Thursday, January 9, 2020

ok.

so, i went to call the court and got the completed motions sent to me via email, which is actually fairly useful. so, that's actually already done.

- they accepted the addendum.
- the oiprd has until january 31st to file the application review.

what i asked for was a hard deadline. that is a hard deadline. it's also a month grace, plus holidays, so it should be more than enough.

getting the judge to push the deadline down is actually a major step forward, even if it seems minor. now, if they miss it, they're missing a court order.

the machine seems better, but who knows. i'm taking a nap...
and, that plane.

well.

it sure seems like it got shot down...

how do you classify such a thing? while clearly accidental in specific scope, those missiles were intended to kill people, and in the end they did.

canada is a nato country with good relations with most of the p5+1, but i wouldn't expect anybody to bat an eyelash.

it wasn't a terrorist attack, either. it was a military accident.

it's a good reminder of what happens when you play with matches.
i live in the heart of the empire, and i'm willing to be a critical voice, but i understand how that benefits me.

and, i don't think the iranians are offering a very attractive alternative model.
guess trump's not much of a bully after all, is he?
america doesn't maintain it's place in the world by appeals to puppydogs and sunshine, or even by appeals to freedom and democracy.

america is a bully. it maintains control through the threat - and realization - of extreme violence.

it is obvious what will happen if you take that away.

i can criticize these past presidents for picking on these little countries, but what happened in iraq the other night is not a comparable scenario. this is not an accusation, not a fabrication, not an imagined threat.

the iranian government sent several ballistic missiles directly at american military bases.

if the bully doesn't throw a punch, their reign of terror is over.
and, no, i'm not a "hawk". i would prefer to avoid war whenever possible.

but, i don't think what happened the other day is a scenario where the hegemon should have stepped down - it was a scenario where the empire had to strike back, or risk losing it's status as the empire.
trump's a wimp.

and a sheep.

baaaaaaaaa.
what trump just proved is that he's not cut out for this job - the part of the job that is substantive, that only he can do, that actually matters.

and, the rest of the world should take advantage of it while they can.
it's not like i don't understand trump's reluctance.

but, the presidency is not an economic position. it's not a domestic role. the president doesn't cut taxes, or design health care systems.

the presidency is explicitly a military role; it's an elected dictatorship. he's commander in chief.

and, what i would tell him is that if he doesn't want to be the emperor, if he doesn't have this machiavellian streak, if he doesn't have the balls for it, then he should accept he's not cut out for it and step down.

i'm not fan of empire. i get it. but, this is a failure of american hegemony, and the actors involved will not stop at the precipice - they will interpret it as weakness (which it is) and pounce.

my attitude here, in context, is an asset. you have to approach this from a psychopathic kind of neo-pagan, almost stoic, kind of perspective.

trump's presidency has been far from spectacular, but it's only in the last week that it's failed.
i mean, have you noticed that, as critical as i am of the republicans, i don't actually agree with the democrats on much of anything, either?

what i said before was that i agreed with clinton and trump roughly equally often, it was just on different things. so, i might disagree with trump, like, 90% of the time - meaning i agree with him about 10% of the time. that's a very high level of disagreement, it's true, and i'd be unlikely to vote for him, certainly.

but, i disagreed with clinton about 90% of the time, too; the 10% was just in a different group of topics.

i don't like either of the parties, and i've been yelling it for years. we can disagree; we will, surely. but, don't act surprised.
and, no, drugs aren't freedom.

drugs are slavery.

smart people know that.
religion or freedom?

pick your side.

you're going to have to, soon.
are you on the side of religion and order and liberal-conservative values?

...or are you on the side of freedom and chaos and the abolition of normative thought?
...or i can walk through the front door of the mosque in a tank and bright lipstick.

these are your choices.

i won't respect your beliefs, and it's not up for debate.
listen.

i'd be a rather stupid atheist queer standing around waiting for the muslims to come to my rally for secular liberalism.

we're not on the same side of the struggle.

what side are you on?
i might have found the secret cache of update files in the winsxs folder.

the machinery is probably still in the registry, but the scripts should just error out, now.
my pc does not have a network card in it.

yet, the files in the "safe image" appear to have been appended to at some point. i've compared it to an earlier backup, and the most recent has all kinds of sysprep files and scripts and shit. somebody has altered this image....

that would suggest three possibilities:

1) somebody has physically entered the premises. and, if that's reality, i have no solutions. i can't know what they did. i can't undo a set of infinite possibilities. i can't protect against that.

i actually remember this topic coming up in the mscse training. the topic was networking security, and somebody kept asking "but what if they're there?". like, after every slide, as though it was a systematic analysis. over and over.

eventually, the trainer got fed up and actually called his boss in seattle (he was actually from redmond, and sent to ottawa to train us) to ask her what to do with this guy, and i'll never forget the response.

"i actually called my boss in seattle, and i'm going to give you an official response from microsoft - if the bad guys can actually touch your computer, you're officially fucked. that's officially not supported."

and, he stopped asking.

i have to go get groceries sometimes. i have to shower. and, i'm going to party, from time to time, too. i can't protect against people coming in here and installing things...

that should be against the law, but it seems like it's the police that are doing it. if this is reality, i'll just have to cope.

1b) somebody installed a wireless communication device somewhere, and i don't know where it is. they're then altering the image that way. again: i can't protect against a device i'm not aware of, even if i'm almost certain it's there. and, what would stop them from reinstalling it if i found it?

2) i'm schizophrenic and imagining this.

when i catch things, i'll delete them, but the premise that something is broken and i can fix it and it will be better after seems to be flawed. this appears to be perpetual. somebody is going to be bothering me forever.

the sewer stench just came back, too.
no other president in the history of the country would have let the iranians get away with that.
i am back up on the laptop. for now.

sorting through the files, i've decided that what i was doing was a fool's errand. i thought that if i could just get the thing in a specific state of being, i'd eventually be stable, and that would be that. i was trying to "fix" it.

but, i seem to have little control over these scripts, and little ability to maintain the sanctity of anything at all. i need to embrace the reality that i'm going to need to reimage every couple of days, every few reboots, and just be on with it. i should stop pretending that i can fix this.

every time i reboot in an attempt to secure the image, i just end up advancing the update scripts.

and, the flat reality is that i simply don't care. i just want to work on my art.

so, i'm going to stop trying to fix it, and just try to avoid rebooting as much as possible.

i've got days worth of loose ends to sort through before i can get back to what i was doing.
his choice may have been more popular than the alternative, perhaps.

but, i'm sure the christians were popular, too - as they rotted out the empire from the inside.
i want to be clear.

i think that - as per usual - trump made the wrong choice in standing down in iran. this is a tremendous loss of american prestige. it is the wrong choice, historically. it is the wrong choice, logically. it is the wrong choice, morally. it is the wrong choice all around.

but, what's new?

there is absolutely no previous historical precedent for a country to be able to bomb american forces with impunity. they've launched major wars over far less, and that's part of what makes america america, and what makes america feared across the world.

the zero tolerance dominance that has been in place since the spanish-american war is no longer in place.

the world can have it's way with america.

that is not wise. that is not tolerant. and, that is not smart. it will have longterm consequences that will accelerate the dismantling of american empire, and the onset of american decline.

my analysis was historical; trump has broken with history, and he's done so in a way that puts the country on a path towards collapse.

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

i'm not enjoying this.

this isn't fun.
again: if somebody wants me to have a deeper background in this topic, i'm sorry, but i don't.

and, i don't want to be spending my time doing this right now, either.
so, i'm literally just going to reboot a few times and see what happens.

i should be able to compare what the drive looks like afterwards to what it looks like stored and go from there.

again - i'd rather be doing anything, but there's nothing else to do until i get the machine back up, or can potentially buy a new laptop.
if i can't figure out what it's doing on the most recent image, i can try one of the backup images.

that's what they're there for.

it's just going to be very annoying to rebuild it.
the only thing i can figure out is that windows update is running in the background, and it's installing a driver that is crashing the system.

i don't seem to be able to disable the update.

and, i don't want to install this driver at all.
so, this lock screen seems to come up almost immediately, no matter what i do at this point, and i haven't the slightest understanding as to why. that makes no sense to me. i didn't change anything.

i'm going to have to see if i can figure out which files are altering by opening up the broken install and sorting through it.

this is different than before. before, it was obvious that i was being hacked in real time. now, the machine isn't even connected to the internet. there's not even a network card in it.

i'm really completely at a loss. i don't have the slightest idea...

