Tuesday, January 7, 2020

yes, i'll sit and read all winter.

i did it before..

what else am i going to do?

i will not be moving on to the next stage until i'm done what i'm doing. it's not a question of multitasking, it's a question of linearity. it simply makes no sense to move to the next thing until i'm done what i'm doing.

and, then, what else is there to do?

that's fine. i need to get done those asimov texts for the alter-reality, anyways.
so, what's my hypothesis, so far?

that weird clsid seems to be connected to the dberr.txt file, but it seems to be indirectly - the clsid seems to be quarterbacking some kind of install process, but the various policy settings that i've put in place have mostly stopped it from working. so, i just get errors.

whomever is doing this seems to be a professional. these aren't hacked together scripts. they're, like, corporate deployment files. this person would appear to be a trained network admin. again: i can't imagine anybody but the cops.

i'm going to guess that the restarts are related to the windows update that's running in the background, and i can't figure out.

eventually, after a few restarts, it tries to install something with an unsigned driver, and i get the lock screen. if i turn off signing - something i'll never do ever again - then the install process goes to the next step, and starts installing the list of packages that somehow ended up in the catroot directory. at that point, i'm no doubt sending off updates to the cop shop - or, at least, i would be, if i didn't have all of the networking dismantled. 

what i learned is that the "worm" is probably in the bios, now, and i might need to buy a new windows 7 laptop at the pawn shop before i can get back to what i was doing. i'm very sorry, but i don't otherwise know how i can flash it. that could take me a few months of saving up, in which case i guess i'm going to spend most of the winter reading. it would also mean i'd have to stay in for the spring, because i wouldn't have any money to party with.

i suppose the other option is that it's in the registry, but that doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

the format is at 50%. we'll find out in a few hours.

in the mean time, i'll keep posting here to the laptop. i'm wide awake, and will need to wait until tonight to take a shower, now, because it's too late. so, i guess i'll take a look at the news while i'm waiting.
also, the ayatollah sucks and i hope the iranian people lynch him in the public square.
i don't want to compete.

i'm not going to retaliate.

and, i won't be silenced, either.

i just want to try to get my life back on track as quickly as possible.
so, you might think you're tough, or you're smart.

but, i'm disabled, and have no background in this topic.

so, knocking me off the network - for a day or two at most - is equivalent to sneaking up behind a little girl in the playground that is eating ice cream and punching her in the face.

if that makes you feel manly, seek help.
i mean, if you're trying to prove you're a more elite hacker than me, that's fine.

i'll concede the point.

i never made any claims to being one, in the first place. i can probably beat you in an argument, but i'm not going to beat a competent hacker, and have no desire to be somebody that could.

i'm a musician that's being cut off from my art by somebody with a childish ego and/or sense of humour. i'm wasting huge amounts of time and want it to stop. so, put the situation in context...
i walked away from a programming degree because i didn't want to do it, so this is particularly frustrating to me.

again: my degree is in math. the additional 19.5/20 comp. sci. credits i have are programming credits. so, i can program in c and java and scheme and some other languages. i can't do much else.

i enrolled in the program solely to get a job, and dropped out of it because the only thing i really learned was that i didn't have any interest in it.

i don't game. i don't script. i don't hang out with these kids, and they could knock me over without much effort, as i'm checking the reference manual.

and, i mean, that's fine, with me - because i don't care if i win or lose this, i just want to get back to my art.
i need to be clear.

i'm *not* a hacker.

if this fight gets out of control, i'm going to eventually lose it. of my ~60 university courses, that is ~120 1/2 year university courses, not one of them was in networking.

i repeat: i have never taken a course in networking. you don't have to swim very deep, here, to get out over my head. in context, a smart person should recognize their ignorance. 

but, what am i supposed to do? i'm under cyberattack. palestinians may look stupid throwing rocks at tanks, but they can hardly just lie down and get steamrolled....

my ability to defend myself is minimal. i grasp this. but, i need to check my email by the end of the day, too.
so, what actually happened?

well, they managed to install this driver, somehow. i'm not sure which one it is yet, but it seems like it's a windows update related thing.

after i allowed the boot without driver verification, those error messages stopped and whatever zombie process is running was able to actually install this list of cat files in the catroot folder, which initially included a lot of scary things like iis servers (but had been deleted by the time the script got to running).

so, if i were to actually boot without the driver signing verification, it would install this pile of garbage on my system.

i have little choice but to reformat, and take a much closer look at what's going on. it may be using some kind of background logging script, which i may have to completely dismantle.

but, that seems to be the crux of it - they want me to turn the verification off so i can install some kind of surveillance server.
so, guess what happened?

i hadn't connected to the internet yet. all i'd done was delete some cache files, turn up the group policy and mess with some file ownership. it's only the last option that should make any difference, here.

the solution on the internet is to disable driver signing, but that's a shitty answer all around. first, i don't actually want to do that - i like driver signing, it's a good idea. it stops the cops from installing drivers on your system, for example. second, i don't get the screen to pick the option, because my lamp is burned out. i couldn't do it if i wanted to (which i don't).

previously, i just took it as a sign that i was hacked and needed to format. this time, i need to take a closer look at it. so, i disabled driver signature verification...

....and it did work.

so, i turned on the bootlogger, and it hung at afd. that's winsock. firewalls. great. but, disabling it (offline. temporarily.) didn't actually work.

i *can* boot the system, but there's obviously something loading that i don't want there.

so, i ran sigverif and, in conjunction with autoruns, i now have a list of unsigned drivers to check, and we'll have to work it via trial and error.
so, i made some group policy changes and it let me delete some of those files. that's progress.

oddly, the dll that the shutdown & restart mutants are referencing doesn't actually exist on my machine. so, that might be a false positive.

i'll be back up soon...

Monday, January 6, 2020

yeah. 

so, that database error file in the catroot seems to be timestamped at the same time as that weird file in my cache, almost (almost.) suggesting that one is triggering the other.

i blocked the path they were using to drop updates in firefox, but then noticed different phantom directories showing up, instead.

again: the persistence is hard to explain in terms of random attacks. i'm disabled. do you know how much is in my account right now? less than $200. i have no access to credit. so, there's going to be some disappointed hacker in india if he gets in, let me tell you.

it doesn't make any sense. he'd have given up by now, i'm sure.

this has to be law enforcement...

...or a very sad, very pathetic little boy.
....and that is the reality for a lot of people right now, and has been since the police were invented.

which was fairly recently, actually.

we've spent most of our existence, as a species, without the need for a police force. the anarchist argument is that the current use of policing is an anomaly, that we don't need them and that we'll get rid of them once we have the courage and unity to rise up and throw them off of us.

when?

i don't know. now? 
i don't need the police to protect me from the bad guys.

i need somebody to protect me from the police.
the police are not good people. they're screened for low intelligence, and the job requires a bully mentality.

you'd have to be severely mentally deranged to want to walk around with a gun and tell people what to do. like, these people weren't abducted and trained against their will. they volunteered...to walk around with guns....try to process that, it's insane.

they don't exist to "serve and protect", either. they're not out there for you and me and your friends.

the police exist for the sole and singular purpose of protecting the rights of property owners, that's what they do. that's what they've always done. and, because they're hired muscle, goons, thugs, they get into all kinds of trouble, all of the time.

the reason i'm under surveillance is that i'm an anarchist. but, the surveillance is just demonstrating my point.
so, i took the clean drive out of the pc and put it into the laptop because the electrical usage is lower, but forgot to plug the video card in before it posted. so, i had to put it back into the pc to get past the nag screen (i can't see it on the laptop. the lamp is burnt out.) and i noticed the squiggly file, which passes every scan but seems to act like a trojan, was back again. further, the kill & restart mutants were back. i think that figuring out what these are is key to understanding the reboots.

so, i booted back into xp and deleted it from the xp install, and came back up in 7 to find it was gone, but the kill & restart mutants were back. hrmmn. did the clsid create the mutants? is that a coincidence?

i rebooted again to find the clsid there again.

worms tend to be able to do stuff like this, recreate themselves from their own fragments. but, what happened?

i guess there's two possibilities:

1) this is normal. but, i can't figure out what the files are. if it's normal, it's pretty weird.
2) i picked the file back up from the bios in the laptop.

if the latter, i might have infected the pc with it.

if i have a virus (government or private sector, but this looks like it's government - and this all started when i put the rcmp disc in my computer, remember) in this laptop bios, i suspect i'll need to fix the lamp before i can flash it. i know how to flash a bios; i don't know how to flash a bios if i can't see the bios screen. and, it's making me wonder. as always, the lamp burned out when i was gone.

