some recent pics.

my hair is growing. i strongly suspect somebody cut about an inch off, which adds up to a month in the long run. it's a violating feeling, but it's not the end of the world.

i haven't been feeling like myself since i cut my hair and it's been affecting me more than i expected. i don't have a history of depression and have never been diagnosed with depression, but my sudden inability to project myself as a pretty girl for the first time in 15 years has indeed left me terribly depressed. i don't like how i look and i'm not going to adjust to it, i'll just have to deal with the depression until the hair grows back.

i went looking for some pictures of myself as a blonde from last year to cheer myself up and i couldn't find any, but i'm sure i took a large number of them. this has left me convinced that somebody has stolen them and left me feeling violated in relation to what might have been done with them. yet, this is consistent with what i've been experiencing: i was purchased as an apparent sex slave by some barbarians from a backwards culture and i'm going to have to figure it out, decode the details and throw them in jail. obviously, i reject the premise; i was not purchased, and i am nobody's property and nobody's slave. i've remarked previously that it was a stroke of good luck that i shaved my head as it's given me some time to figure out what is going on. i was apparently rejected because i shaved my head, which is a good thing, even if the shaved head was not.

since the new owners took over, young girls come in and out of this house and completely disappear. their cars disappear first and they're sent to live upstairs and not allowed to leave the house, then they go on to some other place and are replaced. they seem to be being recruited into something. the preference is for scandinavian blondes. it seems to be a front for some kind of arabic sex trafficking, connected to some kind of organized criminal mafia. young girls are so naive :(.

i'm going to try to recover as much media as i can, first. it cuts out in may, 2022 and picks back up again in june, 2023. there's just a black hole over that 13 months with no pictures and no videos, but i know there were pictures, at least. i remember vlogging the day i took the monitor home in july and i'm sure i took pictures on some days before i went on a bike ride. if there are still pictures somewhere, where are they?

reconstructing events:

- i died my hair red in march, 2022

- i have pictures up to the end of may, 2022.

- i cleared my vlog camera out when i did the diet walk through on may 21, 2022

- i had not cleared my vlog camera out since, from may 21, 2022 to nov 15, 2023.

- i was badly sunburned at the start of june and apparently bleached my hair in mid july. no pictures.

- in fact, there are only a handful of pictures taken between june 1, 2022 and june 8, 2023 and they are of things like my bicycle and some legal documents.

- while they are correctly numbered on the device, they are also weird. the pictures of my bicycle, taken in early november after my tire wore through, are not numbered in sequence. it makes it look like somebody renumbered the pictures in december or so.

i have a chkdsk from june, 2023 that pulled out files from 2021 and a chkdsk from sept, 2023 that produced corrupt data. i tried a testdisk on the device and it has found deleted pictures but nothing of me over the second half of 2022

i'll need to keep looking.

link on side:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/sV3UzY6P7HPFEbw59

nov, 2023:

oct, 2023:

sept, 2023:

aug, 2023:

july 2023:

june 2023:

may 2023:

i did not take photos of myself before i went to movement. i do not remember if i took pictures of myself when i went out grocery shopping, but they're gone.

mar-april 2023:

i shaved my head on march 23, 2023.

jan/feb 2023:

i'm sure there were pictures, actually. i was struggling with knotted hair.

nov-dec 2022:

i spent a lot of time at the university of windsor typing legal documents for divisional court and am sure i took pictures before i left. there is a new health card picture taken after i changed my name, but it is a bad picture. i was concerned i was being hacked. i was struggling with bad hair, leading up to the shave.

oct 2022:

my health card picture is all i can find:

july--->sept 2022:

i thought i dyed my hair earlier, but my blog posts suggest it was mid july. what i remember is late may. i spent the summer of 2022 trying to lose weight i had put on after the surgery in aug, 2021 and over the winter of 2022 by doing a lot of bicycling. while there were few if any videos, i am sure there were lots of pictures taken before and after i went out on the bicycle, mostly in a purple tank top. that said, i also remember being unhappy with all of them, which is why i didn't upload any of them. the minimal amount of weight i put on and was having difficult losing would not have bothered most women, but i am used to being very thin and did not want to upload pictures where i was 5-10 pounds more than i wanted to be. i was not overweight; i was still technically probably underweight.

