Wednesday, July 16, 2025

the point of this document, which will be quite lengthy, is that i'm presenting evidence that i have been repeatedly drugged with what has over time clarified itself as anabolic steroids since at least the summer of 2023 in an attempt to aggressively undo my decision to undergo gender transition. the new piece of evidence i am presenting to police is a recent drug test taken on july 7, 2025, with results made available between july 9, 2025 and july 15, 2025. however, this is also the first in a series of blood tests that are forthcoming.

introduction

i'm using blogger.com as a word processor to write this document because my property remains semi-packed and will remain semi-packed until a series of issues is resolved. i would like to stay in this apartment, but i need the issue of the harassment addressed and neutralized, along with a number of other concerns that need to be addressed. i can't stay here and just keep getting assaulted indefinitely.

i have been being stalked since at least november, 2021 and have brought the issue up to police, to property owners, to property management, to the court, to doctors and to lawyers and paralegals. despite clear evidence, i have not succeeded in convincing any party to act (except my doctor, in the limited capacity that he can), which is a consequence of clear prejudicial attitudes about my gender and gender identity. when i have moved to prosecute legally and civilly for repeatedly harassing me, i've been further victimized by systemic attitudes of transphobia and, frankly, of underlying misandry and misogyny working together that don't take the idea of me being harassed seriously because i happen to have been born male. these macho attitudes are discriminatory and need to be discarded. i need action taken and arrests made; i need this to stop.

it has been clear since mid 2023 that some party is periodically drugging me with testosterone in a failed attempt to undo a gender transition that i've been living partially since 2002 and intensely since 2009. my family appears to be responsible for financing this harassment, which has been carried out by the local religious muslim community on terms set by their religious laws, which have no legal basis or legal value in canadian jurisprudence. while this has been clear to me, i have struggled to generate the evidence required to prosecute in a court of law; the level of proof required to understand you've been drugged is not the same thing as the level of proof required to prosecute somebody for drugging you. i've also come up against a very conservative police force and a very conservative court system, that almost seems to take the side of the muslim clerics in their decision to forcibly drug me, and at the least isn't very interested in the individual rights crusade of somebody trying to stand up for their right of freedom from religion.

i am not aware of any muslims in my extended family. i have recently conducted a dna test at ancestry.com, and it came back primarily norse (it identified markers that were swedish, finnish, norwegian, north scots, irish, east slavic (polish, russian or ukrainian), italo-gothic, anglo-dutch and franco-norman), with a secondary minor roman/latin origin franco-italian ancestry that the dna clarified as real but is confusing due to my italian grandmother being adopted after her parents were tied to a set of railroad tracks in an apparent mob hit in ottawa in the 1930s. my father's family's connection to organized crime is something i have no real grasp of and don't at all understand, and i don't know if it is relevant to the situation, but it very well might be. the ancestry.com results suggested i'm related to the gotti clan on my father's side, and that is the only real evidence i've ever had presented to me that i have mob ancestry. my father's family was quebecois catholic and my mother's family was western canadian anglican, but i was not raised religiously. in addition to the norse and latin ancestors, i do appear to have one jewish ancestor from spain on my mother's side that settled in philadelphia in the 18th century, a trace amount of directly celtic welsh ancestry and one semi-legendary mikmaq ancestor from colonial francophone quebecois lore that appears to be real due to the existence of clovis markers (indigenous genetic identifiers) in parts of my dna. my father's family understands it has indigenous ancestry, but does not identify as indigenous or metis but rather considers itself franco-italian. my finnish ancestry is from the part of finland that was founded as a swedish colony and appears to be almost entirely swedish in origin; i don't have ethnic finn markers in my dna. i consequently identify as north germanic or norse-celtic, as that is where roughly 85% of my dna originates (germanic-norse-celt-slav), with almost all of the rest of it being latin (franco-italian). i can also identify trace jewish and mikmaq markers in my dna and realize there are probably trace relics of ethnic finn ancestry in my dna that were not measured in the test. i tested my y-dna as being r1b and austrian celt, with the mutation having first developed in the bronze age indo-european celtic civilization of central europe (the halstatt culture). the point i'm making is that i have made a substantive attempt to understand where i'm from, and i'm not arab or muslim. i'm simply not interested in middle eastern legal systems or middle eastern cultural traditions; i would prefer to live in the cultural inheritance of my own ancestry, which is the social and cultural system of scandinavia and the common law legal system of germanic england, which is a strictly secular legal tradition. i would be extremely hostile to people of arab descent attempting to enforce muslim religious values on me; i would consider it to be colonization, and insist it should be struggled against on those grounds, explicitly.

however, i have a history of legal conflict with the local muslim community, which i have settled two human rights complaints against, previously (both from complaints of transphobia). i previously filed human rights complaints against a grocery store and against an er doctor for discrimination against me because i'm transgendered, both of whom are muslim. in both filings, i brought up concerns about arabic law being enforced upon me and the need to protect myself from this and push back against it. i do not know if that information is relevant, but have repeatedly suspected it is. the previous conflict with the muslim er doctor may provide a lead for police in determining where the drugs are coming from. i also have a history of conflict with the windsor police department itself and have wondered periodically if i'm dealing with a grudge or process of revenge being carried out, in retribution for having officers fired due to misconduct.

i had a strong suspicion that the locks would be changed if i left to take a blood test, so i repeatedly sought blood work at home between the summer of 2023 and the spring of 2025 (and refused to leave the house at all), but was repeatedly refused. my doctor sent out several requisitions as he wanted the blood work done more than anybody. windsor has a local blood lab (medical labs of windsor) with roughly a dozen locations, and they refused to send somebody to my home due to claimed safety concerns, which i believe were manufactured by police. it is true that my door was slightly barricaded to try to prevent people from getting in to drug me, but this did not cause any discernible safety concerns for phlebotomists looking to come in. this is the kind of victimization i'm constantly dealing with in trying to navigate how to prosecute my stalkers and harassers. the barricades were there for my safety, they did not pose a definable safety hazard. neither lifelabs nor dynacare responded to my doctor's requisition at all. i had an ambulance show up at my door at one point that refused to do blood work but did do ecg testing that provided strong evidence that i'd recently been drugged with anabolic steroids, when i wasn't sure at that point what i was being drugged with (meth? testosterone?). since that point in time, i've been trying to very carefully generate evidence that i'm being periodically drugged with steroids, specifically.

after a lengthy process that i believe was riddled with legal and factual errors and coloured by systemic levels of transphobia, and which i am continuing to appeal, i was evicted in april of 2025. i saw my doctor at the end of may and got a blood requisition, but i wanted to wait until i was certain they'd pick something up. a game of chicken with my stalkers set in over june and i believe i was drugged either on june 26th or on july 1st, or both. police were called on july 4th and july 6th. bloodwork was done on july 7, 2025.

as the primary purpose of this document is to present the bloodwork, let me address it first. i will then work through the history backwards, presenting further evidence in a backwards manner.

why i waited to get bloodwork done

police have repeatedly expressed confusion about why i didn't get bloodwork done sooner. if i'd really been drugged, why didn't i go get evidence? it's not quite that easy.

first, note that i was concerned about the safety of leaving the house. in hindsight, i can't really know how real my concerns were, or if my locks would have been changed when i was gone, but i believed them to be very real and believed my locks would be changed. my concern initially stemmed from the observation that the new property owner apparently spent her entire summer holidays in the new house, apparently waiting for me to leave. why? i was operating on body language and a series of blatant cues, including people banging on my door. i was being overly cautious, but i think my concerns were real. i did not want to end up sleeping outside and felt it was a very real concern. i was not able to get a home lab visit, and i did try more than twice.

second, note that i take a lot of hormones and that anything introduced to the hormones i take voluntarily is added to the mix. i predicted that this would make it difficult to pick up a clear signal and would require that i get my blood taken in a very limited time frame after being drugged in order to actually catch somebody drugging me.

- i take high dosages of estradiol every six hours. my estradiol should be in the 450-900 range.
- i take progesterone every six hours. my progesterone should always be above 15 and usually be above 20.
- i also take testosterone blockers every six hours. my testosterone should be trace, that is <0.3. the result should say trace or unmeasurable, and be <0.3 or <0.4. to be clear: the result should be less than an upper limit, and not a measurable amount. any measured amount of testosterone would indicate a spike in t levels.

the fact that i take testosterone blockers every six hours means i'm constantly giving my body powerful tools to clear any testosterone from my system. if somebody is able to get into my apartment and drug me when i'm sleeping, or put something in my food, they may at most be able to introduce more testosterone every 24-36 hours, depending on my habits. i generally eat once a day, but i might not always eat the item that was tampered with. more realistically they might be able to introduce testosterone at most every 48 hours or even only once or twice a week. it follows that i will have at least four opportunities to block the testosterone for every opportunity they have to introduce it - and probably at least 10 opportunities - and i intend to make use of those extra opportunities and always have made use of them to remove the introduced testosterone at every point. i do not want to go off t-blockers to catch them, as i'd have to suffer the consequences of that. that make this very hard.

i have long suspected, without clear empirical evidence but rather based on what i experienced, that the drugs were being removed from my system extremely efficiently. i am pretty healthy; in recent years (since the pandemic), i have consumed almost no alcohol and smoked almost nothing. i have recently bicycled a little less than i did a few years ago due to circumstances, but i still get a fair amount of cardio in. it's also simply the case that what i experienced was being drugged, in the sense that i felt myself "get high on testosterone", i experienced very short term physical effects while i was high on testosterone that could not be explained any other way, and then i very clearly "came down" and watched the effects dissipate. it was pretty clear that the testosterone they were drugging me with was not working very well, and thankfully so, as it was about the last thing in the world that i was interested in. however, if the testosterone only took a few days to clear from my system, it would take up to two weeks to fully undo the most egregious result, which was unwanted face and body hair. it would, however, quite predictably clear in a relatively short amount of time, until they drugged me again. the primary way i've been determining if i've recently been drugged again or not is to take note of whether i'm growing hair on my stomach or not, as i did not grow hair on my stomach before i want into transition in 2002 and i certainly shouldn't be randomly growing hair there now. that particular metric is clear and unambiguous.

i also want to take note of the fact that i was castrated in the summer of 2021 in a surgical procedure called an orchiectomy. this castration process fully removed my testicles, which renders me unable to produce testosterone, except via my adrenal gland.  i need some small amount of testosterone to manufacture red blood cells. the small amount of testosterone i produce now, post-castration, is bio-identical to the amount that ciswomen produce, also primarily for the purpose of red blood cell manufacture.

it is impossible to explain how i would spontaneously grow hair on my stomach after being castrated when i never did before and i'm continuing to take t-blockers without introducing some external source entering my body via tampered with food, pills and/or injections. there have been other painful and embarrassing symptoms, but it is the stomach hair that is most clearly the result of an introduced substance, as i never, ever grew hair there previously, at all.

urine testing as a better way to catch being drugged with anabolic steroids

given that my experience has been that i'm very efficiently clearing any drugs being non-consensually introduced into my system by force, i asked my doctor to test my liver and kidney functions to determine if i was experiencing signs of damage. 

my blood test for liver function came back in the normal range:

ALT / SGPT - 21                                      (range: 0 - 54 IU/L)

this would suggest my liver is in good health. this is relieving. however, the tests for kidney health are less clear.