but, for right now, i just don't know, and i'll need to do another fresh reinstall before i do. so, i'm not going to worry too much about this for right now, i'm going to just work out some loose ends and get myself back online within a few hours.

again: my cyberstalker is persistent, it is true, but this is just a stupid waste of everybody's time. i should be back into my email well before the morning.
i haven't slept yet, really.

i got out of the shower a few hours ago, took the machine out of hibernation, rebooted and hoped that i'd get most of this done before the sun came up.

instead, i got that annoying rpcremote error which keeps coming back after a few hard restarts. i did point out a few, but wasn't convinced it was another attack because the only other thing i saw running was that weird clsid that keeps coming back free of viruses.

i also noticed that my usb hub was knocked sideways and my cords were all tangled up, making me wonder if somebody wasn't down here when i was actually in the shower, which would be absolutely desperate and pathetic.

as it is, i never made it back on to the internet before i formatted - 10 passes this time - so if somebody actually came down here to patch something remotely, it didn't get them very far. it's no doubt gone, now.

after i reinstalled clean, i took a closer look at a few things and realized that the clsid i saw poking around actually wasn't there in the clean install, it was these other ones that were. and, i noticed that explorer didn't have some of the mutants loaded that i'd seen previously in the other install, including the shutdown and startup ones that i flagged while poking through last time.

i was able to completely delete this file once by changing the permissions on the cache folder, but then i got the lock screen again.

what i want to know is how to insert and remove mutants and semaphores from a running explorer. i have taken os classes. i do know what these things are. but, i haven't the slightest idea how to actually get in there and mess with them, and it looks like i'm going to have to figure it out.

as mentioned - i've run scans, and they come up blank, indicating that this is a sophisticated attacker. and, the broad scope of the scenario indicates as much, as well. this person, who i do suspect is my landlord, who i also suspect is a cop, and i'm sure is smoking a lot of drugs, is being very persistent.
well, do you think we should do what's in iran's self interest?

that would be useful of you, to them.

you idiot.
you're going to hear a lot of comparisons between iran and iraq and that's fine.

i'd rather see the contrasts.

for example, unlike iraq, iran has a popular opposition movement that could conceivably seize power.

iran is very young, and there is a very big generation gap regarding religion. if that was true in iraq, one suspects it was in the opposite direction.

these interventionist wars are a shitty way to do this, and i'm not advocating anything, but i could find myself biting my tongue.
listen: i don't want to start another war. but, i won't stand with the ayatollah, either - more so than i refused to stand with saddam.

at least saddam was a secularist.

i would like to support a secular insurgency in iran, which, unlike in other places, actually exists. i'm not naive, though...i know that american bombs are not likely to bring peace, so much as they are to bring chaos.

i've pointed out before that i do find this a little bit trickier than iraq. iraq was stupid. clearly. even if it's by accident, iran might actually work.

but, what is in canada's actual self-interest here?
you know, if bombing iran keeps the price of oil high...

canada has it's self-interests, you know.
.....and they have a profit motive.

what they don't seem to realize is that i can't inherit more than a few thousand dollars without going off disability anyways, and that i'd need to inherit millions to make going off of it worthwhile, which is not realistic.

so, i would turn down a check for $500,000.

i'm better off on odsp.

that's why i haven't been fighting this.
they are completely shameless, malicious, in-your-face, habitual, pathological liars.
i repeat: there is absolutely no scenario at all whatsoever where you should ever trust my mother or my sister for any reason at all.

i hope that the police are at least competent enough to figure that out, eventually, without the outside help that is no doubt coming.
broadly speaking, let it be clear - these people are both pathological liars.

they should not be trusted.

ever.

at all.
i've been clear enough that i don't have a lot of patience for conservative family values.

we'll see what the report says, first.

but, nobody should expect me to be lenient about this - if i'm right, they've been feeding lies to the police to get me locked up, and i will need to retaliate, legally, in self-defense.
would i send a woman with kids to jail?

well, i'm not a judge.

but, if i were, i'd be likely to make the argument that it's better to get the kids away from her before she harms them. and, in context, i think that's the right argument.
and, here comes the stench, right on schedule.

i don't understand this.
i took a short nap, but i'm still up. i'm at dec 21st and think it should move forward relatively quickly as these are mostly larger posts, left. that said, i still have about 50 file stamps to post to the music site.

i've learned that i need to reboot coming out of hibernation, which i think is a processor thing, but the computer has otherwise been stable. i think i've got this figured out.

i'm going to give them until tuesday morning before i start making calls, but this week should be important for the review as i should either get the documents i've been waiting for or be able to at least make my case that the delays are unreasonable.

and, the more i think about it, the more i'm convinced that the cops are actually hiding some deeper information, and the more i'm convinced that it's going to land my mother and/or sister in a lot of trouble. with some reflection, based on a number of overlapping events, i'm more and more convinced that this is what they're operating on. i think this is the reason they're pushing me to get a lawyer - they don't want to disclose.

but, they're going to have to disclose.

my mother actually has a long history of lying to the police for financial reasons, and i'd guess that her motive has to do with her own mother's inheritance, but this is a different circumstance altogether. the people she's fucked around with have been quick to forgive her.

i'd send her to jail as quickly as i could, and for as long as i could. i think she's long overdue for a lengthy sentence, for a lifetime of bad behaviour. and, if it's her oldest child that sends her away, there's really just something proper in it. people that are rotten to the core like her should really be put down by their own children.

i would have no more concern for my sister, who is just as terrible and dishonest of a person.

it is against the law to lie to the cops, but they'll need to take the situation into consideration. if i can charge one or both of them with filing a false report, i will do so, and push for the strictest possible sentence. the malice here suggests a danger to the public. but, we'll have to see how bad it is.

i'm getting the impression that it's pretty ridiculous.

for right now, i can only wait.

Sunday, January 5, 2020

i should maybe drop these, too.

i found myself with a lot of free time over 2011/2012 and did a lot of research, as a result of it.

the common genres are the same as always: techno, jazz, psychedelia, punk. this is a little more developed than usual, though.

https://deathtokoalas.blogspot.com/2013/12/best-of-most-of-2011.html

https://deathtokoalas.blogspot.com/2013/12/sporadic-2012-list.html
the stench did pick up around 3:00-10:00, but i seem to have survived the morning awake enough that i hope to finish a long day, today, and get this mostly done, in the process.

i'm listening to 2013 stuff, today.

https://deathtokoalas.blogspot.com/2013/12/2013-year-end.html
i don't actually think that i'm a tralfamadorian.

but, it's not dissimilar to my concept of time - i see my life as a blob that exists in a large scale continuum for future generations to take advantage of, not as this linear thing that i'm stuck moving through or taking advantage of.

so, i reject this false dichotomy between "the present" and "the past". it's a holistic whole. and, it's only meaningful from the perspective of the future.
i've moved twice.

the first time, i was told it was a non-smoking building, and it turns out there was a government-approved drug addict living below me.

the second time, i signed a non-smoking lease with somebody that all evidence suggests is a drug addict, but that won't admit it when i challenge him on it.

given the evidence in front of me, what would i expect to accomplish by moving a third time?

there doesn't appear to be a solution, here. i don't seem to have a choice to be sober. and, that's very saddening and angering and depressing.
so, when did i cancel my cable?

no, actually.

see, i never had cable at all.

my parents had basic cable. when i moved out, i didn't bother at all.

i first moved out in 2004. so, in a sense, that's the answer.
i've been up since 22:00, and they didn't notice.

that indicates i've cut out the listeners from the machine. that's a good step, at least.
i.

don't.

like.

it.

ok?
i was actually feeling pretty good, too.

alert. lots of coffee...kind of buzzy....

it was a nice change.

now, he's going to ruin my night by making me tired and lethargic. again. fuck.

i'm going to be grouchy all night because of it, end up with another short day because i'm so fucking tired i can't stay awake, and then sleep another 15 hours to try and shake it off.
ok, and as soon as i started posting, that fucking idiot started smoking.

this is indicating that he's waiting for me to wake up before he starts.

what a fucking piece of shit...
i don't watch tv, and you do.

that's why i'm so much more rational than you are, and you're so delusional and fucked up. it's a powerful, powerful brain-eating machine...
again: i know that liberal capitalists tend to be delusional about this kind of thing.

but, i don't believe in perseverance; what i believe in is empiricism. humans almost never beat the odds - that's why the odds are there. fighting against the universe is not a sign of integrity, it's a sign of stupidity. the math says you'll lose, and i'm more interested in being rational about it than trying to overcome it.

again: i'm sorry if you find that distressing, but it indicates a fundamentally different worldview.