june 2022:

i was badly sunburned at the start of june, 2022 and would not have taken pictures while i was burned.

may 2022:

these are the last pictures i can find from 2022, at this time, but i did not shave my head for almost a year afterwards and was blonde starting in july, at the latest:

this is a video that won't embed:

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMDbSzJonZTdx-swfmglLb2a77GQGLhcemUMmXc

april 2022:

videos:

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipMLfs7_vs5pViX9OKRLC-OiYejMYZA_J-zagTaV

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipNS1GAoEMy5mtqz06R0ydt5p5QW7MOMOEt8VLpf

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipODMtNCzGmgPGKrYd6_7eDH6NVoDsFcAGfKLo3A

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipNmCu5MuYbDBaSvwSiRUN9Cs8aU9lRAr81n_TlO

mar 2022:

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipPd_Clv1zrQmEpLMXrtz9tADD9zLwVeRPg8VnNZ

https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipPJO9mGLv-ce-zFzTdgUZhZpP7VcCJWxyJP49lB

nov 2021:

what's happening in gaza isn't a war, it's a police operation to shut down an armed terrorist group, an organized criminal gang of violent thugs, and it's long overdue. it should be viewed something like bobby kennedy's take down of the mafia, which was also necessary, at the time. it's not something i like, and i wish it wasn't required, but it's a function of capitalism to periodically require state operations to shut down the criminal gangs that arise as a function of capitalism.

my patience with the idf will not be permanent, but this police operation is required and they should be supported by all thinking people until hamas ceases to exist. proper leftist criticism should be directed against any support for hamas, including against hospital and school workers that shield militants in vulnerable spaces instead of chasing them out of them.

this is different than what happened after 2001 because it is actually directed at the attackers. i am not a terrorist sympathizer, but the point was that iraq didn't have anything to do with 9/11 and that iraqi civilians bore no responsibility for the 9/11 attacks. i supported actions that were actually targeted against al-qaeda and against osama bin laden, but the reality is that very little of what the united states did after 9/11 actually targeted those that were responsible for it.

unlike the invasion of iraq, an attack on hamas is actually targeting those that are responsible for the oct 7 attacks. hamas should not exist. criticism of specific actions by the idf may be justified on specific levels , but the priority of the left should be on abolishing hamas first and foremost, and not on the protection of palestinian civilians. it's a hard truth that is currently necessary.

the people of gaza bear some responsibility for voting for hamas. there haven't been many elections in gaza recently, granted, but the reality is that they elected a terrorist group to represent them and are consequently somewhat liable for their actions. they are not completely innocent bystanders; it's not even a question of if silence means consensus, it's a situation where they have actively voted in favour of terrorists to represent them, democratically. they were asked who they wanted to represent them, and they picked an organized crime syndicate, by overwhelming consensus. empathy should not be entirely suspended, but it should be muted.

yes, a discourse about root causes is relevant, but it's not the primary issue at the moment, the primary issue is abolishing the terrorist organized crime network running gaza, which is a periodic necessary state action in a capitalist society. we can't accept organized crime just because we don't like capitalism, or just because we realize that organized crime is a function of capitalism. the thugs need to be taken out. it becomes a question of lesser and greater evils.

i can tolerate some criticism of the details of the action, and i'd likely have them myself if i was to analyze the situation at a granular level, which i'm not going to do. but, i am never on the side of terrorism as a tactic, and when groups of terrorist thugs like hamas arise (that are also serious threats to free expression amongst palestinians), everything else must be put aside in order to destroy them. hamas would almost certainly sentence you to death for a trivial reason if it could.

