Wednesday, November 15, 2023

some recent pics.

my hair is growing. i strongly suspect somebody cut about an inch off, which adds up to a month in the long run. it's a violating feeling, but it's not the end of the world.

i haven't been feeling like myself since i cut my hair and it's been affecting me more than i expected. i don't have a history of depression and have never been diagnosed with depression, but my sudden inability to project myself as a pretty girl for the first time in 15 years has indeed left me terribly depressed. i don't like how i look and i'm not going to adjust to it, i'll just have to deal with the depression until the hair grows back.

i went looking for some pictures of myself as a blonde from last year to cheer myself up and i couldn't find any, but i'm sure i took a large number of them. this has left me convinced that somebody has stolen them and left me feeling violated in relation to what might have been done with them. yet, this is consistent with what i've been experiencing: i was purchased as an apparent sex slave by some barbarians from a backwards culture and i'm going to have to figure it out, decode the details and throw them in jail. obviously, i reject the premise; i was not purchased, and i am nobody's property and nobody's slave. i've remarked previously that it was a stroke of good luck that i shaved my head as it's given me some time to figure out what is going on. i was apparently rejected because i shaved my head, which is a good thing, even if the shaved head was not.

since the new owners took over, young girls come in and out of this house and completely disappear. their cars disappear first and they're sent to live upstairs and not allowed to leave the house, then they go on to some other place and are replaced. they seem to be being recruited into something. the preference is for scandinavian blondes. it seems to be a front for some kind of arabic sex trafficking, connected to some kind of organized criminal mafia. young girls are so naive :(.

i'm going to try to recover as much media as i can, first. it cuts out in may, 2022 and picks back up again in june, 2023. there's just a black hole over that 13 months with no pictures and no videos, but i know there were pictures, at least. i remember vlogging the day i took the monitor home in july and i'm sure i took pictures on some days before i went on a bike ride. if there are still pictures somewhere, where are they?

reconstructing events:
- i died my hair red in march, 2022
- i have pictures up to the end of may, 2022.
- i cleared my vlog camera out when i did the diet walk through on may 21, 2022
- i had not cleared my vlog camera out since, from may 21, 2022 to nov 15, 2023.
- i was badly sunburned at the start of june and apparently bleached my hair in mid july. no pictures.
- in fact, there are only a handful of pictures taken between june 1, 2022 and june 8, 2023 and they are of things like my bicycle and some legal documents.
- while they are correctly numbered on the device, they are also weird. the pictures of my bicycle, taken in early november after my tire wore through, are not numbered in sequence. it makes it look like somebody renumbered the pictures in december or so.

i have a chkdsk from june, 2023 that pulled out files from 2021 and a chkdsk from sept, 2023 that produced corrupt data. i tried a testdisk on the device and it has found deleted pictures but nothing of me over the second half of 2022

i'll need to keep looking.

link on side:

nov, 2023:













oct, 2023:

sept, 2023:


aug, 2023:

















july 2023:






june 2023:


may 2023:

i did not take photos of myself before i went to movement. i do not remember if i took pictures of myself when i went out grocery shopping, but they're gone.

mar-april 2023:

i shaved my head on march 23, 2023.

jan/feb 2023:

i'm sure there were pictures, actually. i was struggling with knotted hair.

nov-dec 2022:

i spent a lot of time at the university of windsor typing legal documents for divisional court and am sure i took pictures before i left. there is a new health card picture taken after i changed my name, but it is a bad picture. i was concerned i was being hacked. i was struggling with bad hair, leading up to the shave.

oct 2022:

my health card picture is all i can find:


july--->sept 2022:

i thought i dyed my hair earlier, but my blog posts suggest it was mid july. what i remember is late may. i spent the summer of 2022 trying to lose weight i had put on after the surgery in aug, 2021 and over the winter of 2022 by doing a lot of bicycling. while there were few if any videos, i am sure there were lots of pictures taken before and after i went out on the bicycle, mostly in a purple tank top. that said, i also remember being unhappy with all of them, which is why i didn't upload any of them. the minimal amount of weight i put on and was having difficult losing would not have bothered most women, but i am used to being very thin and did not want to upload pictures where i was 5-10 pounds more than i wanted to be. i was not overweight; i was still technically probably underweight.

june 2022:

i was badly sunburned at the start of june, 2022 and would not have taken pictures while i was burned.