Saturday, January 4, 2020

i swear there's been a thyssenkrupp van (they still have an elevator company in north america, and that's what the van says - thyssenkrupp elevators) following me around for years. it shows up in the strangest places. consistently.

it followed me from ottawa to windsor.

this stuff will come up in the alter-reality, if i can find it, and they don't imprison me, first.

but how many of you knew the nazis owned a large island in the detroit river, on the canadian side? were there uboats? scary shit...

https://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2013/12/today-fighting-island-is-privately.html
was ollie a cop?

probably.

he had a sweet apartment downtown, and no apparent job.

and, if he was, what do you think his organizing program was really about?

there was another likely cop - that i dubbed 'coach' - that claimed he was working on an "activist network". the purpose was for organizing, of course. right...

these cops knew i was smart, and seemed to see me as a "leader", but they didn't get the concept of non-hierarchical organizing, or my particularly strong insistence on it. ollie the cop is trying to co-opt me...

https://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2013/12/ollie-i-like-going-through-my-media.html
coffee.

i like coffee...
i've almost never drank by myself, ever, in my whole life, either. i can count the number of times on one hand.

it's something i just don't like to do....

i think the last time i had a drink by myself was december, 2013.

so, i'm not drinking down here by myself, either.
as of right now, i really don't have any plans to smoke anything at all until march, at the earliest. i think i can hold off on the tobacco until then.

and, we'll see what the realities are around buying legal marijuana on either side of the border at that time and whether or not i can cut the tobacco out without being a pain in the ass to the people around me.
i tend to buy a pack or two if i'm at the bar for a long period, so i'm not bumming them.

but, with that singular exception put aside, as frequent as it might be in the summer months when i'm out, i haven't bought a pack of cigarettes to smoke casually since the end of 2017, when i got stressed out during the first move.

i'm not joking - i was literally straight-edge for ten months, and i've almost been straight-edge-except-at-concerts since may. the exceptions are that i've been to toronto three times, and brought back a gram or two of pot each time and that i may bum a smoke or two here and there when i'm grocery shopping, because the city fucking stinks, anyways. but, the second caveat is related to the first - if i stop smoking at concerts, i'll stop bumming them when i'm shopping.

and, i have never smoked anything in the basement i'm in. at all.
it's now been four years since i quit smoking, habitually.

i repeat: i have not been a regular smoker, now, for four years.
fwiw, i've currently had zero cigarettes this year. i don't do resolutions, but the conditions are, indeed, in place to cut consumption down to something very close to nil.

i went completely straight edge for ten months last year, remember - no alcohol, no pot, no tobacco. i've really been almost completely straight edge between shows, since. i do like to get stoned at concerts and that won't change, but i don't see any particular reason why i couldn't cut the tobacco out completely at this point, and i'm kind of leaning in that direction.

i'm likely to get more pissy about this over the next few months, not less.
i don't know why exactly, but the last few days were relatively short. the burning smell this week is burning matches, which i guess is a little bit sulphur-y. i don't know...

maybe satan's hanging out, wants me to come up and say hi? somebody tell him to fuck off, or at least go take a shower. he reeks.

maybe it's the goat shit.

maybe i'm being silly.

as mentioned, i've been showering more frequently to get a handle on my hair and it might be part of what's making me sleepy - all of the hot water, all of the standing still. like falling asleep in a hot tub...

i'm guessing that my cyber-attacker/stalker (that's really what this is. stalking. actual stalking.) is reading this, and i don't want to hand out too much information. but, s/he's probably realized that i turned the firewall up another notch, and that it seems to be working. i've deleted some more cat files, to further frustrate the update process. the reboots seem to have stopped. for now.

but, i noticed this morning that word was listening over udp. what? was it connecting to a dns server? word listening when i have the updates dismantled is weird enough, but why udp?

it was listening on a local port, but still. see, they seem to be particularly focused on trying to get the writing by the undercover officers cleared out of the master document....

this kind of freaked me out, so i spent the night checking for data corruption on the files that were opened and have convinced myself of their integrity. i'm now ready to go to the next thing.

i'll have a tcpview window open as i go, and will check it periodically for odd connections.

so, let's hope i can get this done by the next sleep.

Friday, January 3, 2020

this isn't a moral issue, and the debate should not be about morals, and i'm not interested in discussing the issue with a bunch of self-righteous zealots that want to frame it that way.

this is purely a tactical issue.

and it was stupid.
woah, woah, woah.

listen.

maybe this guy soleimani was the guy that technically ordered the death of some personnel that are carrying forward with the continuing occupation of iraq; i'm actually not willing to place a moral value on an act of that nature, but i'm willing to acknowledge that it is probably true that he signed the papers.

but, you're not stupid enough to think that killing the leader of an organization does anything to undermine it, are you?

if they haven't already named a new commander, they'll do so shortly, and that new commander will carry on in the same role as the previous one.

so, nothing has been accomplished here, whether this is a bad guy or not. pointing to his crimes is really just a red herring - what he has done or not done has no logical effect on whether the decision to kill him was worthwhile or not, and you'd only think it does if you think in terms of retribution, that is if you're a part of trump's base of religious conservatives.

so, i'm not even interested in answering the question - and posing it, in context, is logically fallacious. it doesn't matter if he was a bad guy or not; even if he was the worst guy ever, it still does nothing to advance america's self interests in the region, and was still a dumb move.

if you want to take this organization out, you'll need to start a serious war. but, because this was wagging the dog, and the justifications are just sheer propaganda, that's not actually going to happen.
i get the feeling that i'm going to end up voting for the greens in the next election.again.

ford is any easy target. these are all third-rate candidates. somebody needs to step up.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_Ontario_Liberal_Party_leadership_election
see, but this is what happens when you play political games over things like impeachment, forcing him to go out there and wag the dog.

i agree that this was reckless. but when you have a madman in a hostage situation, you don't egg him on like the democrats are doing. we knew he was reckless, and they should have adjusted to it; when a known lunatic does reckless things, you shouldn't be surprised.

ironically, the iranians can probably be expected to react rationally. retaliation would be stupid, and they know that. but, if there are any lingering questions about the iranians buying anti-aircraft systems from the russians, this provides tehran with a powerful argument. this otherwise does nothing to improve america's position, it merely makes them look rogue and untrustworthy (more so, i guess). it only helps trump with his base. so, as always, american short-sightedeness just ultimately plays into the russians' hands.

....which is the thing i'm actually concerned about regarding the democrats' political gamesmanship. the more they go out there and smear trump as a russian stooge (which is just silly. he's at worst a useful idiot.), the more they push him to react.

unfortunately, there does appear to be a broader strategy unravelling that is seeing trump align more closely with the saudis. the decision to pull back from syria and focus on iran seems to be being carried out in very close consultation with riyadh, who i might hazard a guess was kept more in the loop than the congress was. and, this is very worrying.

but, let us understand that what just happened is that trump tried to change the topic away from the impeachment. and, let us be clear-minded in understanding the consequences of playing political games with an irrational actor.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/01/03/us-lawmakers-not-told-attack-qassim-soleimani-top-democrats/
international law aside, because nobody seems to care anymore, why are they wasting time and money bombing iran?

https://www.politico.com/news/2020/01/02/soleimani-trump-iran-iraq-093102

Thursday, January 2, 2020

listen.

here's the hard truth.

when somebody tells you they oppose "cultural appropriation", what they actually mean is that they're opposed to racial mixing.

that's really what they're saying - that they think cultures should stay apart from each other, that we should segregate ourselves by race and religion. separate but equal? i wouldn't even give most of them the benefit of the doubt.

it's one of a multitude of examples of the neo-liberal orwellianism underlying the current backwards understanding of race on the contemporary fake left, where egalitarianism has been turned on it's head, and open, crude displays of racism prevail as the status quo, while it's proponents frame it in contrasting language.

i'm a post-culturalist, an alter-globalist, an anarcho-communist, an advocate of defining a new global culture based on universal secular values and leaving the old, conservative ones behind. atheism for all.

so, appropriation is a tool that the left should be taking greater advantage of, as a means of co-option. we shouldn't let the reactionaries continue to slow us down...
another way to look at it is that i could say that i'm in favour of co-opting religious iconography and redeploying it for use in a secular context, as a clear attempt to defang the religious ideology. taking things away from religion and assigning them to atheism instead is a good idea, not a bad one.

and, i don't understand why you'd think i'd stand with you as you stand up for the sanctity of the religion, in the face of expanding secularist co-option. that would essentially make you a reactionary, in my opinion.
i'm in favour of cultural appropriation, actually - i strongly support the idea of appropriating religious imagery into secular contexts, in order to strip of it of the religious meaning and reframe it without it. that is a powerful tool that atheists should utilize to purposeful effect.