...but, i'm going to have to figure it out, because it's the only computer i can access my email on, and the only computer with microsoft word on it.
well, that was anti-climatic.

it's also reflective of the onset of american decline. 

never did i think i'd see a puny, insignificant, backwards little country like iran attack an american military base and manage to get away with it. 

it's kind of shameful. kind of shocking...
i know it's annoying, but you'd imagine the importance of securing the place right now.
i think that, with the amount of drama put into this, they've kind of given it away.

iran is fucked.

if you're there, get out.
again: i don't really know what the point is.

clearly, i'm still online.

i'm watching the news conference.

the only other thing i can thing of is that it's an activation thing, but how does it know? 

all i can do is reinstall over and over and over and over again until i figure it out.
how many times am i going to reinstall?

as many times as i have to, obviously.
what can i do besides try again?
if i did something on sunday, and it had one result, and i did exactly the same thing again on wednesday, it should have the same result.

that's not what's happening. somehow, the machine is finding a way to install these updates now, when it couldn't before.

i don't understand how that's possible.
see, i'm not surprised that the level of the attacks is increasing.

what i don't understand is what they're using to access the system. that pc has no internet connection.

i understand what it's doing - it's installing a windows update, which is preventing me from booting.

i don't understand how to stop it. i've turned the process off at every stage.

but, i have nothing else to do except keep trying.
two questions.

1) would you support bombing franco? how can you oppose bombing the ayatollah, then?
2) can you think of any other historical example where somebody openly attacked american bases like this and got away with it?
so, am i "supporting" the invasion of iran?

i don't know what that would mean, in context. what i'm pointing out is that the united states cannot allow iran to challenge it's hegemony like this. 

america is the empire. and, the empire cannot allow for this kind of insolence and disrespect from minor players like iran. it has to assert it's authority. that's how empire works.

but, i'm also pointing out that i don't care much for the iranian regime.

in the context of an actual war, my interests are not on either side, but rather with the opposition. there have been scenarios - the spanish civil war, world war two - where the left has supported the bombing of a particularly egregious regime, because it is particularly egregious.

i'm not saying this is like world war two. but, it's not like the invasion of iraq, which was foolish all around, either. i would suggest that it's maybe somewhere midway between the 2003 invasion of iraq and the spanish civil war. 

as previously noted, however, i'm not naive on the point. i don't expect american bombs to be working in the interests of iranian civil rights, but rather in the interests of saudi theocrats. once the mullahs are knocked out of power, the forces that the americans end up backing will likely be the most backwards-thinking on the ground, because that is what america has always supported. it would be a cruel turn of events if i "supported" an invasion in the name of democracy, and ended up with the shah's grandson back in power. it is likely that i would change sides as soon as the government fell.

so, what i'm saying is twofold:

1) iran's reaction was stupid, and america will need to react with extreme force. the media is out to lunch on this. the iranians need to be put in line and taught what their place is.
2) i do actually support some kind of regime change in iran, where there is a viable opposition on the ground, and would in no way want to oppose something that may help them in the end.
3) fuck the ayatollah, solidarity with iranian secularism.
there's a background file system called 'clfs' that i've never heard of before. it seems to have been invented and deployed after my years doing vista support (which was 2006-2007) and active directory support (2007-2008). i haven't done any tech support since 2008.

but, it seems to be a deployment tool that runs in the background and does more or less what i'm observing. i suspect that this is what they're doing.

i don't know if it's possible to dismantle it or not. but, i'm just as happy to break it, if it gets me back up and running. 
so, we're going to do another format/reimage, then avoid giving the system ownership of the files and then go from there.

if it's stable for a while, i'll figure out what's going on later. i don't care, really..
ok, so this isn't quite what i thought, but...

i think i was right about fixing the user permissions, but not in the way that i thought.

the funny semaphores do actually appear to be attached to the image backup, not the bios in the laptop. i don't know what's launching them.

but, what seems to be happening is that as soon as i fix the user permissions, the windows update succeeds, some of the shit gets installed and i get the lock screen, when it can't find the driver.

so, i was worried about the funny user names being remote users using backdoors to get in. rather, i think that the broken permissions were preventing the script from running.

again: i actually don't want to do this. i want to work on the liner notes. 

so....

.....if the machine is stable so long as i keep the permissions broken, i should keep the permissions broken. 

that means that i'm going to explicitly not reset the permissions, which i guess is why i was getting the errors, and we'll see how long i'm good for with that.
but, i'm also getting kind of fed up with the arrangement, and am willing, at this point, to look at options in just getting a new laptop at the pawn shop...
as a precaution, i have:

- unplugged the laptop
- removed the laptop's battery
- disconnected the laptop's cmos battery
- disconnected the laptop's ram

if there's still something in there after that, i'm going to have to flash or reprogram the board, and i wonder - can i do it with a bus pirate?
what am i doing?

i slept most of the day, was up around 11:00. my plan to carefully rebuild the image by copying one thing over at a time failed as i faced a mismatch between the user files in the fresh install and the archived one. so, i'm going to have to plow through, instead. 

i'm convinced that the thing that broke the install was a permissions issue, so i've added an extra step to the rebuild, around resetting the permissions from the install disc before i boot back up. i'm hoping that this is the "correct " way to get rid of these extra user permissions, which i suspect may be granting the authority to run the background scripts.

at this point, i am relatively convinced that there is not a worm in the classic sense on the loose, as it would have infected the various drives and bioses, and there's no sign of it. when i reboot, i'll need to check to see if i see any sign of the funny semaphores before i go to the other machine. 

if i convincingly test this and come up with a clean pc, and then get infected almost immediately upon installing it back into the laptop, it's clear enough what the answer is, and what the next step is.

that's where i'm leaning right now...i just kind of have to show myself the truth of it....
there's this idea that the fact that the united states didn't immediately respond indicates some kind of restraint.

under american law, it is the congress that has the power to declare war. there is one exception, and that's when america is attacked. see, and that's part of why what the iranians did here was so overwhelmingly stupid.

the united states is not currently at war against iran. so, if they had done just about anything else, trump would have been forced to introduce the measure into congress. as it is, he may claim the authority to declare a war, because they were attacked.

but, i think the correct reading of the delay is to deal with the legalities. i don't know what they think the best idea is, here, but it's going to be some combination of existing legislation, new legislation and executive order. it was probably pre-written.

it looks to me like iran essentially fell into a trap - trump wanted a war, but knew he couldn't get the congress to vote for one, so he goaded them into attacking him.

if he introduces it into congress, it could be as more of a political stunt then an actual governing decision. i know that a component of the democratic base thinks this is a no-brainer, but trust me when i say that this is going to be a bit of a problem for a klobuchar or a warren or even a sanders to have to deal with.

biden, buttigieg and bloomberg will at least be able to avoid a technical vote, but they're still in a difficult position of arguing against declaring a war against a country that attacked us troops. that's supposed to be an automatic war, basically. there's really no way out of this.

so, we'll see what he does. but, i'd expect him to do some combination of the following:

1) introduce legislation to declare war against iran
2) point to the ndaa in iraq as an authorization for some force
3) point to the part in the constitution where it says you can react to an attack

this is probably going to be a choreographed, big deal type of thing.

and, the iranians could have avoided it by being smart instead of being stupid. that's what putin should be looking at, here.
will the russians step in, though?

i don't think it's rational, at this point. 

the russians should support regime change, and try to build ties with the new government.
i hope that, at the end of this process, the iranian people are able to erect a secular democracy where they can govern themselves based on modern concepts.

but, their government has to be dismantled.

it's long overdue.

it just made it's last dumb mistake.
and, trump just killed his own legacy at this point, too.

he has now started a war; that was the one thing he previously had going for him - "at least he hasn't started a war".

he can't blame it on pelosi; i can blame it on pelosi, but he'll need to eat it.

that knocks him down the list a good ways.
let this be a lesson to future generations - this is what happens when you put stupid people in charge.

there's no way out of this, at this point.

buckle up. we're at war....
we're at war with iran.
they directly attacked us troops with uniformed personnel.

that's an act of war.
it may be true that the correct analysis is that this is why trump shouldn't have started this. this is why this was stupid.

but, that doesn't change the reality that the iranians just made a very, very, very bad choice and will need to be severely punished for it.
...but the truth is that they're probably selling them weapons behind the scenes, and it's just an excuse to increase defense spending.
if it were up to me, i'd tell the ayatalloh to kiss his ass goodbye...
an attack on american troops like that is an invitation for invasion, and i'd support one to get the point across.
up until this point, we could broadly rely on the iranians to act like adults in the face of american childishness.

i guess that's out the window. 

and, if it is, they will need to be annihilated.

we can't let them bomb nato troops...it doesn't matter what the circumstances are, that can't be tolerated.
they probably fired some rockets into the ocean.

regardless, this is still stupid and they still deserve what they get.