CK - 68                                                     (range: 24 - 170 IU/L)
CREATININE - 88                                   (range: 40 - 100 umol/L)
eGFR  - 69 if female, 96 if male                (range: > 90 is normal, 60-90 is slightly damaged)

note that egfr is a gender-based test and that the result is determined by a constant that is altered for gender. this results in a higher value for men than women, based on the same data, but the healthy ranges are the same for both genders, despite the existence of this manipulative constant. that's why there's two results; there are two different formulas, with distinct constants in them. i have spoken to an endocrinologist about this, and it is not clear how to adjust the egfr calculation for a transgendered person, other than to do both calculations and make a reasonable analysis. as my ck and creatinine are both in normal ranges, and my egfr is on the lowish side (low but healthy if male, slightly damaged if female), it would suggest that my kidneys are slightly overworked but are working well at efficient clearance and not experiencing damage. if my kidneys were damaged, it would also result in high ck and creatinine in addition to the low egfr, because they wouldn't be getting cleared.

the urine test result upholds this:

URINE CREATININE - 37.84                  (range: 5 - 16 mmol/L for females, 7-18 mmol/L for men)
URINE ALBUMIN  - 19                           (range: 0 - 20 mg/L for females)
ALBUMIN/CREATININE RATIO  - 0.5  (range: 0 - 2.8 mg/mmol)

this result, when cross-referenced to the blood test result, clearly indicates that i've successfully recently removed a very large amount of creatinine and a relatively large amount of albumin from my bloodstream and that it put some stress on my kidneys but left me with healthy blood test results. it would suggest i'm still healthy and have normal blood test results, but that i recently experienced a little bit of organ stress, and that had the test been taken 24-48 hours earlier (when i experienced symptoms of being drugged), that that elevated creatinine result would have probably been in my blood rather than my urine. this is exactly what i was worried about in potentially missing the positive result due to the high amount of t blockers being consumed, and trying to guess when the best time to take the test would be. if i had taken the test 48 hours later, i might have missed it altogether.

the question to ask is what would cause so much creatinine and so much albumin together and the correct answer is that it is strong evidence of being drugged with anabolic steroids. 

alternate explanations

1) protein. a combination of normal blood creatinine and high urine creatinine may also be caused by having recently eaten a very, very large amount of meat protein. creatinine is not present in plants. i have been taking note of my diet recently and that is not the case:

- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).
- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.
- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.
- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.
- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins.

while there is a little bit of processed meat in this diet, and i add a reasonable amount of essential amino acids to almost every meal in the form of hemp seeds and nutritional yeast, it is not very likely that the chicken noodle soup i had on the morning of july 7th or the can of stew i had on the morning of july 4th caused such extremely elevated creatinine levels, even with a tablespoon of hemp seeds and a tablespoon of nutritional yeast. urine creatinine at twice healthy levels would require consuming something like an excess multitude of hamburgers or a very, very large steak. that is really a crazy test result.

2) dehydration. creatinine may be elevated during dehydration, but blood urea is a better indicator and my urea was normal, indicating i was likely not substantively dehydrated:

UREA - 4.9                        (range: 2.5 - 8 mmol/L)

i did not feel dehydrated. it was a little cooler out on the 7th than it has been for much of the summer.

3) strenuous exercise. i had not done any strenuous exercise on this day. i had bicycled a short distance to the lab and was not at all stressed by it.

ketones in urine, not diabetic

a second marker in my urine is considered a symptom of extreme levels of diabetes and a medical emergency:

KETONES, URINE - 3.9 mmol/L     (range: <0.6)

however, i'm not diabetic:

1) HbA1C - 5.0                 (non-diabetic range is 0 - 6 %)
2) RANDOM GLUCOSE - 4.9     (range: 3.6 - 8 mmol/L)

in fact, my random glucose was in normal fasting levels, when i was drinking a coffee, which is actually quite low. it had been several hours (roughly 10) since i'd eaten a big bowl of chicken soup, but i had just consumed a third an xl cup of coffee with a double double. there was a line at the blood lab, the tim's was across the street and i just forgot i was fasting and went across the street to get a coffee to wait in line. i wanted coffee. clearly.

i am struggling to understand this result, which google tells me is a medical emergency and should trigger a trip to the emergency room, but it can be explained by steroid use triggering insulin resistance. however, again, i have no symptoms of diabetes or insulin resistance.

i am in fact going to go to ask my doctor for an urgent monthly blood req when i'm done this document that will use what i learned from this blood test to build a more focused blood test to hone in on specific results that might catch the steroids more directly in blood and in urine. i may also need to go to the er to get particular tests done, such as a direct steroid test. i will add further results to the top of this document.

steroid test not covered by ohip

why didn't i get tested for steroids? because it's not covered. i am not critical of the fact that ohip does not cover this as getting drugged with steroids is not common, but i do need to get tested directly for steroids and will need to figure out how to get that covered. my ketones result is serious enough that i might get this done at an er.

what exactly are ketones?

ketones are created as a byproduct of your body metabolizing fat instead of glucose/sugar. when your metabolism is working correctly, you convert sugar into energy. when you can't convert sugar to energy, your body begins to break down fat and use it as fuel, instead. this is a sign of diabetes because it suggests you aren't getting sugar out of your blood, which is what insulin does; that clearly isn't the problem i was having. rather, this needs to be put in the context of the massive creatinine urine level:

what exactly is creatinine?

creatinine is produced into the blood when muscle breaks down and is then removed via kidneys and excreted in urine. very high creatinine in urine like this suggests a recent loss of a lot of muscle. given my blood and hormone chemistry, the actual question that needs to be asked is where the muscle came from in the first place, as i should have a very difficult time building any muscle, by design. i don't want to be muscular (i think it's gross) and take hormones and have had surgery to ensure i can't build muscle. i do a fair amount of cardio that is designed to burn fat, not to build muscle. i do not lift weights. i do not engage in resistance training. i shouldn't have all this creatinine to excrete. the only way i could have this much muscle buildup in my system in the first place is if i was drugged with steroids, experienced short term muscle build up and then experienced rapid muscle loss due to immediate withdrawal from the steroids. that is why the very, very high creatinine result suggests involuntary steroid use and withdrawal, in a process that mimics muscular dystrophy. the high creatinine and high ketones in my urine together suggest i was also burning fat for energy in addition to losing large amounts of muscle mass. could that be because the steroids forced me to deposit more fat, in the absence of weight-training and exercise?

i need to do more testing, clearly. 

blood hormone levels

as mentioned, testing my blood testosterone directly is difficult due to the amount of hormones i take. these are the results:

PROGESTERONE - 19.9 nmol/L
ESTRADIOL - 452 pmol/L
FSH < 0.2 IU/L
LH < 0.2 IU/L
PROLACTIN 30.93 ug/L
TESTOSTERONE 0.5 nmol/L

these are good results for a transgendered woman, but i want to note that i generally have a non-zero fsh and lh and that my testosterone is usually less than 0.5. while good for most transwomen, these results are different than what i expect. fsh and lh both at zero happens in men who take steroids. the non-trace testosterone, combined with the other blood and urine results, is also indicative of having recently been drugged, and having removed it via urine. i wish i had a urine testosterone result and will ask for that as a part of the new req.

broad spectrum toxicology

i tested negative for all drugs, including for meth and for mdma. on some level this is relieving, but it's also been a while since that was a concern. i was not tested for steroids, for viagra or for psilocybin.

new blood req

items requested for monthly req:

- blood and urine tests for anabolic steroids
- blood and urine cortisol (for corticosteroids)
- blood and urine tests for ketones
- blood and urine creatinine and albumin
- testosterone - blood and urine
- estradiol
- progesterone
- lh
- fsh
- prolactin
- urea
- ck
- alt
- efgr
- fasting glucose and fasting cholesterol
- hba1c
- broad spectrum toxicology
- any further tests determined as necessary

recent history

a small number of calls were made to police between when i moved in on may 9th and when i requested police arrive at my door on july 4th. i believe they succeeded in drugging me a few days before my doctor's appointment in may, as  experienced psilocybin like effects (something that happened repeatedly from 2023-2025). for that reason, i decided to wait until they drugged me again before i went to get the blood work done. i also made sure they knew i had a blood req ready to go, hoping it would scare them into leaving me alone.

i did not go outside between june 16th and july 7th, except to accept packages, check mail and talk to police.

my property manager sent a worker here on june 26th to seal some holes in the kitchen and bathroom. the worker noted that the bathroom sink was still leaking, despite there being somebody here to fix it a few days earlier. this worker was here early in the morning and disrupted my sleeping schedule, so i went back to sleep in the afternoon when he left. i woke up again around 16:00 to a plumber in my apartment (without notice) and began to notice effects of the drugging, including bumps on my stomach, within a few hours. i would consider it unlikely that the plumber drugged me, but they may have accidentally allowed the stalker in to the apartment when i was sleeping. i began to hear the stalker's voice claim "i can't believe this worked". the stalker is always very proud when he succeeds in harassing me, which i find baffling and disgusting. he would apparently rather brag about his crimes than try to hide them.