if that upsets you, we're operating at clear cross purposes.

it has to be interesting to listen to, though. if it's just appropriated for the sake of appropriating it, it will probably be as boring as it would be in the initial context.

but, if you can take religious or ethnic music and update it in a way that separates it from the religious or ethnic context and presents it in an interesting, modern, technological and/or secular context instead then i actually think you're doing something positive, and progressive and forward-thinking and will stand in solidarity with you as you do it.

just try to avoid mocking the legacy cultural or religious ideas too deeply, as you upgrade them for the future. there are some things that deserve a good verbal drubbing, granted. but, there's a line you shouldn't cross that is both difficult to abstractly define and easy to identify when you see it.

i've been open and consistent on this point for years - this not only doesn't bother or offend me, i'm in support of it as a way to drag certain conservative worldviews into the present, and also as a way to break down tribalism and insularism.

the criticisms of appropriation have always been very conservative in scope, and have always belonged on the right of the spectrum.
gvt2.com.

that's where the fuckers trying to take control of my machine are at.

supposedly, the domain is owned by google.

but, they kind of give away their actual function, don't they?

i've been pointing out for years that the five eyes countries ought to be more concerned about the cia than they are about vladimir putin.

but, i've got a signal, now. i know who is doing this. there's no longer any hypothesis or guesswork.

i'm under cyberattack by the cia and/or nsa and/or some other yankee acronym, who is using google as an attack vector.

and, i'm going to beat the fuckers, in the end.
listen.

you don't have to like me. but, you do have to realize that i have upwards of 60 university credits (in canada, a three year degree is 15 credits), which makes me an unusually educated person.

so, suggestions that i'm an uneducated ignoramus should really reflect the speaker; when somebody with 60 credits writes you a well researched screed, and your response is "but you're stupid", it kind of asterisks your own ignorance, doesn't it?

as mentioned repeatedly, this isn't a new thing for me. we live in a society where the media creates reality out of nothing. i'd rather cite chomsky than use facile terms like "fake news", but you need to realize that this is merely a recent iteration of a longstanding realization that even precedes orwell, who is the actual bottleneck here. the media doesn't describe reality, it creates it, and very few people walking around out there seem to spend much energy trying to counter this, or much time thinking for themselves. i am going to blame them; i'm not going to let them argue that they don't have time, because they're too busy working. but, the amount of time that capitalism steals from us all doesn't help anybody learn how to think more clearly.

all i can do is what i've always done, which is try to correct the propaganda as best i can. in the end, you still have to decide what you believe and what you don't, and all i can do is ask you to be rigorous about it.
so, i ran a gmer scan and it didn't find anything, despite the obvious fact that there's something there.

i'm posting, now. and listening to stuff happening in town this week...

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

the moral superiority.

the smugness.

the hypocrisy.

it's all of the things i hated about conservatives for years....

my opposition to elizabeth warren is primarily rooted in the reality that she's a market fundamentalist, which is the branch of conservativism that i've spent my whole life most opposed to. i will frame my arguments in those terms.

but, she really is incredibly annoying, and i hope a few more people take her to task and embarrass her on stage before this is done with.
maybe liz thinks those massively popular edm parties are full of republicans.

...or maybe the truth is that the republican is actually elizabeth warren.
who was spinning at the wine cave, anyways?

maybe somebody should tell liz that expensive bottle service is what young people nowadays call a party.

meanwhile, there are reports that warren is having trouble raising money.

i do not like either of them, and would not vote for either of them, but there's something satisfying about warren's hypocrisy coming back to bite her.

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/pete-buttigieg-raised-247-million-q4-candidates-set/story?id=68000913
every year i say something about the weather, and you tell me i'm stupid and don't know what i'm talking about.

i may post some peer reviewed articles to back myself up from time to time, but that's no match for a badly produced report from msnbc or the guardian in the minds of you idiots.

then, every year, it turns out that i'm basically right - and that i usually beat the forecasts by a good amount.

it's the story of my life, actually. this is just one example...it won't be the last one....
so, i slept all day again.

i'm out of the shower and potentially ready to get started on something i'd rather be done by now, and i can see that something is already trying to update the system, despite doing everything i possibly can to completely disable the update process. it really demonstrates the point - you don't actually have admin control over your windows machine. you can disable it a dozen different ways on the running system, you can dismantle it in a group policy and you can even delete the service outright, along with all of the services you need to run the service itself, and even delete the local files on the machine, and it still tries to update - then locks you out when it can't. you just can't turn this off...

but, i have two promising signs.

the first is a log file that is telling me that my system has been tampered with, which is true - i tampered with it. the second is a database error file in the catroot directory that is telling me that it can't compile the update files (hooray!), and giving me a general "catastrophic error" message.

these errors are both good things - it means that whatever process is trying to update the system (which is clearly against my will. and, i am the owner of this computer. i make these choice, not the government and not microsoft.) is unable to do so.

the concern is that i'm going to get another lock screen, of course.

i was able to eliminate the lock screen at one point by deleting the rpcremote file, but it just killed my keyboard functionality. maybe there's a workaround to that.

for now, i'm going to try to avoid rebooting the machine for a while to avoid dealing with it and try to do two things tonight:

1) i need to do a show review lookahead for january. i don't expect much.
2) i need to start posting for december, 2013, which should be faster than before.
they're almost certainly trying to push down the update because the tracking software needs an update to dot net or something. why else would they be so persistent?

so, as frustrating as this is, it probably suggests that i'm winning.
if you think your mac or iphone doesn't have similar backdoors, you're being very naive.

the thing about linux is that the kernel is shared. that's what makes a linux distro a linux distro. so, it's harder to say, but it shouldn't be distribution specific.

if i can convince myself that i don't really have admin control over this, and that i'm dealing with some hard-headed cops that won't listen when i tell them that the updates break the machine by design, then i'm just going to have to get used to reinstalling over and over again.
so, i got distracted and still haven't started yet. i wanted to see if i could manage to actually delete all of these weird files from memory, and i did succeed by changing the acl on them to me and only me, but then i started noticing that the catroot was updating, that there were windows update logfiles, and i got my lock screen pretty quickly.

so, i formatted the drive again, did a clean reinstall and copied over it with my known good image. i hope the cops like pushing that boulder up the hill...

i've added a few more entries to the firewall and group policy, so hopefully it's that much harder to get through the defenses this time. all i can do is make progress....

but, i'm getting a better understanding of what's happening.

while i was sorting through the process, i noticed that the weird files are actually present immediately in a completely clean install, but they had slightly different names. so, i may have been approaching this a little bit wrong - rather than try to delete these files, i should have been trying to replace them. the files have been replaced with the ones from the clean install.

oddly, the files in the clean install do not have an owner and seem to run in stealth, attached to every process in the gui - explorer.exe, firefox, notepad, even the taskbar. it's anything that you can load in the gui. so, if i shut down explorer.exe, i can delete them, but they come back when i reload explorer.exe. so, fucking windows, right?

see, here's the problem, bill - i don't know what the fuck is going on. these files show up on a clean install, but they aren't copyrighted to microsoft. they seem to look and act like a trojan. so, is my disc infected, then? is the rootkit able to survive a five-pass format? or is this some kind of microsoft spyware, perhaps in collusion with law enforcement?

it's really one or the other; this is obviously spyware. so, i'm either infected with a trojan, or i'm reverse engineering windows spyware. and, it really seems like the latter....

the files are present in a lot of peoples' computers, and a lot of people seem to have questions, but nobody seems to know what they actually do. sometimes, viruses use them, but we can see why, and that doesn't mean the files are infected, a priori. they seem to have something to do with the right-click context menu, or at least are using that as a sneaky way to launch. so, they have something to do with the file system, which is as consistent with a shell handler as it is with a root kit! so, the internet isn't helping - they may be utilized by a virus, but that doesn't mean they are one.

in fact, virustotal consistently says they're clean. if that's true, then that would suggest that microsoft is essentially dropping trojans.

it doesn't seem like i can stop them from regenerating, or at least if i can i don't know how to. sfc is completely dismantled on this machine. as mentioned, i've got the firewall turned up a little higher, in an attempt to block them from communicating with the internet via normal system processes. i deleted some legacy protocols, as well - things like netbios that appeared to be listening. but, all i can do is wait to see if it's better or not.

what's happening, then, seems to be that the files are coming in through firefox as a windows update package and replacing the default windows spyware. i am strongly leaning towards this being law enforcement essentially commandeering some built in windows spyware. and, the os seems to get very upset when you try to turn it off.

let's hope the firewall holds and that's enough.

for now, i'm going to take that shower, and we'll see if i can stay up much longer. baby steps....i think i'm making progress...
while i never thought i'd make it to 2020, i don't have anything particularly insightful or worthwhile to say about it, either.

i just want to get some work done tonight.
so, i should be done this by now, but i haven't started yet.

i essentially slept all day. i was up briefly in the afternoon, and the machine rebooted again, so i had to take a closer look at what was happening and found some funny clsids that weren't there before. i can't figure out exactly what these things are, but they're not registered to any major company and they're coming up on boot-up.

virustotal says they're fine, which essentially confirms it's a law enforcement thing. files that are not registered to anybody at all and that load on boot without your permission are never harmless. if the antivirus companies won't flag them, it's because it's the state that's put them there, and they've been asked not to.

i've been able to get rid of some of them, and have been having a harder time with others. but, i'm going to stop to get to a first run, before i hit the shower with the sunrise.

this is a smaller document. i should get most of it done.