may 2022:

these are the last pictures i can find from 2022, at this time, but i did not shave my head for almost a year afterwards and was blonde starting in july, at the latest:

















this is a video that won't embed:

april 2022:







































videos:


mar 2022:










https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipPJO9mGLv-ce-zFzTdgUZhZpP7VcCJWxyJP49lB

nov 2021:



at
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what's happening in gaza isn't a war, it's a police operation to shut down an armed terrorist group, an organized criminal gang of violent thugs, and it's long overdue. it should be viewed something like bobby kennedy's take down of the mafia, which was also necessary, at the time. it's not something i like, and i wish it wasn't required, but it's a function of capitalism to periodically require state operations to shut down the criminal gangs that arise as a function of capitalism.

my patience with the idf will not be permanent, but this police operation is required and they should be supported by all thinking people until hamas ceases to exist. proper leftist criticism should be directed against any support for hamas, including against hospital and school workers that shield militants in vulnerable spaces instead of chasing them out of them.

this is different than what happened after 2001 because it is actually directed at the attackers. i am not a terrorist sympathizer, but the point was that iraq didn't have anything to do with 9/11 and that iraqi civilians bore no responsibility for the 9/11 attacks. i supported actions that were actually targeted against al-qaeda and against osama bin laden, but the reality is that very little of what the united states did after 9/11 actually targeted those that were responsible for it.

unlike the invasion of iraq, an attack on hamas is actually targeting those that are responsible for the oct 7 attacks. hamas should not exist. criticism of specific actions by the idf may be justified on specific levels , but the priority of the left should be on abolishing hamas first and foremost, and not on the protection of palestinian civilians. it's a hard truth that is currently necessary.

the people of gaza bear some responsibility for voting for hamas. there haven't been many elections in gaza recently, granted, but the reality is that they elected a terrorist group to represent them and are consequently somewhat liable for their actions. they are not completely innocent bystanders; it's not even a question of if silence means consensus, it's a situation where they have actively voted in favour of terrorists to represent them, democratically. they were asked who they wanted to represent them, and they picked an organized crime syndicate, by overwhelming consensus. empathy should not be entirely suspended, but it should be muted.

yes, a discourse about root causes is relevant, but it's not the primary issue at the moment, the primary issue is abolishing the terrorist organized crime network running gaza, which is a periodic necessary state action in a capitalist society. we can't accept organized crime just because we don't like capitalism, or just because we realize that organized crime is a function of capitalism. the thugs need to be taken out. it becomes a question of lesser and greater evils.

i can tolerate some criticism of the details of the action, and i'd likely have them myself if i was to analyze the situation at a granular level, which i'm not going to do. but, i am never on the side of terrorism as a tactic, and when groups of terrorist thugs like hamas arise (that are also serious threats to free expression amongst palestinians), everything else must be put aside in order to destroy them. hamas would almost certainly sentence you to death for a trivial reason if it could.

Capital punishment in the Gaza Strip has been practiced by the Hamas Administration since it assumed power in 2007. The punishment is given for offenses such as crimes against Islamic law, land sales to Israelis, and treason.

one of the crimes that hamas has executed people for is "homosexual behaviour", because it is stated in the koran that the crime for being gay is punishment by death. they're a slightly less crazy isis, which aligns them with the extreme fringes of the christian right. naive western liberals flatly do not know that and are broadly just ignorant about what they're supporting. there is a long list of so-called crimes under islamic law that hamas would execute you for, if they could, including dancing and wearing makeup in public. that was the basis for the october 7th attack in the first place - they were dancing and engaging in "unislamic activity". it wasn't about "anti-colonialism", it was an attack on some people at a party by some right-wing extremists for engaging in what they interpreted as "indecent behaviour". 

they didn't attack an army outpost, or some group of soldiers restricting the flow of people or goods. they slaughtered defenseless kids at a party because they weren't following islamic behavioural codes.

there was a giant error made in the spanish revolution by certain naive actors that aligned with the stalinists because they were the enemy of their enemies. it was the stalinists that slaughtered the anarchists. i want to learn from that mistake and not to repeat it.

hamas must be annihilated, and that must be the current priority. we can talk about what a post-hamas gaza strip looks like after that has been accomplished, but what i support is a singular secular state (a one state solution with a democratic and secular constitution) where all people have equal rights, not one where people are segregated by ethnicity or religion.
at
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under existing tort law precedent, a homeowner can sue a neighbour for trespassing if their smoke seeps on to their property, but this isn't powerful enough. it is long overdue that these kinds of bylaws started getting passed, so that people don't have to tolerate their neighbours' smoking.

at
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the schools should be both feeding and housing their students.

we need to address the for-profit model in education, as it's what the root cause of the problem is.

1:09

under existing tort law precedent, a homeowner can sue a neighbour for trespassing if that neighbours' smoke seeps on to their property, but this isn't powerful enough. it is long overdue that these kinds of bylaws started getting passed, so that people don't have to tolerate their neighbours' smoking.

1:12
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