Capital punishment in the Gaza Strip has been practiced by the Hamas Administration since it assumed power in 2007. The punishment is given for offenses such as crimes against Islamic law, land sales to Israelis, and treason.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capital_punishment_in_the_Gaza_Strip

one of the crimes that hamas has executed people for is "homosexual behaviour", because it is stated in the koran that the crime for being gay is punishment by death. they're a slightly less crazy isis, which aligns them with the extreme fringes of the christian right. naive western liberals flatly do not know that and are broadly just ignorant about what they're supporting. there is a long list of so-called crimes under islamic law that hamas would execute you for, if they could, including dancing and wearing makeup in public. that was the basis for the october 7th attack in the first place - they were dancing and engaging in "unislamic activity". it wasn't about "anti-colonialism", it was an attack on some people at a party by some right-wing extremists for engaging in what they interpreted as "indecent behaviour". 

they didn't attack an army outpost, or some group of soldiers restricting the flow of people or goods. they slaughtered defenseless kids at a party because they weren't following islamic behavioural codes.

there was a giant error made in the spanish revolution by certain naive actors that aligned with the stalinists because they were the enemy of their enemies. it was the stalinists that slaughtered the anarchists. i want to learn from that mistake and not to repeat it.

hamas must be annihilated, and that must be the current priority. we can talk about what a post-hamas gaza strip looks like after that has been accomplished, but what i support is a singular secular state (a one state solution with a democratic and secular constitution) where all people have equal rights, not one where people are segregated by ethnicity or religion.

under existing tort law precedent, a homeowner can sue a neighbour for trespassing if their smoke seeps on to their property, but this isn't powerful enough. it is long overdue that these kinds of bylaws started getting passed, so that people don't have to tolerate their neighbours' smoking.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/we-feel-stuck-toronto-couple-pushes-for-bylaw-to-control-smoke-spread-from-neighbouring-homes-1.6644825

the schools should be both feeding and housing their students.

we need to address the for-profit model in education, as it's what the root cause of the problem is.

https://nationalpost.com/news/canada-food-insecurity-immigration

1:09

under existing tort law precedent, a homeowner can sue a neighbour for trespassing if that neighbours' smoke seeps on to their property, but this isn't powerful enough. it is long overdue that these kinds of bylaws started getting passed, so that people don't have to tolerate their neighbours' smoking.

https://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/we-feel-stuck-toronto-couple-pushes-for-bylaw-to-control-smoke-spread-from-neighbouring-homes-1.6644825

1:12

for clarity's sake, i own everything in my space and i purchased most of it with my own money. i received a large severance package when i was laid off from microsoft that bought about half of it and a good deal of it was purchased with recent lawsuit money won from suing the hospital or the grocery store. my grandmother bought the 64-bit pc, which i haven't actually set up yet. there are a small number of birthday or christmas presents from decades ago, limited to my broken jx-8p and some old equipment that i don't use much anymore, like a zoom effects pedal, the tascam 4-track and the windows 98 pc. three of my guitars were gifts from my father; i bought the rest myself. the stereo equipment is high quality but very old and was actually surplus equipment my father had and mostly bought at garage sales. i bought all my other computers, my bass, my pod, etc. it's about a 90%/10% split, in totality - i bought 90% of this stuff and 10% was gifts, but that 10% is stuff that was given to me in the 90s and is mostly very old and out of use.

there is no ambiguity on this point and i will treat anybody attempting to take ownership of my belongings as engaging in an act of theft that needs to be properly prosecuted by law enforcement.

the upstairs tenant called me a loser this morning for blaring vic chesnutt.

ok.

where's the drop, huh?

apparently, this record (which has guy picciotto on guitar and the mt zion orchestra as backup) was not punk enough for her. i didn't even bring it up, i just got randomly berated for not being punk enough due to what i was listening to, and the record just happened to have guy picciotto playing on it, for fuck's sakes. she had no idea, clearly, but she probably doesn't know who he is, anyways. i wasn't actually trying to be punk at the time, i was just getting some exercise on the bicycle. i know from experience that jello biafra is not punk enough for her, either. i think she believes that green day is real punk and that being a punk is the same thing as being a meth addict; i don't do meth, so i'm therefore not punk. i wanna be sedated, indeed. the woman is a complete dumbass.

even if you accept a corporatized, watered down, grohlianesque concept of punk in context for brevity's sake, and use some other term like hardcore for what i'd consider to be punk rock, who invented that before it got mass marketed as 'emo'? guy fucking picciotto.