on july 1st, i woke up with a brutal splitting headache. early on the morning of july 3rd, i had the first of several bouts of vicious diarrhea. i woke up around 8:00 am on july 3rd shivering from near hypothermia, in 23-25 degree weather outside. i first noticed actual hair (rather than bumps) on my stomach on july 3rd, and had to stop to pluck it out. also on the 3rd, somebody repeatedly buzzed my door, which is an issue that traces back to the previous apartment (and which i documented then). on july 4th, they woke me up by generating an erection, which can't happen unless they drugged me recently, and which dissipated within a few seconds of waking up but left me in a painful and embarrassed state. i called police to document this. this happened again several times on the 4th, 5th and 6th and i called police a second time on the 6th. during these days, they told me they were going to enforce arabic law on me, they demanded i stop taking hormones so that they didn't interfere with their "therapy" and, at one point, they told me they wanted to engage in oral sex on me. it's been clear for a long time that they are doing this because they want to have sex with me, and are not interested in my repeated refusal to consent. i got my blood taken on the 7th and did not sleep in the morning on the 7th, 8th or 9th. i was not woken up on those days. i did notice some unwanted hair start to build up on the 9th, which was very time consuming to eliminate. they did wake me up again on the 10th in the same way they did on the 4th, 5th and 6th, leading me to wonder if they drugged me again. however, when they tried to wake me up on the 12th and 13th, they did not succeed in generating an erection, but only in waking me up (repeatedly), indicating the drugs had worn off. when i am not under the influence of the drugs they give me, i am not able to become erect because (1) i'm castrated and (2) i take t-blockers post-castration. i very, very rarely experienced erections pre-castration due to the t-blockers; i got surgery to stop taking t-blockers to save my liver, but went back on them when this started happening. they can still train me to wake up on command when i'm not under the influence of the steroids, and i will wake up when they command me to, but i don't wake up with the half limp but painful three second long erections i get when they drug me, i just wake up. sometimes, i may have heart palpitations (i did on the 13th), and i've learned that the heart palpitations are resolved by taking calcium in the form of extra strength antacids. calcium resolves the heart palpitations (a symptom of steroid use) because it is a muscle relaxant. 

as of the 14th, i believe i have cleared the most recently introduced steroids, there is no hair on my stomach, the hair on my legs has softened and thinned back to normal levels and the hair on my face that popped up after the 9th has largely been washed off. i expect that i'll be back to normal within a few days. this has forced me to stay inside and sit in the shower for hours, instead of go out to buy used furniture for my new apartment.

i also taped over some of the windows when i woke up on july 4th and some more of the windows on july 10th. it would in theory be possible for somebody to climb the roof at 747 windsor and jump though the open windows, as the houses are very close together. you could talk to the owner there. somebody could also potentially go out the window in unit 4, climb up to the roof and drop down through the open window. both procedures would be very dangerous and arguably stupid, but i have learned that these people are overwhelmingly obsessed with me. i need to document the possible, not just the plausible. the windows are now taped up.

they were at the hotel, from late april to early may

it took a few days for them to get there. but the same voices showed up at the hotel i stayed at, which was the royal windsor hotel on huron church, and they drugged me with some kind of psilocybin-like substance on several occasions, which i did not enjoy. i initially went into shock because i was finally starting to feel and look normal again near the end of april, only for them to show back up again and drug me at the hotel. i became extremely depressed by this and did not know how to react. checking the records of the hotel from april 10th to may 10th and cross-referencing it with records for people staying at 1227 curry and 751 windsor could help identify who these people are.

the identity of the stalkers

i don't know who these people are with any clarity, but i have recognized the following voices over the last three years:

- i believe my mother, kerry murray, was upstairs at 1227 curry for a period of time. i believe she lived there for a while in 2023. i heard her voice quite frequently then but have not in a long time. she may have been intending to move into my apartment.
- i believe my half sister, hannah boucher, was staying there with my mother periodically in 2023. she was frequently referenced indirectly. 
- i believe my mother's sister, pamela murray, also flew into town periodically over 2023 and 2024 and spent weekends upstairs at 1227 curry. i also heard her voice. she seemed to be meeting somebody there on the weekends, and perhaps engaging in some kind of prostitution. if the question is "why would she fly in", that would seem to be the answer. i would have to assume it was worth her time. it would seem as though some people in the area of bayswater avenue in ottawa thought that pam and i were the same person, because we sequentially lived in my grandmother's apartment (not at the same time, but one after the other) and happen to be very similar looking. that confusion might be at the core of this; she may have been more open to suggestions than i am, and i am not open to suggestions. when i asked pam about this at the start of it, she responded by telling me that she thought the "therapy" would be good for me. it left me with the uncomfortable perception that she had some knowledge about what was happening.
- i believe my full sister, megan giacomelli (megan parent) was upstairs at 1227 curry on a small number of occasions, to check on progress, at the start of this. i think it likely that she might have initially organized it. this is also because i heard her voice. i do not think she's come back to windsor in a long time.

- in recent months, i have not heard my family but have rather heard a team of three voices working together.
- the three voices are a deep and husky male voice that i believe is a male of arabic ancestry, a more midrange male voice that sounds more white and a female-presenting voice that i sometimes think is a gay man, sometimes think is a female and sometimes think is a transfemale. there is periodically a fourth voice that sounds like a black male due to his use of african american vernacular, and that appears to be working as protection for the other three.
- the team of three people apparently wants to move into my apartment and wanted to move into my apartment at 1227 curry, previously. they have indicated they are producing some kind of film. they have indicated they want control of my websites and want to steal my recording equipment.
- for that reason, i'm actually convinced that what is actually going on here is a very bizarre attempt at identity theft and that this isn't about harassing me, exactly, but about taking control of my web persona. 
- they have repeatedly repeated the phrase "she paid sean." or "she paid chan(telle)". i actually don't know what that means, but they keep saying it. it would appear to indicate some level of financing underlying the harassment, which aligns with what i otherwise deduced. they appear to be trying to explain, that seems to be why they keep saying it, but i don't understand what they mean.
- one of them has claimed they have a master's degree. another has claimed they're a doctor, but i don't believe that. they do seem to have some level of education in freudian or jungian psychoanalysis, which is what they are doing. 
- i have periodically convinced and unconvinced myself that one of the three voices is chantelle simpson, also initially from ottawa, but i did not see her at 1227 curry after the fall of 2023 and have not seen her at 751 windsor. she has strenuously denied being in windsor at all, but i did see her repeatedly over the summer of 2023.
- i observed several drug deals take place at 1227 curry. a male named cody levesque, who i think was the initial stalker, was at the centre of these drug deals. i became convinced over 2023 that the house was bought by organized crime, and i was stuck in it. it is also possible that the midrange voice belongs to cody levesque.
- i also saw the owner of the husky voice through a window at 1227 curry on one occasion, when they just moved in, at the start of may 2023. he was a heavy set, bearded male of apparent bearded ancestry
- on one occasion in late 2023, somebody that i knew from high school named sean hansel appeared at my door and tried to coerce me to open it. this appeared to be a tactic to get me to open up. i told him to fuck off. sean shows up as a guest of the team of three voices, periodically. he may be here in an attempt to steal some of my recording equipment, and it may be tied into the attempt at identity theft.
- since mid 2023, the team of three voices has ensured i can't see them, ever. they do not want anybody to know they even exist at all, but they do.
- all i can say for certain is that i have been followed by a group of three people from 1227 curry to the hotel to 751 windsor that is insisting on putting me through this therapy, involuntarily. they keep telling me somebody paid "sean" for it, in an attempt to explain.
- i have deduced - without evidence, besides that i've been followed - that 751 windsor may have been recently purchased by the same people that bought 1227 curry. this was as a personal investment by a worker employed by the upper class real estate company sotheby's, which never made sense to me. it indicates some deep wealth bought a small house that it shouldn't have cared much about, and i was the apparent target, not the house.
- i have a phone number sent to me in november 2021 in the context of a request for random sex by a stranger that i think is cody levesque's and is the only piece of clear evidence that i have in potentially identifying any of these people.
- if they would simply leave me alone, i wouldn't have to do this, but they have now followed me to three dwellings and i have no choice but to do whatever is required to put them behind bars in order to get them to stop.

the ambulance visit in dec, 2024

i requested an ambulance visit in dec of 2024. the following is a document submitted as a part of a previous police report, 2024-307533.

===

i have been dealing with an ongoing sexual harassment for months, since my duplex was purchased in early 2023. somebody is trying to detransition me for an unclear reason, but they have clarified that they want to have sex with me, which i am not interested in.

on the morning of dec 6 at 4:00 am and again on dec 7 at 6:00 am i woke up erect, for roughly 10 seconds before it dissolved. i am a castrated transgendered female, so the idea of me ever having any sort of erection is biologically impossible, in the absence of drugs, which i strenuously do not want in my system. this indicates i've been drugged, as it would otherwise be impossible. i have been experiencing the effects of this unwanted drugging since mid 2023, coming from an entity upstairs that delusionally expects to have sex with me, which there is no possibility of ever happening. in fact, it is a foregone conclusion that i will react extremely violently if forced to defend myself from any sexual advances. i have done everything i possible can to broadcast my complete and total lack of consent, but they appear to be from a middle eastern country and don't seem to understand or care, due to some kind of culture shock.

i am being spoken to when i am asleep in order to generate the arousal. the process being utilized is operand or pavlovian conditioning, although they think they are doing freudian talk therapy. there is a literature on the idea that you can "cure" queer people via talk therapy, which is frankly overwhelmingly stupid and not any kind of science, but is more accepted in eastern cultures. pavlov, however, is science, and they can get the result for ten seconds after i wake up, but only if they drug me first. if they have drugged me recently or a lot, i will have to suffer through an excruciating level of agitation for hours afterwards, which they seem to think is pleasureful, but is actually extremely difficult and at times outright painful.

on these two days - dec 6 and 7 -  i woke up with apparent injection marks on my scrotum, which had not happened before. i also noticed my underwear was damp, which may have been from swabbing the scrotum. by the morning of the 7th, the area was extremely red and sore and full of broken skin. i called police to try to get pictures to them. 

