so, i did eat again last night, slept a few times between getting through it and spent a lot of time in the bathroom. i was only out for a few hours yesterday, but i got a bit of a sunburn on my cheeks, which is unusual. that, combined with the sweating, acted as a bit of a catalyst to speed up the pore-cleaning exercise underlying the purpose of the weight loss, and i woke up yesterday looking pretty filthy. it is manifesting as vicious acne, but i'm actually getting at some deep ingrowns, which is exactly what i've been complaining about - this inability to wash my face fully because i can't get to the clogged pores underneath the layer of fat, which is an unexpected, unforeseen and unwanted consequence of accidentally gaining a lot of weight. i'm realizing that the outcome will be a dramatic improvement, once i get over this hump of awkwardness in the next few days.

for now, i've got my face layered with acne soap, which is letting me get in there and pull these annoying thread-thick ingrowns out, either with tweezers or just with my fingers. i can normally just pop blackheads out by squeezing them with my fingers, which has historically been key to sufficiently cleaning my face, but i haven't been able to recently due to that annoying layer of fat. i am almost back to being able to do that, which will rapidly clear my cheeks back out.

even if i can't see the clogged pores under the layer of fat, it still affects the way i look. the small amount of gravitational mass in the filth clogging the pore creates a downward pull that results in a sagging effect, even when my skin looks completely clear. getting that sag out is fundamental to my appearance as jessica, and my inability to do so while i've been carrying this extra weight has had an extremely negative effect on my overall appearance, even if my face looks clear. it hasn't actually been clear, because i haven't been able to get in there to wash it out.

so, i'm looking extra gross just right now but am going through a cleansing process and it should lift very soon.

for tonight, in keeping with the ever shifting nature of this apartment cleaning operation, i am realizing that i need to set the stereo up before i can clean in the bedroom, because i'm taking the stereo out of the bedroom, and need to move it to finish cleaning. so, step one is now the stereo setup, and 'm back to cleaning in the middle of the room first.

my face is burning. it hurts. my eyes are clogged with goop. that means it's working and it'll be better when it stops.