittoria trattoria.

(don't eat there, they need an iww picket outside their door to get them to follow basic labour standards)

i think the best thing to do is get some wine with that $50. well, i don't want to just forfeit it. that would literally be as ridiculous as ripping up a $50 bill, and who is that ridiculous? nobody is that ridiculous...

i know nothing of wine, other than that i like the taste of fruit more than i like the taste of antifreeze. ideally, i'd get two bottles, and i don't mind paying a few dollars over the $50 in tax or whatever. i'm going to expect that the servers earn any tip, though.

suggestions on what i should get?

moving

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: stepmother’s email address

i think things went well today.

i wanted to come by and just measure things in the garage. i have an ad up at a site that puts small loads in contact with truckers that have extra space. they want exact dimensions and exact objects because it makes a difference relative to the cargo and packing space. it's something i could have done quietly by myself, all i would need would be a few pieces of paper and a pen. i was thinking my sister was going to be there, so if you're uncomfortable around me for whatever reason...

it's something i sort of need to do. perhaps tomorrow would be better, right before they leave?

that being said, i may be able to get a drive with my mother's boyfriend. he owns a truck. in that case, it's not necessary. if i don't know by tomorrow, though, i think it would make sense for me to do this while they're still around. i can do it quietly by myself....

as for my father's belongings, i don't know if he left any directions regarding any of it or not. you've indicated that you get everything. that's fine. however, there's a number of cds and records in his collection that have been very important to me over my life. it's mostly prog stuff from the 70s - genesis, pink floyd, king crimson. if i could have those, it would mean a whole lot to me. so, i would really appreciate the chance to look through his collection....or i can just take all of it and sort through it later. the music i was able to appreciate through him and share with him is one of the things i'm going to remember him by.

as for the other things, i don't know what you plan to do with them. are you going to keep things? discard them? would you mind if i took a look through anything that you want to discard before you do so? i think it would be a shame to have these things simply thrown out. i may be interested in taking things like trophies, medals, maybe a few shirts...

j

mom's money

From: "Jessica Murray" <dfhldgdhdlhfdla@gmail.com>
To: sister’s email address

i need to be careful about money going through banks, too.

could you bring it tomorrow?

also, did you mention the cds to the step-mother? i'll send her an email...

turns out don might drive me for gas money. i'll take it.

j

a path

mom
J...There could be a potentially new idea....Don owns a big moving truck. I could ask him if he could be the driver...The 3 of us would sit in it(Charlie Brown on the floor...Or in my lap...He's little)....I could approach(him with the idea) and we could make a holiday out of it(him and I....It would be a bonding experience for us all!....Where is your sister?...Is she still in town?

Jessica Amber Murray
if you're up for it, that sounds like a good idea. it's going to cost like $450 in gas (225 both ways), but if it gets paid for out of the money you gave me, that's probably still just about as cheap as is possible. my sister is in town until tomorrow afternoon. i'll have to make sure she gives me that money tomorrow.

mom
I just wrote and it disappeared....Anyways...I am rewriting. I have to talk to Don first. His truck has his son's junk stored in it right now and will have to be emptied first...But he(the son) has a big enough garage and basement where the junk can be stored for awhile anyway. The money will have to be recouped from your sister. I will talk to Don soon. If I approach him right...I think he will help. We wouldn't be able to leave before Tuesday though.

Jessica Amber Murray
that's ok, tuesday or wednesday is about when i was planning for. is there a way you could let me know today or tomorrow, though, so i can plan around it?

mom
He will be calling me around supper time...I will know soon after.

Jessica Amber Murray
ok. thanks.

mom
Did you find your driver yet?...

Jessica Amber Murray
i'm not looking. i'm still waiting to hear back from the truckers. if i can't arrange something with the truckers by monday, i'll start asking around for drivers.

it's short notice, but...

....my dad's funeral is at 10:00 tomorrow (thursday) at macdougall, which is at albion & hunt club.

i don't expect you to come. but you're welcome if you'd like to.

i'll be leaving for windsor some time this upcoming week. monday, tuesday, wednesday - something like that. i'm going to be living there permanently...

...so if you want to see me before i go, please contact me for coffee. you have no idea how much it would mean to me to seduce, err, i mean, say bye to you before i go.

**********

j

that is my paternal great-grandmother, so the mother of my paternal grandfather, who is in one of the other shots. i don't have a picture of her husband, or know if he was even alive over these years (although i doubt it).

that would also be my mother's 80s leotard-pants and feet.

do i remember this? i'm not sure, actually.

i do actually have strange memories of eating cake in a high chair - i guess it would have had to have been the second birthday, then. i can't imagine remembering my own first birthday.

that's dad's head, and nana in the top right. i'm only about 60% certain that the person behind me is my father's brother, and sole remaining uncle (if that is still true; i have not checked in in years, at this point).

i've been told i was kind of an existentialist child; i rarely spoke, never cried, and almost never smiled. they actually sent me to a specialist, who came to the conclusion that i was just staunchly misanthropic, by the age of four - i might be mildly depressed, but there wasn't anything actually wrong with me. i just didn't want to speak, and didn't want to smile.

i have a vague recollection that what is happening here is that i'm being coerced to smile, and offering some resistance to it - to the concern of the adults in the room.