an officer was sent early in the morning, who i talked to briefly over the phone, and who suggested i file a report online if i want to upload pictures. i am apparently unable to do this. i will post a link to this document.

i also asked that an ambulance be dispatched so that i could get some documentation and they did not look at it, but they did take an ecg and the paramedic actually suggested taking me into a hospital as i was under threat of a heart attack due a heightened t-wave, which he suggested was due to a potassium imbalance. i am not experiencing symptoms of a heart attack. one of the causes of potassium imbalance is kidney stress or failure, which is what would happen if you continually drugged a castrated transfemale with testosterone in order to try to make them get an erection and my actual concern in claiming the harassment is a causing me to fear for my safety. it would appear that the results are in general the type of ecg that would be expected to be observed from a male on steroids, rather than a transgendered female.

i do not want to take steroids, or build muscles. i have never done any weight-training or taken any steroids before in my life and i would consider the premise to be disgusting. i am neither attracted to muscular men nor would i want to be one. i don't like jocks, i don't like gay men and i don't like thugs. i know enough about human metabolism to know that i won't build any muscle if i don't lift any weights, and i have actually even stopped my cardio workouts until i can extricate the testosterone form my system, as i don't want to accidentally build muscle when i'm actually trying to lose weight.

the ambulance did not take blood tests. i have not been able to get a blood lab to perform a home visit and it's not clear why.

as of the afternoon of the 7th, my scrotum remains extremely sore and agitated and i'm extremely frustrated, confused and angry. i have previously made accusations of being drugged rectally that i couldn't prove (besides taking pictures of soiled underwear) and suspect they changed their tactic because it wasn't getting the outcome they wanted, by injecting me in my scrotum instead. my rectum is not currently sore. my perineum (the skin between the scrotum and anus) is extremely sore.

this is the ecg, with:

1) spiked t-waves suggesting kidney failure
2) spike p-waves, a dipped s wave and a benign early repolarization, which is strongly suggestive of high testosterone levels

all four are seen in athletes or men that take steroids, which is what i'm accusing my neighbour of drugging me with. this is an abnormal ecg and demonstrates that my body is under extreme stress and that i'm not imagining being drugged or making it up.

EPSON003.JPG

these are pictures of the agitated scrotum, which i think is demonstrating injection marks:

IMG_0041.JPGIMG_0040.JPGIMG_0035.JPGIMG_0034.JPGIMG_0033.JPG

i believe each of these three red lines is an injection mark that causes the ten second erections and the ecg indicative of steroid use. as mentioned, the region remains sore and raw, even late on the evening of the 7th.

i am going to be contacting my doctor about an appointment early in the week. my doctor actually has an expertise in "sports medicine" and would be able to analyze this, if given to him.

j

================

summary of 2021-2024

i am not going to attach complaints i made about being anally drugged over late 2023 because they aren't medical documentation and i did not report them to police in that context. however, there is a document presented to police called "the saga of the tossed around dick pick" that summarizes the situation up to the end of 2023: 

i presented this document to local justices in windsor in an attempt to press mischief charges against the owners at 1227 curry via private prosecution, but hit a dead-end when told i had to go to the courthouse, as i didn't feel safe going outside.

the situation over most of 2024 stagnated. i made it very difficult to get into my apartment by barricading the doors shut, and that largely prevented them from drugging me for most of the year, but i also made a handful of mistakes, and they made me pay for it. at one point, i had to go outside to call teksavvy, and they got and drugged a bunch of my food. i struggled to find the source of what i thought was testosterone but now think was steroids, and eventually concluded that my vitamins (c, d) were doctored, my grapefruit juice was punched and my hot sauce was spiked. i was not able to get police to test these items, and they did not offer advice as to how to have them tested privately. as mentioned, i could not get a home lab visit. 

there were many calls made to police over 2024. i could not generate the evidence they wanted, and felt myself in a catch-22; i'm not a detective. the police could not do the kind of work i needed them to do for me, and rather expected me to do it and provide it to them, and i couldn't. i need the police to do the police work to get the evidence the police needed to do the police work. i was locked in a basement for two years, hiding from people trying to drug me, and reaching out to anybody i could find for help. all i received was frustrating results.

a document presented to the ltb contains a summary of those police reports:

conclusion

my inability to generate drug test results while i was locked in the basement made it difficult for me to advance my argument, but these cases remain in appeal and i need to do what i can to get the information out, now. i am happy to do things like file motions for fresh evidence. i think the situation justifies it.

as mentioned, i don't know the identity of the three stalkers. one is an arab muslim male, one is female-identifying (or very, very gay) and the other one is sort of a mystery. as further drug tests come in and it becomes increasingly clear that my concerns were justified and real from the very start, i need to make an increasing appeal to anybody involved to act like a decent human being and get information to police if you have it. this document will eventually be presented to police in relation to report number 25-70223. if you can identify one or more of these three individuals, or you have further information to provide to police, please provide it, so i can put end to this difficult period of constant harassment and get on with my life.

as it is, i have more bloodwork to do.

Tuesday, July 15, 2025

as an aside, i have to give canada's indigenous people a round of applause for understanding that the indigenous group in the region is the jews. this exercise in learning basic history has evaded the attention of the bulk of the fake left, who bafflingly will stand in front of an audience and claim the palestinians are an indigenous group, despite the history being readily available and uncontroversial. christopher hitchens would have insulted their intelligence to their face, and been right to do it.

some of the indigenous jews were expelled by the romans. most of them converted to christianity shortly after that event. arabs invaded the region after the 7th century, and mostly later than that (9th-10th centuries). however, the region was majority christian until after the collapse of the crusades in the 14th and 15th centuries.

not only are palestinian arabs not indigenous, they're barely as old as european settlement in the new world. they're a recent invader.
On Sunday, a group of Indigenous leaders who are part of the Indigenous Embassy Jerusalem urged the entertainment companies Live Nation and MRG Group not to allow Kneecap to perform.

“Allowing them to play would not only be a violation of the peace treaties signed by First Nations leaders, but would openly glorify terrorism and hatred,” they said.

this is a better idea, in principle.

i was going to point out that live nation is owned by the saudis, making that tactic unlikely to work, but they have recently sold their stake.

i'd try it.
these guys are idiots, clearly. however, waving a flag at a concert has nothing to do with what hate crime legislation is in canada, and this confusion needs to be addressed because it is extremely dangerous. it threatens to criminalize free speech, which is what this actually is.

the easiest way to understand this is that a hate crime in canada has to be a crime before it is a hate crime. the hate part refers to the motive of the crime. examples of crimes that might become hate crimes include assault, arson and vandalism; if you assault somebody because they're a jew, or burn down a church because it's black, or spray paint anti-queer propaganda on a wall downtown, you may be subject to greater sentencing if the court determines your motive is hate. a non-hate crime assault might land you 10 years in jail, whereas a hate-motivated assault could land you 15 or 20, if the judge decides it.

hate crime legislation in canada is not about criminalizing free speech, although there are very limited provisions in the criminal code (and subject to being interpreted via existing precedent) that will criminalize speech that is intended to create actual, foreseeable harm. this is extremely stringent. in order to be sent to jail for this reason, the crown has to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that violence is imminent and that your threats and language are a clear and present danger to a specific community.

these goofs are of no threat to anything other than their own artistic reputation.

that said, if anybody has any evidence of sending actual money to hezbollah, that's a different story. you can't do that, and you should be banned from the country if you did.

if the pmo is cluing in that trump doesn't want a free trade agreement, the next thing to do is to put off any substantive agreement until trump is gone.

i'm not a free trade fundamentalist, or even a free trade advocate, but it is clear that our government wants a free trade deal, for better or worse. the opposition wants a free trade deal.

don't sign a shitty deal just to get it over with.

wait trump out. he'll be gone in a few years, if he lasts that long.
if the increase in inflation is being caused by tariffs, as appears to be the case, it is not clear what effect interest rates will have on reducing it.

i hope that the bank of canada is smart enough to realize that trying to fight tariffs with interest rate hikes is not helpful.
if the americans want to sell milk in canada, they need to up their standards, first.
american dairy products should be banned for health reasons, as their milk is full of dangerous drugs that don't pass testing in canada.

this needs to be explained to the americans on blunt terms: their milk wouldn't pass safety inspection in canada.

there's a symbol to look for to verify that you're not buying unsafe american milk:


i did get the toxicology test back.

Broad Spectrum Toxicology Urine Screen
 Amphetamines NOT DETECTED
5687 LifeLabs 100 International Blvd. Toronto Ontario M9W 6J6 Canada
 Benzodiazepines NOT DETECTED
5687 LifeLabs 100 International Blvd. Toronto Ontario M9W 6J6 Canada
 Opiates NOT DETECTED
5687 LifeLabs 100 International Blvd. Toronto Ontario M9W 6J6 Canada
 Cannabinoids NOT DETECTED
5687 LifeLabs 100 International Blvd. Toronto Ontario M9W 6J6 Canada
 Anti-Depressants NOT DETECTED
5687 LifeLabs 100 International Blvd. Toronto Ontario M9W 6J6 Canada
 Anti-Psychotics NOT DETECTED
5687 LifeLabs 100 International Blvd. Toronto Ontario M9W 6J6 Canada
 Other Drugs NOT DETECTED
5687 LifeLabs 100 International Blvd. Toronto Ontario M9W 6J6 Canada


Testing performed by liquid chromatography tandem
mass spectrometry - LC-MS/MS.
For a complete list of drugs included in each
category, detection cut-offs, units of
measurement, and for additional information
about this lab-developed test please use the
following link: http://tests.lifelabs.com/
Search for: BROAD SPECTRUM TOX SCREEN (BST)

they did test for meth and for mdma and i'm negative for both, at least right now.

they did not test for steroids or for viagra, or for psilocybin, which i may have also been drugged with.

steroid tests are not covered by ohip. it's about $100. i'll have to see if i can talk my doctor into it, based on the results of the previous test, or if i can talk a hospital into it. a hospital will perform these tests for free if they're convinced it's worth it.