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

1. laurier. clearly.
2. trudeau.
3. pearson.
4. mackenzie-king
5. saint-laurent
6. chretien
7. diefenbaker
8. mulroney
9. borden
10. bennett

https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/poll-on-best-prime-ministers-of-the-20th-century-suggests-regional-divide-1.4748705
ok, nappy time after all.
so, what was it like to live in the year 1020?

in western europe, you had a dominant christian church that hoarded knowledge for itself and outlawed reading by the death penalty (unless you were in a few specific classes of people, like monks), which was opposed by periodic uprisings of indigenous pagan groups that saw christianity as a kind of absurd death cult. this history was largely suppressed, and hard to put together. most people lived in feudal relationships, and lived miserable lives. life wasn't too bad, or too backwards, for the rich, though - who had access to most of the same classical texts that existed in the greek world, and sometimes perhaps later than they did there, as they were destroyed there.

in eastern europe, you had byzantine hegemony, and the dying remnants of the last classical culture of european antiquity. they were so much more advanced than their neighbours on all sides, and than pretty much everybody except the chinese, that it's hard to contemplate. imagine the british building a city like canberra in australia; it was that disproportionate. so, they tried very hard to protect their scientific superiority by keeping it a secret. they would even encrypt their writings, that's how paranoid they were. the byzantines held on to something like a classical society, which is a primitive version of our own, but it was fraying and there was both slavery and feudalism. had the byzantines fallen sooner, it's an open question as to whether there would have been a renaissance at all.

and, in the former roman & persian regions of africa and asia you had this muslim empire that was hell bent on destroying any literature that contradicted their religion, while aggressively pushing their language as the status quo. they saw their religion and their culture as inherently superior, and thought they had manifest destiny to take over the world. in the end, we would all speak arabic, and all be muslims. while the society was in many ways still fundamentally classical, they also invented the african slave trade, and it was african slaves that performed that vast majority of the labour in the empire. this allowed for what we would today call a "middle class". we give them credit for saving certain texts, but don't understand the context, and so don't criticize them for all the books they destroyed.

which is better? i don't see a total ordering.

but, i'd rather live in 2020 than 1020.
no, listen.

i want you to understand the scope of what happened. this was a major project, and it took a long time.

the rulers of the islamic empire (they called themselves caliphs, but they were emperors, and truly quite roman) very quickly inherited a number of major literary centres: alexandria, jerusalem, ctesiphon. they didn't get all of the books, but they got a large proportion of them.

at the time, people mostly wrote things in greek. so, you had to learn greek to read them. the muslim emperors wanted to change that - they wanted people to read things in arabic.

so, they literally walked into these massive libraries and went through all of the books, one by one, and translated them into arabic. all of them. no exceptions. then, when they were done, they deleted the originals.

so, now you had to learn arabic instead of greek, thereby cementing arabic as the central cultural force in the region. this was very successful - it's still there.

but, they didn't convert these books blindly. they had religious clerics overseeing this process, to ensure that only the books that upheld the koran were saved. so, it wasn't just a process of replacing the greek with the arabic, it was also a process of ensuring that all extant writing was consistent with islam.

they really, actually did this - they went through all of the libraries, one by one, and made a choice, book-by-book - translate or destroy.

the vast majority was destroyed, not translated.

again: be careful with what they tell you.
i guess i skipped that nap, huh?

mmmm. coffee.
for example, one story you hear by the revisionists is the idea that medieval europe forgot how to read, and had to relearn everything from books in spain, which was under islamic rule.

it's a half-truth.

they forget to tell you about the byzantines, for example, which were both there the whole time and were by far the most advanced society on the planet. in the end, the byzantines were actually ultimately badly weakened by french crusaders, who were the ones that really destroyed them. they weren't able to recover from that, and in the end fell to the turks - after a very, very long siege.

the turks then benefited greatly from their usurpation of roman power by inheriting all of the advanced technology. they don't tell you that, either. they make it seem like it was invented by turkish scholars, which is actually somewhat of a contradiction in terms. the turks were not an advanced people, at the time.

and, they forget to tell you about the importance of byzantine back-migration into rome at the start of the renaissance.

nor do they talk about the reasons that western europe, particularly, was so stunted for what was a relatively short period of time, which had to do with the authoritarian powers pushed down by the church. it was illegal to read; they'd kill you for it. what kind of society would you expect to come out of a social, political, religious and legal system that literally bans reading?

so, of course they forgot how to read greek and latin. they were literally forbidden to do so, under penalty of death.

then, they tell you that the muslims saved all the books, which is worse than a half-truth - that's a lie. the muslims burned thousands of books! specifically, they burned the ones they didn't like. but, they also burned the ones they liked, after they translated them into arabic. the revisionists want you to think this was a curator process, that they saved the knowledge from certain destruction; you're only falling for that because you're so ignorant about the history. what the muslims did was launch a systemic analysis of all of the knowledge in alexandria (and elsewhere) and rigorously sort through all of it, find the parts that contradicted islam, destroy them, and save the parts they thought upheld or otherwise complemented the koran by converting them to arabic and destroying the greek. so, it's technically true that the reason we have some specific greek texts is because this process happened. but, the reason we only have these specific texts is also because this process happened! there's all kinds of things by classic authors that disappeared in this period because the muslims felt they were heretical.

(and, yes, the muslims were just doing the same thing the christians did. in fact, muslims and christians in that region would have looked roughly similar and spoke roughly the same language, too. quite a few contemporary historians labelled islam a christian heresy or a branch of judaism rather than a new religion. the lines were really kind of blurrily drawn, up until the crusades.)

so, they tell you about the good things the muslins did, but forget to tell you about the bad things. what does that remind you of?

then, they have the nerve to call this a "golden age" and assign it to islam. but, this "golden age" they speak of was a process of systematically destroying anything that contradicted islam, and then trying to make sense of the rest of it. worse, the actual thinkers involved were almost entirely persians and kurds. so, if this "golden age" is made up of iranians sorting through greek mathematical sources, what is islamic about it? if it's a golden age, what it is is a babylonian renaissance. again: if you actually read some good sources, you'll see how easy it is to debunk this revisionism. you just have to actually educate yourself about what actually happened...

and, don't get me started on slavery. y'all know muslims invented slavery, right?

i've been clear, repeatedly, that i don't think that islam is an eastern religion or an eastern culture. islam is basically the same thing as christianity - it's a synthesis of jewish religion and greek philosophy. and, the cultures actually developed with more similarities than differences. what that means is that islam is a western culture, and needs to be understood that way. i will reject orientalism on it's face; they're the same as us, so there's no basis in othering them.

but, what that means is that you should realize that islam is essentially going through the same period of backwardsness that christianity went through 1000 years ago. saying "but, we were kings", or "make arabia great again" and then gloating about the situation being reversed 1000 years ago (however half-true that actually is) isn't an intelligent approach to the situation. you should have the humility and smarts to see the parallels between saudi despotism and papal authoritarianism. and, that means you should be on the side of the enlightenment, and in favour of expanding it.

i know i'm arguing with an imaginary person, but i don't think this is a straw man, and i think that more specific discussions will double down on my positions rather than contradict them.

they key point is to do your own research, and be careful about believing things people tell you when you don't have the expertise or background to critically analyze it by yourself.
actually, i'm going to take a nap.

but, first...

there is some historical revisionism making the rounds right now that is broadly written around a series of half-truths and omissions. historical revisionists, including marxists (who have a theory of history called historical materialism), tend to operate from ideologically warped places, and are broadly not afraid to present dishonest arguments, because their real purpose is not historical but political.

it's usually less that they're bluntly wrong about what they do say and more that they didn't point out some other things that are needed to put the situation into context. and, like i say, it's not accidental.