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

ok, so i snuck in and out. hopefully, my decoy worked.

well, these guys are motherfuckers.

i got a two line email from the oiprd suggesting they consent to allowing the addendum and informing me that they'll serve me by the end of the week. but, they said that last month.

i guess i'll call the court tomorrow morning, then.

and, hopefully the forwarding works from here on in. that also gives me a backup email archive...
and, really?

if you're going to spend a month on a beach, you might want to think twice about looking like a bum when you get back.

'cause people might think you kind of are one.
the conservatives should get those pictures out into ads, pronto.

all of a sudden, sexy justin is absolutely revolting and gross.
canadians will not vote for a man in a beard. it's unprofessional and dirty looking.
beards are disgusting under all contexts, and trudeau looks like an idiot and should shave it pronto.

facial hair has an exceedingly poor track record on politicians in canada. 

and, i'll tell you this flat out - he'll lose the next election if he walks into it with a beard. full stop.
what i should do is set up forwarding to the fake address when i get back in.
and, listen.

as shitty as this is, at least i don't have a boss telling me what to do. as wasteful as this is, at least i'm not wasting my time making a profit. 

i'm sitting buck naked in my bed typing. i can sleep if i want to. i can read if i want to.

it could be a lot better. but it could be a lot worse.
nope.

the machine seems free of anything problematic, though.

i should perhaps point out that if i can't get into the hard drive because i can't load the sata drivers because i can't see the install screen....

yeah. i think i'm being too optimistic in ruling out the bios. what can i do, though, besides edit the registry offline?

well, i guess i could do that.

as a troubleshooting step, it seems over the top...

this was why i didn't install clean in the first place, i'm remembering.

the truth is that it was a logical shortcut; if i could prove it was the bios, i'd have to turf the board and buy a new one. but, if i could rule out the bios, and i had a virus in the install, i'd have to clean it anyways.

so, i should just work my way through the issues with the machine, first, and see what happens, see when things get messy.

one of the things i've noticed through these installs is that the registry doesn't wipe itself out entirely. certain persistent issues reappear on reinstall that i thought were dealt with. i suppose it will be useful to figure out when, exactly, these things jump back up.

so, this is going to be a bit of a process, then. and, i'm considering how to check my email, in the mean time.

i'm using a fake address here so i don't expose my password, but how much sense am i making, given that my machine is so compromised? that pc hasn't been on the internet in years, and i'm skeptical about letting it back on. but, this driver issue appears lengthy.

based on previous experience, even a few seconds exposure could be catastrophic. i'm under attack by pros, here.

as it is, the issue kind of ruled itself out as the operating system will no longer read my input devices. they work fine. i'm going to assume that my drivers got screwed up. but, i had to reset the bios and i'm going to reformat and start again.

what is going on with the court stuff right now? i'm waiting for responses. it's not like anything that the oiprd sends me is worth any kind of immediate acknowledgement, and i'm not interested in mediation or settlement. the singular point of this process is to get the issue in front of a judge. i want the data, but i don't need it immediately. and, if there's concerns about the safety of my network, they are more important.

but, i don't trust this chromebook connection.

i'll wait...
grargh.

so, you install to your pc. it understands the drivers for the hardware in your pc. things seem fine.

you take your hard drive out of your pc and put it in your laptop for testing. normally, you'd expect to maybe get a prompt for a few drivers.

but, your screen is burnt out, so you're relying on vga drivers, which are one of the last things to load, so you can't see a damned thing until you're done booting.

as such, your machine is stuck at the nag screens. what do you do?

i have the exes from intel, but i have to get into the os before i can run them. i tried to run them on the desktop anyways - at least windows will know the files are there, now. let's see if that works.

but, this was merely a troubleshooting step, one i may be willing to forego. it does not appear as though the bios is inserting these kill events. thankfully.

i guess it is useful to figure out if they may come back from one of the internal drives, if something is hiding in there. so, i guess that's the next step.

and, the next batch of troubleshooting is going to occur on the pc, anyways, because i have to determine where the break is. i don't think it's in the registry. we'll find out, though.
what i'm doing right now - logical, step-by-step troubleshooting - is what they taught me when i trained to be a tech support agent.

this is what a tech support job is actually like: you have to use logical thinking and the power of elimination to isolate and identify the problem....

you don't just look at it and know the answer, like some kind of savant. it's slow, boring work. but, it's how you have to do it.
so, i've rebooted this clean install repeatedly, i've screwed around with the cat files and i've taken a lot of actually useful log files from various third party software, and i've come to the conclusion that the bios in the pc is clean, at least.

a few notes..

- the squiggly file does reappear. but, it doesn't actually load. this is consistent with previous behaviour.
- my restart/shutdown mutants are not appearing in process explorer. as mentioned, i think these are the reasons my computer is shutting down (after the updates install)
- sorting through autoruns, particularly in regards to the networking, was kind of an eye-opener. stuff that i thought was default clearly isn't. so, i'm going to need to clean that out.
- i have a clean driver list to compare with.

the next thing to do is see what happens when i plug the clean install into the laptop, without connecting to the internet. if i get some nasty behaviour, that strongly suggests the bios. and, that's a problem.
i did take that shower after all, i might even need to be showering twice daily down here with the dry air, which is just oppressive, it's like a fucking desert, and i am back up.

i'm the type that would be happy to live in a rainforest. i've been known to quip that i'd like to live near the equator, if it weren't for the muslims and the wild animals. 

i've got pails of water out to try and fight the dry heat, and i'm still chapped.

with the fan on the higher setting, the smell is at least mostly gone. still...

so, i'm going to mess around on the factory install for a while and see what happens. what happens after a few reboots? are those weird files coming back? are there servers installing in the background?

i've been clear enough that i really think this is government, but what if it's some script kiddie, like i thought before?

i need to let you in on something, kid. my internet? it's a 6 mbps connection. max.

and, i made that choice partly because of kids just like you.
yes, i'll sit and read all winter.

i did it before..

what else am i going to do?

i will not be moving on to the next stage until i'm done what i'm doing. it's not a question of multitasking, it's a question of linearity. it simply makes no sense to move to the next thing until i'm done what i'm doing.

and, then, what else is there to do?

that's fine. i need to get done those asimov texts for the alter-reality, anyways.
so, what's my hypothesis, so far?

that weird clsid seems to be connected to the dberr.txt file, but it seems to be indirectly - the clsid seems to be quarterbacking some kind of install process, but the various policy settings that i've put in place have mostly stopped it from working. so, i just get errors.

whomever is doing this seems to be a professional. these aren't hacked together scripts. they're, like, corporate deployment files. this person would appear to be a trained network admin. again: i can't imagine anybody but the cops.

i'm going to guess that the restarts are related to the windows update that's running in the background, and i can't figure out.

eventually, after a few restarts, it tries to install something with an unsigned driver, and i get the lock screen. if i turn off signing - something i'll never do ever again - then the install process goes to the next step, and starts installing the list of packages that somehow ended up in the catroot directory. at that point, i'm no doubt sending off updates to the cop shop - or, at least, i would be, if i didn't have all of the networking dismantled. 

what i learned is that the "worm" is probably in the bios, now, and i might need to buy a new windows 7 laptop at the pawn shop before i can get back to what i was doing. i'm very sorry, but i don't otherwise know how i can flash it. that could take me a few months of saving up, in which case i guess i'm going to spend most of the winter reading. it would also mean i'd have to stay in for the spring, because i wouldn't have any money to party with.

i suppose the other option is that it's in the registry, but that doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

the format is at 50%. we'll find out in a few hours.

in the mean time, i'll keep posting here to the laptop. i'm wide awake, and will need to wait until tonight to take a shower, now, because it's too late. so, i guess i'll take a look at the news while i'm waiting.
also, the ayatollah sucks and i hope the iranian people lynch him in the public square.
i don't want to compete.

i'm not going to retaliate.

and, i won't be silenced, either.

i just want to try to get my life back on track as quickly as possible.
so, you might think you're tough, or you're smart.

but, i'm disabled, and have no background in this topic.

so, knocking me off the network - for a day or two at most - is equivalent to sneaking up behind a little girl in the playground that is eating ice cream and punching her in the face.

if that makes you feel manly, seek help.
i mean, if you're trying to prove you're a more elite hacker than me, that's fine.

i'll concede the point.

i never made any claims to being one, in the first place. i can probably beat you in an argument, but i'm not going to beat a competent hacker, and have no desire to be somebody that could.