the urine ketone result is pretty scary, but it almost seems like a mistake, if not for the extremely elevated creatinine. it's hard to even make sense of at all. i've clearly been viciously drugged, but i need a secondary test to double down on it.
to put it another way, i could honestly state that the idea of america, and of the "american dream", does not interest me. i don't want to live in the united states. i'm not interested in the promise or potential of america, i'm not inspired by america and i don't think america leads the way. america is a loser in the global economy.

i'm more interested in living in a low population scandinavian style welfare state, with scandinavian people that have scandinavian values, and canada has historically been more like a scandinavian welfare state than it has been like the united states and it's protestant capitalism.

i consider the united kingdom to be a part of scandinavia and not a part of roman europe - geographically, culturally and historically.
somebody should combine 70% no name's caesar and 30% frank's hot sauce into a single condiment.
i may have opened up a can of spaghetti in declaring pasta italian.

pasta is just wheat and water. we have evidence the neanderthals ground wild wheat. it's pretty old and pretty universal.

however, pasta as we understand it is italian, without question.
yup.


why don't i use mozarella on my pasta?

because cheddar has a much higher retinol content. that's the reason.
my pasta might seem italian, but it's actually very native american. call it a spaghetti western pasta. where's my morricone?

american origin items:
tomato, red pepper, paprika, hot sauce, cayenne pepper, pineapple, avocado, sunflower seeds, caesar dressing***, genoa salami*, nutritional yeast, canola oil

italian/greek origin items
pasta, thyme, oregano, basil, olive oil, brocolli, genoa salami*, beet root**, caesar dressing***

south asian origin items
lime, garlic, carrot, cumin, hemp seeds, black pepper

scandinavian origin items:
dill

british origin items
marble (cheddar) cheese

* genoa salami was invented by italian-american immigrants, and isn't exactly italian 
** it was the romans that first started eating beet root rather than beet greens (chards), which were eaten by greeks and egyptians.
*** caesar dressing was invented by an italian-mexican immigrant
the food bank gave me upwards of 30 red and yellow peppers, piles of broccoli, several containers of pesto, a big bag of limes and kilograms worth of pasta. i had put the pasta aside as the last thing to eat in my first meal schedule.

it follows that i will be eating pasta just about every day until mid august, as i eat through four or five schedules to catch up. here's the recipe i'm using:

pre-prep
- on a large flat plate add - one half a tomato (diced), one half a red pepper (diced), one avocado (diced), two cloves of garlic, one carrot, one beet, one tbsp of oregano, one tbsp of thyme, one tbsp of basil, some fresh dill (chopped). the food bank gave me two tomatoes, a container of mini tomatoes, an assortment of processed tomatoes, a lot of red and yellow peppers and a container of mini red peppers. avocados were on sale and i bought enough to match the peppers. i bought a lot of carrots and a lot of beets, which are both cheap; i was able to find a bag of about 30 skinny carrots for $3.00, which is ideal for the application.

- chop 150 g of fresh pineapple into small squares on a small plate. i got four actual pineapples at reduced price at the grocery store across the street because they were ripe, which is a good thing (who wants crunchy pineapples? it's better if they're a little soft.). it seems like i should get around 900 g of usable fruit per pineapple.
- peel and segment one lime. chop each segment in half. put on same plate.

- slice and chop up 50 g of salami into small squares (i'm using spicy genoa sold in a 600 g amount). the food bank also gave me a small amount of ground bison (which i do not believe i've ever eaten before) and a large package of chicken breasts, both of which are in the freezer, and which i'll sub for the salami as it runs out in equal 50 g amounts. 
- fry in olive oil margarine until a little crispy. 

- chop off the top of 25 g of broccoli florets and place on a small plate. place any stems in a bowl in the freezer, which is cumulative.

- grate 100 g of marble cheese

- weigh 110 g of dry pasta, preferably fettucine, but i will not be using fettucine for the foreseeable future. the last three days used up some kind of chinese egg noodle made to look italian first and i'll now be eating through 500 g of fusilli followed by almost two kg of penne. i have a lot of spaghetti (around 5 kg) to eat after that. whatever the type of pasta, i will always weigh 110 g.
- cook to al dente in a covered pot.

preparation:
- add pasta on top of vegetables, right out of the pot. flatten pasta.
- add 1 tbsp of olive oil margarine on pasta.
- add pineapple and lime on top of that. flatten fruit.
- add salami or other meat on top of that. flatten meat.
- add 1 tbsp cumin, 1 tbsp nutritional yeast, 1 tbsp paprika, 1 tbsp hemp seeds, 1 tbsp sunflower seeds (or just chomp the last one). distribute these items evenly.
- add a lot of ceasar dressing (this is the pasta sauce), and bunch it up in the middle.
(i am not currently adding pesto because it's at the back of a full fridge. i will update this a little later.)
- add the grated marble cheese

- microwave for 2:00

- when it comes out, add frank's, black pepper, a tbsp of cayenne pepper (sprinkled).
- sprinkle crushed broccoli florets on last
 
served with
- serve with some bread and olive oil margarine. the food bank gave me a lot of bread, including garlic cheese buns (first up) and a baguette (second).
- serve with tall glass of 25% grapefruit, 75% orange juice

i will be eating this every day around midnight for the next month.
could taylor swift do a cover of this?

Monday, July 14, 2025

i just want to update this meal list for the last few days and post the pasta recipe i've been eating. i've spent the last two days focusing on writing a document for police. while i believe i have as of yesterday or maybe the day before fully metabolized the drugs that entered my system on june 26th, and perhaps again on july 1st, the result is that i'm absolutely exhausted today and i had to spend it catching up on sleep, which i did. the losers did succeed in waking me up several times (which the hypnosis they put me through can succeed in doing), but the drugs have worn off, and the painful and embarrassing erections were not present when i was being woken up. they keep thinking they're forcing me to generate sexual fantasies (which i really don't have) by talking to me in my sleep, but they aren't. i don't know why they're wasting their time, but they seem to be True Believers in the pseudo-scientific religion of psychoanalysis, and seem to believe this ideological nonsense describes real things that actually exist in real life rather than often poorly developed symbolic analogies, that are best mildly useful in literary analysis, and have no relevance to reality. they keep resorting to drugging me because their therapy is specious nonsense that doesn't actually work, and the drugs certainly do work, but they want to apply their psychoanalysis, not the drugs. they want to prove their therapy works on the level of psychoanalysis, without the need to resort to drugging me, and it just doesn't.

if i could flip this over on them, i would diagnose them with schizophrenia for believing that psychoanalysis is real. it's utter, complete nonsense to the core. i'm not an expert in any of this, and i've really only read the basic texts by freud and jung (and, yes, i have read all of them), but i would cite chomsky as the go-to source to tear this bullshit down, as there is more than sufficient media sources of him very effectively doing this. this is the bullshit i'm dealing with.

as an example of what they're able to do and not able to do, i'll point out that i had a dream about a week ago of taylor swift playing a foofighters song (it was alone and easy target, from their first record). taylor swift was in my grade school class (it was the same grade 5/6 classroom at uplands that i went to elementary school in) and she volunteered to play the song on an acoustic guitar in front of the class. it might be a good music video, actually. when i woke up, i heard the losers talking to me, and i realized they were trying to get me to have a sex dream about taylor hawkins, the now deceased former drummer of foofighters. oops.

i actually don't own a single record with taylor hawkins playing on it. i do still have the first foofighters record, but it was all grohl. i had the second foofighters record for a few months in the 90s, which i believe had the sunny day real estate guy on it, but i actually sold it because i thought it sucked. i have heard almost nothing at all by the foofighters since. i know who taylor hawkins is because he was a famous guy with a recognizable appearance, but i know almost nothing about him, and i'm not a fan of anything he recorded with anybody. i have or am familiar with a few dozen records with grohl playing drums, exclusively from before 2005, and mostly from before 2000. i am a passive taylor swift fan; i wish she was more artistically creative than she actually is. i like the idea of a giant pop star doing art rock, which has ceased to exist in recent decades; taylor has cited people like peter gabriel as an influence, so i was hoping she would better live up to her potential, but it seems like the bean counters won in the end. fucking jews, right. (you should laugh uncomfortably, that's the intent). so, when somebody tried to put the words "taylor" and "foofighters" together to alter my dream patterns, my brain actually constructed an image of taylor swift playing a foofighters song, and not the gross fantasy they were trying to generate. 

there's things they're doing that do work - the drugs work, hypnosis works on an empirical level (but is clinically useless) and, sure, if somebody talks to you when you're sleeping, it just might influence what you're dreaming about, sometimes. however, this ideological framework they're working in is completely pretentious, nonsensical bollocks. an id or an ego is about as real as a soul. it's a religion, not a science.

here's another question, then: are these creeps actually scientologists?

i woke up briefly this afternoon to finish some pasta and eat some baby cookies (which, given that i am not a baby, i am realizing are far too sugary to give to a small child. that's craziness.), but i otherwise slept from about 4 am to about 10 pm, and i needed it. i've been smelling something burning downstairs for the last 24 hours that i think is a hard drug (again. but it's the same losers.) and woke up to the smell of marijuana saturating the other side of the apartment, and feeling terribly sick and drained. so i pounded some water and made some coffee, and i'm starting to wake up.

i noticed another result in my lab, which is urinary ketones at dangerously high levels, which has three possible explanations: deathly diabetes that needs to be controlled (but i'm not diabetic), cancer (i don't think i have cancer) or steroids or some other drug fucking with my metabolism and forcing me into ketosis. look at my diet. it's all pasta and soup. it's a high carb diet! how am i in ketosis?

i'll go through this in the document i'm preparing for police, but it's suggestive of something gone extremely wrong that requires deeper medical attention, which i'm going to need to get in the next day or two.

as mentioned, i think this is required to refocus. it will help me remember what i'm doing and what needs to be done.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.
- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine
- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon
- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise
- june 20th: caesar salad without subs
- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad
- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets
- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs
- june 24th: caesar salad without subs
- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa
- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa
- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai
- june 28th: broccoli soup
- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)
- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).
- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.
- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.
- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.
- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.
- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.
- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)
- july 10th: pasta with minor subs, third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips
- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips
- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs
- july 13th: jalapeno cheddar chips, pasta with minor subs
- july 14th: 10 baby cookies, pasta with minor subs

what is this pasta recipe?
further, if your goal is really peace in eastern europe, you should not be trying to prevent russia and germany from economic integration. germany would rather buy resources than steal them by force, but they'll react to the condition in front of them.
should russia back down and sign a treaty?