if you know the facts, it's often easy to work through this kind of thing. if you don't, they can often trick you. this is the importance of independent verification and critical thinking; it's why it's so important that you don't believe everything you hear or read, and don't rely on fact check sites or other dubious internet sources to verify your biases. it's why it's so important to actually read books.

but, all of that aside, i gotta say it: 1000 years was a long time ago, and if your cultural identity is rooted in a perception that you were great 1000 years ago, you're basically making the same arguments that donald trump is. it's kind of pathetic, really.

history is important; unfortunately, the history you're consuming is deeply flawed. i'm being vague on purpose. but, if we're going to have stupid cultural pissing matches, can we be contemporary, please? thanks.

i mean, frankly, i'm not sure i'd even consider capetian france and post-napoleonic france to be the same culture. they barely even speak the same language....
so, i'm out of the shower and ready to go.

the dry air in here is really absolutely vicious on my hair. i can't let it get as bad as last year, though. i have to ensure i'm staying hydrated, in all of the senses of the term - drinking water, showering regularly (i can admittedly get a little rutty), etc otherwise, it's going to knot itself up and fall out.

and, i don't actually know what i'd do after that. i certainly would not detransition just because my hair fell out - that would be a strange idea of womanhood. it's certainly a very challenging prospect to imagine existing as a bald woman of any type, and it's just that much harder to imagine existing as a bald transwoman. but, like, the world would have to get used to it. because, that's not an argument for accepting testosterone all of a sudden. it just isn't. sorry.

and, i'd like to imagine that i wouldn't be so shallow as to kill myself, but it would certainly be overwhelmingly depressing, and it may force me into a clinical state, for really the first time. i'd like to hope i could get over it. it would be really, really, really hard.

would i wear wigs? well, i guess i'd probably have little other option.

i'd probably choose to stay in than go out in a wig, though.

if you think i'm a hermit now, take away my hair and see what happens. i'd probably order my food on amazon. i'd go agoraphobic.

i don't think i'm having actual difficulty with actual hair loss; it's not falling out, so much as it's getting damaged by environmental factors. i'm pretty convinced that the answer is undoing the effects of the chronic dry air (and pollution) via hydration...

but, it's probably, ultimately, another argument to get out of this city.

but, for now, i'm back to work for the night, and probably the week. i don't expect to go anywhere until around the 10th or so, when i'll need to go out and pick up some more estrogen.

Monday, December 30, 2019

i've been off my bike this year, but the reason i have a ski mask is actually for winter biking.

even at +5, biking through a winter wind can be brutal without one.
the cold north wind decided to blow over the city of windsor this evening, making the walk to the bank machine, and then to the library, and then home to staple the print-outs, and then back to the mall to mail the result, a frigid and difficult exercise. when the wind blows like that, it really is like walking uphill both ways.

and, if i'm going to walk uphill for an hour, i should bring an article of clothing designed for walking uphill in the cold, namely a ski mask. it's a good thing that i had my trusty ski mask on a night like tonight, otherwise i would have probably frozen my hair and ended up looking like medusa - and i have done that before. i have pictures.

ski masks are a normal part of a canadian's winter wardrobe, and can be purchased for $5-$30 at a wide variety of hardware, multipurpose and novelty shops. i believe that mine was purchased many years ago at a walmart in ottawa, but the cool kids tend to pick them up at skate, ski or bike shops.

but, i got my stuff mailed, and i got something to eat, and i did the dishes, and i'm just about ready to get back to it - i just need to let my stomach sit for a little, before i take a shower.
the ancients had us beat, logically, on that one.
if there's anything in our consciousness, imaginary or not, that it makes sense to call 'god', it's the sun.
again, this is not a debunked theory, but an active research topic.

i've posted several studies at peer-reviewed journals. these are far more convincing than some idiot's opinion on tv, some moron's rant on youtube or some nonsense at somebody's blog.

i would invite you to do the research yourself, rather than rely on the authority of people that deserve absolutely no deference on this topic at all. this is potentially an important lesson in critical thinking, if you look into this properly.

the reality is that the government is actually spending a lot of money right now in funding research to try to understand this better. that is the state of the current science: we don't understand this well and we're trying to figure it out.

but, there is enough evidence to suggest that there is something to this idea, and that, the more we study it, as we are doing currently, the more we'll understand it.

stated tersely: it is viciously rational to think this is the case. the history of this topic goes through some of the greatest minds in the history of science, most of whom intuited the obvious truth of the matter. if you reject this offhand, you're not thinking clearly.

obviously, you need to quantify the situation properly. there has to actually be enough mass involved to create an actual force. so, no - a butterfly flapping it's wings on pluto doesn't create a lot of energy. but, the sun is the cause of virtually everything around us, enough that it almost makes sense to worship it (almost), and it is certainly capable of creating enough gravitational force to rip us apart.

in fact, that will happen. literally. eventually.

the math is complicated. these are n-body problems. but, i'm in very good company when i suggest that it is in the realm of future science for us to better understand the role that planetary bodies play in earthquakes and volcanoes, enough that there could be predictive science underlying it.

but, we'll have to wait for all those tax dollars to do their work, first.

https://www.usgs.gov/faqs/can-position-moon-or-planets-affect-seismicity-are-there-more-earthquakes-morningin-eveningat-a?qt-news_science_products=0#qt-news_science_products
no response.

this is supposed to be an oversight body. that's their statutory basis. so, this is that much more absurd.

so, here i go - i'll need to get the documents together for two motions and mail them to the court.
the public library isn't open until noon, and i'll have to call the university to see if they're open at all, which i suspect they aren't. my memories of the old macodrum at carleton is that it tended to close after exams and open back up on the first day of classes. but, we'll see.

so, they've got some more time.

and, i'm actually going to take a short nap because i only slept about three hours yesterday afternoon.
alright, so the master document is built. at a mere 172 pages, before formatting, it is a much smaller document, and there is still some chance that it could get finished before the end of the year. we'll see.

no scripts & only 6 html files....

i'm going to stop for some more fruit and get to putting together the documents for the morning. i'm going to need to find somewhere to print them, which may be a bit of a concern. worst case, i'll need to wait. we'll see, soon enough.
https://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2012/09/this-is-temporary.html

Sunday, December 29, 2019

i need to ask the question, though.

if you could go back in time and kill jesus before he got famous, would you do it?
i'm going to get my ass kicked by a gang of angry bronies if i don't shut up, now.
it's worse than i feared.

it was a simpson's episode, making fun of twin peaks.

actually, i think that was twin peaks.
actually, i've had a lot of sugar and a lot of caffeine.

my silliness is proportional to my alertness.

this is why i must avoid cocaine.
i was looking for the video of henry the horse dancing the waltz. i've seen it. it exists.

but, instead, let us take a second to enjoy this absolute classic, before i move on:

but, then, if we can genetically engineer the unicorn, can we genetically engineer a god, too?

might we reverse and correct hume's fallacy, and derive is from ought?

or, are we just demonstrating the hard truth that so many of us don't want to come to terms with - that the concept of god is just a reflection of our innate desires and fears.

i've mused about this before, actually. why can't we create a bureaucracy that plays god and answers prayers? it would be dystopic in a sense, for sure. but, if i could write a letter to the ministry of wishful thinking and get a unicorn in return, i'd do it in a second.
could we genetically engineer a unicorn?

one that prances, in an idiosyncratically lovely, particularly unicorn-y way?

one that instinctively reacts to prokofiev, without the need to be taught?

well, step one would probably be to save the rhinos. we need the horns.

but, humans are known to grow horns from time to time, so there's nothing particularly implausible about splicing some rhino dna into a magnificent stallion, and calling that a unicorn.

justin, you better be looking out your window.
i'd half him expect him to show up to work on his first day with a basketball, though.

"i didn't show up to sit on the bench. you said you were putting me on the court."
language you'd be careful with if you overhead a judge say it:

i'm hitting the courts with a new set of rackets. wanna come? we'll meet in the ford lobby downstairs.

probably harmless.

and, yet.
i'm leaning towards tennis.