i'm a musician that's being cut off from my art by somebody with a childish ego and/or sense of humour. i'm wasting huge amounts of time and want it to stop. so, put the situation in context...
i walked away from a programming degree because i didn't want to do it, so this is particularly frustrating to me.

again: my degree is in math. the additional 19.5/20 comp. sci. credits i have are programming credits. so, i can program in c and java and scheme and some other languages. i can't do much else.

i enrolled in the program solely to get a job, and dropped out of it because the only thing i really learned was that i didn't have any interest in it.

i don't game. i don't script. i don't hang out with these kids, and they could knock me over without much effort, as i'm checking the reference manual.

and, i mean, that's fine, with me - because i don't care if i win or lose this, i just want to get back to my art.
i need to be clear.

i'm *not* a hacker.

if this fight gets out of control, i'm going to eventually lose it. of my ~60 university courses, that is ~120 1/2 year university courses, not one of them was in networking.

i repeat: i have never taken a course in networking. you don't have to swim very deep, here, to get out over my head. in context, a smart person should recognize their ignorance. 

but, what am i supposed to do? i'm under cyberattack. palestinians may look stupid throwing rocks at tanks, but they can hardly just lie down and get steamrolled....

my ability to defend myself is minimal. i grasp this. but, i need to check my email by the end of the day, too.
so, what actually happened?

well, they managed to install this driver, somehow. i'm not sure which one it is yet, but it seems like it's a windows update related thing.

after i allowed the boot without driver verification, those error messages stopped and whatever zombie process is running was able to actually install this list of cat files in the catroot folder, which initially included a lot of scary things like iis servers (but had been deleted by the time the script got to running).

so, if i were to actually boot without the driver signing verification, it would install this pile of garbage on my system.

i have little choice but to reformat, and take a much closer look at what's going on. it may be using some kind of background logging script, which i may have to completely dismantle.

but, that seems to be the crux of it - they want me to turn the verification off so i can install some kind of surveillance server.
so, guess what happened?

i hadn't connected to the internet yet. all i'd done was delete some cache files, turn up the group policy and mess with some file ownership. it's only the last option that should make any difference, here.

the solution on the internet is to disable driver signing, but that's a shitty answer all around. first, i don't actually want to do that - i like driver signing, it's a good idea. it stops the cops from installing drivers on your system, for example. second, i don't get the screen to pick the option, because my lamp is burned out. i couldn't do it if i wanted to (which i don't).

previously, i just took it as a sign that i was hacked and needed to format. this time, i need to take a closer look at it. so, i disabled driver signature verification...

....and it did work.

so, i turned on the bootlogger, and it hung at afd. that's winsock. firewalls. great. but, disabling it (offline. temporarily.) didn't actually work.

i *can* boot the system, but there's obviously something loading that i don't want there.

so, i ran sigverif and, in conjunction with autoruns, i now have a list of unsigned drivers to check, and we'll have to work it via trial and error.
so, i made some group policy changes and it let me delete some of those files. that's progress.

oddly, the dll that the shutdown & restart mutants are referencing doesn't actually exist on my machine. so, that might be a false positive.

i'll be back up soon...

Monday, January 6, 2020

yeah. 

so, that database error file in the catroot seems to be timestamped at the same time as that weird file in my cache, almost (almost.) suggesting that one is triggering the other.

i blocked the path they were using to drop updates in firefox, but then noticed different phantom directories showing up, instead.

again: the persistence is hard to explain in terms of random attacks. i'm disabled. do you know how much is in my account right now? less than $200. i have no access to credit. so, there's going to be some disappointed hacker in india if he gets in, let me tell you.

it doesn't make any sense. he'd have given up by now, i'm sure.

this has to be law enforcement...

...or a very sad, very pathetic little boy.
....and that is the reality for a lot of people right now, and has been since the police were invented.

which was fairly recently, actually.

we've spent most of our existence, as a species, without the need for a police force. the anarchist argument is that the current use of policing is an anomaly, that we don't need them and that we'll get rid of them once we have the courage and unity to rise up and throw them off of us.

when?

i don't know. now? 
i don't need the police to protect me from the bad guys.

i need somebody to protect me from the police.
the police are not good people. they're screened for low intelligence, and the job requires a bully mentality.

you'd have to be severely mentally deranged to want to walk around with a gun and tell people what to do. like, these people weren't abducted and trained against their will. they volunteered...to walk around with guns....try to process that, it's insane.

they don't exist to "serve and protect", either. they're not out there for you and me and your friends.

the police exist for the sole and singular purpose of protecting the rights of property owners, that's what they do. that's what they've always done. and, because they're hired muscle, goons, thugs, they get into all kinds of trouble, all of the time.

the reason i'm under surveillance is that i'm an anarchist. but, the surveillance is just demonstrating my point.
so, i took the clean drive out of the pc and put it into the laptop because the electrical usage is lower, but forgot to plug the video card in before it posted. so, i had to put it back into the pc to get past the nag screen (i can't see it on the laptop. the lamp is burnt out.) and i noticed the squiggly file, which passes every scan but seems to act like a trojan, was back again. further, the kill & restart mutants were back. i think that figuring out what these are is key to understanding the reboots.

so, i booted back into xp and deleted it from the xp install, and came back up in 7 to find it was gone, but the kill & restart mutants were back. hrmmn. did the clsid create the mutants? is that a coincidence?

i rebooted again to find the clsid there again.

worms tend to be able to do stuff like this, recreate themselves from their own fragments. but, what happened?

i guess there's two possibilities:

1) this is normal. but, i can't figure out what the files are. if it's normal, it's pretty weird.
2) i picked the file back up from the bios in the laptop.

if the latter, i might have infected the pc with it.

if i have a virus (government or private sector, but this looks like it's government - and this all started when i put the rcmp disc in my computer, remember) in this laptop bios, i suspect i'll need to fix the lamp before i can flash it. i know how to flash a bios; i don't know how to flash a bios if i can't see the bios screen. and, it's making me wonder. as always, the lamp burned out when i was gone.

but, for right now, i just don't know, and i'll need to do another fresh reinstall before i do. so, i'm not going to worry too much about this for right now, i'm going to just work out some loose ends and get myself back online within a few hours.

again: my cyberstalker is persistent, it is true, but this is just a stupid waste of everybody's time. i should be back into my email well before the morning.
i haven't slept yet, really.

i got out of the shower a few hours ago, took the machine out of hibernation, rebooted and hoped that i'd get most of this done before the sun came up.

instead, i got that annoying rpcremote error which keeps coming back after a few hard restarts. i did point out a few, but wasn't convinced it was another attack because the only other thing i saw running was that weird clsid that keeps coming back free of viruses.

i also noticed that my usb hub was knocked sideways and my cords were all tangled up, making me wonder if somebody wasn't down here when i was actually in the shower, which would be absolutely desperate and pathetic.

as it is, i never made it back on to the internet before i formatted - 10 passes this time - so if somebody actually came down here to patch something remotely, it didn't get them very far. it's no doubt gone, now.

after i reinstalled clean, i took a closer look at a few things and realized that the clsid i saw poking around actually wasn't there in the clean install, it was these other ones that were. and, i noticed that explorer didn't have some of the mutants loaded that i'd seen previously in the other install, including the shutdown and startup ones that i flagged while poking through last time.

i was able to completely delete this file once by changing the permissions on the cache folder, but then i got the lock screen again.

what i want to know is how to insert and remove mutants and semaphores from a running explorer. i have taken os classes. i do know what these things are. but, i haven't the slightest idea how to actually get in there and mess with them, and it looks like i'm going to have to figure it out.

as mentioned - i've run scans, and they come up blank, indicating that this is a sophisticated attacker. and, the broad scope of the scenario indicates as much, as well. this person, who i do suspect is my landlord, who i also suspect is a cop, and i'm sure is smoking a lot of drugs, is being very persistent.
well, do you think we should do what's in iran's self interest?

that would be useful of you, to them.

you idiot.
you're going to hear a lot of comparisons between iran and iraq and that's fine.

i'd rather see the contrasts.

for example, unlike iraq, iran has a popular opposition movement that could conceivably seize power.

iran is very young, and there is a very big generation gap regarding religion. if that was true in iraq, one suspects it was in the opposite direction.

these interventionist wars are a shitty way to do this, and i'm not advocating anything, but i could find myself biting my tongue.
listen: i don't want to start another war. but, i won't stand with the ayatollah, either - more so than i refused to stand with saddam.

at least saddam was a secularist.

i would like to support a secular insurgency in iran, which, unlike in other places, actually exists. i'm not naive, though...i know that american bombs are not likely to bring peace, so much as they are to bring chaos.