well, they should meet their demands, or accomplish their objectives. if nato won't agree to russian security guarantees, it should continue to construct a buffer state in ukraine, to protect it from a potential invasion by germany.

they said stalin was paranoid, too; he was right.
i don't use tiktok, but ordering it shutdown is foolish in the context of the governmen's own goals of canadianizing media content. if you shut down canada's tik tok offices, users will use vpns to access tik tok from other countries (if they have to), thereby getting less canadian content. 

rather, as tik tok appears to be operating in canada, it should be forced to adhere to canadian law and prosecuted if it doesn't.
but, to get back to what i was saying.

i have no interest in the protestant work ethic; i think people that work hard and play by the rules are losers, and should be treated with contempt. the goal of the free individual in a capitalist system should be to avoid being enslaved, not to volunteer for it.
russia is a major source of raw materials for much of eurasia, who is reliant on them. this will not alter behaviour.

the country that's going to get hit the hardest from this is not china, but germany.

i spent the pandemic radically redesigning my diet, and i ended up shifting my budget to buy more healthy food, as i was no longer able to spend money on concerts. instead of going out to bars, which in canada were closed much longer and opened with much deeper restrictions, i stopped drinking altogether and started going on long bicycle rides, instead. i've completely cut out smoking anything, which was a social activity i did when i was socializing and drinking at bars.
i would imagine that forcing people to make their own meals and eat in restaurants less would actually be good for them.

i would be more like to assign the cause to the fact that they closed the gyms, and forced people to stay inside, thereby cutting down basic levels of exercise like walking to the bus stop, or around the office. if you don't eat very well, cutting out the minimal levels of exercise you get could be devastating. 

this is coming up again, so i want to articulate it clearly.

i agree that there are winners and losers in a capitalist society, but what makes me an anarchist (and not a capitalist) is that i define winning and losing by your membership in the proletariat, and not by your material conditions. stated more clearly, the losers in a capitalist society are the people that go to work and the winners are those that evade wage slavery. i need control over my tools of production, but material conditions and wealth generation have no value to me. 

in my political value system, somebody on welfare is winning if they manage to survive in a way that allows them to accomplish their goals (which are personal and defined strictly by the individual, not enforced by collectivist institutions like free markets), which the person on welfare is often able to do, while somebody that goes to work at a good job every day and generates large amounts of wealth and lives in a house they own is losing if they can't accomplish their goals because they don't have time and hate their life because it's tedious and boring. an artist is winning if they can create the art they want, not if they sell it; the doctor or lawyer is losing if they can't do what they want, even if they have millions of dollars to their net worth.

freedom is valuable. wealth is not valuable. those that are free are winning; those that are wealthy are usually losing. wealth rarely presupposes freedom, and more often creates conditions of enslavement.

something i share in common with capitalists is that i don't have a lot of respect for losers, but i flip the definition of winning and losing on it's head, relative to how a capitalist would define it.

i thought about this a lot in the 00s and realized that i have a choice between letting society enslave me into bourgeois excess (which is losing) or finding some way to escape the bourgeois condition by enslaving the society, instead. it's how capitalism operates; you're a slave or you're a slave master. there's no middle point. i have to support unions if i want to find some way to abolish capitalism, but i know that unionized workers are the biggest slaves and the biggest losers of them all.

i am lucky enough to live in an advanced enough form of capitalism that i have some way out and i've taken advantage of it. i'm not dragged out of my home and chained to a factory.

yet.

Sunday, July 13, 2025

indeed.



given that the couch was stolen, it may be a while before i set a system up in the living room/studio space. i'm starting to conclude that i probably am not going to set anything up in there at all but am going to have to move it back into storage or to a different space. this isn't working out. but where can i move where i can avoid these idiot stalkers? it's presenting itself as a very difficult problem.

there's no point in leaving the kefs in the other room if the celestions are broken. so, i've moved the jvc/panasonic/kef system, which is my main system, into the bedroom, for now.

in the process, i realized that there's a lot of signal in the air creating buzzes and ground loops. i was able to fix this system by tightening the speaker wire (is that what happened to the celestion tweeter? did it pick up an rf signal in the air and just fry?), but this apartment may be too noisy for me to work in. there's open electrical wires outside the building.

i need to get a multimeter. i've run into this issue more than twice, now, so it's a tool i should have and don't. one of the tweeters is clearly fried, but the other one might be salvageable. i need to see if the circuit is broken or not. if i can determine that the crossover is working and the tweeter has a circuit, i'll see if i can take it in somewhere to look at it. one of the tweeters seems to me like it should be ok, so i need to test the crossover.

it might not cost much to fix it and if it doesn't i should fix it. these are original vintage tweeters. if i determine that i can't fix it, i'll need to buy new tweeters.

this is not the most important thing in front of me right now, and i'm unfortunately just going to have to deal with broken and closeted celestions for the near future.

Saturday, July 12, 2025

i dropped off on the narrative late on the 2nd. i believe i did some general cleaning in the evening after having a few installments of oatmeal, made some spaghetti-os with some extra broth, got into the shower after midnight (the 3rd), got out to experience a violent bowel movement and eventually ended up on the laptop sorting through kijiji ads for speakers, around 5:00 am. i fell asleep shortly afterwards and was woken up by a drop in the temperature, a little after 8:00. it seems as though the a/c downstairs was set to "popsiclize", probably with a picture of a penguin beside it. i was literally shivering and shaking and had to get up to get a quilt, on july 3rd. the temperature outside was roughly 23 degrees celsius. why was the a/c on at all? at a cold temperature like that, the heat should arguably be on. i had my iron tested a few days later, and it's at reasonable levels.

i then went back to sleep, curled up in my quilt, until after noon, and it had certainly warmed back up in here by then. i spent the rest of the day exfoliating, with the intent to get to all three food banks on friday the 4th, but it didn't work out that way. somebody repeatedly buzzed my door trying to reach me, and i instantly knew it was the stalker, without ambiguity. i did not answer the door.

a pattern has reasserted itself. the stalkers are muslims, and they are trying to force their religion on me, which i have no remote interest in and think is barbaric and backwards. i do not want to interact with their belief system in any way other than to criticize it, with the expectation that it will cease to exist within a few decades, as an upcoming generation will spontaneously abandon it. it's an objectively stupid system of belief; it's not worth it. history tells us that that's how these things actually happen, to the great frustration of marxists, who want process. i'm an anarchist and i want process but i know better - religion spontaneously descends and then spontaneously lifts. the logic is that religion is illogical. right? i do not want to live in the dark ages; they do. they consider the dark ages to be a golden age, and want to turn the clocks back to the dark ages, to recapture the darkness of that period in time, which they think is a net positive. it's true backwardsness, on a deplorable scale. they are targeting, stalking, drugging and harassing me and they're not going to stop until i'm able to get them in jail. i have no choice but to prosecute and incarcerate them, or deal with their unending harassment of me. this is the general way that religious people conduct themselves, and have conducted themselves for thousands of years. it's why the people of europe were forced to fight a thousand year struggle to overthrow christian colonialism, it's why the romans expelled the jews, it's why there are no more native americans, etc. they will force you to follow their rules any way they can until you lock them up and throw away the key, and you have no choice but to fight them off any way you possibly can, for as long as it takes. the reign of terror was such a necessary process, and continues to be so poorly understand by conservative englishmen that need a punch in the face.

as the stalkers are muslims, their sabbath is friday, and they observe it. they come in on thursday night or friday morning. i don't know if they actually pray on friday, i don't hear them, but it seems likely that they do. the harassment begins on friday afternoon (i presume after prayers) and continues until sunday. i believe they usually go back to toronto early on monday morning. it generally stops during the week.

so, thursday the third was spent cleaning myself and cleaning inside the apartment, as so much of the last several weeks has been. i got into the shower relatively late in the evening and got out with conditioner in my hair fairly early in the morning. i made some stew and corn and spent a little time sorting through kijiji ads, hoping to get out early in the morning to do a food bank run to all three sources in quick sequence, but it didn't work out that way; i was instead woken up by the stalker, and i had to react by calling police, who came to the house in the afternoon. i had to go out to talk to them with the conditioner in my hair, but i'll note it was getting much better by this point. we had a talk about ways to generate evidence in order to prosecute, and about the importance of documentation. i then went back in to wash the conditioner out of my hair and i ultimately went back to sleep in the evening and wake up again close to midnight.

something i noticed late on the 4th was the fish flies in the house, which was unexpected. here around the great lakes, these little bites of protein breed by the billions at the end of the spring. they live a day or two and die somewhere to get eaten. they're everywhere for a few days and then melt away with the heat and rain. but how did they get in here? they must have come in after dark, to start; they would have been attracted to the lights. however, there are screens in the windows. 

it suggests somebody got in through the windows when i was sleeping and in the process let them in.

i spent a few seconds spraying them with lysol and watching them melt, only to remember that they have a lifespan of a few days and need open water to breed. these things would be dead by the morning. indeed, they were.

i taped the windows up to stop them from opening and have not seen further fish flies in here, but i know they're around and have been. why were they only in here that one day? it's pretty clear that somebody opened the window up, which is the same basic problem i had in front of me in the previous basement. i'm three floors up, but the window is within jumping distance of the roof next door, if you're pathetic enough to go up there to do it. i could do it. it would also be possible to scale your way around the building from the unit across the hall, if you were a psychotic thug driven by an inflexible ideology, which these people are.

also late on the 4th, i made some vegetable rice soup using microwave rice and a can of peas, in addition to the can of vegetable soup. with the spices and vitamins, this was a pretty good meal. i had everything cleaned up by the end of the night, and stopped to sleep early in the morning.

the stalker again woke me up early on the 5th, and i just got in the shower to wash my hair. somebody was working outside and listening to radio rock, so i had to play some trans am, instead. i went back to sleep in the afternoon, and they woke me up yet again.

