so, i got the fax out.

i couldn't find any brand name 2 mg estrace yesterday, although i had to get to the appointment, as well. so, i got some generics. i'm about to try the first dose right now.

the issue with the generics is that it's bound to a different delivery agent that doesn't make it through your stomach acids, so you basically have to take it under your tongue or it's useless. sublingual administration results in higher spikes but lower plateaus. so, i might be a little bit moody for a while, until i get back on the brand name drugs.

i may notice a slight increase in feminization, but it will likely be at the expense of my mental health. i don't need or even want giant breasts; i have an athletic body type that is more slim and lean than curvy. i find curvy women to just look fat and gross; i'd rather look like a swimmer than a porn star. sorry.

but, this is what i have for at least the next week whether i like it or not, so i'm doing this experiment against my will (and definitely against my better judgement). i've got bloodwork papers for when i want to test, which i'll do before i switch back.

my estrogen levels were at 396 pmol/L when i tested on the 20th of may, which is about 110 pg/ml. the oral administration route plateaus, so this is all around a little bit low. based on what i'm feeling, i suspect that this is a little low because it's being counteracted by creeping testosterone levels, and it's the latter issue that i feel is a more pressing concern that i want to correct.

at the end of the day, i'd rather have zero testosterone and zero estrogen than ignore the creeping testosterone, or try to overpower it with estrogen. at this stage of my life, emasculation is actually more important to me than feminization - i want my testosterone annihilated more than i want my estrogen boosted.

but, we'll see where the sublingual experiment takes me. here i go...

in the mean time, i'm going to call around and see what i can find.