i've pointed out before that i do find this a little bit trickier than iraq. iraq was stupid. clearly. even if it's by accident, iran might actually work.

but, what is in canada's actual self-interest here?
you know, if bombing iran keeps the price of oil high...

canada has it's self-interests, you know.
.....and they have a profit motive.

what they don't seem to realize is that i can't inherit more than a few thousand dollars without going off disability anyways, and that i'd need to inherit millions to make going off of it worthwhile, which is not realistic.

so, i would turn down a check for $500,000.

i'm better off on odsp.

that's why i haven't been fighting this.
they are completely shameless, malicious, in-your-face, habitual, pathological liars.
i repeat: there is absolutely no scenario at all whatsoever where you should ever trust my mother or my sister for any reason at all.

i hope that the police are at least competent enough to figure that out, eventually, without the outside help that is no doubt coming.
broadly speaking, let it be clear - these people are both pathological liars.

they should not be trusted.

ever.

at all.
i've been clear enough that i don't have a lot of patience for conservative family values.

we'll see what the report says, first.

but, nobody should expect me to be lenient about this - if i'm right, they've been feeding lies to the police to get me locked up, and i will need to retaliate, legally, in self-defense.
would i send a woman with kids to jail?

well, i'm not a judge.

but, if i were, i'd be likely to make the argument that it's better to get the kids away from her before she harms them. and, in context, i think that's the right argument.
and, here comes the stench, right on schedule.

i don't understand this.
i took a short nap, but i'm still up. i'm at dec 21st and think it should move forward relatively quickly as these are mostly larger posts, left. that said, i still have about 50 file stamps to post to the music site.

i've learned that i need to reboot coming out of hibernation, which i think is a processor thing, but the computer has otherwise been stable. i think i've got this figured out.

i'm going to give them until tuesday morning before i start making calls, but this week should be important for the review as i should either get the documents i've been waiting for or be able to at least make my case that the delays are unreasonable.

and, the more i think about it, the more i'm convinced that the cops are actually hiding some deeper information, and the more i'm convinced that it's going to land my mother and/or sister in a lot of trouble. with some reflection, based on a number of overlapping events, i'm more and more convinced that this is what they're operating on. i think this is the reason they're pushing me to get a lawyer - they don't want to disclose.

but, they're going to have to disclose.

my mother actually has a long history of lying to the police for financial reasons, and i'd guess that her motive has to do with her own mother's inheritance, but this is a different circumstance altogether. the people she's fucked around with have been quick to forgive her.

i'd send her to jail as quickly as i could, and for as long as i could. i think she's long overdue for a lengthy sentence, for a lifetime of bad behaviour. and, if it's her oldest child that sends her away, there's really just something proper in it. people that are rotten to the core like her should really be put down by their own children.

i would have no more concern for my sister, who is just as terrible and dishonest of a person.

it is against the law to lie to the cops, but they'll need to take the situation into consideration. if i can charge one or both of them with filing a false report, i will do so, and push for the strictest possible sentence. the malice here suggests a danger to the public. but, we'll have to see how bad it is.

i'm getting the impression that it's pretty ridiculous.

for right now, i can only wait.

Sunday, January 5, 2020

i should maybe drop these, too.

i found myself with a lot of free time over 2011/2012 and did a lot of research, as a result of it.

the common genres are the same as always: techno, jazz, psychedelia, punk. this is a little more developed than usual, though.

https://deathtokoalas.blogspot.com/2013/12/best-of-most-of-2011.html

https://deathtokoalas.blogspot.com/2013/12/sporadic-2012-list.html
the stench did pick up around 3:00-10:00, but i seem to have survived the morning awake enough that i hope to finish a long day, today, and get this mostly done, in the process.

i'm listening to 2013 stuff, today.

https://deathtokoalas.blogspot.com/2013/12/2013-year-end.html
i don't actually think that i'm a tralfamadorian.

but, it's not dissimilar to my concept of time - i see my life as a blob that exists in a large scale continuum for future generations to take advantage of, not as this linear thing that i'm stuck moving through or taking advantage of.

so, i reject this false dichotomy between "the present" and "the past". it's a holistic whole. and, it's only meaningful from the perspective of the future.
i've moved twice.

the first time, i was told it was a non-smoking building, and it turns out there was a government-approved drug addict living below me.

the second time, i signed a non-smoking lease with somebody that all evidence suggests is a drug addict, but that won't admit it when i challenge him on it.

given the evidence in front of me, what would i expect to accomplish by moving a third time?

there doesn't appear to be a solution, here. i don't seem to have a choice to be sober. and, that's very saddening and angering and depressing.
so, when did i cancel my cable?

no, actually.

see, i never had cable at all.

my parents had basic cable. when i moved out, i didn't bother at all.

i first moved out in 2004. so, in a sense, that's the answer.
i've been up since 22:00, and they didn't notice.

that indicates i've cut out the listeners from the machine. that's a good step, at least.
i.

don't.

like.

it.

ok?
i was actually feeling pretty good, too.

alert. lots of coffee...kind of buzzy....

it was a nice change.

now, he's going to ruin my night by making me tired and lethargic. again. fuck.

i'm going to be grouchy all night because of it, end up with another short day because i'm so fucking tired i can't stay awake, and then sleep another 15 hours to try and shake it off.
ok, and as soon as i started posting, that fucking idiot started smoking.

this is indicating that he's waiting for me to wake up before he starts.

what a fucking piece of shit...
i don't watch tv, and you do.

that's why i'm so much more rational than you are, and you're so delusional and fucked up. it's a powerful, powerful brain-eating machine...
again: i know that liberal capitalists tend to be delusional about this kind of thing.

but, i don't believe in perseverance; what i believe in is empiricism. humans almost never beat the odds - that's why the odds are there. fighting against the universe is not a sign of integrity, it's a sign of stupidity. the math says you'll lose, and i'm more interested in being rational about it than trying to overcome it.

again: i'm sorry if you find that distressing, but it indicates a fundamentally different worldview.

Saturday, January 4, 2020

i swear there's been a thyssenkrupp van (they still have an elevator company in north america, and that's what the van says - thyssenkrupp elevators) following me around for years. it shows up in the strangest places. consistently.

it followed me from ottawa to windsor.

this stuff will come up in the alter-reality, if i can find it, and they don't imprison me, first.

but how many of you knew the nazis owned a large island in the detroit river, on the canadian side? were there uboats? scary shit...

https://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2013/12/today-fighting-island-is-privately.html
was ollie a cop?

probably.

he had a sweet apartment downtown, and no apparent job.

and, if he was, what do you think his organizing program was really about?

there was another likely cop - that i dubbed 'coach' - that claimed he was working on an "activist network". the purpose was for organizing, of course. right...

these cops knew i was smart, and seemed to see me as a "leader", but they didn't get the concept of non-hierarchical organizing, or my particularly strong insistence on it. ollie the cop is trying to co-opt me...

https://dsdfghghfsdflgkfgkja.blogspot.com/2013/12/ollie-i-like-going-through-my-media.html
coffee.

i like coffee...
i've almost never drank by myself, ever, in my whole life, either. i can count the number of times on one hand.

it's something i just don't like to do....

i think the last time i had a drink by myself was december, 2013.

so, i'm not drinking down here by myself, either.
as of right now, i really don't have any plans to smoke anything at all until march, at the earliest. i think i can hold off on the tobacco until then.

and, we'll see what the realities are around buying legal marijuana on either side of the border at that time and whether or not i can cut the tobacco out without being a pain in the ass to the people around me.
i tend to buy a pack or two if i'm at the bar for a long period, so i'm not bumming them.

but, with that singular exception put aside, as frequent as it might be in the summer months when i'm out, i haven't bought a pack of cigarettes to smoke casually since the end of 2017, when i got stressed out during the first move.

i'm not joking - i was literally straight-edge for ten months, and i've almost been straight-edge-except-at-concerts since may. the exceptions are that i've been to toronto three times, and brought back a gram or two of pot each time and that i may bum a smoke or two here and there when i'm grocery shopping, because the city fucking stinks, anyways. but, the second caveat is related to the first - if i stop smoking at concerts, i'll stop bumming them when i'm shopping.

and, i have never smoked anything in the basement i'm in. at all.
it's now been four years since i quit smoking, habitually.

i repeat: i have not been a regular smoker, now, for four years.
fwiw, i've currently had zero cigarettes this year. i don't do resolutions, but the conditions are, indeed, in place to cut consumption down to something very close to nil.