i knew i had to get to a blood lab, but i also knew it wouldn't be safe to leave until monday. i was stuck. there was nothing left to do but sit in the shower and wash myself off. 

late on the 5th, i made myself some fried beans in tomato soup, with spices and vitamins, and then just continued on with the process of washing the gunk out of my hair. what else is there to do? i eventually went to sleep early on the 6th, and the stalker woke me up yet again, around 14:00. i called police a second time, and i gave them as much information as i could, including explaining to them that the stalkers had told me they were going to enforce their muslim laws on me (which includes forcing me to grow a beard), and had demanded i stop taking hormones, or face consequences for it. they want me to start a family and have children; i would rather kill myself than be forced to start a family, which i would consider to be death and slavery. family and religion are the two primary forms of slavery in a feudal society. sex, debt and drugs are the way the capitalists enslave you. all of these things should be avoided by people that seek freedom. i went back to sleep around 16:00, and the stalkers again woke me up. i went back to sleep. i had to get enough sleep to allow me to be awake late on the 6th, so i could get to the blood lab early on the 7th.

when i did wake up late on the 6th, i made two cans of chicken noodle soup together, with spices and vitamins. i had to finish washing my hair, and it was presentable enough by mid morning, and then get out to do some bloodwork.
the word "yo" is not in my vocabulary, and is not in the vocabulary of any human i would choose to interact with voluntarily, in any way whatsoever.
pro-tip: if you want me to open the door, saying "yo, open the door" is about the most clear way to be certain that i won't up the door for you. the word "yo" is not in the vocabulary of people i would open the door for; there is a 0% chance that i would open the door for somebody that articulates the word "yo" in any context, whatsoever. sorry. 
i want to post a meal shortlist before i start doing a narrative update, which i think is required to refocus. it will help me remember what i'm doing and what needs to be done.

- june 16th: doubled up salsa with chick peas, cheese, spices and vitamins.
- june 17th: onion soup bacon poutine
- june 18th: basic doritos nachos and french onon soup with bacon
- june 19th: doubled up salsa reprise
- june 20th: caesar salad without subs
- june 21st: 2nd onion soup poutine with onion soup and last chance salad
- june 22rd: 3rd onion soup poutine with onion soup with beets
- june 23rd: caesar salad without subs
- june 24th: caesar salad without subs
- june 25th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa
- june 26th: bacon and eggs without subs, no salsa
- june 27th: ad hoc pad thai
- june 28th: broccoli soup
- june 29th: fridge-clearing meal (oranges & garlic bread)
- june 30th: kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 1st:    kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 2nd:  kd + chick peas + fridge clearing exercise
- july 3rd:  10 packages of instant oatmeal, in 5 installments. spaghetti-os + spices & vitamins (cumin, cayenne, pepper, oregano, paprika, sunflower seed, hemp seed, nutritional yeast, frank's).
- july 4th:  a can of stew and a can of corn, plus spices & vitamins.
- july 5th: a package of jasmine rice i had put aside as a quinoa sub (it probably isn't), with a can of peas and a can of tomato soup, plus spices and vitamins.
- july 6th: a can of beans cooked in a can of vegetable soup, plus spices and vitamins.
- july 7th:  two cans of chicken noodle soup, plus spices and vitamins. tim's xl double-double coffee in morning. two builders protein mini bars in evening. 7-11 coffee with jalapeno taquito late at night.
- july 8th: food bank junk food eat through - two bags of "real vegetable chips" (one big, one small), a bag of goldfish crackers, one mini crispy crunch, some strawberry licorice, prime energy drink, two tim horton's donuts, little ceasar's pepperoni pizza with unlabelled chocolate milk product.
- july 9th: another prime energy drink with another unlabelled chocolate milk product, unlabelled food bank ginger bread (two loaves)
- july 10th: pasta with minor subs, third energy drink, sour cream n cheddar chips
- july 11th: sour cream 'n' bacon, sour cream 'n' onion chips
- july 12th: more licorice, pasta with minor subs
what the urine creatinine result and blood testosterone result together indicate is that i waited a day or two too long to get tested. i think i was drugged on the 1st. i was tested on monday the 7th, and where the steroids were picked up was in the urine. i should have gone on friday the 4th, as soon as it was obvious; i would have picked up more in the blood.

it indicates i have a two or three day time window, and it's completely metabolized by then.

i have a monthly rec coming. next time, i'll get out on the friday to make sure i catch it better.
windsor now has the highest unemployment rate in canada at 11%, which is recession level unemployment. 

this is great news for people looking to rent in windsor, as it will put downward pressure on rent.
i don't want plastic boobs. i want to grow them myself, and i have.

Friday, July 11, 2025

my immune system may be suffering a little from a lack of exposure.

- i have hep a antibodies. i believe i was vaccinated, as it is standard to do the twinrix for kids in canada.
- i have hep b antibodies, but at a level too low to prevent infection. i believe i was vaccinated against hep b at the same time as hep a.
- i do not have hep c antibodies, indicating no exposure. there's no vaccine for hep c,  but most people can beat it.
- i don't have measles antibodies. at all. i'm sure i was vaccinated, but measles prevalence in canada is pretty low. i'm herd immune; my immune system hasn't had to eat any measles in so long that it doesn't bother preparing the antibodies.
- i have no evidence of exposure to hiv or to syphillis

i had to test this based on what's been going on here. i don't think they have at any point physically raped me, but they've drugged me in very disgusting ways, and it's the kind of thing that is very difficult to shake. i have no evidence i've been physically raped and no memory of it if it happened. i should leave it at that.

it does suggest that my lack of exposure to general pathogens over the last three years has reduced my immune response slightly, and i should be careful about that. i mean, i don't have leukemia, and i don't have aids, but you have to use your immune system or it breaks. it is really true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

i have noticed this; my response to allergies since april has been atrocious. i have had a constant runny nose for months.

everything else has come in reasonably well. i'll point out i tested around 11:00 am, which is right before i take my pills, and means this is the lowest point in a 12 hour cycle. i take t blockers every six hours but double up at noon and midnight. i take estrogen and progesterone every six hours, but also double up at noon and midnight, and swap sources every 6 hours. it should peak in the mid afternoon and in the early morning and dip before noon and before midnight. 11:00 am is about as low as it gets.

i did that on purpose. so interpret these results in that context:

- estrogen @ 452 (this is the trough, i haven't tested it recently at peak), which is perfect. the clinical rec for transgendered women is above 450, so if i'm troughing at 450, that's ideal. few post-menopausal women will maintain estradiol at that level. i don't menstruate or have a typical female cycle, but i go through a daily cycle of around 450-900, which is kind of crazy in a biological female context. cis-women don't fluctuate like that daily, they do it over a longer period from much lower to much higher. post-menopausal targets are generally more like 300ish. i've designed my hormone regimen to keep myself constantly high, rather than go through massive swings. i have a theory that the high suicide rates among transwomen are connected to the method of distribution, via injection. if i took injections (and my doctor periodically tries to talk me into it, because it's 'normal'), it would peak at up to 3000 and then fall to almost 0 over the month, which is a level of pms no cis woman has to suffer through. it's utterly insane the way they do it. no wonder so many of us kill ourselves. i have instead set this up in a way to ensure everything gets cycled repeatedly as estrone, which keeps me stabilized, and have consistently tested my estrone at levels in the several thousand. estrone is only weakly feminizing, but it reduces bad cholesterol, and is why my cholesterol is so insanely good. the estrogen at 450 indicates i'm getting enough, but this comes with a caveat, as the amount i'm taking is extremely high. it should be higher than that, really; that i'm troughing at 450 given how much i take is actually evidence i'm being drugged with testosterone or steroids, and that those drugs aren't working very well but are merely kind of dulling the edge off of my feminizing hormones. the estradiol is winning the fight. i expected that and have tried to explain, but they don't fucking listen.

- progesterone @ 19.9, which is pretty high in any context. that's like pregnant levels of progesterone.
- prolactin @30, which is due to the pregnant progesterone levels and is very good for breast size. 
- fsh & lh at 0. which is more pregnant biochemistry.

what?

no, i can't get pregnant. yet. one day, they might be able to stick a womb in there, but that's pretty tricky stuff, really. i would consider it not worth it, especially in my 40s.

- testosterone was at 0.5, which indicates i'd recently been drugged. it's usually at <0.3. 

my vitamin d was at 80, vitamin b12 was at 278 and my ferritin was at 34. i get my b12 from nutritional yeast, which i eat a lot of, and my iron from spices like oregano. i'm happy with my iron a little lowish, so long as it's not at the dangerous levels (under 10) it was at before. at 34, i'm not hauling around excess stores of iron, but i can create the hemoglobin i need.

my rbcs were at 3.67 and my hb was at 122. these are right at the bottom of normal female variability, and i've gotten used to that. it's predictable, and fine. my targets are that i want to keep my rbcs above 3.5 and my hb above 110. i have tested with rbcs <3 and my hb <100 in the last five years, and can't have that. these results are comparably healthy.

random glucose was 4.9, which is pretty low, and actually in a healthy range for fasting glucose. i had not been fasting. i had eaten a big bowl of soup after midnight and was working on an xl double double when i walked in; i didn't even think about it, as i was focusing on the t. i have no reason to be worried about diabetes. hba1c is 5, which is in the zero risk range.

non-fasting random cholesterol was 4.18 with hdl at 1.29 and ldl at 2.32. this is not as useful as a fasting test, but is just about ideal, for what it is. i have minimal concern about my cholesterol, which frequently tests my good cholesterol higher than my bad cholesterol, which is so healthy it's incoherent. like, you can't even make sense of that, it's so healthy.