it's the irony i'm struck by, because she was sure i was being totally unpunk by listening to this country record and needed to assert superiority over me for it. alas.

while i am not exactly holding the media accountable for this act of vandalism (which is what it appears it actually is), this is nonetheless what happens when the media is irresponsible in explaining why the idf is forced to operate inside of schools. a naive reading of much of the western media coverage would have you thinking the jews are eating arab babies.

were there terrorists hiding in this school? no. yet, it is likely that the vandals were misinformed as to the nature of the idf operations.

nobody wants to blow up schools, but hamas cannot be allowed to hide behind human shields. this is an operation that is overdue and most be carried to it's completion. hamas should not exist and should have been destroyed years ago.

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/montreal-jewish-school-gunfire-1.7026640

my skin tone is very white, but i tan very deeply in the summer, if i'm out in the sun for any length of time. the result is that i may be easily mistaken as having olive or even brown skin, but it's not true. my ease of tanning is probably genetic and probably inherited from the indigenous ancestors on my father's side, but that's a guess.

in recent years, i have been outside a lot on the bicycle trying to maximize my vitamin d. it has made me look browner than normal, and i have found myself needing until february or march until i return to a white complexion.

this year, i've been inside since june, and i have whitened up very quickly. i currently have no tan line at all, which hasn't been the case in several years.

They get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-jewish sentiment or "anti-colonial" sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

the truth is that the palestinian people, who are overwhelmingly ethnically hebrew, are simply failing to adapt.

they need to change.

the reality is that all credible evidence indicates that hamas is actually using these hospitals as human shields, which is actually a war crime. that's right, it's a war crime for a militant to hide in a hospital.

the stated purpose of the operation is to annihilate hamas, and that is justified. if hamas is hiding in a hospital, and that is a war crime, is it then justified to target the hospital?

you have to escape from logic a little bit here. the idf should clearly be trying to tone it down as much as it can. ultimately, however, yes; if hamas is hiding in the hospital, you blow up the hospital.

this is consequently not the time to call for a ceasefire, and the reality of the situation needs to be clarified, which is something the media is failing at: you can't hide in a hospital, that's against the rules of war, and that's exactly what hamas is doing.

when washington sends aircraft carriers to the middle east, it isn't to dissuade an israeli attack, it's to prevent an attack on israel. nobody imagines that anybody beside iran would be a serious threat to attack israel, and the only way that the americans would feel the need to protect the superior israeli army from the inferior iranian one is if there is a credible threat of russian involvement. it opens the question: was oct 7th really an attempt by the russians to distract the americans from ukraine?

the israelis just randomly bomb syria and the russians do not like it. if the russians felt a need to respond, would it look like a sneak attack by hamas?

the situation is messy, but the truth is that iran is a russian protectorate and is in many ways treated by moscow like a former ssr. a greater russian sphere includes iran. that aligns hamas pretty squarely with moscow, nowadays, which provides the pentagon with a good reason to seek it's destruction.

the russians must have at least known what was going on and the american response indicates legitimate concern about a potential russian distraction tactic. they did this once before.

it's a different analysis, but you'll note that america's immediate response was to send war ships to israel, and that's exceedingly curious.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/08/us/politics/us-iran-airstrikes.html

deductive evidence that my hair actually was cut in august and/or september

i fully acknowledge that the claim that somebody was entering my unit to drug me and cut my hair, like i'm a pet or a doll, comes off as entirely insane and would be almost impossible to prove without direct video evidence. i do not want you to know if there is or is not currently a camera installed in the basement. there might be, but i don't want you to know where it is, if there is one. do you want to chance it?

i'll skip the biochem analysis, but it would be essentially impossible to catch evidence of testosterone drugging in my system, due to the amount of suppressors and the amount of estrogen i take, in conjunction with my inability to produce it endogenously. however, my hair length is more easily measured with an actual ruler.

something i could actually do was begin to routinely measure my hair length and then calculate how fast it grows, which would allow me to present a calculation as to how long it should be by calculating how much should have grown since april. by my calculation, my hair grows at roughly an inch per month, meaning it should be roughly 7 inches long. that would indicate that a bit more than an inch was cut from the back and a bit more than two was cut from the front. that is consistent with my observations.