i went completely straight edge for ten months last year, remember - no alcohol, no pot, no tobacco. i've really been almost completely straight edge between shows, since. i do like to get stoned at concerts and that won't change, but i don't see any particular reason why i couldn't cut the tobacco out completely at this point, and i'm kind of leaning in that direction.

i'm likely to get more pissy about this over the next few months, not less.
i don't know why exactly, but the last few days were relatively short. the burning smell this week is burning matches, which i guess is a little bit sulphur-y. i don't know...

maybe satan's hanging out, wants me to come up and say hi? somebody tell him to fuck off, or at least go take a shower. he reeks.

maybe it's the goat shit.

maybe i'm being silly.

as mentioned, i've been showering more frequently to get a handle on my hair and it might be part of what's making me sleepy - all of the hot water, all of the standing still. like falling asleep in a hot tub...

i'm guessing that my cyber-attacker/stalker (that's really what this is. stalking. actual stalking.) is reading this, and i don't want to hand out too much information. but, s/he's probably realized that i turned the firewall up another notch, and that it seems to be working. i've deleted some more cat files, to further frustrate the update process. the reboots seem to have stopped. for now.

but, i noticed this morning that word was listening over udp. what? was it connecting to a dns server? word listening when i have the updates dismantled is weird enough, but why udp?

it was listening on a local port, but still. see, they seem to be particularly focused on trying to get the writing by the undercover officers cleared out of the master document....

this kind of freaked me out, so i spent the night checking for data corruption on the files that were opened and have convinced myself of their integrity. i'm now ready to go to the next thing.

i'll have a tcpview window open as i go, and will check it periodically for odd connections.

so, let's hope i can get this done by the next sleep.

Friday, January 3, 2020

this isn't a moral issue, and the debate should not be about morals, and i'm not interested in discussing the issue with a bunch of self-righteous zealots that want to frame it that way.

this is purely a tactical issue.

and it was stupid.
woah, woah, woah.

listen.

maybe this guy soleimani was the guy that technically ordered the death of some personnel that are carrying forward with the continuing occupation of iraq; i'm actually not willing to place a moral value on an act of that nature, but i'm willing to acknowledge that it is probably true that he signed the papers.

but, you're not stupid enough to think that killing the leader of an organization does anything to undermine it, are you?

if they haven't already named a new commander, they'll do so shortly, and that new commander will carry on in the same role as the previous one.

so, nothing has been accomplished here, whether this is a bad guy or not. pointing to his crimes is really just a red herring - what he has done or not done has no logical effect on whether the decision to kill him was worthwhile or not, and you'd only think it does if you think in terms of retribution, that is if you're a part of trump's base of religious conservatives.

so, i'm not even interested in answering the question - and posing it, in context, is logically fallacious. it doesn't matter if he was a bad guy or not; even if he was the worst guy ever, it still does nothing to advance america's self interests in the region, and was still a dumb move.

if you want to take this organization out, you'll need to start a serious war. but, because this was wagging the dog, and the justifications are just sheer propaganda, that's not actually going to happen.
i get the feeling that i'm going to end up voting for the greens in the next election.again.

ford is any easy target. these are all third-rate candidates. somebody needs to step up.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_Ontario_Liberal_Party_leadership_election
see, but this is what happens when you play political games over things like impeachment, forcing him to go out there and wag the dog.

i agree that this was reckless. but when you have a madman in a hostage situation, you don't egg him on like the democrats are doing. we knew he was reckless, and they should have adjusted to it; when a known lunatic does reckless things, you shouldn't be surprised.

ironically, the iranians can probably be expected to react rationally. retaliation would be stupid, and they know that. but, if there are any lingering questions about the iranians buying anti-aircraft systems from the russians, this provides tehran with a powerful argument. this otherwise does nothing to improve america's position, it merely makes them look rogue and untrustworthy (more so, i guess). it only helps trump with his base. so, as always, american short-sightedeness just ultimately plays into the russians' hands.

....which is the thing i'm actually concerned about regarding the democrats' political gamesmanship. the more they go out there and smear trump as a russian stooge (which is just silly. he's at worst a useful idiot.), the more they push him to react.

unfortunately, there does appear to be a broader strategy unravelling that is seeing trump align more closely with the saudis. the decision to pull back from syria and focus on iran seems to be being carried out in very close consultation with riyadh, who i might hazard a guess was kept more in the loop than the congress was. and, this is very worrying.

but, let us understand that what just happened is that trump tried to change the topic away from the impeachment. and, let us be clear-minded in understanding the consequences of playing political games with an irrational actor.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2020/01/03/us-lawmakers-not-told-attack-qassim-soleimani-top-democrats/
international law aside, because nobody seems to care anymore, why are they wasting time and money bombing iran?

https://www.politico.com/news/2020/01/02/soleimani-trump-iran-iraq-093102

Thursday, January 2, 2020

listen.

here's the hard truth.

when somebody tells you they oppose "cultural appropriation", what they actually mean is that they're opposed to racial mixing.

that's really what they're saying - that they think cultures should stay apart from each other, that we should segregate ourselves by race and religion. separate but equal? i wouldn't even give most of them the benefit of the doubt.

it's one of a multitude of examples of the neo-liberal orwellianism underlying the current backwards understanding of race on the contemporary fake left, where egalitarianism has been turned on it's head, and open, crude displays of racism prevail as the status quo, while it's proponents frame it in contrasting language.

i'm a post-culturalist, an alter-globalist, an anarcho-communist, an advocate of defining a new global culture based on universal secular values and leaving the old, conservative ones behind. atheism for all.

so, appropriation is a tool that the left should be taking greater advantage of, as a means of co-option. we shouldn't let the reactionaries continue to slow us down...
another way to look at it is that i could say that i'm in favour of co-opting religious iconography and redeploying it for use in a secular context, as a clear attempt to defang the religious ideology. taking things away from religion and assigning them to atheism instead is a good idea, not a bad one.

and, i don't understand why you'd think i'd stand with you as you stand up for the sanctity of the religion, in the face of expanding secularist co-option. that would essentially make you a reactionary, in my opinion.
i'm in favour of cultural appropriation, actually - i strongly support the idea of appropriating religious imagery into secular contexts, in order to strip of it of the religious meaning and reframe it without it. that is a powerful tool that atheists should utilize to purposeful effect.

if that upsets you, we're operating at clear cross purposes.

it has to be interesting to listen to, though. if it's just appropriated for the sake of appropriating it, it will probably be as boring as it would be in the initial context.

but, if you can take religious or ethnic music and update it in a way that separates it from the religious or ethnic context and presents it in an interesting, modern, technological and/or secular context instead then i actually think you're doing something positive, and progressive and forward-thinking and will stand in solidarity with you as you do it.

just try to avoid mocking the legacy cultural or religious ideas too deeply, as you upgrade them for the future. there are some things that deserve a good verbal drubbing, granted. but, there's a line you shouldn't cross that is both difficult to abstractly define and easy to identify when you see it.

i've been open and consistent on this point for years - this not only doesn't bother or offend me, i'm in support of it as a way to drag certain conservative worldviews into the present, and also as a way to break down tribalism and insularism.

the criticisms of appropriation have always been very conservative in scope, and have always belonged on the right of the spectrum.
gvt2.com.

that's where the fuckers trying to take control of my machine are at.

supposedly, the domain is owned by google.

but, they kind of give away their actual function, don't they?

i've been pointing out for years that the five eyes countries ought to be more concerned about the cia than they are about vladimir putin.

but, i've got a signal, now. i know who is doing this. there's no longer any hypothesis or guesswork.

i'm under cyberattack by the cia and/or nsa and/or some other yankee acronym, who is using google as an attack vector.

and, i'm going to beat the fuckers, in the end.
listen.

you don't have to like me. but, you do have to realize that i have upwards of 60 university credits (in canada, a three year degree is 15 credits), which makes me an unusually educated person.

so, suggestions that i'm an uneducated ignoramus should really reflect the speaker; when somebody with 60 credits writes you a well researched screed, and your response is "but you're stupid", it kind of asterisks your own ignorance, doesn't it?

as mentioned repeatedly, this isn't a new thing for me. we live in a society where the media creates reality out of nothing. i'd rather cite chomsky than use facile terms like "fake news", but you need to realize that this is merely a recent iteration of a longstanding realization that even precedes orwell, who is the actual bottleneck here. the media doesn't describe reality, it creates it, and very few people walking around out there seem to spend much energy trying to counter this, or much time thinking for themselves. i am going to blame them; i'm not going to let them argue that they don't have time, because they're too busy working. but, the amount of time that capitalism steals from us all doesn't help anybody learn how to think more clearly.

all i can do is what i've always done, which is try to correct the propaganda as best i can. in the end, you still have to decide what you believe and what you don't, and all i can do is ask you to be rigorous about it.
so, i ran a gmer scan and it didn't find anything, despite the obvious fact that there's something there.

i'm posting, now. and listening to stuff happening in town this week...