i am mildly concerned about my kidneys, which goes back to being drugged. i'm also a little concerned about my liver. my egfr keeps coming in weird, but the issue is that there is evidence that my kidneys are being overworked, which is what i keep pointing out i'm concerned about, rather than evidence of any kind of decreased function or failure. so, my creatinine and albumin are both high, but the ratio is actually very, very low. this really continues to point in the direction that i'm being drugged with steroids, as these are both waste products from muscle building. as was the case with the ecg a few months ago, this is something you see in body builders. i am not a body builder, i do not lift weights, i do not take protein supplements, i do not take steroids and i am not interested in building muscle. the exercise i do is aerobic (walking, bicycling) and intended to lose weight, not build muscle. it's hard to make sense of this, except to point out that it looks like i'm on anabolic steroids. this may be a better argument to present as evidence of being drugged than the t levels, as my t blockers are effectively clearing the t, leaving the creatinine and albumin behind as proof. the urine creatinine is 37.84, which is over twice the reference range, and the urine albumin is 19, which is at the top of the range. the ratio is 0.5, which is relatively low. however, blood creatinine and ck (kidney tests) are in the reference ranges (88 and 68, respectively) and blood alt, for liver testing, is actually quite low (21). together, low blood levels and high urine levels suggest i'd recently cleared my system of the steroids, which may be building up in my bladder.

the results suggest that my liver and kidneys are both working fine, even extremely well, but it's producing a bottleneck at the actual excretion point. that is a lot of pissed out creatinine, which just demonstrates my point about the drugging being futile. the evidence is that i'm very successfully getting this shit out of me, and it isn't staying in my system very long - a few days, max. that's what i had deduced and why i wanted to be very careful about getting tested at the right time to catch it.

i need to remain concerned about my kidney and liver health, but what these results suggest is that my kidneys are working exceedingly well in very efficiently clearing the steroids, not that they're failing. i can't continue to push my luck. i'm not getting younger.

my tsh is at 0.74 which is about as low as you can get.

i am still waiting for a "broad spectrum toxicology screen" lab result to see if i can pick up anything like methamphetamines.

overall, i remain in startlingly good health. i would consider these results strong evidence i'm being drugged with steroids and will be presenting them to police as such.
canada is ready for an explicitly atheist, mature political movement on the democratic left.

i would be looking at having this bloc-influenced secular left party essentially replace the ndp, which is too religious, in english canada.
what trump proved is that a sanders-type political candidate didn't fail because of his economic positions, but because of his paleo-right social positions. while sanders was happening, the right was abandoning these views and walking into a vacuum left by the left's retreat from secularism.

if sanders ran as an atheist and a secularist rather than as a family-values conservative, he would win.
i'm considering launching a new secular political party in english canada that is based on the bloc quebecois' secularist politics and roots itself in the enlightenment and french revolution and has the explicit goal of altering the constitution to strengthen the separation of church and state by indicating explicitly in the constitution that canada is a secular society.

if you think this is a good idea, send me an email.

my politics are laid out here over many years. they're pretty clear. i'm an old skool socialist that finds myself aligned with the alt right on issues of religion and culture, and wants to correct that by rebuilding a traditional atheist left, to realign the economic left to where it used to be on cultural issues.
canada has issues with food security, but tariffs are the dumbest conceivable approach.

rather, we need direct investment in local greenhouses - which have, in recent years, been increasingly wasted on growing marijuana.

canada has issues with local pharmaceutical production and the manufacture of medical equipment, but tariffs don't address any of the causes of the problems, they just increase costs and make things worse.

again, we need direct investment to build industry.

we can pay for this direct investment by taxing the americans when they buy our exports.
canada is not interested in darwinian-style capitalism and doesn't want to participate in trump's schemes. 

we should broadcast that with our behaviour. we should act like adults and punish the americans for acting like children.
the situation isn't equal and it's not helpful to pretend it is.

we have industry that manufacturers for their market because it costs less. trump wants to increase costs to create jobs. that isn't rational, and may kill the industry altogether, but they can do that.

they don't have industry that manufactures for us, even if they sell things here. we'd have to force them to build parallel everything, which is inefficient and expensive, and they won't do it.

we're better off letting them sell things here cheaply and sending them a bill for their antisocial behaviour. we should be unilaterally applying tort law on them, and holding them liable for failing to adhere to kantian ethics. we can do that with export taxes.

there will not be a trade deal signed before august 1st, or at all.
at best, we can try to shift import sources from the us to mexico or brazil. that might hurt them, but it doesn't benefit us.

our strategy should be focused on self-interest, not on harming others.
are there industries that currently manufacture in the us for the canadian market that we can bring to canada by increasing tariffs?

i can't think of anything.

we'd simply be punishing our own people. we should not do that.
responding with tariffs doesn't help canadians.

canada is currently beset with weak leadership. it needs to grow a pair and slap down some export taxes.

i'm utterly disgusted - and baffled and shocked - by mark carney's attempt to channel sarah palin.
yeah, smelling the burnt one a few times has me feeling pretty sick. ugh.

on second thought, i think there is a coil in the other one. i'd like to find a way to test the components, before i buy anything.
i am expecting i won't find a direct replacement. i might find a used diaphram. i think this is beyond that. 

i sent a query to celestion as to what other models of tweeters they might recommend.
i'm looking for two t3679 tweeters.

i'm going to want to compare costs for replacing the diaphrams with just buying new tweeters. i'm apprehensive that replacing the diaphrams won't be enough and i should just replace the whole things.
i think it's possible that the 20 watt nad wasn't enough for the celestions, and it took a few weeks for the damage to build up. you can blow a tweeter like this by underpowering it.
the other tweeter does have a coil, but it smells like it was recently burnt and has clear damage to it. i suspect this tweeter can be fixed, but i don't really know how. 

it worked as recently as june 29th, as i was able to play the tears for fears record on that date. that would indicate that the tweeter was damaged sometime after that.

i remember turning it on briefly on the 1st and i do recall a short in the system that i traced to a faulty rca wire and replaced. 

was that the cause of my headache? i'll note i smelled a strong burning smell.

whatever the cause, these speakers are not usable for the foreseeable future and i'm going to have to plan around it. i now have a vintage burnt out celestion tweeter, and a tweeter that doesn't seem to be labelled (or lost it's label) that has no coil.

given that they're both blown, i should just buy two new tweeters, in a matching set, and plug them in.
one of the tweeters has no coil. i have to presume that's the one that never worked. let me open up the other one.
in a small room, i need at least one tweeter. i don't want to listen to bass music.
they were working a few weeks ago.

 set up the jvc and the panasonic, which was the previous known good. i'm going to play through the tears for fears with the bass set to 0 and the treble set to 10 over and over for a while and hope they "come back".

i noticed that they are currently both depressed. that was not the case previously; previously only one was depressed. but they have no markings and no way to tell which is which.
something i might consider doing is buying a pair of separate tweeters and putting them on top of the celestions through the second speaker out, but i don't think that will sound very good

i don't have time for this right now.

so, there's no music in the bedroom for the foreseeable future because the speakers are broken. unfortunately. 
the tweeter in my other celestion has recently broken :(.

i don't know if they're worth fixing or if i should just throw them out, but they're entirely unlistenable at this point. there's no frequency response above 2000 Hz. it sounds like a cell phone. gross.

i'm not 13 years old and i can't listen to music through a cell phone.

Thursday, July 10, 2025

fuck you. statisticians are valuable.

journalism has been rendered obsolete by blogging, to the point that the canadian government has come up with ridiculous wealth redistribution schemes just to stop the industry from collapsing altogether.

you want to pick on stats? your days are numbered, you glorified grammar nazi, you third grade english teacher with an inflated sense of self worth.

does wesley snipes not dance or what?

truth is that video type cast him for decades.
trump does protect his friends, though. i actually like that. it's something the left calls solidarity.

most politicians don't.
uch-o.

when you challenge these people to provide evidence of genocide in gaza, they always change the topic to the west bank, which is a more grounded argument. 

listen: i was arguing this was a genocide 20 years ago. i was picking up cues from chomsky, who correctly pointed out it's not apartheid. apartheid is a type of slavery; israel has no intention to enslave the palestinians. i was annoyed at listening to people call it apartheid, as it wasn't. i suggested using the correct term, which was genocide in slow motion.

as the fake left has slowly adjusted it's blinders and begun to see reality for what it is, it has followed my lead, 20 years after the fact and started calling it a genocide. meanwhile, i've moved on to better adjust to the facts, and the fake left remains out of touch, by 20 years.

genocide is a fact of life. i don't exactly want to say "it's evolution, baby!', because that's not what i think, and it's not actually true. what is true is that it's not helpful to hold to these conservative - and that is what it is. it's paleo-right. - perspectives about culture, like you're some kind of anthropologist or something. we have to change and adapt.....and die. that's how it is.

there have been positive genocides in human history, as well. it's not inherently negative. in the distant past, steppe and forest peoples would periodically rise up against the slave traders in the settled areas, and we have half dozen examples of societies that were just burned to the ground and forgotten: ugarit, assyria, minoan crete, carthage, persia - these were cultures that got wiped out because they were horrible. they enslaved and raped and in some cases even ate their own children.

is palestine really that bad? are they michael jackson bad? george thorogood bad?

gowan bad?

gowan bad is bad. it's styx bad. that is the most aptly named band of all time, because being forced to listen to styx is like being sentenced to purgatory, in some conradian epic fail. it's apocalyptically bad, now.

i can imagine that there is some conradian parallel to the tunnel system in gaza, and there are some really damaged, crazy people down there, on the brink of reverting to homo erectus. damn it, kurtz, you've lost it.

ask one that's known them. are they really so bad?

arguably. 

i can't generate the slightest bit of empathy for them at this point. that's where i am. is it a genocide? yeah; and, good riddance. the world is better off without this culture, without these values, without this religion and without this race. it's not a question of guilt v innocence at this point, it's a process of pointing out that you can't de-radicalize them. it's a lost cause. if we could just flush it into the mediterranean; learn to swim i'll see you down in israel bay.

all that to ask - should this woman be sanctioned? well, that depends. i think her views are openly anti-jewish, and she'll deny it, but it's a facade. it's my opinion, however, that that is free speech. i don't think she poses any threat of harm to anybody, and if the argument is that she's creating frivolous indictments, then you fight that in court, not with ad hominems.

but nobody ever accused the trump administration of holding too close to enlightenment values, which is the irony of the situation. there's no discernible good guy here.

Wednesday, July 9, 2025

is he taking money directly from elon musk or just fantasizing about sucking his cock on the weekends?

ugh.

the ndp have an incredible opportunity in front of them, but all evidence suggests they'll fuck it up.