it is an extremely unsettling feeling of deep violation to wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and realize that your hair was cut and/or styled when you were asleep, to fit the apparent tastes of some unclear entity that you are aware of the existence of but do not at all understand, except to be certain that you do not like it and do not consent to it. if some entity wants my hair to be short for some unclear reason, i am certainly not interested in interacting further with that entity on any level. i had to convince myself i wasn't losing my mind, but i have a lot of confidence in my intellect and my ability to present an argument. this is, at this point, a convincing argument.

i currently remember that i cut my hair on march 24, 2023; that date will fade with time, but i currently recall that i scraped it all off with a venus leg razor in a fit of frustration, and while loudly sobbing, because there was no other solution to undo the embarrassing condition of chia-pet-head. i was and remain traumatized by this, but it is growing back.

i will not add the contents of my blog to this essay, but it was noted by myself at several points between april and august that my hair was growing at a rate of an inch/month, as i waited for it to reach a specific length before i dyed it red. i did note that i was approaching 4 inches at the end of july, which was about on schedule. then, over august and september, i mysteriously noticed my hair growth begin to reverse itself and on several occasions woke up to what appeared to be clear cuts in my hair. was i losing my mind?

it was near the end of september that i decided i was not losing my mind and had to start to generate evidence of the situation to hold the guilty party accountable, in both criminal and civil contexts. i started taking note of my hair length, measured at the same place, every five days, using the same ruler. these are my measurements:

now, i'm not plotting error bars and i'm aware of the value of any criticism of my methods but it nonetheless demonstrates that my hair is once again growing at a rate of an inch/month, albeit in spurts and not modeled well by a continuous function. april 1 ---> nov 1 inclusive is seven months, which is seven inches. yet, my hair is 1-2 inches shorter than that, which is a substantive percentage given that t remains short.

if my hair was growing at a rate of an inch/month over april, may, june and july and is once again growing at that rate over october after i've barricaded the door shut, why would it experience actual negative growth in august and september, other than due to being cut? the fact that i'm certain i woke up and observed it was cut also clarifies the likelihood of that event. if a rough concept of error is introduced, it is clear that my hair was cut by a cumulative amount of ~1.5 inches on at least one, and i believe probably at least two, occasions.

to state the obvious, nobody is permitted to cut my hair when i am asleep, and not for any reason at all. the behaviour has currently stopped. it must cease permanently.

obviously, this is my site. however, somebody else seems to want control of it.

this site has no revenue and no audience. you can see the number of sales by sorting through my bandcamp site. this blog has no followers.

i'm not a sex object and this site isn't about selling my sexuality. i don't want to be a sex symbol, and i'm actually celibate; i don't have sex. i'm certainly not a sex worker. if you think this page is about my sexuality, you've misunderstood it, and dramatically. this page houses my ideas and my art, it's not a personal ad or a pornography site. while i understand that i need to present myself in a certain way, as a female musician, my audience is not interested in my sexuality. i actually push back against it, but i'm seen as an intellectual by my audience; i'm not an egirl, and i don't present myself as one.

i would strongly suggest that anybody seeking to sell their sexuality find somewhere else to do so, as the reality is that there isn't an audience for it here and the people that do come here will quickly tire of anybody that lacks the analysis i post here. nobody comes here to look at my pictures; people come here to read my writing.

i still don't know exactly who the unwanted editor is, but it's becoming clearer. it's been clear the whole time that they don't understand this site, but i'm starting to realize that i'm actually dealing with a capitalist looking to buy a startup and convert the site into something else. given that fact, this site is not what they want. 

why don't we just nuke saudi arabia, thereby creating a nuclear winter?

https://www.cbc.ca/news/science/marine-clouds-climate-change-1.7016498

i actually think that storming hamas' headquarters and arresting everybody in it is the right thing to do after such a brazen criminal attack.

this isn't a war and shouldn't be thought of as one, it's a police operation to shut down a criminal organization, which is what hamas has proven that it is. every single person in that building needs to be put in jail for the rest of their lives, with no chance of parole.

this guy needs to be arrested, tried and incarcerated for life:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-67321241