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

the moral superiority.

the smugness.

the hypocrisy.

it's all of the things i hated about conservatives for years....

my opposition to elizabeth warren is primarily rooted in the reality that she's a market fundamentalist, which is the branch of conservativism that i've spent my whole life most opposed to. i will frame my arguments in those terms.

but, she really is incredibly annoying, and i hope a few more people take her to task and embarrass her on stage before this is done with.
maybe liz thinks those massively popular edm parties are full of republicans.

...or maybe the truth is that the republican is actually elizabeth warren.
who was spinning at the wine cave, anyways?

maybe somebody should tell liz that expensive bottle service is what young people nowadays call a party.

meanwhile, there are reports that warren is having trouble raising money.

i do not like either of them, and would not vote for either of them, but there's something satisfying about warren's hypocrisy coming back to bite her.

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/pete-buttigieg-raised-247-million-q4-candidates-set/story?id=68000913
every year i say something about the weather, and you tell me i'm stupid and don't know what i'm talking about.

i may post some peer reviewed articles to back myself up from time to time, but that's no match for a badly produced report from msnbc or the guardian in the minds of you idiots.

then, every year, it turns out that i'm basically right - and that i usually beat the forecasts by a good amount.

it's the story of my life, actually. this is just one example...it won't be the last one....
so, i slept all day again.

i'm out of the shower and potentially ready to get started on something i'd rather be done by now, and i can see that something is already trying to update the system, despite doing everything i possibly can to completely disable the update process. it really demonstrates the point - you don't actually have admin control over your windows machine. you can disable it a dozen different ways on the running system, you can dismantle it in a group policy and you can even delete the service outright, along with all of the services you need to run the service itself, and even delete the local files on the machine, and it still tries to update - then locks you out when it can't. you just can't turn this off...

but, i have two promising signs.

the first is a log file that is telling me that my system has been tampered with, which is true - i tampered with it. the second is a database error file in the catroot directory that is telling me that it can't compile the update files (hooray!), and giving me a general "catastrophic error" message.

these errors are both good things - it means that whatever process is trying to update the system (which is clearly against my will. and, i am the owner of this computer. i make these choice, not the government and not microsoft.) is unable to do so.

the concern is that i'm going to get another lock screen, of course.

i was able to eliminate the lock screen at one point by deleting the rpcremote file, but it just killed my keyboard functionality. maybe there's a workaround to that.

for now, i'm going to try to avoid rebooting the machine for a while to avoid dealing with it and try to do two things tonight:

1) i need to do a show review lookahead for january. i don't expect much.
2) i need to start posting for december, 2013, which should be faster than before.
they're almost certainly trying to push down the update because the tracking software needs an update to dot net or something. why else would they be so persistent?

so, as frustrating as this is, it probably suggests that i'm winning.
if you think your mac or iphone doesn't have similar backdoors, you're being very naive.

the thing about linux is that the kernel is shared. that's what makes a linux distro a linux distro. so, it's harder to say, but it shouldn't be distribution specific.

if i can convince myself that i don't really have admin control over this, and that i'm dealing with some hard-headed cops that won't listen when i tell them that the updates break the machine by design, then i'm just going to have to get used to reinstalling over and over again.
so, i got distracted and still haven't started yet. i wanted to see if i could manage to actually delete all of these weird files from memory, and i did succeed by changing the acl on them to me and only me, but then i started noticing that the catroot was updating, that there were windows update logfiles, and i got my lock screen pretty quickly.

so, i formatted the drive again, did a clean reinstall and copied over it with my known good image. i hope the cops like pushing that boulder up the hill...

i've added a few more entries to the firewall and group policy, so hopefully it's that much harder to get through the defenses this time. all i can do is make progress....

but, i'm getting a better understanding of what's happening.

while i was sorting through the process, i noticed that the weird files are actually present immediately in a completely clean install, but they had slightly different names. so, i may have been approaching this a little bit wrong - rather than try to delete these files, i should have been trying to replace them. the files have been replaced with the ones from the clean install.

oddly, the files in the clean install do not have an owner and seem to run in stealth, attached to every process in the gui - explorer.exe, firefox, notepad, even the taskbar. it's anything that you can load in the gui. so, if i shut down explorer.exe, i can delete them, but they come back when i reload explorer.exe. so, fucking windows, right?

see, here's the problem, bill - i don't know what the fuck is going on. these files show up on a clean install, but they aren't copyrighted to microsoft. they seem to look and act like a trojan. so, is my disc infected, then? is the rootkit able to survive a five-pass format? or is this some kind of microsoft spyware, perhaps in collusion with law enforcement?

it's really one or the other; this is obviously spyware. so, i'm either infected with a trojan, or i'm reverse engineering windows spyware. and, it really seems like the latter....

the files are present in a lot of peoples' computers, and a lot of people seem to have questions, but nobody seems to know what they actually do. sometimes, viruses use them, but we can see why, and that doesn't mean the files are infected, a priori. they seem to have something to do with the right-click context menu, or at least are using that as a sneaky way to launch. so, they have something to do with the file system, which is as consistent with a shell handler as it is with a root kit! so, the internet isn't helping - they may be utilized by a virus, but that doesn't mean they are one.

in fact, virustotal consistently says they're clean. if that's true, then that would suggest that microsoft is essentially dropping trojans.

it doesn't seem like i can stop them from regenerating, or at least if i can i don't know how to. sfc is completely dismantled on this machine. as mentioned, i've got the firewall turned up a little higher, in an attempt to block them from communicating with the internet via normal system processes. i deleted some legacy protocols, as well - things like netbios that appeared to be listening. but, all i can do is wait to see if it's better or not.

what's happening, then, seems to be that the files are coming in through firefox as a windows update package and replacing the default windows spyware. i am strongly leaning towards this being law enforcement essentially commandeering some built in windows spyware. and, the os seems to get very upset when you try to turn it off.

let's hope the firewall holds and that's enough.

for now, i'm going to take that shower, and we'll see if i can stay up much longer. baby steps....i think i'm making progress...
while i never thought i'd make it to 2020, i don't have anything particularly insightful or worthwhile to say about it, either.

i just want to get some work done tonight.
so, i should be done this by now, but i haven't started yet.

i essentially slept all day. i was up briefly in the afternoon, and the machine rebooted again, so i had to take a closer look at what was happening and found some funny clsids that weren't there before. i can't figure out exactly what these things are, but they're not registered to any major company and they're coming up on boot-up.

virustotal says they're fine, which essentially confirms it's a law enforcement thing. files that are not registered to anybody at all and that load on boot without your permission are never harmless. if the antivirus companies won't flag them, it's because it's the state that's put them there, and they've been asked not to.

i've been able to get rid of some of them, and have been having a harder time with others. but, i'm going to stop to get to a first run, before i hit the shower with the sunrise.

this is a smaller document. i should get most of it done.

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

1. laurier. clearly.
2. trudeau.
3. pearson.
4. mackenzie-king
5. saint-laurent
6. chretien
7. diefenbaker
8. mulroney
9. borden
10. bennett

https://www.ctvnews.ca/politics/poll-on-best-prime-ministers-of-the-20th-century-suggests-regional-divide-1.4748705
ok, nappy time after all.
so, what was it like to live in the year 1020?

in western europe, you had a dominant christian church that hoarded knowledge for itself and outlawed reading by the death penalty (unless you were in a few specific classes of people, like monks), which was opposed by periodic uprisings of indigenous pagan groups that saw christianity as a kind of absurd death cult. this history was largely suppressed, and hard to put together. most people lived in feudal relationships, and lived miserable lives. life wasn't too bad, or too backwards, for the rich, though - who had access to most of the same classical texts that existed in the greek world, and sometimes perhaps later than they did there, as they were destroyed there.

in eastern europe, you had byzantine hegemony, and the dying remnants of the last classical culture of european antiquity. they were so much more advanced than their neighbours on all sides, and than pretty much everybody except the chinese, that it's hard to contemplate. imagine the british building a city like canberra in australia; it was that disproportionate. so, they tried very hard to protect their scientific superiority by keeping it a secret. they would even encrypt their writings, that's how paranoid they were. the byzantines held on to something like a classical society, which is a primitive version of our own, but it was fraying and there was both slavery and feudalism. had the byzantines fallen sooner, it's an open question as to whether there would have been a renaissance at all.