'cause, you know, the court system is really just a racket.
they should bring back merrick garland, instead.
or, is that his latest plan as a secret republican operative?

if he can get on the court, and declare a conflict of interest on everything, he'll effectively give the republicans an extra vote.

sneaky. as always....

it's daft. forget about it.
they're actually talking about putting obama on the supreme court.

if he declares a conflict of interest, does he get to go golfing?

or, do judges play tennis?
stated tersely: there's lots of things i think ought to be true.

but, none of those opinions have much of an effect on what actually is true.
so, yeah.

i'd fucking love to live in a world with unicorns in it.

but that's too fucking bad, isn't it?
actually, fuck parking the unicorn in the ceo's spot.

i'm going to ride my goddamned unicorn to ottawa, and we're going to storm the gates on parliament hill, and take the elevator up to the pmo's office, and we're going to have that unicorn take a shit in the exact chair that piere fucking elliot trudeau sat in when he wrote the goddamned constitution.

i will presume that unicorn shit is multicoloured, and consequently multicultural.

so, we can have the pastel worked into the upholstery.

and, we'll let margaret legitimately wonder whether she's having a flashback or not.
it's not a question of "wanting to live in a world without god".

frankly, it might be kind of useful if a god existed. maybe we could get her to fix the fucking infrastructure.

but, there isn't one. so, that's not in the list of options.

i mean, it's not like i have some hate-on against unicorns, either. i don't want to destroy the unicorns; i don't have a longing to live in a world without unicorns.

i'd love to ride a fucking unicorn to work, and park it in the ceo's spot.

but there aren't any unicorns. really. there just aren't.
it's all for the love of the flame.

so, yes, i do it for the sake of the troll.

but, i really do it for the kids. they need guidance.
do i sound like a conservative to you?

that's laughable.

but, i'm not a bourgeois liberal, either.

i'm a socialist - a communist, an anarchist. i'd argue i'm a real liberal. but, we can have that debate over beers.
that doesn't negate the reality that religion exists, and that a community may need to defend itself against it should it attempt to enforce itself on it; it's not an argument for pacifism, or a suggestion that we should look the other way.

what it is is a tactical consideration.

and a request to be proportionate and reasonable.

you have to bomb isis, because they're indistinguishable from nazis, and they'll kill you if you don't kill them first. you can't reason with a hungry lion, you have to defend yourself.

but, that's the exception, and, most of the time, the better approach is to try to convince them that their god doesn't exist and that their rules are stupid and not worth following.
i'm not apologetic about this.

it's a good question - can we just kill them all? would that actually work?

but, we need to learn from history. we've tried that. repeatedly. and, no - it doesn't work.

the lesson from history is that the best ways to get rid of religion are through education and wealth redistribution, not through violence and coercion.

and, that's a lesson any anarchist should see value in teaching.
if i thought it was possible to actually end religion with police state brutality, i might consider being pragmatic about it, much the same way that some people consider being pragmatic about stamping out certain political views they disagree with, while paying lip service to free speech. i'd be a hypocrite, and i'd accept it, but i might wonder if the outcome justifies it.

i know better.

it doesn't work.
i am aware of counter-examples where hateful religious groups have moved into neighbourhoods and targeted sexual minorities in such a way that warrants self-defense against the religious community, but, broadly speaking, attacks on religious people are not a productive way to move society away from conservative religious ideas and towards a post-religious secular liberalism.

i tend to have a hard time denouncing people that destroy religious property, under a "diversity of tactics" argument. i'm probably not going to criticize you too loudly for burning a church down, if that church is promoting an anti-queer ideology, which they essentially all do.

but, violence against people does nothing to advance the causes of anarchism or atheism. it's counter-productive. and, while i know that most of the violence occurring right now is intra-religious, it is something for those that oppose religion to always keep in mind and be clear about.

as a species, we've tried rooting out religion by force repeatedly, and, whatever you think of the approach, the fact is that it doesn't work. you have to convince them...
these periodic word errors. i wish i understood what the deal with them was.

i notice every once in a while that the size of the document has shrunk, and the reason is that the formatting has changed, and i don't know why that happens. but, i went through and tried to reconstruct it today, and the parts that came out of sync were the parts related to the conversations i had with the activists, like ESA, that i'm absolutely certain were cops.

i decided to try to rebuild the damaged file from scratch to see what would happen and i ended up getting a series of ram errors that shut the program down, which led me to reboot - which clears my ram. i still don't see any signs of infiltration.

but, what's going on?

is it just a hardware issue?

listen. i have everything backed up in several different places, and i take regular backups of these files. further, i have the document set to autosave every couple of minutes. so, all i had to do to undo the corruption, whatever it was, was find a recent backup and run a compare in notepad++ to a recent autosave. at the least, there's nothing missing. but, i'll have to verify that i didn't lose any additions, before i finish this up.

the level of data redundancy makes the premise of tampering with evidence in this manner highly improbable. 

i'm going to take the opportunity to stop to eat, but i should be done with the master document for december before i sleep, and would be done already if i didn't have to spend time making sure i didn't lose anything. i have everything updated except for some random html documents, which shouldn't be nearly as time consuming as before because there's only a few files.

as is broadly the case, this kind of bullshit is just a waste of time.

i can't keep you off my network, i know that. but, i assure you that you won't succeed in doing much that i can't undo, once you get in. so, we'll make this sisyphean, and hope you give up.
don't misunderstand me.

if there was a concert somewhere, i'd go, in spite of the date, rather than because of it.

but, i'm not going to get drunk because it's new years. that's fucking bourgeois.
actually, i hope you all get so fucked up tonight that you fall down the stairs and break your respective necks

happy new years.

just keep it out of my air supply, please. i've got shit to do.

Saturday, December 28, 2019

as far as i'm concerned, it's just cold out.
i haven't gone to a new year's party since i lived in ottawa.

it's not something i really care much about.
"but, it's new years."

what is your argument, here?

that you're so pathetic that you want to sit at home by yourself and smoke drugs on new years? that you need the drugs to cope with your deep void of existential loneliness, as pushed down from the top by capitalist media? and that that's some kind of free pass?

it's not even the actual solstice.

it's just a calendar error.

i don't care what day it is. go for a fucking walk...
i stayed in tonight because i wanted to get some work done.

which means i want to be sober.

that's why i signed a non-smoking lease - i need to be able to get away from the party scene, sometimes, and clear my head and focus. it's very important to my mental health.

so, i really wish this guy would keep the drugs away from the house and go for a walk and smoke in the park.

i'm hoping i hear from the subsidized rent people, soon. those buildings are non-smoking, by way of bylaw. so, when i make a smoke complaint, the management will need to investigate it and enforce the rules.
so, that took hours longer than i wanted it to (what else is new?) but i got the seeds i wanted done done for inr002 [82 pages], inri015 [94 pages], inri021 [96 pages], inri022 [16 pages], inri023 [6 pages], inri031 [9 pages], inri032 [26 pages], inri033 [77 pages], inri034 [7 pages], inri036 [7 pages] & inri038 [4 pages].

there's a lot of overlap there, but it was still time consuming, even as i was doing album reviews as well.

i'm going to eat now, and we'll see if i stay awake much longer or not.

next up is the master document for december, 2013.

Friday, December 27, 2019

i actually had to update inri003, inri016 & inri027-inri029 because i forgot to timestamp them. oops. i'm back to doing what i was doing, now.

just a heads-up: the first bunch of these liner notes were kind of short, but let's remember that while the first two were lengthy demos, the rest of them have been eps and singles. only inri029 is more than 25 minutes. so, these releases didn't generate a lot of writing attached to them.

the releases for december and january contain the first official record releases, and will have longer liner notes attached to them as a result of it. generally speaking, i'm going to start in september, so i could be looking at 200 page booklets for some of them. we'll see how it develops.
so, i got my first reboot since the reformat moments after i turned the laptop back on this afternoon, but the situation is unlike it was before - there's no weird update files, no recent changes to the catroot, etc.

i see no evidence of anything out of the ordinary at all, actually.

the services and policies are all running.

*shrug*.

it could have just overheated. i'm not going to react to a scenario in which there is no evidence. the other possibility is that they've evolved, i guess. we'll see what happens.

i thought about the situation with the oiprd this morning, and realized that if i mail the forms tonight, they won't go out until monday morning anyways, so i'm going to give them until the end of the day to react, and i'll send them updated files on monday morning before i mail it - bright and early. that means i'll be working on this on sunday.

for the next few days, i actually want to see if i can get the master document for december done.

i didn't get through the clean-up for november last night, so that will be my first task, before i stop to eat.
if i had kids, they'd be watching my girl, instead.

clearly the better film. hands down.
so, the canadian government removed trump from home alone, which i think is kind of absurd, and the president, i think rightfully, took some offense to it.

 this is especially frustrating to macaulay culkin, who has been asking to be removed from the film for years.
personally, i think it's long overdue for the icc to take a serious look at the situation in israel.

i wouldn't want to suggest a conclusion in the matter. however, i would certainly support an investigation, and would urge the israelis to co-operate with it.

Thursday, December 26, 2019

just a reminder - when i get december up, i'll both be posting fall semester updates and year-end updates, and these are going to be huge documents. the year end document will be around 1700 pages - and that's only half the year.

but, that means the second half of the year will be done.

forever.

if i get back to doing this some time again soon, it's going to be in a down point, like if i'm sick or some gear breaks or something.

period three is coming, and we're going to get it done, too.
so, that means i'm almost done with november, 2013. finally.

this was a heavy month, we'll see, in the long run.

in fact, most of what i posted that month has really yet to be dealt with. there were premature releases for the first three records, plus inrimixed and inrijected, and the covers disc inrimake, that got lost in the wash and don't exist in the release cycle until december or january. i should actually deal with that before i move on by giving each of these releases a head start. that will be inri015, inrii021, inri022, inri023, inri031, inri032, inri033, inri034 & inri036. these releases, along with inri002, inri037-inri041 & inri045 will have liner note releases for the first reconstruction period, still. the second reconstruction period focuses on actual recording, and is both much heavier in terms of posts and much slower in terms of releases, but i'm going to be putting it aside indefinitely.

i really haven't eaten since i stuffed myself with that pizza on tuesday night, so i need to get some fruit and maybe some nachos.

it looks like we're pushing the alter-reality back a little. that's ok. i can still get to it by the first week of january if i get through the last two months quickly, which i think i can.

i'll need to do legal stuff after i sort through that final pile of november things before i move on to december.

first liner note release for inri029

this was my grade 12 final project in electronic music design. the assignment was something along the lines of creating a piece of music with a social message.

the message is part dystopian, but focuses more on the idea of identifying certain threats that would become a problem in the upcoming century. remember that this was the middle of 1999. how close was i?

1) intro
2) war
3) noise pollution, or pollution in general
4) conformity (or the collapse of individualism)*
5) chemical warfare
6) global warming
7) outro

* i was thinking in terms of personality/uniqueness, rather than something political. and i think the extreme conformity underlying gen y social attitudes have played this out frighteningly well, actually. it's a reaction to the radical mindset of anti-conformity that dominated gen x, but it's still a very real thing that will have very real ramifications in the upcoming decades. if you thought the 50s were creepy, wait until you see what these kids grow up into!

i should have included something about inequality. i also removed a vegan track, partly due to time restraints. besides that, i think i got all of the broad ideas right.

the piece is made to be played in an indefinitely repeated loop.

most of the tracks are slightly remixed/resequenced versions of tracks from inri or inriched. track 5 is brand new, and recorded on the school's synthesizer (part of the project requirements).

recorded over 1997-1999. constructed in this form in june, 1999. published on november 30, 2013. re-released (with new hidden track) and finalized as symph003 on sept 13, 2017. first liner note release added on dec 26, 2019. this is my third symphony; as always, please use headphones.

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1999, 2013-2019). as of dec 26, 2019, the release includes a 15 page booklet in doc, pdf & html, with an html5 audio frontend, that includes journal entries from the remastering process over nov, 2013.
 

credits

released June 20, 1999

j - synthesizers, sequencers, effects, guitar, bass, piano, drum programming, noise generators, metronome, a broken tape deck, sampling, loops, cool edit synthesis, windows 95 sound recorder, sound design, digital wave editing, production

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/warning
the updated files are here:
https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/11-2013-music-journal

and here:
https://books.noisetrade.com/j
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/deathtokoalas

now, on to the liner notes for inri029. it won't take long...
punk's a pretty awesome genre of music.

you should check it out sometime.

so, this is all i have to update:

1) https://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2013/11/publishing-warning-inri029.html
2) https://musicofjessicamurray.blogspot.com/2013/11/this-was-my-grade-12-final-project-in.html
3) https://deathtokoalas.blogspot.com/2013/11/publishing-warning-inri029.html

it's minor in scope. but it means i now have to go through every relevant file on my computer and update it accordingly, and then upload it to the noise trade and bandcamp sites.
if you have something to say to me, say it to my face, or send me the link.
i mean, you can keep talking about me behind my back if you want.

but, i think that would make you kind of a piece of shit coward, myself.
so, let me order my thoughts a little. writing them down tends to help when i get a mess of data in front of me that i need to work out.

inri029 was created in mid-1999 out of loose ends, for a grade 12 art project. it was essentially a remix record of material from the first two demos. i still have the cd-r and liner notes from that period. but, i did not officially release it on inri records until nov, 2013, when i sat down to sort through everything and put everything in order. i re-released it in sept, 2017 to add an early version as a hidden track, and make it available on cd.

so, we have three release dates - (1) june, 1999, (2) nov, 2013 and (3) sept, 2017. in the end, i want the liner notes to have entries for each of these dates that were written contemporary to each of them. specifically, i don't want to post something i wrote in 2017 to 2013. there will be a fourth release date of dec, 2019.

1) i will want to post the initial write-ups to 1999, as cringey as they are, in conjunction with the alter-reality, sometime around 2029.

2) i'm certain that the track write-ups that appear on bandcamp as of right now were written in sept, 2017. what existed before they were updated was probably what i wrote out in 2013. so, they should be posted to 2017. i've updated the master document to reflect that.

3) all of the archived posts appear to have removed the initial write-ups, if they even existed. this was done before the initial aleph-0 writeup in mid-2015.

4) i know that i wrote out some of the original 1999 liner notes when i published it in 2013. i may have deleted them because....they weren't that insightful. really. i do specifically vaguely recall deleting the write-ups for this record some time between 2013 and 2015, probably when i made a first attempt to clean-up the facebook page.

5) the other possibility is that i may have included some overlap between the tracks on this ep and the tracks as they were initially written.

so what do i do? if there was any writing here to recover and post, it appears to be lost, and if it isn't lost, it's going to take a long time to find it. but, i don't expect it to be very worthwhile, even if i can find it.

i'm going to operate under the premise that i added excerpts of the 1999 release, and then deleted them, and there's nothing worthwhile to recover. ok. i said it.

but, for the purposes of the blog, i should have specific write-ups for each track on the upload date, even if it's just completion dates. that's how i approach this, always.

so, i'm going to have to go back and add a segment to all of the posts and update everything, and that could actually take a few hours. but it's necessary. this is an oversight i have to fix.

i'll be back to post the liner note release in a bit, but i'm also updating all of the 11/30 blogs in all of the places.
i have one more of these things left, but i had to stop to sleep when i realized i forgot to add the track-by-track to inri029.

i have two requests to make.

1) i am getting some hits to this blog, recently, as well as the other three. the music release & concert review posts seem to get the most hits. there also appears to be two people that are keeping a close eye on the site. i'd like to know who you are. reach out.

2) i get the impression sometimes that there are discussions about me that are happening without my knowledge, which means i cannot correct any misinformation or generally defend myself. i think it should be clear that i don't go to any specific fora, at this point. if you have any information about this sort of thing, please direct me to it so that i may have the opportunity to defend myself and correct any false information that may be floating around about me.

i'm not sure exactly what i'm doing with inri029, yet. i need to add something, but i want to find the closest representation to what actually existed in 2013. i'm going to get something to eat after that, and decide if i want to go on to december right away or stop for some legal stuff.

first liner note release for inri028

i can't date this exactly. i know it was the first half of the second semester of grade 12, which was spring of 1999. further, i'm taking it forward to about midway because the first part of the course was about voice-leading and i spent it orchestrating the beatles' something. i don't have any files.

i was lucky: i went to a high school with a big music department. not an arts school, mind you. just a school that had enough funding to run a wide array of course options that are outside the basic core topics. there were three main assignments in the course, and while i don't remember the exact assignment questions, i do have two pieces to show for it.

this, here, is a conceptual piece about pop music. all of the sounds are created from pop cans. yes, puns are fun. the samples run from pouring water out of pop cans into the sink, to crushing and smashing pop cans, to opening them, to exploding them, etc.

i used the tab of a pop can as a pick as i played the ambient guitar parts. it's all thrown together, processed, warped and perfected in a wave editor.

constructed over a few days in april, 1999. ripped back to wav format from cd-r in late 2013. released as a one track single on nov 21, 2013. release finalized on sept 12, 2017. first liner note release added on dec 26, 2019. as always, please use headphones.

this track appears unmodified on my third record, inridiculous (inri033): jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/inridiculous

this release also includes a printable jewel case insert and will also eventually include a comprehensive package of journal entries from all phases of production (1999, 2013-2019). as of dec 26, 2019, the release includes a 5 page booklet in doc, pdf & html, with an html5 audio frontend, that includes journal entries from the remastering process over nov, 2013.
 

credits

released April 15, 1999

j - guitars, effects, samples, loops, digital wave editing

https://jasonparent.bandcamp.com/album/pop-music-a-tribute-to-carbon-dioxide