and, in the former roman & persian regions of africa and asia you had this muslim empire that was hell bent on destroying any literature that contradicted their religion, while aggressively pushing their language as the status quo. they saw their religion and their culture as inherently superior, and thought they had manifest destiny to take over the world. in the end, we would all speak arabic, and all be muslims. while the society was in many ways still fundamentally classical, they also invented the african slave trade, and it was african slaves that performed that vast majority of the labour in the empire. this allowed for what we would today call a "middle class". we give them credit for saving certain texts, but don't understand the context, and so don't criticize them for all the books they destroyed.

which is better? i don't see a total ordering.

but, i'd rather live in 2020 than 1020.
no, listen.

i want you to understand the scope of what happened. this was a major project, and it took a long time.

the rulers of the islamic empire (they called themselves caliphs, but they were emperors, and truly quite roman) very quickly inherited a number of major literary centres: alexandria, jerusalem, ctesiphon. they didn't get all of the books, but they got a large proportion of them.

at the time, people mostly wrote things in greek. so, you had to learn greek to read them. the muslim emperors wanted to change that - they wanted people to read things in arabic.

so, they literally walked into these massive libraries and went through all of the books, one by one, and translated them into arabic. all of them. no exceptions. then, when they were done, they deleted the originals.

so, now you had to learn arabic instead of greek, thereby cementing arabic as the central cultural force in the region. this was very successful - it's still there.

but, they didn't convert these books blindly. they had religious clerics overseeing this process, to ensure that only the books that upheld the koran were saved. so, it wasn't just a process of replacing the greek with the arabic, it was also a process of ensuring that all extant writing was consistent with islam.

they really, actually did this - they went through all of the libraries, one by one, and made a choice, book-by-book - translate or destroy.

the vast majority was destroyed, not translated.

again: be careful with what they tell you.
i guess i skipped that nap, huh?

mmmm. coffee.
for example, one story you hear by the revisionists is the idea that medieval europe forgot how to read, and had to relearn everything from books in spain, which was under islamic rule.

it's a half-truth.

they forget to tell you about the byzantines, for example, which were both there the whole time and were by far the most advanced society on the planet. in the end, the byzantines were actually ultimately badly weakened by french crusaders, who were the ones that really destroyed them. they weren't able to recover from that, and in the end fell to the turks - after a very, very long siege.

the turks then benefited greatly from their usurpation of roman power by inheriting all of the advanced technology. they don't tell you that, either. they make it seem like it was invented by turkish scholars, which is actually somewhat of a contradiction in terms. the turks were not an advanced people, at the time.

and, they forget to tell you about the importance of byzantine back-migration into rome at the start of the renaissance.

nor do they talk about the reasons that western europe, particularly, was so stunted for what was a relatively short period of time, which had to do with the authoritarian powers pushed down by the church. it was illegal to read; they'd kill you for it. what kind of society would you expect to come out of a social, political, religious and legal system that literally bans reading?

so, of course they forgot how to read greek and latin. they were literally forbidden to do so, under penalty of death.

then, they tell you that the muslims saved all the books, which is worse than a half-truth - that's a lie. the muslims burned thousands of books! specifically, they burned the ones they didn't like. but, they also burned the ones they liked, after they translated them into arabic. the revisionists want you to think this was a curator process, that they saved the knowledge from certain destruction; you're only falling for that because you're so ignorant about the history. what the muslims did was launch a systemic analysis of all of the knowledge in alexandria (and elsewhere) and rigorously sort through all of it, find the parts that contradicted islam, destroy them, and save the parts they thought upheld or otherwise complemented the koran by converting them to arabic and destroying the greek. so, it's technically true that the reason we have some specific greek texts is because this process happened. but, the reason we only have these specific texts is also because this process happened! there's all kinds of things by classic authors that disappeared in this period because the muslims felt they were heretical.

(and, yes, the muslims were just doing the same thing the christians did. in fact, muslims and christians in that region would have looked roughly similar and spoke roughly the same language, too. quite a few contemporary historians labelled islam a christian heresy or a branch of judaism rather than a new religion. the lines were really kind of blurrily drawn, up until the crusades.)

so, they tell you about the good things the muslins did, but forget to tell you about the bad things. what does that remind you of?

then, they have the nerve to call this a "golden age" and assign it to islam. but, this "golden age" they speak of was a process of systematically destroying anything that contradicted islam, and then trying to make sense of the rest of it. worse, the actual thinkers involved were almost entirely persians and kurds. so, if this "golden age" is made up of iranians sorting through greek mathematical sources, what is islamic about it? if it's a golden age, what it is is a babylonian renaissance. again: if you actually read some good sources, you'll see how easy it is to debunk this revisionism. you just have to actually educate yourself about what actually happened...

and, don't get me started on slavery. y'all know muslims invented slavery, right?

i've been clear, repeatedly, that i don't think that islam is an eastern religion or an eastern culture. islam is basically the same thing as christianity - it's a synthesis of jewish religion and greek philosophy. and, the cultures actually developed with more similarities than differences. what that means is that islam is a western culture, and needs to be understood that way. i will reject orientalism on it's face; they're the same as us, so there's no basis in othering them.

but, what that means is that you should realize that islam is essentially going through the same period of backwardsness that christianity went through 1000 years ago. saying "but, we were kings", or "make arabia great again" and then gloating about the situation being reversed 1000 years ago (however half-true that actually is) isn't an intelligent approach to the situation. you should have the humility and smarts to see the parallels between saudi despotism and papal authoritarianism. and, that means you should be on the side of the enlightenment, and in favour of expanding it.

i know i'm arguing with an imaginary person, but i don't think this is a straw man, and i think that more specific discussions will double down on my positions rather than contradict them.

they key point is to do your own research, and be careful about believing things people tell you when you don't have the expertise or background to critically analyze it by yourself.
actually, i'm going to take a nap.

but, first...

there is some historical revisionism making the rounds right now that is broadly written around a series of half-truths and omissions. historical revisionists, including marxists (who have a theory of history called historical materialism), tend to operate from ideologically warped places, and are broadly not afraid to present dishonest arguments, because their real purpose is not historical but political.

it's usually less that they're bluntly wrong about what they do say and more that they didn't point out some other things that are needed to put the situation into context. and, like i say, it's not accidental.

if you know the facts, it's often easy to work through this kind of thing. if you don't, they can often trick you. this is the importance of independent verification and critical thinking; it's why it's so important that you don't believe everything you hear or read, and don't rely on fact check sites or other dubious internet sources to verify your biases. it's why it's so important to actually read books.

but, all of that aside, i gotta say it: 1000 years was a long time ago, and if your cultural identity is rooted in a perception that you were great 1000 years ago, you're basically making the same arguments that donald trump is. it's kind of pathetic, really.

history is important; unfortunately, the history you're consuming is deeply flawed. i'm being vague on purpose. but, if we're going to have stupid cultural pissing matches, can we be contemporary, please? thanks.

i mean, frankly, i'm not sure i'd even consider capetian france and post-napoleonic france to be the same culture. they barely even speak the same language....
so, i'm out of the shower and ready to go.

the dry air in here is really absolutely vicious on my hair. i can't let it get as bad as last year, though. i have to ensure i'm staying hydrated, in all of the senses of the term - drinking water, showering regularly (i can admittedly get a little rutty), etc otherwise, it's going to knot itself up and fall out.

and, i don't actually know what i'd do after that. i certainly would not detransition just because my hair fell out - that would be a strange idea of womanhood. it's certainly a very challenging prospect to imagine existing as a bald woman of any type, and it's just that much harder to imagine existing as a bald transwoman. but, like, the world would have to get used to it. because, that's not an argument for accepting testosterone all of a sudden. it just isn't. sorry.

and, i'd like to imagine that i wouldn't be so shallow as to kill myself, but it would certainly be overwhelmingly depressing, and it may force me into a clinical state, for really the first time. i'd like to hope i could get over it. it would be really, really, really hard.

would i wear wigs? well, i guess i'd probably have little other option.

i'd probably choose to stay in than go out in a wig, though.

if you think i'm a hermit now, take away my hair and see what happens. i'd probably order my food on amazon. i'd go agoraphobic.

i don't think i'm having actual difficulty with actual hair loss; it's not falling out, so much as it's getting damaged by environmental factors. i'm pretty convinced that the answer is undoing the effects of the chronic dry air (and pollution) via hydration...

but, it's probably, ultimately, another argument to get out of this city.

but, for now, i'm back to work for the night, and probably the week. i don't expect to go anywhere until around the 10th or so, when i'll need to go out and pick up some more estrogen.